


Alphabet character study - Tseng

by Madisuzy



Series: Alphabet Study [1]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Adult Themes, Alcohol, Alphabet character study, Angst, Complete, Drug Use, Emotional Trauma, F/M, Fellatio, Frontage, Gen, Infidelity, M/M, Rape, Reno's bad acting, Rimming, Sex, Sexual Content, Spanking, Swearing, Torture, Violence, disturbing imagery, inferred child abuse, mental trauma, questionable sanity, side character death, vague references to a violent assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-10
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2017-10-29 08:22:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 136,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/317766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madisuzy/pseuds/Madisuzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For every letter in the alphabet, there will be a oneshot story about Tseng. What does he like, dislike, long for, think and dream about? What does he do at work and when at home?  His past and his present. Long stories, short stories, sweet ones, sad ones, sexy ones and all of them about Tseng.  Every chapter is a one shot, and can be read as a stand alone story, but the series does stick to a particular version of Tseng with the same backstory, so all are related.  Mostly ignores the existence of Before Crisis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A - Assassins

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this comes from Combination_NC on A03 in the Dragon Age fandom. It was started as a meme on tumblr and with her kind permission, I’m morphing it over to the Final Fantasy fandom. Please feel free to join in and do your own version on your own favorite character and spread the fandom love.
> 
> Warnings, characters, pairings and summaries for individual chapters are at the top of each chapter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PAIRING– Tseng/Rufus  
> CHARACTERS – Tseng, Rufus, Reno, Rude, Elena  
> WARNINGS – swearing, adult themes  
> SUMMARY - Tseng reassures Reno after he gets a glimpse of Rufus' true colors.  
> TIMELINE – Rufus' exile in Junon

Assassins in movies were always so polished, respected and unbeatable. Tseng couldn’t stand to watch them; the glossy fakeness turned his stomach and gave him the overwhelming urge to snap some ones neck. At the moment, it looked like Reno was offering his own up for that very purpose.

“Look at the fucker, Rude. Have ya ever, in all our years, been able to just walk past guards like that and jimmy a back door? Seriously, are the guards all blind and deaf? Where’s the fucking alarm system? The wanker is making so much noise that any fool could a heard him coming a mile away. What, such a big important drug dealer living in a mansion and yet he has no cameras or guards on the fucking perimeter fence? Has the dude been sampling his own product?”

“Reno, shut up or put on a different movie,” Tseng growled on his way back from the kitchen, trying to ignore the buttered popcorn he could see disappearing down under the pillows of Rufus’ imported, white sofa.

“Leave him be, Tseng,” Rufus murmured, too low for Reno to hear.

The statement was, however, loud enough for Elena to pickup from her seat across the dinner table and she looked up to smile at the Vice President’s words before her eyes found Tseng’s and her cheeks flushed slightly. “Let Rude baby-sit him and come and have some wine,” she offered, holding up a glass of red for him.

Tseng sighed, nodding his agreement before lowering himself into the chair next to Rufus and taking the offered glass with a ‘thank you’, pointedly ignoring Elena’s disappointed look at his choice of seating. She was new enough to their ranks that she hadn’t worked out yet that he had a relationship with Rufus and nobody was willing to tell her. After all, Rufus had bet all three of them 1,000 gil that she wouldn’t work it out herself in the first year and at first, Tseng couldn’t resist the urge to prove him wrong. Nine months had passed since then and she was still none the wiser, but Tseng had mixed feelings on her failure now.

Trying to slip her hints while making Rufus uncomfortable had become Tseng’s favorite form of entertainment, and since the blond had been placed under house arrest in his apartment in Junon, he had no way to avoid any of it. Tseng found himself pushing his luck with the Vice President on a daily basis with inappropriate touching that made his lover flush and glare. There was no doubt Rufus enjoyed it though, despite his attempts to insist otherwise.

“Fuck! Look at that!” Reno suddenly exclaimed. Tseng was pulled out of his musing by the outburst and looked up to see what had caused it.

On the screen, a man walked down a hallway with one handgun, shooting enemies without even working up a sweat. Men with machine guns couldn’t even clip him, their attempts becoming comical as the single handgun fired over and over again. Tseng rolled his eyes, slipping his hand under the table while Elena stood up to go and lean on the back of the sofa, laughing with Reno over the fact the gun seemed to have an unlimited supply of ammo.

“Tseng!” Rufus hissed as Tseng rested his hand on the blond’s thigh, ignoring his protests as his thumb drew circles over the silk material.

“Yes, Sir?” Tseng asked softly, eyes moving from his Turks to the Vice President. His hand slipped higher, fingers beginning to massage the blond’s hardening length through his pants.

“Bastard,” Rufus whispered, his hips pushing up a little as his breath sped up, hands coming up to rub over his eyes and try and hide his flushed cheeks.

“Yes, I am quiet aware of my heritage, Sir. Was there something else I could help you with?” Tseng murmured, grinning at the blond’s reaction. As embarrassed as he was, Tseng knew he enjoyed being secretly fondled in the presence of others, as Rufus had never once told him to stop the many times he’d done it.

“I… I need to go to bed,” Rufus finally whispered after a few minutes, his hips now rolling into Tseng’s touch.

Smiling, Tseng removed his hand, standing up and slipping off his coat before draping it over the younger man’s shoulders. It was long enough on Rufus that it fell past his hips, hiding the bulge in his pants when he stood up. “I’ll be in to check on you in a few minutes.”

Rufus nodded, heading straight to his room with a mumbled good night to the other three in the room. They all returned the farewell, only Elena pulling her eyes away from the screen and turning towards Tseng.

“Anything else you need of me tonight?” she asked, the invitation in her eyes not missed by Tseng, although he pretended to be oblivious. He was about to dismiss her when Reno cut in.

“Boss, can I talk to you for a minute?” Tseng nodded his assent and the redhead turned to Elena as he stood up. “Lena, keep Rude company for a sec? I’ll be right back.”

They walked into the kitchen to talk, Reno looking a little nervous as he came to a stop in front of Tseng. “Look, I know ya don’t like me messing, in any way, with your relationship, but do ya think, just this one time, you could start while the rest of us are still here?”

Tseng frowned as he processed exactly what Reno was asking. “Are you asking what I think you are asking?”

Reno chuckled nervously, one hand coming up adjust his goggles. “Ah, yeah, I am. But before you kill me, hear me out. How else is she ever going to find out? I know all her flirting is starting to wear on your nerves and it’s been like 9 months already. Isn’t it time she knew?”

“You need the money that badly, Reno?” Tseng asked. Honestly, he was tired of deflecting her advances and was starting to feel a little guilty that she’d been kept out of the loop for so long.

“Well… yeah I do,” Reno chuckled, a smirk curling his lips. “That and I’ve always been curious as to whether you’re capable of making our little prince scream and moan. You’re both so friggin’ quiet out of the bedroom.”

Tseng couldn’t hold back a grin, Reno’s blatant challenge tweaking his pride enough to raise his interest. The redhead was the only person he would ever let get away with such a request, his soft spot for the boy still strong after all these years.

Reno began to fidget as the silence grew longer, Tseng enjoying his discomfort as he thought over the pros and cons of accepting the challenge. Eventually, he decided Reno had suffered enough and besides, Rufus _was_ waiting for him.

“Fine,” he began, watching as Reno’s eyes lit up. “You won’t hear anything over the sound of the movie though.”

“It ends in another….” Reno glanced at his watch. “…five minutes. Or do ya need more time to work him up?”

“The time is sufficient. You owe me lunch tomorrow.”

“I’ll buy ya lunch, dinner and breakfast if ya willing to give me a personal demonstration,” Reno teased, backing out of the kitchen and dodging the tea towel that came flying at his face.

Tseng followed him out, schooling his expression back to blankness as he approached the sofa. “I’m going to check on the Vice President. See yourselves out when the movie ends,” he murmured, nodding to Elena when she said good night.

***.***

Reno couldn’t help grinning while the credits rolled, ignoring Rude’s questioning gaze. He grabbed the remote and turned off the television, cutting off the blaring music and leaving the room in silence.

“Well, that sucked,” Elena muttered, a grin on her own face, despite her words.

“Yeah, it did. Be nice though, to make that much cash on the job, eh?” Reno answered.

“Hell yes,” Elena mused, standing up and stretching out the kinks in her back. “Imagine going home to our own penthouse apartment.”

They chatted away for a few minutes, keeping their voices low so not to disturb the Vice President’s sleep. Reno didn’t miss the way Elena’s eyes kept returning to the hallway, obviously wondering what was taking Tseng so long.

A sudden moan sounded from down the hallway and all conversation stopped immediately.

“Is that…,” she began, only for another moan to cut her off, louder than the last one.

“Well, fuck me,” Reno murmured, surprised that his idea actually worked. The noises didn’t stop and all three Turks froze in place, listening as their Vice President began begging shamelessly.

_Tseng… oh god yes… fuck me harder…_

“I-I should go,” Elena stuttered, moving for the door and slipping on her shoes quickly.

“Wait, I’ll walk you back,” Rude volunteered in a hushed voice, standing up and giving Reno a quick glare before he walked over to her, putting a hand on her shoulder and saying something in a whisper that Reno couldn’t hear. She looked up at Rude sadly, murmuring something back.

Reno fiddled with his goggles, more embarrassed by Elena’s obvious hurt than by the sounds still filtering down the hallway. It had never been his intention to cause her pain, just let her know the truth so she could move on and stop trying for something she’d never get. The money from Rufus for losing the bet had also been a priority, although he wouldn’t admit that to Rude. His partner always did have a soft spot for Elena.

“Reno, you take first shift tonight?” Rude asked while helping Elena into her coat.

“Yep, leave it with me. See ya tomorrow, Lena,” he said, looking up at her as she nodded and headed out the door. “Later partner,” he added as Rude followed her out, closing the door behind him.

Reno lay back on the sofa, only noticing the noises had stopped when a blond head suddenly appeared above him, looking over the back of the sofa.

“Was my performance adequate?” Rufus asked, a grin that Reno could only classify as evil twisting his angelic features.

“Performance?” Reno repeated dumbly, unable to hide his surprise.

“After the television turned off, there was no sound of the door opening or closing so I knew you were all still here. Did you seriously believe I would make so much noise unintentionally with an audience?”

“You did all of that on purpose?” Reno asked, frowning as he tried to make sense of what he was being told.

“Reno, Turk assassins are not the only people capable of manipulating others to do what they want,” Rufus remarked, resting his chin on the back of the sofa as he gazed down at Reno. “You forget, I am a Shinra.” A quick smile and he disappeared, Reno sitting up to watch him grab a glass of water from the kitchen before he walked back and paused beside the redhead.

“Why would you… I mean, you already have him, so why play with Lena like that? You were the one that wouldn’t let us tell her, then you made that bet. I don’t understand,” Reno muttered, his eyes watching the blond intently. “What’s your angle?”

Rufus smiled, the self satisfaction he showed twisted uncomfortably in Reno’s chest. “I had a few… angles, as you call them,” the blond said softly, stepping closer. “One was a test, to make sure he really wasn’t interested in her. I’m happy to say he passed. Another was the fact I didn’t enjoy watching her lust after what is mine. She deserved to suffer a little for not being able to work out what was going on herself. You and Rude worked it out in a few weeks, after all. Lastly… well, lets just say that I’ve been rather bored stuck here for the last few months and needed some entertainment.” The blond turned, walking to the hallway before pausing to look back at Reno, smile widening. “You have to admit, it has been fun stringing her along.”

Reno watched him disappear down the hall, frowning as it all sunk in. Lying back down, he sighed, pissed off at how easily they’d been manipulated by Rufus. _Little bastard is pure evil_ , he mused as he tried to glare a hole in the ceiling.

***.***

When Tseng was sure Rufus was asleep, he carefully got out of bed and slipped on his pants. Opening his lover’s laptop, he hit a few keys before walking out to the lounge room. Reno was there, the redhead lying on the sofa but wide awake. “Decide to stay in tonight, did you?” Tseng murmured.

“Didn’t think there was much point in standing outside when I already heard the floorshow earlier,” Reno muttered, his voice sounding off.

“What’s wrong?” Tseng asked, walking around to sit down next to Reno’s legs.

“Did ya know he knew about Lena?”

“I know he knew about her liking me. It was hard to miss and she did make it clear when he was there. That’s not what is worrying you though, is it?”

“He knew about me asking you to put on a show tonight. Did you tell him?” Reno asked. The seriousness on the youth’s face worried Tseng and he missed the grin that was the redhead’s usual default expression.

“I didn’t tell him. Apparently, he bugged his apartment so he could hear what we talked about when he wasn’t in the room. I didn’t know about it before tonight when I found him on his laptop. He played the conversation we had in the kitchen back to me.” Tseng turned his gaze to the wall as he spoke, uncomfortable with the position he had been placed in. Rufus had outsmarted him, thoroughly and without much effort. He’d been distracted by his attraction and need for the blond and had assumed Rufus felt the same way. The power he thought he had over the youth was nothing but an illusion.

“He can hear us now, can’t he?” Reno whispered, looking nervous.

“No, I made sure it wasn’t recording before I came out here and he is asleep.”

Reno let out a breath, sitting up and gazing at Tseng intently. “He thinks of you as a belonging. Told me so earlier with a big grin on his face. Said all this was a test for you, to make sure you weren’t tempted by Lena. Said you passed. He also said it was entertainment cause he was bored.”

Tseng frowned, eyes turning to Reno to study his expression. The redhead was seriously concerned… worried for him. “Reno, truthfully I am not that surprised by Rufus’ actions. He likes to play with people, for entertainment. He doesn’t do it as often now that he is older, but it was a common thing for him when he was younger. As for me being his possession… basically I suppose I am.” Tseng sighed, running a hand through his hair tiredly.

“He’s supposed to be your lover, not your owner. I thought he was starting to care about you. I thought we could relax now because he wouldn’t hurt us because of you, but if all we are is entertainment to him, what the hell is he gonna do next? What if he gets bored with all of us? Decides to keep you but replace the rest of us?” Reno whispered.

Tseng turned to find the redhead staring down at his hands, expression hidden by his hair. “Reno, as Turks we do belong to him now, but... but I don’t see any of you as expendable or as anything less than my family. We are a package deal and he knows that.” Leaning in closer, Tseng rested his forehead against Reno’s, one hand closing over the redheads in his lap. “He has weaknesses and is not as unbreakable as he likes to pretend. I know he cares for me, enough to ensure we survived before when he could have abandoned us. He needs us and we need him. With time, he won’t be able to do without us. Trust me with this. Know that no matter what, I will never abandon you.”

“What makes you so sure he needs us now and will in the future? Aren’t we just assassins? His bodyguards who kill on his command? It wouldn’t be hard for him to replace us.”

“Trust, Reno. He trusts nobody on the planet, but he is beginning to trust us. We just have to nurture that and we ensure our future.” Leaning back, Tseng ruffled Reno’s hair, smiling as the youth flinched away and scowled at the disturbance to his precious mane. “We already mean more to him than his own father does, so have a little faith in me, alright?”

“If I didn’t have faith in you, I wouldn’t be here,” Reno retorted, his free hand coming up to adjust his hair back into place. He stilled then, looking up at Tseng with a strange expression. “I… I don’t think I’ve ever said this before, but I wanted to say thank you.”

“For?” Tseng asked, tilting his head to the side a little as he tried to work out what the redhead was thinking.

“For stopping that day, when we first met. You could of kept walking, like everyone else did, but you didn’t. You saw me lying there and you… well ya know the rest.” Reno’s eyes darted away, although his hand turned in his lap so his fingers entwined with Tseng’s.

“I’ve never regretted it. Not for one moment. Although, making you an assassin may have not been the best choice….”

“Do I suck that much at my job?” Reno asked, looking offended, but Tseng could see the amusement dancing in his eyes.

“More like you’re too good at it. You’re enjoyment is sometimes a little disturbing.”

Reno chuckled, giving Tseng’s hand a squeeze. “Like you can talk. I’ve seen your expression in the interrogation room.”

“Guilty, as charged,” Tseng replied, lips curving into a smile.

“I’m happy here and really, that’s all that matters. Don’t get all angsty and crap about what I could have been. Seriously, can you imagine me doing anything else?”

“Hmm, well I did always believe you would have made a fine kindergarten teacher. Your hair alone would have stunned the children into silence.”

“Oh, you think you’re funny, don’t ya?” Reno scoffed, feigning insult before he began chuckling, Tseng unable to stop himself from laughing along with him. “Anyway, enough of this deep and meaningful shit. Ya keep this up and I might fall in love with you myself,” Reno joked, giving Tseng’s hand another squeeze before letting it go. “Just imagine how heartbroken Rude would be!”

“I’m sure he’d be inconsolable,” Tseng replied. “Speaking of Rude, you should drop by his place on the way home and tell him I’m staying here all night, so he won’t be needed.”

“I take it that means I get to go home too?”

“It does. I want to see you both first thing in the morning though. There are some things we need to go over before I leave for Midgar tomorrow.”

“No problem,” Reno replied, standing up and stretching. Tseng’s eyes couldn’t help appreciating his form, especially when his shirt rode up to reveal his navel.

“You know I’m always available,” Reno purred, Tseng looking up to find the redhead’s eyes on him, smirk in full force.

“Go home, Reno,” Tseng muttered, standing up and turning away, embarrassed he’d been caught admiring Reno in a less than innocent way, yet again.

“Yeah, yeah. See ya tomorrow, boss.”

Tseng didn’t watch him leave, busying himself with cleaning up the empty bottles his coworkers had left behind as he waited for his cheeks to stop burning. He was so distracted that he remained unaware of the blond in the hallway watching him and by the time he’d finished, Rufus was back in bed appearing to have never moved.

***.***


	2. B - Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PAIRING – No pairing  
> CHARACTERS – Tseng, Veld  
> WARNINGS – Violence, adult themes, inferred physical and sexual abuse of a child.  
> SUMMARY - How Tseng met Veld  
> TIMELINE - Tseng's childhood
> 
> ***********************************************************************************

He couldn’t make it go away. No matter how many times he washed, scrubbing his skin until it was pink and burning, the blood was still there. It stained him, seeping into his pores and tainting him forever.

The house was quiet now, but the silence wasn’t empty. It was full of guilt and horror… realities that he didn’t want to face. Hidden in the bathroom, curled up into the corner behind the toilet, he tried to hide from what he’d done, naked and sore all over from his attempts to wash away his crime.

When they finally came for him, their anger and disgust drowned out the slideshow in his mind that had been taunting him, replaying what he’d done for the millionth time. When he smiled in relief, they stared because they didn’t understand.

Nobody would ever understand.

***.***

He’d always been small, but he’d never felt this inferior before. Everyone around him was so big… grown up and confident in what they were doing and who they were supposed to be. He didn’t understand many of the words they were saying, but he knew enough to nod when they asked if he had done it, knew enough to stay silent when they asked him why. None of it really mattered anyway. He was guilty and they would simply declare him so.

It was only when they started bringing in other people , one by one, that he began to take notice. After awhile he realized it was every person he’d ever met here, young and old. It was interesting to watch their performances, how some glared and others looked away. Some were fearful, some angry and others had that familiar look of disgust. None of it affected him as they’d always looked at him with those expressions. The ones who’d always frightened him were gone now and could never hurt him again.

But none of these people knew about that. They could have found out, if any of them cared. If they had stopped and asked, just once, where all the bruises and cuts came from or why he was limping today, maybe he wouldn’t be forever stained with blood. Only one person had ever stopped and really looked at him. Reached out and gently touched a purple mark on his arm and frowned. No questions had been asked, but a look had passed between them, large dark eyes peering down at him with emotions he’d never seen before. The man had sighed then, pulling something out of his pocket and placing it in his hand before walking away. When he’d looked down, he’d found a plaited length of red cord. It was long enough to tie around his wrist and was the only gift he could remember ever being given. But that person wasn’t here today and had only been here once, many months ago, on the way to somewhere else.

And now he would be going somewhere else too.

***.***

They told him it was his last night in the village before locking him in the darkness, with nothing to do but remember. He didn’t want to think of blood, so he thought about his life so far, about being silent, being obedient and being owned. They had given him a name that he knew wasn’t his, but he couldn’t remember what it had been before. They had told him his parents had been bad people but he knew they were lying, despite how he had nodded and pretended to have forgotten

He didn’t remember where he was born. Memories of his parent’s were only scattered smells, emotions, sounds and bursts of color, disjointed bits and pieces that he tried to cling to and weave together but they always slipped through his fingers like clouds of smoke. Their warmth and love was his favorite memory. They were like a dream that he’d once had, unclear but fully felt. It was enough to make him yearn for more but there were many things he yearned for but learnt to live without.

His mother smelt like pine needles and her hair was soft. His fathers hands were rough and warm, so big and yet so gentle.

He remembered their voices, speaking words he still understood, even though they weren’t the same as the words everyone spoke here. His owners had hated the words of his parents, forbidding him from ever using them and making him learn all of their words. Nobody ever explained to him why and he understood that he wasn’t allowed to ask, so he only spoke the forbidden words in his mind, safe from being discovered. He would never let them be forgotten even if he never said them aloud again.

He remembered that man who’d given him the red plaited cord that day, fingering the worn length that was still around his wrist. Even though the blood had stained it to a darker hue, he couldn’t bare to throw it away. It was a memory of a kindness that he clung too in his despair. An anchor to a fantasy of being cared for that didn’t matter anymore.

But then again, nothing mattered anymore.

***.***

The sun rose and soon he was being led out into it, feeling the warmth of its rays for only a moment before he was lifted into the back of a covered wagon. He stumbled and fell when he was released, hands tied behind his back as his face hit the floor. Nobody spoke to him and he said nothing as he was pulled to sit upright, a rope threaded through his bonds and tied to the frame of the wagon. He kept his head down as they began to move and prayed his jailors didn’t have the same desires as his owners had.

For days they traveled and he was content to stare out the back of the wagon and try and ignore the pain in his wrists. Every night they would untie him so he could eat and go to the toilet, then they would tie him back up to sleep. They never spoke to him, but he listened to everything they said.

On the fourth day, the men began to argue about where they were going. The village had decided he should be taken to a place for criminals, one that would pay for a healthy child like him. One of the men insisted that they would get more money if they took him to the slave markets on the coast and by the sixth day, the other men agreed. They wouldn’t tell the villagers and would split the extra coin between them.

He didn’t care where he ended up as long as he never had to go back to the village. His dreams where haunted by his former owners and what they had done to him, day after day, night after night. The only blood in his nightmares was his own. He never dreamt about his crime though and now, when he replayed what he’d done in his mind, he felt no guilt or remorse, no horror or fear. The memory just made him feel numb... as if his emotions had been plunged into ice.

He decided he liked the way it felt.

***.***

On the ninth day a scream woke him from his daydreaming and the wagon lurched forward, picking up speed. Voices yelled and gunshots filled the air and he tried to brace himself against the side as he was jolted around. One of the men fell backwards from the seat up the front and landed near his feet, a hole in his chest and blood bubbling up out of his mouth. He felt no fear, only a strange kind of fascination as he watched him die.

He could see some of the men from their group out the back of the wagon, trying to keep up as they rode their chocobos hard. One bird had lost its rider and as he watched, another man jolted forward, blood and brain spraying from what remained of his head before he tumbled off the bird. The last rider made a sound of horror and veered off to the side, out of sight as the rider-less birds began to slow and were left behind.

The man driving the wagon cursed loudly as it began to lurch to one side, overbalanced on a bend in the tree lined road that they were taking too fast. Suddenly fear filled him and he squeezed his eyes closed as he was thrown around like a ragdoll, his wrists still tied to the wagon’s side as it toppled over and was dragged along. The noise was deafening as the other side of the wagon began to disintegrate against the rocky ground.

Only when it finally stopped did he open his eyes, coughing through the clouds of dust as he found himself hanging from his bound wrists, too short for his feet to touch the ground. Pain raced through his arms, making his sight blur as he whimpered, powerless to help himself in any way. The sound of hurried footsteps drew near and he turned his head to find a person looking at him from what had been the back of the wagon. Recognition dawned on him as memories of dark eyes and a red plaited cord flickered through his mind.

As he lost his fight to stay conscious, he wondered if it was real or a delusion.

***.***

When he awoke, he found himself in soft sheets and a warm bed. He didn’t open his eyes, years of caution too ingrained in his behavior for him to ever trust his first impressions. Somebody had cleaned his body and healed his wounds, his arms only feeling stiff now instead of the burning pain he’d expected. It was quiet and just as he was about to open his eyes he heard somebody else in the room.

Letting one eye only slip open a fraction, he saw a man facing away from him, across the room. He was talking into a telephone, saying that they’d hit the wrong wagon but had gotten the right one a couple of hours later. He assumed his wagon was the error and began to wonder who this was that had first attacked and then saved him. The memory of the last thing he saw before he passed out flittered through his mind and he opened his eyes completely, willing the man to turn around so he could either confirm or disprove his identity.

When the man finished his call and finally did turn, he found himself staring at him with wide eyes. It was the stranger who had given him the bracelet of red cords. He found himself mute in front of the older man as his mind raced through the possibilities of why he had brought him here and looked after him instead of just letting him die.

He ran the fingers of one hand over his red bracelet and suddenly found it felt different, looking down to find that three new bands had been added to the original three worn ones, all six intertwined in a complex weave. Looking up with a question in his eyes the older man stood up, walking over and tussling his hair before giving him a small smile.

The next day he was on a boat, seeing the ocean for the first time as the man who called himself Veld stood beside him, holding his hand. They were going to a city called Midgar and he would have a new home there with this man until he was old enough to work for him. Veld was quiet like he was and words were something they didn’t often exchange.

Veld always knew what he needed without him having to ask. He gave him a birthday because he didn’t have one. He gave him a new name because he didn’t remember his real one and the only one he did remember had too many bad memories. When he yearned to be part of a family, Veld cut both their fingers and held them together, letting their blood mix together and become one.

For the first time, somebody understood. Wherever they went, it would be together. He didn’t have to tell Veld what mattered or how he felt. It wasn’t a delusion or a dream. They would forever be bound together by blood.

 

***.***


	3. C - Cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PAIRING – Sephiroth/Tseng  
> CHARACTERS – Tseng, Sephiroth, Veld  
> WARNINGS – Adult themes, kissing  
> SUMMARY - Tseng meets Sephiroth  
> TIMELINE – Tseng's early teens
> 
> ******************

*.*

Living in the head Turk’s household had been a huge adjustment for Tseng, but he had managed to make it look easy, something Veld always praised him for. While he didn’t live on the second floor with Veld and his family, he did have his own room on the first floor, next door to the live in housekeeper who had adopted him as her own. She was a quiet, elderly woman, kind but reserved. She and Tseng fit together though, like two pieces of a puzzle that had both been misplaced and they spent most of their spare time together. She had many tales to tell and Tseng listened intently to every one, learning about many things he’d been unaware of under her gentle guidance.

She taught him about wisdom, kindness, consideration and manners. Her fables where like a road map of polite society, practical examples of the social structure… or at least, how it should be.

After six months in Midgar, Veld declared Tseng well adjusted enough to go to school so he could learn more practical skills such as reading and writing. Tseng had been excited at first, even though he’d be in a remedial class until he caught up to the other children his age, but it was short lived as he quickly learnt that most other children didn’t seem to follow the rules of polite society. His second day at school, Tseng had been beaten so badly that he had to spend two days in hospital to recover.

Veld had been angry and disgusted, standing in his hospital room and yelling into the phone for over an hour as Tseng had quietly watched, frightened that it was all his fault. Veld had explained, once he’d calmed down, that it wasn’t his fault at all and that he was just different but in a good way. Tseng hadn’t taken comfort in those words though, because being different meant being alone and he yearned for a friend around his own age.

For the next two years he was home tutored, filling in the gaps in his education with daily lessons that had him not only catch up, but quickly surpassing other children his own age. Veld had been so proud when Tseng’s tutor announced that he was gifted, but for Tseng it was just another indication that he would never fit in and would never have a friend his own age. His continued to be taught at home for a further two years, excelling in his studies but none of it brought him any joy and as he hit his first year of puberty, a deep depression set in that he couldn’t seem to shake.

Tseng’s adopted mother became ill around the same time, Veld allowing him a reprieve from his studies so he could care for her, until a couple of months later she quietly slipped away. When his tutor returned, Tseng had lost all enthusiasm for learning and his marks began dropping as he struggled with the dark moods he just couldn’t seem to shake.

It was the eve of his fourteenth birthday when Veld had called him into his study to discuss changing his learning environment. He told him there were other children like him, gifted ones that didn’t fit with the other children and that if Tseng wanted to try learning with one of them, Veld would support the change. Tseng was cautiously excited, wanting desperately to have a chance at making a friend, but the dark mood he couldn’t seem to fight his way out of made him feel like it would all fail, just like it had before.

His first lesson was a week later and was to be held in the Shinra tower, where Veld worked. Tseng had been terrified when he’d stepped out of the car with Veld on his first day, his hands shaking as he’d held onto his bag in a death grip, trying with all of his will to appear as collected as his mentor did. The elevator with the glass sides had almost been his undoing, but Veld had stood beside him, whispering to him to keep his eyes on the doors and it had been enough to get him through the experience without falling apart.

They arrived at his new classroom early, nobody else there as Veld had led him inside and settled him at one of the two desks in the room. He’d handed Tseng a mobile phone and showed him which buttons to press, insisting that if there was any problem, no matter how small, that all he had to do was call. Once the teacher arrived, Veld introduced Tseng before leaving with a quick pat on his back and Tseng was given some worksheets to do so his levels could be evaluated.

He was just finishing the last one, Veld’s phone a comforting weight in his pocket, when the doors opened and his classmate entered. Tseng’s pencil froze in its place on the page as he stared at the boy, completely startled by his appearance. He’d never seen a child with silver hair before.

His teacher had introduced them and the silver haired boy called Sephiroth had walked straight up to his desk, holding out his hand and greeting him. Tseng moved on pure instinct, standing up and taking his hand while he returned the greeting, relieved that this, at least, was something familiar for him. They had both taken their seats then and the lesson had progressed, Tseng having a little trouble concentrating with his curiosity peeked by Sephiroth’s presence.

Lunchtime arrived and the teacher excused herself to go and get coffee, leaving the two boys alone in the classroom to eat the lunches they had brought with them. Tseng organized his worksheets into a neat pile off to the side, opening his bag and pulling out his lunch before setting it out on the table top. Before he began eating, he glanced over at Sephiroth and found the boy watching him intently. He wasn’t sure how to react, nervous around somebody so unfamiliar, but his need for friendship eventually won out over his shyness and he decided to make an attempt at conversation.

“Would you like to share?” he asked, his voice coming out softer than he had intended as he swallowed around the lump in his throat.

“What do you have?” Sephiroth had asked.

“I-it’s just a sandwich, ham and lettuce, I believe. I have cookies too. They are chocolate chip,” Tseng answered, looking up at the other boy as he wished he’d brought something more impressive for lunch.

Sephiroth nodded, pulling a brown paper bag out of his own bag and bringing it and his chair over to sit next to Tseng at his desk. “I have fruit,” he said simply, pulling out two apples and a melon of some kind that Tseng had never tried before. A knife came out of the bag next and Sephiroth quickly went to work cutting up the fruit, using the empty bag as a plate.

Tseng waited for him to finish, offering up half of his sandwich before he reached for a piece of the melon, eager to try something different. They chatted about their meal between eating, and once everything on the table was gone, Tseng pulled the bag of cookies out of his bag and offered one to Sephiroth. The boy looked unsure so Tseng took one first, eating it and smiling at him in the attempt to encourage him. It seemed to work, Sephiroth finally taking one and tasting it cautiously before quickly finishing it off.

“Have another,” Tseng encouraged, managing to get a small smile out of Sephiroth as he took a second one.

“They are very good,” Sephiroth said once he’d finished chewing, his smile still in place.

“Here, take the rest. I'm full,” Tseng suggested, passing over the bag which Sephiroth took before pausing, his smile falling and being replaced by a frown.

“I have nothing to give you in return.”

“That’s alright. Friends don't have to give anything in return,” Tseng said shyly, his hands fidgeting a little as he looked away, worried that he’d overstepped polite boundaries in his eagerness to make a connection with the other boy. It was quiet for a while, making his fear rise until Sephiroth finally broke the silence.

“I have never had a friend before,” the boy proclaimed, causing Tseng to look back at him in surprise.

“I… I haven’t either,” Tseng replied, getting another smile from Sephiroth before the boy stood up, moving his chair back into place and sitting down, the bag of cookies gripped tightly in one hand. Tseng cleaned off his desk, unable to hide the smile on his own face as the teacher returned and the lesson began once more.

***.***

Tseng and Sephiroth shared their lunches for the next year, their conversations gradually progressing past food and onto their personal lives. Both were hesitant to discuss their pasts, so they tended to stick to the present, Tseng talking about living with Veld and his family while Sephiroth spoke about his army training. Eventually Tseng became more curious as to where Sephiroth’s family was and he figured the best way to approach the subject was to talk about his own family, or lack thereof.

It was autumn in Midgar at the time and their teacher had allowed them both to eat their lunches in the rooftop garden, giving them a full hour to socialize now that they seemed to get along so well. They had a favorite spot, a patch of grass that was edged by a line of hedges that gave them a small amount of privacy from the cameras on the walls by the elevator. It didn’t really bother Tseng where they sat but Sephiroth seemed more comfortable there, so he indulged him.

“I sometimes wish I knew who my parents were,” Tseng began, munching on the cookie he’d taken for himself. He always brought them for lunch now, only ever taking one for himself before he gave the rest to Sephiroth. It wasn’t that Tseng didn’t like cookies. He just liked the smile they always brought to his friends face more.

“Maybe it is better you do not know. Maybe they might be somebody that would make you sad,” Sephiroth responded, staring out over the city.

“Do you know who your parents are, Sephiroth?”

“I know who my father is… although, I’ve always hoped that it was a lie,” Sephiroth replied, turning to look at Tseng. “How do you not know who your parents are?”

“I was taken from them when I was very young. I remember some things, like smells and feelings… and I remember they loved me. I can’t remember their faces though, or their names.”

Sephiroth smiled, reaching out to pull a leaf out of Tseng’s hair. “If they loved you, then you are very lucky. My father does not love me.”

“How could he not?” Tseng blurted, his face reddening as he realized what had just come out of his mouth. “I-I mean… he is your father. Fathers are supposed to love their children.”

Sephiroth shrugged, turning away. “That is why I prefer to believe that he is not my real father. It hurts less that way.”

Tseng watched his friend, trying to work out how to make him feel better but nothing came to mind. He figured it might help if he distracted him, so he started talking again, looking down at the grass as he spoke. “The people who took me from my parents sold me to a village far away from my home. Veld told me that I originally come from a place called Wutai and that is why I don’t look like anyone else here. I didn’t look like anyone in the village I grew up in either. Sephiroth, is their really a place called Wutai where people look like me?”

“Yes, there is,” Sephiroth replied. “I have studied Wutai as it is a possible future site for the company’s expansion of its mako reactor program. It is a beautiful country, in landscape and in population.”

“Oh,” Tseng murmured. Sitting up and peering at his friend. “Did you just infer that I am beautiful?”

Sephiroth chuckled, leaning back on one hand as he raised an eyebrow at Tseng. “Yes I did. Do you have a problem with that?”

Tseng smirked, trying to ignore the blush spreading across his face. “You are the beautiful one, Sephiroth. All the Shinra press releases quite clearly state that fact.”

Sephiroth scowled, throwing a piece of apple at Tseng that hit him squarely in the middle of his chest. “You should know better than to listen to company propaganda. It is always 90% fiction.”

“Oh, so you are not a brilliant upcoming soldier who will become general of Shinra’s army in the next two years? Let me guess, you are secretly training to be Midgar’s greatest hair dresser. It would explain that thing on your head, at least.”

Sephiroth launched himself at Tseng, pinning the youth to the ground so fast that he had no time to do anything but breathe in before he found himself staring up at his friend’s unusual eyes, a curtain of silver hair surrounding them both. “Do you have a problem with my hair, pretty boy?”

Tseng laughed, unable to stop himself as Sephiroth grinned down at him, rearranging his legs so he straddled Tseng’s hips. “I am not pretty, you long haired bully. If anything, I look odd,” he retorted, wriggling underneath the larger youth. “You are definitely the pretty one here.”

“I think you are pretty,” Sephiroth whispered, face suddenly serious. His tone stole away Tseng’s amusement, making him suddenly feel vulnerable with his arms pinned down on either side of his head. “Tseng, what would you do if I kissed you?”

“You… you want to kiss me?” Tseng asked, his disbelief clear in his voice as he froze in place.

“Yes,” Sephiroth murmured. “I have wanted to kiss you for quite some time.”

Tseng found himself speechless at the confession, especially since he had often wondered what it would be like to kiss Sephiroth himself. He had never thought to act on the desire though, figuring it was simply his teenage hormones reacting to the person he spent the most time with every day. 

“Then kiss me,” he finally answered, swallowing nervously as he tried to remember what he’d read and seen in movies about kissing. People used their tongues and while the idea seemed kind of gross to him, he did want to try it and he knew Sephiroth was the one person that would never tease him if he did it wrong.

“Have you ever kissed anyone before, Tseng?” Sephiroth asked, releasing one of Tseng’s wrists to trace a line along his jaw with his fingers.

“No,” Tseng whispered, his eyes darting over Sephiroth’s face. “I don’t really know how to do it correctly.”

Sephiroth smiled and Tseng tried to ignore how his heart skipped a beat. “Just follow my lead. I will go slowly for you.”

When their lips finally met, it wasn’t anything like Tseng had imagined. Sephiroth’s lips were warm and soft and at first it was only a light press against his own, gentle enough to tickle a little. Having the weight of another on top of him was a little disconcerting, bad memories trying to surface from his childhood but he pushed them to the back of his mind, concentrating on the fact that this was Sephiroth, his beautiful friend who he trusted and cared for.

“Tseng?” Sephiroth whispered between kisses.

“Yes?” Tseng responded, finally pursing his own lips and meeting his friends kisses half way.

“Mm… open you mouth a little… let me taste you.”

Tseng did so, his body stiffening in nervous expectation as he expected Sephiroth’s tongue to feel wrong inside his mouth, but at first his friend only kissed each of his lips separately, a hand threading through his hair gently until he relaxed. The lick was a little surprising, but Tseng found his curiosity was beginning to win over his fear as one of his own hands lifted to rest on the side of Sephiroth’s neck, earning him a pleased hum from his friend.

Turning his head to the side a little, Sephiroth finally pressed his own mouth over Tseng’s, his tongue running lightly over the inside of his lips until Tseng couldn’t stand the slow pace anymore. He let his own tongue find Sephiroth’s and as soon as they touched, his friend’s twined with his own. It didn’t feel gross, not even in the slightest and Tseng found himself enjoying the experience as the kiss progressed, Sephiroth eventually pulling back with a light bite to his bottom lip.

“You taste good,” Sephiroth murmured, smiling down at Tseng.

“Must be the cookies,” Tseng joked, earning himself another laugh.

“Yes, must be the cookies,” Sephiroth agreed before rolling off to the side to lie on his back along side Tseng. “Bring more tomorrow so I can taste you again?”

***.***


	4. D - Deflower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PAIRING - Sephiroth / Tseng  
> CHARACTERS - Tseng, Veld, Genesis, Sephiroth  
> WARNINGS - sex, swearing  
> SUMMARY - What will happen to Tseng and Sephiroth's friendship now that school is ending?  
> TIMELINE - Tseng's mid teens

For Tseng’s sixteenth birthday, Veld gave him a wooden box, carved with symbols that he’d never seen before. His mentor had shown him how it locked and explained that as Tseng would be entering Turk training soon, he would need a place to store his private memories. When he’d asked his mentor about the designs covering the dark wood, Veld had said they were called runes. He explained that each one meant something different and that they originated in his country of birth. Tseng had wanted to ask more, but they’d been interrupted by the trill of Veld’s phone, his mentor leaving as soon as he finished his call with a quick apology, a hand ruffling his charge’s hair on the way out the bedroom door.

Deciding to look through the public library during the week to try and discover the runes’ meanings, Tseng had spent the rest of his Sunday sorting through the belongings in his room, working out what to keep in the box. He knew that becoming a Turk meant that he had to cast off his previous life, but the very fact Veld had given him such a gift meant that he was allowed to at least remember his past, if nothing else. He didn’t own much, but there were a few things he didn’t want to part with… small items that reminded him of people that had been important to him and memories of defining events in his life.

Once he was finished, he locked the box and placed it on his bed side table, glancing around at what had been his first real home. It was a strange feeling to be leaving it all behind, knowing that he would never return. There was no sadness though, as it was just a room full of items that could all be easily replaced. Everything he couldn’t replace fit into the box and as long as he could take it with him, he was content.

Thinking about his last week as a student was more troubling though, as he realized that it was something he would miss. Tseng loved learning, so hungry for knowledge because he knew it gave him power. He’d spent most of his life ignorant and powerless and he never wanted to be that way again. As a Turk, he would be learning a whole new range of more practical things and while he was excited at the prospect, he knew that it would be very different to the quiet, peaceful existence that his schooling provided.

If he was truly honest with himself though, the one thing he’d miss the most from leaving his studies behind was Sephiroth.

It was inevitable that they would have to part and their time together had already been cut over the last year. Sephiroth only attended the afternoon session of study now, his mornings full of other classes in preparation for his employment as a SOLDIER. They always ate lunch together despite their changing schedules, the silver haired teenager usually meeting Tseng in the rooftop garden before they went to class.

They never discussed the kissing. It just seemed to happen randomly and was always instigated by Sephiroth. Tseng enjoyed it, but he didn’t know why the other teen did it. Sephiroth never tried to do anything else to him so Tseng gathered it wasn’t about sex. It was confusing, especially when Sephiroth would hold his face so tenderly and stare into his eyes, a strange expression on his face that Tseng couldn’t decipher.

They did talk to each other about other things though, Sephiroth even admitting to Tseng once that he was already being sent on missions as a SOLDIER, but as he was underage the company covered up that fact, preferring for the public to believe he was only starting active service at the end of the year.

When Tseng had asked Veld about it, his mentor had admitted that the only reason Tseng had been allowed to study with Sephiroth was to give more weight to the cover story. Veld had explained that while Tseng was being used by the company in that way, it was an arrangement that both Tseng and Sephiroth gained from, so there wasn’t any reason to object to it. Tseng always believed that Veld may have had a hand in organizing the arrangement anyhow because the leader of the Turks seemed to be just as concerned with Sephiroth’s lack of friends around his own age as he was with Tseng’s.

Being used by Shinra wasn’t something that bothered Tseng. After all, he was about to become a Turk, so being used by Shinra would soon be his full time profession.

***.***

Sephiroth came to lunch on Monday with a smile on his face and when Tseng asked the reason behind the good mood, his friend had explained that he’d just successfully completed his first solo mission over the weekend.

“Well done,” Tseng murmured, wishing he knew exactly how one was supposed to encourage another. Sephiroth looked a little disappointed in his reaction, causing Tseng to panic internally. This was their last week together and he didn’t want it tainted with any bad memories. In desperation, he leaned over and kissed his friend on the cheek, Sephiroth’s eyes going wide in surprise before his smile returned, bringing Tseng’s own relief with it.

“Thank you,” Sephiroth whispered, eyes dancing with mischief that had Tseng moving away and blatantly setting out their lunch between himself and his friend, ignoring the chuckle his actions caused.

The rest of the week continued as usual, the only difference being that Sephiroth’s kisses were more frequent and Tseng found himself thankful for that. It was the only indication that his friend gave that he would be missed, and it was a small comfort with their time together coming to an end.

On the second last day, Sephiroth had tried to shock Tseng with the news that he’d killed ten men earlier in the year on a weekend mission with a group of Firsts. Tseng’s lack of shock or surprise at the news had disappointed Sephiroth, and his friends resulting childish pout had made Tseng chuckle.

Sephiroth had reacted how he always did when Tseng laughed at him, pouncing and tackling his smaller friend down onto the grass, in what Tseng was sure was some kind of dominant display meant to show how much weaker he was. Tseng was never impressed by it though, too annoyed at being needlessly disheveled to humor his friend’s ongoing inferiority complex.

“Does it not make you think differently of me at all?” Sephiroth insisted.

“No, it does not. Now get off me you idiot,” Tseng muttered, frowning up at his friend. “Besides, why do you wish me to think differently of you? What is wrong with how I think of you now?”

Sephiroth didn’t answer him, just stared as Tseng became more and more uncomfortable with the silence and too intense expression on his friend’s face.

“Tseng, have you ever killed anyone before?” Sephiroth suddenly asked.

“Yes I have,” Tseng replied, trying to get himself free with useless wriggling. Sephiroth’s only reaction was to tighten his grip on Tseng’s wrists, causing the smaller boy to demand, “What is your problem today?”

“You used a gun, didn’t you?” Sephiroth murmured, the direction of the conversation making Tseng freeze in place and stop his struggling. “I find it hard to believe that you would use any other method with your clear distaste of being unclean in any way.” Minutes ticked by in silence and as much as Tseng didn’t want to have this conversation, he knew Sephiroth’s curiosity was relentless once his interest was piqued.

“I used a knife,” he eventually replied flatly, holding Sephiroth’s gaze as the familiar icy numbness enveloped his emotions. “It was messy and smelt bad. They made so much noise that it gave me a headache.”

Sephiroth released his arms, sitting up but remaining in place, straddling Tseng’s legs. The expression on his face was blank but as Tseng watched him, the silver haired teenager tilted his head to one side and slowly smiled. “You will make an excellent Turk.”

Tseng found himself smiling back automatically, pleased from what he judged to be a compliment. “Thank you.”

***.***

On the last day they spent together, their lunch was eaten in silence. There was no teasing or smiling. They sat side by side, arms touching but nothing more. Tseng felt the loss of his friend already, the emotional withdrawal from each other an ache in his chest that turned his stomach as his lunch sat on the grass before him, uneaten.

“Are you feeling ill?” Sephiroth asked, eyes fixed on the horizon of buildings before them.

“No. I'm just not hungry,” Tseng replied, his own eyes on his hands, fidgeting in his lap. He was remembering the feel of Sephiroth’s hair between his fingers, how soft it was. “You can have my share if you wish.”

Sephiroth nodded but didn’t take the food, didn’t move as the silence wore on. Tseng was beginning to feel that numbness again, the same disconnected emotional state he’d been in for most of his earlier life, creeping back as the clarity of feelings Sephiroth caused started to fade. He knew enough about psychology to know that it was a coping mechanism he used, but that didn’t cause him to try and stop it. The numbness would ease the pain, leaving him able to continue without any kind of distraction. That was essential for his upcoming Turk training, after all.

”I will miss seeing you every day,” Sephiroth suddenly whispered, a hand threading into Tseng’s hair and turning him to face his friend. Their eyes met and Tseng’s focus rushed back, the numbness washed away by Sephiroth’s gaze. “I will never forget you.”

The sudden rush of emotions made Tseng panic, knowing his face was showing everything he usually hid so well. He tried to flee but only got as far as his knees before strong arms pulled him back down into an embrace, a hand caressing his hair gently as he continued to try and push away from the chest he was held against. “Please don’t, Tseng. Don't be angry with me.”

Tseng was angry, but it wasn’t directed at Sephiroth. He was angry at everything else, the whole world for giving him a taste of friendship, only to steal it away again just as he began to enjoy it. “I don’t want to let you go,” he finally whispered, his struggles over as his hands fisted in his friend’s shirt.

“Then don’t.” 

***.***

Sephiroth had given him two books as a parting gift on that last day. One was on the history of Wutai and it was full of information and pictures of Tseng’s country of birth. The other was an advanced mathematics textbook which, on the 111th page, had a table of numbers that hid Sephiroth’s private phone number. Hidden in plain sight, with the handwriting perfectly matching the other digits around it, the number was only noticeable to Tseng. He had memorized it over the last six months, looking at it often but holding back on the urge to call it.

Tonight though, his usual stubborn resolve was failing.

The announcement had been made today that the newly promoted General Sephiroth would be going to join the war in Wutai and would be leaving in a week to join the troops already overseas fighting.

It shouldn’t matter to Tseng at all. His plan was to forget Sephiroth and never talk to him again, despite all the promises they’d made to each other in the heat of the moment on that last day. Turk’s weren’t supposed to have friends, especially not ones that were Generals of Shinra’s army. The silver haired youth was a distraction… a weakness. His mere presence chipped away at Tseng’s self control and stirred up emotions he couldn’t afford to have.

It did matter though, the thought sitting in the back of his mind, distracting him and causing him to falter in his training. Maybe if he saw the other man one last time, he could expel his doubts and worry and finally move on. 

Alone in his room, Tseng dialed the number, outwardly looking unaffected, as inside his pulse raced. It rang for too long and he had just sighed out a breath, about to disconnect his attempt when the phone was answered.

“Hello, how can I help you?” an unfamiliar voice asked.

“I-I must have the wrong number,” Tseng stuttered out, startled into near panic. _Sephiroth gave me the wrong number?_ was his first thought, as the reasons why his friend would do so hit Tseng like a freight train at full speed.

“If you’re after his highness, than you have indeed dialed the correct number. After all, the caller ID did show your name, Tseng, so you two do know each other,” the voice on the line purred, jolting Tseng out of his spiral of dark thoughts. “He's in the shower right now but I can take a message for you. You do stutter so adorably, after all.”

Tseng could only breathe into the receiver, trying to get his thoughts into some kind of array as his mind was flooded with questions. Yes, it was Sephiroth’s phone but who was this man answering it and if Sephiroth was in the shower… As far as Tseng knew, Sephiroth only ever showered at his own apartment, disliking using the communal facilities, so they must be at his apartment. Were they lovers? And why did that thought hurt so very much?

“Hmm, hello? You know, you can speak to me. I only bite if you really, _really_ deserve it.” The mystery voice was full of amusement now, a chuckle sounding down the line as Tseng’s grip on his phone increased. He should just hang up now, but found his fingers wouldn’t release it.

“I’m sorry for disturbing you. It was not important,” Tseng finally managed, his voice back to its normal unemotional state.

“Hey, hang on a minute. You have to tell me how you know him. Seph never gets calls unless they’re from the Director, Angeal or me,” the voice continued as Tseng’s frown began to give him a headache. “Oh and 'professor fucked up' calls too, but he doesn’t count. But alas, I am wandering off on a tangent. Simply put, I need to know, Tseng... Who are you to Sephiroth?”

“No one of importance. My apologies for disturbing you,” Tseng murmured, finally able to make his fingers move as he pulled the device away from his ear and ended the call, turning off his phone and throwing it on his bed side table as if the touch of it burnt his hands.

_Who are you to Sephiroth?_

That was one question Tseng had never known the answer to.

***.***

The next day Tseng was back to his normal self, cool and focused in every way. He didn’t think about Sephiroth, putting the other man out of his mind once and for all. Last night had showed him that no matter who that person was on the phone, he was at least a friend of Sephiroth’s and that meant the general didn’t need him anymore.

Tseng achieved his first perfect score with his handgun in target practice and Veld lost that worried look he’d had for the last week. All was back to how it should be and Tseng relaxed into the oblivion of his regular daily schedule, going home at the end of the day to shower and have his dinner without once thinking of the general. The best thing about becoming a Turk over joining SOLDIER was the fact that there weren’t very many of them, so each were allowed their own apartment and the luxury of privacy.

Settling in to his favorite chair, Tseng stared at the rain that was steadily falling outside, his mind, without warning, turning to thoughts of Sephiroth and the mystery voice on the phone. Frowning at his traitorous brain, Tseng picked up a textbook on explosives and began to read, letting the words wash away all other thoughts.

It was hours later when Tseng suddenly got the feeling he was being watched and looked up to find two men standing in the room with him. He was so startled that he dropped the book he was reading, lunging onto his feet only to recognize one of the men and freeze on the spot.

“Hello, Tseng,” Sephiroth greeted, voice calm and relaxed as if he hadn’t just appeared in Tseng’s apartment, uninvited.

“W-what?” Tseng blurted out. Seeing Sephiroth again, just when he’d finally managed to exorcise him from his mind, made Tseng’s stomach curl uncomfortably. The questions of how the general had came to be in his room and why he was here, quickly rushed forth but Tseng couldn't find the words to ask.

“Oh, he’s stuttering again. I do love it when he does that,” the other man in the room interjected, pulling Tseng’s gaze over to find a redheaded man smirking in his direction, arms crossed across his chest. “Remember me from the phone, little Turk in training?”

“Genesis,” Sephiroth hissed. “Shut up.”

“But you haven’t even properly introduced us yet, Seph. It’s rather rude not to introduce your new _best friend_ to your old _best friend_ , isn’t it?” Genesis purred. Tseng glared at the redhead, unsure of why he suddenly hated this man he didn’t even know.

“Get out of my apartment,” Tseng growled, watching as the smile disappeared from Genesis’ face.

“And what if I do not wish to? Are you going to try to make me, little Turk?” Genesis asked, hands unfolding as Tseng moved his legs into a defensive position. In reality he knew he had no chance against a SOLDIER’s advanced strength, but he would not be intimidated in his own home.

“Genesis, stop it now,” Sephiroth suddenly interrupted, moving in front of Tseng and facing the redhead. “You promised to assist me in this.” Nobody moved for a few minutes, the two SOLDIERs facing off as Tseng clamped down on his urge to ask what ‘this’ exactly was.

The redhead finally scoffed, his smirk returning as he moved to sit down on the sofa, crossing his legs and relaxing back into the cushions. “See, I’m behaving,” he muttered indignantly, glancing around the room. “Can I at least watch the television so I do not die of boredom?”

“My apologies, Tseng. I would not have brought him with me unless it was necessary,” Sephiroth explained, turning towards Tseng and ignoring the redhead’s request. “I am under rather intense observation at the moment and if I were to come here alone, it would have raised questions. Genesis is one of the firsts that I work with and his presence will allow this to be explained away as a simple social visit, if we are discovered. Our need for discretion is also why we did not knock and instead, let ourselves in. Please forgive our rudeness.”

Tseng relaxed his stance while the general spoke, nodding away the explanation and apology. He tried to ignore how disturbed he was by the fact he hadn't heard them enter at all, the oversight only adding to how vulnerable he felt right now, standing in only his tracksuit pants and no shirt. “Why are you here, Sephiroth?” he finally asked.

“You called me,” Sephiroth stated flatly, pausing for a moment before adding with a small smile, “…finally.”

Tseng frowned, unable to deny it but too embarrassed to explain why he had called. A certain redhead smirking at him from behind Sephiroth wasn’t helping in the slightest. “May we speak privately… in my room?” he finally asked, a hand coming up to thread through his hair nervously.

The general nodded and Tseng led the way, picking up the remote for the television from the side table and throwing it at Genesis’ chuckling head on the way past. Unfortunately, the SOLDIER caught it, mumbling something about testy Turk’s as Tseng waited for Sephiroth to enter his room, following him in and closing the door.

Taking a deep breath, Tseng turned only to find himself pulled into an embrace, his own bare chest pressed up tight against a combination of leather and bare skin. Sephiroth’s general uniform was something he’d been shocked at the first time he’d seen it, and he would never admit to anyone that he kept one of the press release photos of it in his memory box, along with a single photo of Sephiroth and him in the rooftop garden.

“I have missed you,” Sephiroth whispered, one of his hands coming up to thread through Tseng’s hair as the other held him in place, around his waist. “Why have you not called? It has been six months and you… you said that day that you didn’t want to let me go.”

Tseng sighed, finally relaxing and wrapping his own arms around Sephiroth’s waist to return the embrace. “I wanted to, but….”

“But what?” Sephiroth asked. When Tseng didn’t answer, the general breathed out, resting his chin on Tseng’s head. “I know it is difficult for us to see each other, but it is not impossible. I thought we agreed....”

“You’re going to Wutai,” Tseng murmured, not wanting to discuss why he hadn’t called. They both knew the obvious reasons, but to tell Sephiroth that just the thought of him threw Tseng off course and unhinged his ability to perform? That was something Tseng could never do.

“I will be coming back. Or do you have so little faith in me?”

Tseng pulled back enough to look up at his friend, a small smile on his face. “I see your ego has grown since I last saw you.”

“I am told other parts of me have grown as well,” Sephiroth replied, grinning.

Tseng chuckled before he could stop himself, having missed the easy teasing they’d once shared. “Oh yes, I do believe you are a little taller,” he murmured softly.

“And I believe you have not grown at all.” Sephiroth’s reply made Tseng frown as his height was a sore spot for him. At sixteen, he knew he would eventually get taller, but he was impatient when so many around him outsized him so.

“That is a low thing to say, general. I have, in fact, grown five centimeters taller since you last saw me.”

Sephiroth chuckled, ruffling Tseng’s hair as he tried to push away from the bigger man. Of course, it was a fruitless attempt as even one of the general’s arms was enough to hold him easily. Tseng eventually gave up and just glared up at Sephiroth, his hair now sticking up at odd angles.

“You are a bastard,” Tseng muttered, trying to ignore how happy this visit was making him feel.

“Admit it, you love this bastard,” Sephiroth suddenly whispered, his words startling Tseng enough that he was completely unprepared for the kiss that followed, moaning into it when Sephiroth’s tongue immediately pushed into his mouth without pause.

They’d shared many kisses in the past, but none had been like this one. This one was hungry and passionate, nothing like the gentle explorations of the past. When Sephiroth finally pulled back to look down at him, Tseng was breathing fast, his face flushed as he stared up at the general with wide eyes.

“Goddess, do you have to look so edible?” Sephiroth purred, kissing him again and dispelling what little sense remained in Tseng’s mind. There was no resistance left in him as he surrendered, the kiss seeming to last forever as he clung to the general’s waist. It was only when he was suddenly pushed down onto his bed that his mind focused once more, the cool sheets against his too hot skin jolting a little sense into him. Unfortunately, it was only to realize that his pants were gone and he had a very naked general now crawling over him.

“Where are my pants?” he asked dumbly, frowning as he tried to hide his fear at being so exposed. His mind was still blurry and too slow as he fought all the conflicting emotions swirling around in it. Lust and excitement battled with the fear and anxiety to make him freeze in place, his muscles tensing in aversion even though his need still throbbed between his legs. He’d been touched sexually before as a child, but he’d never felt any reaction other than horror and disgust back then. This was completely different.

“I need to feel all of you, to memorize every inch of you before I go,” Sephiroth replied softly, nuzzling Tseng’s neck and doing something with his tongue that was giving the Turk goosebumps all over his body. “Your pants will be there for you when I am finished.”

The absurdity of the answer should have been apparent to Tseng, but at that moment he was too busy pushing his hips up into Sephiroth’s, hissing at the feeling of their cocks rubbing together. “Seph,” he gasped, his hands grasping fistfuls of silver silk and hanging on. “I d-don’t… I have n-never…,” he stuttered out, trying to explain that he didn’t know what to do.

“I know. Just let me take care of you,” Sephiroth replied, his mouth moving back to Tseng's lips to kiss all concerns away. When a hand wrapped around Tseng’s cock and started to stroke, he groaned into the general’s mouth, fists tightening in his hair as he came after only two movements. His body began trembling as Sephiroth’s hand didn’t stop, continuing to fondle him as he whimpered from how over sensitive his shaft had become. With no break in the general’s kisses, he couldn’t verbally complain, and after a little while his cock was hardening again, both of their bodies damp with sweat as they writhed together.

“You will always be mine, no matter how hard you try to run from me,” Sephiroth whispered into his ear, the words setting off alarm bells in Tseng’s mind before they were swept away by tongue and lips that moved down over his chest and began taunting one of his nipples. He arched up into the strange sensation, so distracted by it that he never even noticed that the general had maneuvered between his legs, spreading them wide. When Sephiroth began to move lower, Tseng could only stare, his hands still gripping onto that silver hair but moving with Sephiroth as he inched lower.

The first lick to his cock made him try to flinch away from how intense it felt, but his hips were held firmly in place by Sephiroth, who smirked up at him before running his tongue up the underside of Tseng’s shaft. The moan that escaped him without warning was too loud and sounded so needy that Tseng’s face instantly heated up in shame. It only seemed to encourage the general though, as he chuckled a little before taking Tseng's cock into his mouth and swallowing down the whole length.

And Tseng had thought the last sound he had made was embarrassing.

He soon forgot the shame, the sensations too overwhelming as he let his body move and make whatever sounds it wished too. Sephiroth worked him like an expert, bringing him to the brink a couple of times only to pull back at the last moment, not letting him find his climax again. Tseng was left desperately needing to come, his legs spread wide as he shamelessly moaned, hands having released the general’s hair earlier in favor of fisting the sheets on his bed.

“There is only one way I will let you find your completion again,” Sephiroth finally informed him, expression intense as he met Tseng’s eyes over the length of his trembling body. 

The sudden feeling of a slick finger tracing the cleft of his backside and pausing to circle his entrance had Tseng’s eyes flying wide, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to find words to make this stop. Fear made his whole body tense as he argued with himself, trying to push past the apprehension.

“I do not enjoy pain,” he managed to mumble out.

“And yet, you do not push me away,” Sephiroth murmured, finger pausing at his entrance as he used his other hand to move one of Tseng’s legs, bending it at the knee and pushing it up to rest to one side of Tseng’s chest. Leaning in, he kissed the tender skin of Tseng’s inner thigh, eyes roaming over the Turk’s exposed areas. “Why?”

“If this is what you want… I am willing to give it to you,” Tseng responded, taking in deep breaths and managing to begin to relax his coiled muscles. He could do this for Sephiroth, willing to give his friend whatever he needed before he left for Wutai… possibly to never come back.

The general simply watched him, his expression softening as his free hand gently caressed over where he had kissed. 

“You always give me what I need,” Sephiroth whispered, moving up over him to kiss his lips again.

It was a slow dance of tongues that went for so long that Tseng became accustomed to the finger held against his entrance, forgetting it was there momentarily. When it suddenly pushed forward, he gasped, Sephiroth’s mouth still on his own, breathing in his fear as he slowly pushed the digit in deeper. Tseng whimpered pathetically when Sephiroth’s other hand wrapped around his partially deflated erection, stroking it gently back to life as the finger inside of him remained still and he adjusted to the strange sensation.

By the time Sephiroth started moving the finger in and out, Tseng had both arms wrapped around him, kissing him back as his hips thrust up into the hand around his cock. There was no pain, only that odd feeling, and Tseng found it easy enough to ignore with the other enjoyable things the general was doing to him. The discomfort of it increased a couple of times, but by then Sephiroth had moved down his body to swallow his cock again, so Tseng didn’t complain. The general had both of Tseng’s legs up and spread wide by now and his cock was rock hard, throbbing for release against Sephiroth’s tongue. Of course, the general didn’t let him reach his peak though, removing his mouth to sit up and smile at him as Tseng groaned in frustration.

As Sephiroth continued to watch him, the digit inside of him pushed in deep, touching something that made Tseng gasp out an involuntary moan and arch his back. Panting, he looked with wide eyes at the now grinning general, trying to work out what had just happened. 

“Not so bad, is it?” Sephiroth teased, pushing in deep to touch the same spot again as Tseng hissed, trying to control his reactions. “You might want to rethink your initial reservations… one would think,” Sephiroth chuckled, hitting the spot over and over as his free hand squeezed the base of Tseng’s cock, ensuring he would not climax.

“F-fuck,” Tseng gasped, breathing heavily as the general finally stopped purposefully hitting his prostate, his finger still inside of Tseng but only moving slightly.

“Yes, well that is my aim, at least,” Sephiroth murmured. “You see, I have no intention of just fucking you because you have some strange duty bound urge to let me. I want you to want me… desperately. I want you to beg to have my cock in you. I want to dirty you completely and have you want it too.”

“B-but I…,” Tseng began, trying to keep his hips still as the urge to push down on the invasion increased. “That’s just a finger. Your… it will hurt,” Tseng mumbled, face burning.

“It’s three fingers, actually,” Sephiroth stated smugly, pushing in deep and wriggling his fingers to emphasize his point. “See how easily they fit without you feeling any pain?”

Tseng was mortified, staring up at Sephiroth with a helpless look as he tried to deal with the fact he hadn’t noticed the addition of another two fingers. The general was correct though… it didn’t hurt and his body certainly seemed to want more as his hips were twitching maddeningly.

Sephiroth sighed at the look Tseng was giving him, glancing off to the side where his coat lay discarded on the bed. The general began searching through the inner pockets with one hand, as his other resumed its torturous thrusting inside of Tseng. Closing his eyes, Tseng finally gave in to his body’s urge and let his hips push back, his face so hot he was beginning to think it would catch fire.

“Hmmm…,” Sephiroth’s voice purred after a few minutes, Tseng whimpering at the humiliation of what he was doing. The general had stilled his digits and was leaving it all up to Tseng who couldn’t stop pushing back on them if his life depended on it. The angle was perfect, the fingers inside of him hitting that spot over and over again.

“Seph,” he finally pleaded. “Please let me come.”

“Tempting, but you know what I want. As stubborn as you are, you will find I am more so,” Sephiroth informed him. “As for your concern over the pain, I have something that might allay your fears and let you be more openly enthusiastic. Open your eyes.”

Tseng had a feeling he would regret doing so, but pure curiosity had him opening his eyes anyway. Frowning in confusion when he realized Sephiroth was holding a phone up in front of him, his expression soon turned to one of horror when the general hit a button on the device. 

“See how easily all those fingers fit inside of you?” Sephiroth chuckled. Tseng could only splutter indignantly, trying to grab for the phone to remove the offending video only to have Sephiroth move it out of his reach. “Don’t pout now Tseng. Nobody would ever know that was your ass and besides, it will be nice to have a reminder of you while I’m away.”

“Delete it now you bastard!” Tseng growled, glaring up at the general.

Sephiroth only laughed down at him, closing the device and throwing it back over on his jacket as he crawled up and over Tseng’s body. 

“Do you have any idea how you look, glaring up at me while you continue fucking yourself on my fingers? You should consider yourself lucky I don’t record the whole scene of debauchery that you are displaying.”

Scowling, Tseng looked away, feeling the shame of it all but unable to make his body stop moving.

“It’s your fault… making me like this,” he muttered, trying to ignore the general as he nuzzled his cheek affectionately, trying to get him to turn for a kiss.

“Tseng… I love you,” Sephiroth suddenly whispered.

Tseng turned his shocked expression towards the general only to have his lips stolen in a kiss. He hummed his annoyance at being tricked but his complaint was only half hearted at best as his anger quickly dissipated. There was no warning before Sephiroth pulled out his fingers, leaving Tseng feeling empty as their kiss ended. The general gazed down at him, expression unreadable as Tseng wriggled beneath him in discomfort.

“Seph,” he heard himself whine, frowning at how needy and pathetic his voice came out.

“Yes?” Sephiroth responded, the edge of his mouth twitching as he tried to stop himself smiling.

Tseng growled in annoyance, but he knew he had already lost. His cock was so painfully hard that he reasoned Sephiroth’s cock inside of him couldn’t hurt any more than the constant denial of orgasm had already. 

“Please do it,” Tseng mumbled, eyes glaring at Sephiroth’s shoulder stubbornly.

“Pardon, I didn’t quiet catch that,” Sephiroth replied, moving so that his cock bumped Tseng’s entrance, making the Turk suck in a breath in preparation for entry… which still didn’t happen.

“You sadistic bastard,” Tseng hissed, his glare intensifying as he finally meet the general’s gaze. “I said, fuck me. What do you want? A fucking written invitation?!” he yelled out, temper flaring at being made to ask simply to embarrass him further when it was obvious what he wanted.

Sephiroth looked taken back at the venom and volume of Tseng outburst, staring in shock for a few moments until the sound of Genesis’ laughter in the next room invaded their space. 

“Oh fucking wonderful,” Tseng muttered, hands coming up to cover his face. He’d forgotten all about the bastard just outside the door.

“Tseng… Tseng, don’t hide your face. I’m sorry, I was just playing. I didn’t mean to push too far and make you angry,” Sephiroth crooned, kissing the hands that covered his face until Tseng finally moved them. “You’re just so adorable when you’re flustered. I couldn’t resist pushing, but I didn’t mean to upset you, truly I didn’t.”

Tseng was still frowning, but he didn’t turn away from Sephiroth’s kiss, returning it in a silent acceptance of the apology. This time, the general continued kissing him as he finally pushed his hips forward, slowly entering him and not stopping until he was fully inside of Tseng. It burned, but it was more of a strange discomfort than a pain. When Sephiroth finally ended the kiss, he looked down at him so intensely that Tseng found himself caught in his eyes, unable to look away. 

“You alright?” Sephiroth asked, pecking his lips slowly as he waited for a reply.

“Yes… I… it feels weird,” Tseng murmured, still frowning as he wriggled his hips a little, surprised that the small movement made Sephiroth hiss and squeeze his eyes closed. “Maybe I should be asking if you’re alright?”

Sephiroth chuckled, eyes slowly opening. “It is just… intense. You are very tight and feel very good… too good actually,” he whispered. “I really, really want to move and your wriggling is torturous.”

Tseng smiled wickedly, thrilled with the realization that Sephiroth was struggling with this too, showing a weakness of his own. Watching the general’s handsome face, he purposefully wriggled again, his smile widening at the reaction of almost pain on Sephiroth’s face. “It feels that good?” he asked, almost chuckling at the growl his teasing caused from his friend.

“Yes, now stop fishing for compliments,” Sephiroth replied, circling his hips as they grinned at each other like the teenagers they were. 

Finally, the general pulled back slightly and pushed forward once more, Tseng’s hands moving to circle his shoulders as he arched into the movement.

“More… please,” he murmured, forgetting to be embarrassed as Sephiroth began to move faster, increasing the depth and strength of his thrusts as Tseng moved with him. The burning disappeared, replaced by heat and throbbing and constant hits on that place inside that had Tseng moaning for more. Sephiroth kept murmuring encouragement and endearments but Tseng couldn’t return any of them, too busy trying to breathe through the sensory overload he was experiencing. His legs were now wrapped firmly around Sephiroth’s waist, pulling him in with every thrust, even though he didn’t remember putting them there.

It didn’t take long for Tseng to climax, groaning out Sephiroth’s name, as his hands grabbed on to the man above him as hard as he could. Just when he began to regain some sense, he felt Sephiroth’s rhythm falter, his own name falling from his friend's lips as he felt the general come inside of him, warmth flooding through him as he clung to him and waited for him to finish.

Lying together in a jumble of limbs, Sephiroth nuzzled his neck as they both rested, heart beats slowly going back to normal and skin cooling. Tseng was smiling, despite the feeling of being well and truly disheveled.

“Finally I got to make you dirty. I’m so proud,” Sephiroth mumbled, making Tseng chuckle despite the obvious tease.

“This is one kind of dirty I don’t mind so much,” Tseng replied, happy to see Sephiroth was smiling too when he lifted himself up on his elbows.

“I’m very glad to hear that,” the general said softly through his smile, leaning closer to lay a single kiss to Tseng’s forehead before pulling himself out of the smaller man’s body. “I consider you mine now… although I feel I should tell you that I don’t share what is mine.”

Tseng raised an eyebrow, about to ask what the hell that was supposed to mean when Sephiroth’s phone began to ring and the general turned away to answer it, leaving Tseng watching as his happy mood slowly dissipated. Tseng didn’t want to be owned, he wanted to be loved, but when it came down to it, was there a difference between the two?

Hanging up the phone, Sephiroth scowled as he stood up and began dressing. “I’m sorry but apparently, our absence has finally been discovered,” he explained, searching around for the various pieces of his uniform.

Tseng wanted to ask so many things, questions filling his head as he sat up, silently watching Sephiroth dress. When would he see Sephiroth again? Did this mean they were some kind of couple now and if it did, what did that mean anyway? What was Tseng supposed to do and what was expected from him? He’d never really taken any notice of other relationships and was lost on what was supposed to happen next. It wasn’t that he expected proclamations of love or any kind of grand gesture, he just wanted more than a vague claim of ownership mumbled during post coital bliss.

He was still busy arguing with himself when the general appeared in front of him, giving him a quick kiss and a cheeky smile. “You think far too much, Tseng. I will call you soon, alright?” Sephiroth said, standing up and moving towards the door.

“Oh, alright,” Tseng mumbled, running a hand through his hair as Sephiroth opened the door to find Genesis standing outside smirking.

“I got the call too and was about to knock,” the redhead explained, glancing past the general and giving Tseng a long look. “Well look at you,” he murmured softly, his tone of voice making Tseng glare back at him. 

“Genesis, leave him alone. It is time we weren’t here,” Sephiroth growled, glancing back once to give Tseng a last smile before herding the other man down the hallway. Tseng could still hear them arguing after his front door slammed closed, although he couldn’t hear what it was they were arguing about.

Sighing, he lay back down in his bed and tried to work out why he'd given himself to Sephiroth so easily and what would happen now he had.

**.***


	5. E - Elena

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PAIRING – Tseng/Elena  
> CHARACTERS – Tseng, Elena  
> WARNINGS – Sex, infidelity  
> SUMMARY - Elena shocks Tseng out of the numbness of despair  
> TIMELINE - Between original game and Advent Children Complete
> 
> SPECIAL THANKS – To Calvi_sama who encouraged me to be brave and post this chapter. My first ever het scene.
> 
> ***********************************************************************************

Tseng was sitting in his tiny excuse for a room, staring at the opposite wall with a blank expression. It had been three months since Rufus had contracted the Geostigma, two and a half months since Tseng had first discovered the truth behind Rufus’ sudden refusal to let him touch him anymore, a week since Rufus had giving up altogether and refused to get out of bed.

Healin’ Lodge was quiet, always too quiet. There was nothing to distract him from his own spiraling thoughts, no work to turn his mind to so he could at least pretend it wasn’t real. Rufus was dying, slowly and painfully and there was nothing he could do to save him. He’d been sitting here for the last three hours, staring at a crack that ran up the wall without moving, numbed to stillness by the reality he couldn’t escape.

Tseng couldn’t take it anymore. Losing Rufus... it was unacceptable. He had already lost so much and like a child, his mind couldn’t let go of the thought that it just wasn’t fucking fair. A part of him couldn’t help but believe it was all his fault, that everyone who came to love him ended up dead in the end, like some kind of curse that ensured he’d always be alone.

Rufus hadn’t loved him at first. Tseng had been a challenge to the youth, the one person who wouldn’t break and bow before his power and beauty. Of course, that had only made Rufus want to own him in every way, even more. Eventually, Tseng had given in physically. It had taken far longer for his heart to admit defeat.

They’d had so little time together after that… before everything had fallen apart.

A sudden knock at the door cut off Tseng’s thoughts and he sighed with relief but didn’t move to answer it. His body seemed to be paralyzed by the pain he couldn’t express, by the need to cry that his body continued to refuse. Getting up wouldn’t make a difference anyway.

The door opened and he heard someone walk in, slowly closing it behind them. Tseng didn’t turn to look who it was, his arms hanging limply at his sides as he sat slumped in the one chair that occupied his room. Even when the intruder came to stand in front of him, his eyes stayed in place, now staring at the button in his line of sight.

“Tseng,” the gentle voice murmured, soft but resolute. “I won’t let you do this. You’re stronger than this and you know it.”

Looking up, his eyes met Elena’s, the feeling of vague surprise enough to force his movement. “Elena?” he mumbled, confused by her sudden appearance and the determination laced through her features.

“Tseng of the Turks does not give up. He does not fall into despair simply because his lover does. This is not you and I will not allow you to be anything other than your true self,” she insisted, bending down until their faces where aligned, only a small space between them. “You will snap out of this, Sir.”

The sudden press of lips against his own stole Tseng’s breath away, but his arms didn’t move as he froze in place, eyes open and trying to focus on his too close companion. Her hands rose up to cup his cheeks, holding him in place as her lips became more forceful, head tilting to the side as her tongue forced it’s way into his mouth, his muted grunt of objection completely ignored.

It was surprisingly… good. Tseng found himself kissing back, eyes falling closed as their tongues twisted together, his breath speeding up as his arousal grew. Elena maneuvered onto his lap without breaking the kiss, straddling his legs and moving closer almost gently, a strange contrast to the demanding and irrefutable kiss. Tseng found his hands on her hips without conscious thought, pulling her closer and making her gasp into his mouth as his erection pressed flush against her body.

His mind was muddled, confused and so surprised by the wave of want that he grinded forward against her, ignoring the thread of doubt that was mumbling about her being the wrong person, the wrong gender. Right in this moment, gender seemed so unimportant and despite the obvious difference in the softness of the body pressed against his, he felt nothing but need.

When her hands started to unbutton his shirt, his own moved to do the same to hers. It was only when he touched her breasts that he paused, the sudden uncertainty of what to do making him tense, unknown territory never his strong point. She released his lips, eyes intent on his as she sat back a little. Tseng’s hands had stopped just under her breasts, resting on her ribs as his thumbs tentatively brushed the underside of her bra.

“They’re just like men’s… mostly,” she whispered, letting her jacket and shirt fall to the floor as her hands twisted around her back to unhook her bra. She removed it without any hesitation, a small smile on her face as she regarded him solemnly. “Touch them,” she added, her own hands moving to rest on Tseng shoulders, idly playing with his hair as she waited.

Tseng swallowed the lump in his throat, eyes moving from her face to her breasts as he moved a hand to cup one. It was firm but soft, small enough to be cradled in his palm with the nipple hard against his skin. Pulling his bottom lip between his teeth, he moved his other hand to do the same, gently squeezing a little as he became accustomed to the difference. Glancing up, he found Elena was still smiling and she nodded her head in encouragement, sitting up and pushing her chest out little, against his hands. Eyes moving back down, he began experimenting, teasing the nipples with his fingers and fondling the mounds that surrounded them.

Remembering what she’s said about them being similar to a man’s, he leant forward to take a nipple between his lips. Elena’s intake of air was encouraging, so he continued, licking and kissing over the softness of her breasts as he moved to give the other side the same attention.

He could hear her breath speeding up and as she threaded her hands through his hair, he discovered his own heartbeat was fast, his cock aching. The thought of slipping inside of her filled his mind and it brought him nothing but more want, his lips making their way upwards, across the soft expanse of her neck to one small, delicate ear. “I want to feel what it is like inside of you,” he murmured, biting lightly on the lobe as one hand continued caressing a breast, the other slipping lower to rub between her legs, tentative but eager.

Elena gasped, pushing her hips into his hand as she whispered a soft ‘yes’ to his statement before she rose up off his lap. He was worried for a moment, thinking that he had misheard her or done the wrong thing. She didn’t move away though, standing in front of him as her hands moved to the front of her pants, undoing them and pushing them and her underwear to the floor. Tseng stared at her, his eyes roaming over her naked form in surprise of how much desire he felt before he reached out to her, wanting her back close to him again.

Elena took his hand in hers, giving it a quick kiss before releasing it and reaching forward to open the fastenings on his pants. Tseng’s face flushed, embarrassed by the fact he was being so passive but when he tried to help she refused to let him. “A little late for blushing now, Sir,” she teased, kissing him before he could respond as her hands started working his pants down over his hips. He lifted himself off the chair a little to assist, kissing her back enthusiastically. He really liked the way Elena kissed him, soft but dominating.

Once he was bare too, she moved back onto his lap, the warmth of her skin against his thighs a comforting weight. When her hand wrapped around his cock, he gasped in surprise but she only kissed him more forcefully, not letting him voice any objection. Honestly, he didn’t feel the need to object anyway, only felt the need to respond in kind. Unsure of what to do, he moved one hand to rest on her backside as the other maneuvered down between her legs.

His touches were hesitant and clumsy at first, Tseng growling in frustration into her mouth. She didn’t let him give up though, just as she would never let him surrender. Keeping their lips locked together, Elena began to moan softly when he did something right, leading him as he discovered how to please her. After years of working together as partners, it took very little time for them to correlate, Tseng’s confidence growing with every sound she made.

Once she broke the insistent kiss to breathe better between her moans, he slipped two fingers back further, finding her entrance and sliding into it, surprised by the warm wetness and how different it was to what he knew. She was so open to him, inviting and welcoming in a way he’d never experienced before. The need to be inside of her was overwhelming and his gasps took on a desperate note, his self control falling away as he began to thrust up into her hand.

“Tseng,” she whispered as she lifted in place on his lap, her hand around his cock lining him up with her entrance as his fingers pulled out, caressing over hers around his cock. Their eyes met and locked together as their hands moved away, now grasped together. Elena sunk down slowly, lips slightly parted as her eyelids fluttered, taking him in easily as he gazed in wonder at her.

There was no pause as she sunk down and at first he was worried she would be hurt, but then he remembered, she was no man. Her breasts brushed across his chest as she began riding him, slow at first as she gazed down at him. It felt so different, but it was still good… no, more than good. Tseng found himself wondering for a moment why he’d never pursued a female lover in the past, before Elena sped up and the thought was washed away in a wave of pleasure, his lips seeking out Elena’s for another kiss.

He wanted it to last, wanted his first experience with a woman to be something memorable, for both of them. Unfortunately, it had been far too long since Tseng had last climaxed, as he hadn’t even masturbated for months, too racked by grief for his libido to surface. His orgasm hit too quickly and he could only cling to Elena, face buried in her neck as he gasped through it, breathing in her scent as he whispered her name.

When his thoughts cleared, he looked up at her, mortified that he’d come so quickly, before she’d found her own completion. “I’m s-sorry,” he stuttered, the nervous speech defect from his youth coming back to only increase his embarrassment. “You didn’t….”

Elena’s finger pressed against his lips, stopping his awkward apology from continuing. “I’m not here for that. I’m here for you,” she whispered, smiling down at him with her face flushed. She was so beautiful and he didn’t understand how he’d never noticed before. Her hands moved back to cup his face as she kissed him again, this time gently as if he were something precious. It reminded him of the way Rufus used to kiss him and suddenly he was raked by guilt at the thought of his lover. The blond was only rooms away, dying and here he was screwing his workmate.

“Goddess, what have I done?” he muttered into her lips as his whole body tensed.

“Nothing. You’ve done nothing, Tseng,” Elena whispered soothingly, one hand moving to stroke his hair as the other kept his face from turning away. “I know you love him and love isn’t what this is about. It’s not about you and me, it’s just about you.”

“What?” Tseng blurted, frowning as he tried to follow Elena’s words.

“Well, it’s basically about making you feel better. Do you feel better?”

Tseng stared at her, taken back by the question. “Do I feel better?” he repeated back to her, a confused frown falling over his face.

Elena raised an eyebrow before her lips curled up into a smile and she began to giggle, one hand coming up to cover her mouth in a gesture that Tseng would of called coy, if he wasn’t presently still sitting with his cock inside of her. The absurdity of the whole situation soon had him smiling through his confusion, her amusement contagious. She was still chuckling lightly as she climbed off his lap, pulling her clothes back on as he watched, unable to move as his brain tried to find sense where none existed. 

“You just… to cheer me up?”

“To jolt you out of the hopeless hole you’d fallen into, more accurately,” Elena retorted, running a hand through her mused hair to straighten it. “Seriously, Tseng, you’ve never fallen like this before. I know you love him, we all know that, but he needs you to be his hope right now, not a mirror image of his despair. Talking to you was getting us nowhere and we’d all simply just… well, run out of ideas. Reno volunteered, but Rude and I thought that it'd hardly shock you to sleep with him again, and then I added that he might just make your depression worse.” 

She paused to laugh at her reference to the redhead. “He was so pissed off that Rude agreed with me on that point. Reno then insisted you wouldn’t want me, as I’m female and all, but I told him I always believed that you never took a female lover simply because you never had a chance too. After all, you’ve been stuck being Rufus’ bodyguard for years, and he wouldn’t share your attention with another, even before the two of you got together. Anyway, in the end we agreed that whether you slept with me or not, the fact I’d tried to seduce you would knock you out of the silent fog you were in better than anything else we could think up. Do you even realize you hadn’t said a word to any of us for five days?”

“Wait… you all decided this together?” Tseng asked, his disbelief clear as he sat there naked, staring at his partner as if she’d lost her mind.

“Reno, Rude and myself. Rufus needs you now and so do we. Drastic times call for drastic measures and all… oh, not that this was some kind of trial for me, rest assured. I’d always been curious what it would be like and, as everyone knows, I did used to have a bit of a crush on you.” Leaning in close again, she left one last chaste kiss on his lips, her grin pure innocence as she added, “I have to say, you are adorable when you’re turned on, Sir. No wonder Rufus can’t keep his hands off you.”

“You’re completely insane,” Tseng murmured, smiling in hopeless disbelief.

“Why thank you, Sir. Now I feel like a real Turk.” Still giggling, she gave a mock salute and sauntered over to the door. “Now remember, any more silent depression and walking around like it’s the end of the world and you’ll find me back in here, setting you straight.” She opened the door and walked through it, pausing to lean back in and add, “And no faking just to get into my pants.”

As the door closed, Tseng began to chuckle, and he suspected it was because he’d finally lost the little sanity he’d had left. Then again, if Rufus ever found out about this, he doubted he’d live long enough to miss it.

***.***


	6. F - Finality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PAIRING - Reno/Tseng, Sephiroth/Tseng  
> CHARACTERS - Tseng, Reno, Rude, Elena, Sephiroth, Genesis  
> WARNINGS - Swearing, sex, alcohol, angst, questionable sanity  
> SUMMARY - Friday night drinks and the fallout that followed.  
> TIMELINE - Pre Crisis Core
> 
> SPECIAL THANKS – ice_lady, seeing_red, danslalune27, chephren and three anonymous contributors for the word suggestions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I had a lot of trouble with this letter, as my mind refused to budge from the obvious F-word. What can I say, one track mind. I asked for help and got a lovely list of words, so I decided to write a story including all 97 of them. It was so much harder than I thought it would be... I think I might have broken my brain. The F-word slipped in there anyway and despite my best efforts to have a sex free chapter, there is sex too. I have no excuses to give, only the shame of being a total pervert. Also, I messed with the timeline to keep Genesis in the story. Consider it AU if it bothers you.
> 
> ************************************************************************

LIST OF WORDS - 

Face – Fascinated – Fact – Fading – Failure – Fall – Fallen – Falling – Fallout – Faltering – Fame – Family – Fan Fiction – Fan Mail – Fans – Fantastical – Fantasy – Farts – Fast – Fate – Father – Fault – Favorite – Fawn – Features – Feeding – Feel – Felt – Festive – Fiasco – Fiddled – Field – Fifteen – Fight – Finality – Finally – Find – Fingers – Finish – First – Fishing – Five – Fix – Flapjacks – Flatly – Flea – Fling – Flirt – Flirting – Flog – Floor – Flowers – Flush – Fly – Focus – Followed – Fool – Forage – Foray – Force – Foreign – Forensics – Forever – Forget – Form –Formaldehyde – Former – Found – Forward – Fragments – Freak – Free – Fret – Fricassee – Friday – Friends – Friendship – Fringe – Frisk – Front – Frontier – Frost –Fruit – Frustration – Frowning – Fuck – Fugitive – Fulcrum – Full – Funds – Furious – Furniture – Further – Fuselage – Future 

***************************************************************************

As Tseng sat at his desk, watching the minutes click by on the clock on the wall, he couldn't help but smile. He hadn't had a reason to smile in so long that the expression felt odd on his face, his features unused to the particular pull of dormant muscles.

In around fifteen minutes, or five if Reno decided to get restless, he would close down the office and join his teammates for Friday night drinks. The redhead had been the one to insist on their first foray into Midgar's nightlife, but once their group had found the right place, it had become a regular event. The numbers of participants had dwindled, recent failures taking a heavy toll on the Turk numbers, but that only made the social gathering all the more important.

Veld had once told him that the Turk's survived on the fringe of society, fugitives from normal life and the morals of the common man. Because of this, friendships had to be formed as out in the field, they only ever had each other. Of course, at the time he had been trying to push Tseng into socializing with his teammates more, the older man's constant attempts to make him as 'normal' as possible, never ending even after Tseng had reached adulthood. At the time it had annoyed Tseng, but now... now he would give anything to have his mentor back, pacing the floor as he gave yet another short, but to the point speech. His fatherly presence was something Tseng had relied on, and now that he was gone, Tseng felt like he was constantly tripping up and falling on his face in social situations and personal relationships.

A perfect example was his recent estrangement from Sephiroth. The whole relationship was a foreign concept to Tseng, something he'd fallen into rather then chosen to be a part of. The time they'd spent together hadn't increased his understanding, Sephiroth never willing to explain his furious outbursts that seemed mostly random to Tseng. Now that the general had walked away, Tseng didn't know how to fix whatever it was he had done wrong and get him back. He missed what they'd had, even if he didn't comprehend all of the emotional complexities behind it. All he did know was that when Sephiroth kissed him, he felt like he could fly and it made his chest ache to think he'd never feel that again.

Desperation had pushed him to ask Reno for advice and the redhead had implied it may be because of the bond between him and Tseng, but that made no sense to Tseng at all. Reno was his protégé, a brother in arms and someone Tseng had an overwhelming urge to protect. There had never been anything sexual between them and he had made that fact clear to Sephiroth many times earlier in their relationship, after Veld advised him to. Yes, they were close and Reno was a terminal flirt, but Sephiroth was close to Genesis too, and he wasn't any more subtle than Reno. The other general was constantly flirting with Sephiroth in front of Tseng and he never once blamed Sephiroth or insisted the two end their friendship.

Tseng couldn't help but think that if Veld was here, he would clear it all up for him in a matter of minutes, but without him, Tseng was left fishing for some kind of solution from Reno, who seemed to dislike Sephiroth and discourage Tseng's former relationship with him rather vocally.

Sighing in frustration, Tseng closed his eyes and spent a moment away from his concerns, just remembering Veld. He could still see him in his memories, all harsh lines and tired tension. Most people would never meet the Head Turk's gaze, afraid of the steel they assumed would be there, but Tseng always did and was rewarded with the warmth that hid in their depths. He would forever be thankful for their time together and all he had learned from the older Turk.

"Hope you're not dreaming of Elena with that expression," Reno's voice purred, jolting Tseng back to reality. The warmth of Veld's memory faded as he opened his eyes to find the redhead perched on the end of his desk, unlit cigarette in his mouth as one hand fiddled with his lighter. "Hey, don't give me that look. It's already ten minutes past knock off and I was waiting patiently until Rude started complaining. He nags me something shocking when you're not around, ya know. That silent act he puts on for everyone else is just all smoke and mirrors and...."

"Reno, shut up," Tseng interrupted, leaning forward to snatch the cigarette from between his junior's lips. He felt real affection for the youth before him, but sometimes he still felt like fate had been sadistic in heaping him in Tseng's lap... quiet literally, the first time they'd met. "Your nicotine cravings are the only thing nagging you."

"Not true. My alcoholism has perked up to say hello, as has my libibo. Think you can help me out?" the redhead teased, smirk all promises and poison as he leaned back on the desk.

"I'll buy you a drink," Tseng replied flatly, ignoring the flirting to stand up and slip his jacket on, turning away from the display. Honestly, he did find Reno attractive but he'd had enough of sexual flings for the time being, Sephiroth still a wound that hadn't scarred over yet. In his present state of vulnerability, Reno would fricassee what remained of his dignity, leaving nothing but crumbs behind. Ignoring the chuckling redhead, Tseng headed for the door to find Rude waiting patiently in the hall.

"Sir."

"Rude."

"Gee, you two are like gossiping housewives. Enough of the chatter, lets get to the bar and drown another weeks worth of bullshit, eh?" Reno announced, slinking out into the hall and stopping between them before managing to snatch back the cigarette still held by Tseng.

"You light that up in the building and I will put you on sewer duty, Reno," Tseng murmured, turning to head for the lifts.

"What, even in the basement car park?" Reno asked, moving to walk next to him as Rude followed behind.

"Yes. It is, after all, in the building, is it not?" Tseng replied, looking up to find one of the lifts out of order and the other on the ground floor. Sighing as he tried to keep his patience, he was surprised by the redhead's lack of retort, so he glanced over.

"Something bothering you, boss?" the youth asked, suddenly serious as he tilted his head a little to one side, examining Tseng with the same expression he used on the flowers in Aerith's church.

"You, at the present time," Tseng answered, feeling uncomfortable under that fascinated gaze as he turned back to stare at the lift doors. He heard Rude's chuckle but didn't turn around, relieved that Reno's attention diverted to his partner for the moment and left him in peace.

By the time they made it to the basement car park, Reno wasn't the only one craving a drink. While the redhead was distracted with Rude, Tseng had rerun the day's events in his mind, something that didn't help his mood in the slightest.

The President had informed him this morning that in only one week, all remaining Turks would be babysitting the young heir in Junon until further notice, his temporary exile the chosen punishment for his recent betrayal. Even more disturbing had been the news that the President planned to give control of the Turks to his son in the near future, Shinra senior's interest more focused on the Soldier program now. 

Tseng had thought that he'd prefer to serve under anyone else on the planet rather than the man who had ordered him to execute Veld, but Rufus Shinra could prove to be even worse, being the one responsible for the whole fiasco that led to Veld's death in the first place.

The sudden touch of a hand to his as they reached Rude's car had Tseng turning, a little startled by the physical contact. Reno gave him a small grin as Rude unlocked the vehicle and climbed in the driver's seat.

"Hey, I was serious when I asked what was wrong. You're as tense as a flea in a fulcrum," Reno murmured, his fingers twining with Tseng's.

"What is a fulcrum?" Tseng asked, frowning down at their joined hands. He never understood why the redhead needed to touch so much, but he didn't know how to ask without sounding like a fool.

"The pivot a lever turns on," Reno replied, grin widening. "And don't avoid the question."

Tseng pulled his hand away to open the door, needing the distance before he discussed his concerns. Reno didn't comment, getting into the backseat and lighting up his cigarette while Tseng pretended that being inside the car qualified as out of the building.

As they drove out onto the street, Tseng relented, continuing the conversation. "I'm worried about what will happen when our control is handed over to Rufus Shinra," he murmured, eyes gazing out the window as he spoke. "I know that being free of the President is our goal, but I am uncertain whether his son will be better or worse."

"Why?" Reno asked, voice all casual disinterest despite the fact Tseng knew he was hanging on every word.

"He caused it all. His intent may have been to simply damage his father's name, but by feeding funds into that terrorist group, he gave them the ability to cause real damage. If he hadn't interfered, they still would be only an annoyance to the company and nothing more," Tseng explained, his hands twitching as he tried to contain all the conflicted emotions the memory of the event brought back to him.

"Well, ya don't really know that. If Shinra junior hadn't funded them, they'd probably have gotten the money from somewhere else eventually. People that obsessed always find a way. Besides, he didn't make Veld's daughter join a terrorist group, little lone become the leader of it. He also didn't have any idea what they were really doing with the gil. With all the issues Rufus has with his father, he would've been focused on one thing at the time and that's making daddy pay. The fallout wouldn't of even registered," Reno mused out loud, pausing to suck in a lung full of smoke before exhaling with a sigh. "It's all just a 'what if' scenario in the end. What if Rufus had behaved, what if Veld's daughter had really died when she was supposed to, what if she'd never joined the terrorist group, what if you'd never come to Midgar with Veld and she'd never gotten jealous of the bond between you and him... the possibilities are endless and it's pointless to dwell on them. Isn't that what you always keep telling me about 'what ifs'?"

"She was jealous of me?" Tseng asked in surprise, turning in his seat to look at Reno.

"What, ya didn't know? Just think about it from her perspective, Tseng. Her daddy goes away on a mission and brings back a kid, insists on him living in the house, trains and mentors him, spending all of his off time doing it. Anyone would be pissed if their parent brought home a new kid, giving more love and attention to them than they ever did to their real kid. Word around was that Veld was obsessed with creating a perfect Turk out of ya, making deals with the higher ups to get you private schooling while his daughter was stuck in a public school with all the other rabble," Reno explained, returning Tseng's gaze with a rare serious expression.

Tseng frowned, looking away as he considered Reno's point. "I never really thought about it before," he finally murmured, trying to ignore the guilt that started to pool inside of him. "He was away so often that I never felt he spent an excess amount of time with me."

"Yeah, but that's the point. Nearly all the time he did spend at home, was with you. Jealousy is a nasty emotion, whether it's between friends, family or lovers. It changes people, turning the love into something dark and twisted. In the end, what she did worked to get her what she'd always wanted, if ya think about it," Reno continued, rolling down the window to flick his cigarette out into the street.

"Which was?" Tseng asked.

"She finally got her daddy's undivided attention. She even got to die with him in the end, like some tragic heroine out of one of those damn stupid romance novels," Reno replied, pulling another cigarette out of his packet and lighting it.

"Father issues are ruining this city," Rude commented flatly, almost making Tseng jump as he'd completely forgotten the other man's presence in the car.

"Ain't that the truth, partner. Personally, I'm betting on Sephiroth being the next one to freak out and do something stupid cause his daddy don't love him," Reno joked, Tseng turning away from Reno to stare out the window at the mention of his ex-lover. "Considering Hojo's idea of fun is a combination of kidnapping, formaldehyde and mako tubes, and Sephiroth is the all powerful general of Soldier, it should take out at least half the city before they kiss and make up."

"There's probably already a fan fiction story on it," Rude murmured, making Reno laugh out loud as the car slowed to turn in and park at the Fling Frontier bar. Tseng despised the name but had to admit it offered the privacy that they required to drink in peace. The barkeep also happened to be a distant cousin of Reno's, so they always had a place reserved for them on Friday nights and the service was exceptional.

As they climbed out of the car, Reno continued to joke about Sephiroth, raising Tseng's hackles, probably on purpose. Tseng ignored him, focusing on getting to their table and ordering his drink as quickly as possible. He had wanted to forget the general tonight, but obviously, Reno was in the mood to test his patience.

"Can't believe he still gets more fan mail than Genesis, though," Reno was saying to Rude, pausing in his dialogue as the waiter arrived and Tseng finally got the vodka he'd been yearning for. To avoid constant interruptions they always ordered full bottles of spirits and poured their own, and in his current mood Tseng doubted he'd have any leftovers to take home. "Sure, he might be the senior officer and all, but Genesis is always pandering to the fans, even going so far as to turn up at some of the events the fan group puts on."

Tseng downed his first drink fast, pouring a second and ignoring the curious look Rude gave him to throw it back as well.

"Maybe we should change the subject," Rude murmured, giving Reno a meaningful look, which the redhead completely ignored.

"Why, you don't like Genesis, Rude?" Reno asked, feigning innocence.

"Genesis is a bitch," Tseng muttered, pouring his third but waiting to drink it as Rude reached out to take his bottle, pretending to read the label. It was a familiar move the quiet Turk used to slow Reno down if he thought he was drinking too fast and it was more than a little insulting to have him try it on Tseng.

"To you maybe, but to his fans, he's a god," Reno argued, throwing back his own glass of bourbon before his eyes locked with Tseng's. "Personally, I think the dude's a total fruit with more than a few screws lose, but what do I know?"

The table fell into silence as Tseng and Reno stared at each other, Rude glancing up from his perusal of Tseng's vodka bottle to look from one to the other slowly. "Reno, you still making flapjack's for me tomorrow? You did promise," he said softly, his attempt to change the subject ignored as Reno began to smirk.

"Ya know, I got the recipe for those flapjack's off Genesis' fan club. They insist that they're one of Sephiroth's favorite foods. Did ya know that, Tseng?" Reno asked as Tseng felt his face flush with a mixture of anger and embarrassment. Honestly, he didn't know very much at all about Sephiroth, despite how long they'd been a couple. "I suppose ya wouldn't since all you two did together was fuck."

Tseng had the redhead by the scruff of his shirt, pulled half way across the table, before Rude could even blink. "Why are you doing this?" Tseng hissed in his face, only just holding back the urge to hit the younger man.

"Cause watching you fret over losing him is making me sick," Reno retorted, smirk gone as he glared back at Tseng. "Ya sit around all day and flog yourself over what went wrong. Do you think that's what he's doing? Have ya even bothered to find out if he gives a fuck that you two ain't together no more?"

Tseng's glare lost some of its heat, taking on a more confused edge as his hold on the youth's shirt loosened. "What do you mean?"

Reno made a frustrated sound, pulling back out of Tseng's grip to take his seat again. "Shiva's tits, Tseng. You're always in a fucking world of your own, aren't ya? It's all over the fan sites and even the media has been reporting the rumors." Tseng's expression just became more bewildered and Reno sighed, sympathy breaking through his own anger. "He's paired up with Genesis now," he finally murmured.

Tseng's eyes widened and he completely failed to hide his true reaction to the news. It hurt, much more than he ever thought it could. "With G-genesis? Are you sure?" he asked, voice breaking on the other man's name.

Reno reached across the table to touch his hand, Tseng too stunned to react to the gesture. "Yeah. When I first heard, I checked with some sources. They both still have their own apartments, but Genesis spends most nights in Sephiroth's."

Tseng turned his eyes down to the table top, unable to process what he'd been told. The pain in his chest was unbearable as he downed his drink, Rude filling his glass for him this time so he could do the same with another. "But he... they were never...," Tseng began, not able to get his thoughts out in any coherent order. The alcohol was starting to affect him but it wasn't numbing the pain, only numbing his ability to work through it.

"I'm sorry, Tseng. I thought you already knew. I got pissed off cause I couldn't work out why you weren't angry or upset at him for starting up with Genesis so soon after you. Usually, you're always the first to know everything that's going on with him," Reno murmured, his thumb caressing the side of Tseng's hand gently.

"I've been avoiding anything to do with him for the last two weeks," Tseng replied flatly, locking down his emotions one by one, letting the ice that protected him in the past surface again. The numbness was a relief, finally letting him steady his breathing enough to look up at the redhead. "Thank you for informing me, Reno. I will not waste anymore time on this in the future." As he reclaimed his hand, he noticed Reno was still frowning.

"Don't close down cause of him. Bastard's not worth it," the redhead murmured before going back to his drink, Tseng losing the chance to say anything further when Elena arrived, all innocent smiles and rushed words. Of course, there was nothing innocent about the woman as Tseng had seen her kill with almost as much joy in the act as Reno, but she still appeared that way on the outside.

Reno perked up at her arrival and the conversation turned to other things. As the night progressed, the redhead even had Rude laughing out loud at a fantastical tale about a mechanic that fixed a fault on the fuselage of the company chopper last week. Reno insisted the old man had a problem with constant flatulence and was describing the scent of said farts in meticulous detail, making Elena's face flush as she giggled herself into breathlessness. Tseng found himself smiling a little too, his inner ice beginning to melt as his workmates' mirth warmed him.

By the time they returned to the Shinra building's car park, Rude driving as it was his turn to stay sober this week, Tseng found that he was intoxicated enough to fully enjoy the festive mood of his co-workers. Even when Reno and Elena grabbed one of his arms each and started arguing over who would walk him back to his apartment, he only smiled at their antics. Elena continued to fawn over his slightly disheveled appearance as they waited for the lift, and he allowed her to take one photo with her phone in exchange for Reno walking him to his door, leaving both of them content enough to stop the bickering. He had a feeling the photo would come back to haunt him later, but for now it was worth the peace and quiet.

Rude got off on the same floor as Elena to see her home, the blond saying a cheery farewell before clicking a second photo of Tseng and Reno just before the elevator doors closed. Reno swore revenge at the closed doors but Tseng only shook his head, almost falling over when the world began to spin from the action.

"Woah there, boss. Think you should stop at one bottle of vodka next time, eh?" Reno chuckled, embracing him from behind and keeping him steady. Tseng leant back into the warmth, taking comfort from the physical contact as Reno rested his chin on one shoulder, humming a tune Tseng didn't recognize. When the doors opened again, Tseng stepped forward and Reno moved to his side, keeping one supportive arm around his waist as they walked towards Tseng's apartment. The hallways were deserted at this early hour, there being little chance of anyone seeing him in such a state.

They chatted as they walked, the forensics of their last mission a safe topic that broached none of the hidden boundaries Reno was usually so fond of ignoring. Once they were at the apartment, Reno had to frisk Tseng to find his keys, the head Turk unusually complacent in his arms. It was enough to tempt Reno to try something he'd always wanted to on Tseng and once the door closed behind them, the redhead pulled their bodies together and claimed his mentor's lips.

Tseng kissed back enthusiastically, his mind blurred by alcohol and the delusion that this was someone else entirely kissing him. It wasn't until one of his hands twined into long hair to find the texture all wrong, that he jolted back to reality. Pushing at the chest against his own, he managed to break the kiss, looking in confusion at Reno. "W-what are you doing?" he asked, breathing hard and trying to ignore just how good the kiss had felt.

"Kissing you," Reno responded, smirk in full force. Licking his lips, he winked at his boss, releasing him completely and stepping back. "Always wanted to do that... have to say, it wasn't disappointing in the slightest. Catch ya on Monday, boss." Tseng stared mutely as Reno opened the door and walked out, looking over his shoulder and giving one last grin before closing it behind him.

Tseng didn't understand... and he was beginning to get extremely aggravated by the fact that misunderstandings were the main theme of his whole life these days. With a sigh of annoyance, he leant against the wall and slipped off his shoes, leaving them in the middle of the doorway. He decided to forage for something to eat, his stomach suddenly hungry as he zigzagged across the lounge room towards the kitchen, managing to navigate his way around the furniture in the dark as his thoughts spun in circles. He'd really enjoyed that kiss, and it both surprised and alarmed him.

"Nothing sexual between you two, hm?" a voice suddenly growled from the darkness and before he could even turn towards it, he found himself slammed into the wall, his breath stolen from him by the force of the impact. "That looked rather sexual to me."

Gasping in a breath, Tseng looked up into angry, glowing green orbs. "Seph?" he whispered, blinking to try and focus on his expression in the dark.

"You said he was just a friend," Sephiroth hissed, pressing up against him and pinning both his arms to the wall above his head.

"You said you never wanted to see me again," Tseng retorted, his shock ebbing enough for his damaged pride to surface.

"I missed you. As for what I said last time we were together, I was simply angry at you. I have forgiven you now," Sephiroth replied, his hips pushing forward against Tseng's and beginning to grind slowly.

"Stop it!" Tseng exclaimed, trying in vain to push the general away and wriggle free. "I'm not having sex with you... I'm not here for you to use when Genesis says no."

"Genesis? What does he have to do with me fucking you?" Sephiroth asked, leaning in to kiss Tseng's cheek, his lips working their way to his jaw and along to his ear. "Are you jealous, Tseng?"

"You complete and utter asshole," Tseng growled, his alcohol drenched system ignoring his brain in favor of becoming aroused. "Let me go."

"Mmmm, but you're becoming so hard, my little Turk. Do you not want me inside of you, making you writhe and beg for more?" Sephiroth whispered into his ear, biting lightly on the lobe as his hands released Tseng's arms in favor of moving over his body, touching all of Tseng's weak spots one after another.

"No, I do not want," Tseng mumbled, biting on his bottom lip to stop the moan that tried to escape him as Sephiroth sucked up a mark on his neck. "Please... stop this," he added in a whisper, his own hands moving to grasp the front of the general's shirt.

"Not until you scream my name," Sephiroth purred, his busy hands undoing the Turk's pants and pushing them over his hips until they fell the rest of the way to the floor. "You are mine. I told you the first time we joined together that you will always belong to me. No matter how much you infuriate me at times, I will never, ever release you from my side."

Tseng gasped as long fingers wrapped around his cock, stroking slowly as soft lips continued kissing and sucking up marks on his neck. He was beyond arguing, only wanting more of what he'd missed so desperately over the last two weeks. Within minutes he was thrusting into that grip, still clinging onto the general's shirt so he wouldn't fall to his knees. Tseng's legs were shaking so much that Sephiroth lifted him up, pulling the unsteady limbs around his waist.

"You tremble so sweetly," Sephiroth whispered before kissing him aggressively, the general's tongue forcing its way into Tseng's mouth and twining around his own. Sephiroth held him up with only one hand easily, his strength so far above a normal human's that Tseng never feared he would fall. It was that overwhelming strength that always seduced him, robbing him of the responsibility of choice and letting him surrender completely.

The sudden sensation of a finger breaching him made Tseng whimper shamefully, Sephiroth replying with a low growl as he continued to hungrily kiss the head Turk. The smell of vanilla permeated the air, the scent of Sephiroth's favorite brand of lube one Tseng would forever associate with the general.

By the time Sephiroth was thrusting inside of him, Tseng was so incoherent he was clinging to him like a lifeline, letting his body be taken however the general wished. The long silver strands of his lover's hair danced around him with every thrust, a curtain of silver that Tseng couldn't resist grabbing hold off. Sephiroth began whispering his name, over and over like a prayer as Tseng pulled on the hair he loved so much, pulling the general's head back enough to suck up a mark of his own on the pale skin. Tseng wished this moment would never end as his licked over the bite, wishing he could stay, exactly like this until time itself ceased to be.

But all good things end too fast and Tseng was soon climaxing, gasping for breath as he groaned out his lover's name, embraced tightly in Sephiroth's arms. The general didn't slow until Tseng relaxed against him, completely worn out by his own orgasm.

"It's time we moved this to a more comfortable location," Sephiroth murmured, voice husky as he paused his thrusting to carry Tseng down the hallway and into his bedroom. He lowered them both onto the bed, the sheets cool on Tseng's back, before beginning to move once more. Tseng didn't loosen his limbs from their tightly wrapped position now they where lying down, his face hidden against the other man's neck so Sephiroth couldn't see the hopelessness in his eyes.

***.***

Tseng woke the next morning content and wrapped in warmth. His head was resting on Sephiroth's chest, his lover's arms embracing him as the sound of a strong heartbeat thudded softly in his ear.

"Well, looks like you found your lost kitty after all," a voice suddenly sounded from the direction of the door and Tseng's eyes shot open to focus on a smirking Genesis, leaning back on the doorframe and looking over both men in the bed.

As he stared back in shock, he suddenly realized that the blanket had fallen away over night, leaving them both bare for the redhead's perusal. Tseng was face down, thankfully, but Sephiroth was on his back, completely exposed. Tseng tried to move over to retrieve the blanket from the floor, only to have Sephiroth's arms tighten around him and hold him in place.

"No need to go anywhere, love. Genesis was just leaving, weren't you Gen?" Sephiroth murmured, seemingly uncaring of his own nakedness in front of the other general.

"Well, actually I am here to collect you. Our master calls and like the good little attack dogs we are, we must heed his call," Genesis stated, crossing his arms and smirking over at the glare Tseng was now sending his way. "Don't worry though. I don't mind waiting in the slightest."

"Pervert," Sephiroth chuckled, giving Tseng's backside a light slap that had Genesis laughing along with him.

"Hit me again and it will be the last time you ever touch me," Tseng hissed, still trapped by the one arm wrapped around him as Sephiroth's other hand began to wander. "And stop that!"

"Stop what?" Sephiroth asked, his face feigning innocence as Tseng glared at him. "This?" Sephiroth continued before slipping a finger down the cleft of Tseng's backside to rub over his entrance.

Tseng flinched, more than a little sore from last night's activities. "Sephiroth," he growled, trying to hide the fact that he was actually a little fearful of what would happen next.

"One day, lover, you will push too hard and your kitten will pull out his claws. He is a Turk, after all," Genesis murmured from the doorway, a strange expression on his face when Tseng glanced over at him. "I'll wait on the sofa, as usual," he added, turning to walk out but leaving the door open.

"Lover?" Tseng muttered, turning back to find Sephiroth smiling and looking at the doorway. "What the fuck?"

One elegant silver eyebrow rose as the general turned back to look at Tseng. "Do you have a problem with the term?"

"When someone else uses it on you, yes!" Tseng retorted, trying to struggle free again. "Sephiroth, let me the fuck go now!"

Thankfully, this time the general relented and released him, Tseng shaking in anger as he got up and went to his cupboard, quickly pulling out the first clothes he found. He was shaking so much it took him three tries to button up his pants before he pulled a plain white t-shirt over his head.

"I knew you'd overreact," Sephiroth mumbled from the bed, sitting up but not moving to dress himself.

"Well, you are a genius, after all," Tseng muttered sarcastically, crossing his arms over his chest. Walking over to his drawers, he opened the top one and began rifling through it, finally finding the rarely used packet of cigarettes in the back. 

"I thought you gave up...," Sephiroth began.

"Just don't!" Tseng cut in, not willing to listen to a health lecture right now. "Just... get up, get dressed and get out," he added, pulling a cancer stick out and lighting it. He took a long draw on it, enjoying the chemical rush for a moment. Sephiroth sighed behind him and Tseng purposefully blew out the smoke toward him. The general despised the smell of tobacco and that in itself was enough to make smoking very attractive right now.

"Will you at least listen to my explanation?" Sephiroth asked softly, standing up as he began to pull on his clothes. Tseng was so relieved he'd gotten the stubborn man to at least do that much, that he turned back to face him, keeping his temper in check.

"Talk," Tseng replied, eyes on the wall behind Sephiroth, unable to meet his gaze. He decided he owed him this much at least and besides, he had been told by Reno that Sephiroth was sleeping with Genesis, and he'd ignored it, conveniently forgotten it in order to sleep with the man again and let the fantasy build, even into this morning. Tseng was angered as much by his own stupidity as he was by the fact his lover was being openly unfaithful to him.

"You have to remember, Tseng, that I am not an average person. The normal rules don't apply here and there are mitigating factors that mean this is the only way we can be together," Sephiroth began, putting up a hand to pause Tseng when he opened his mouth to reply. "Please, just let me finish. You know that I am a public figure, my future in the hands of others since I was born. Shinra is a company and has made all top Soldiers into celebrities of a sort, to help increase their own profit margins."

"I know, Sephiroth. I do work here too," Tseng muttered, walking over to his bedside table and grabbing the glass of water he'd left there the night before. He tapped the ash from his cigarette into it, watching the black and grey fragments fall to the bottom as he resumed his previous position. 

"And that is part of the problem. Everything I do is watched, only a little freedom granted on the terms that I do as I am told. What the public believes affects Shinra's profit margins and if I was to be with just one person, the media would eventually find out and there would be a huge scandal, especially if it was a man. On the other hand, if I have multiple partners of both sexes, the media and fan clubs keep reporting various ones and the general public simply believe they are inaccurate rumors, because of the sheer number of them."

Tseng was disturbed beyond description to realize that Genesis wasn't the only other lover in Sephiroth's life. _The sheer number of them?_ he thought to himself, dropping what was left of the cigarette into the glass and walking over to put it back on the bedside table as he digested the reality he hadn't even suspected.

"The point is...," Sephiroth continued, either unaware of Tseng's distress or ignoring it. "...the president is willing to forgive my dalliances with multiple partners simply because he believes I am not serious with anyone in particular. If I was to only sleep with one person, his position on the matter would change, and that person would be in danger. That is why I now have multiple partners. We can be together more often, without having to worry so much about the risk of discovery. Isn't that worth it in the end?"

"So you expect me to be a part of your collection?" Tseng whispered, hands clenching into fists as he turned back to face the general, trying to decide whether to explode or just fall apart.

"It's the price we have to pay for my fame, love. I did not chose this life or the celebrity status that goes with it. You will always be the one I care for above all others, without exception," Sephiroth murmured as he stepped closer to Tseng, lifting a hand to touch his cheek.

Tseng slapped it away before it made contact, his heart contracting painfully in his chest at the thought that Sephiroth probably used the same line on all of his lovers. 

"Get out," he hissed, taking a step backwards to be out of the other man's reach. He was so angry, a burning fire in the pit of his stomach urging him to reflect that pain back and hurt the man that was hurting him in equal measure. How good it would feel to paint the walls red with his lies. Eyes going wide, Tseng suddenly realized what was happening and turned away, taking a deep breath as he concentrated on turning all of that fire to ice. Luckily, Sephiroth stayed silent and didn't try to touch him again, and he quickly regained his hold. Tseng would keep his promise to Veld to never let that fire run free again. What he'd done as a child would never be repeated. 

Turning around slowly, he met Sephiroth's eyes with a cold, flat stare. "Are you deaf? I told you to leave," he said flatly, the lack of emotion a relief.

"I won't leave while you are like this," Sephiroth said softly, stepping forward and reaching for his face again. This time, Tseng didn't react to the touch in the slightest, his gaze not faltering as he watched the emotions flickering through Sephiroth's eyes.

"Then you will be here forever. From this point on, 'this' is what I will be to you," Tseng replied.

Sephiroth frowned, his other hand moving up to mirror the first on Tseng's face before he leant in for a kiss. Tseng didn't react, not moving in the slightest, even when the general pushed his tongue into his unresponsive mouth. The ice inside was absolute, devoid of life as it covered all of Tseng's emotions. Sephiroth finally stopped, pulling back and looking at Tseng, his gaze trying desperately to pierce the frost.

"What have you done?" the general whispered, the rising anger in his eyes having no effect on Tseng.

"I have made my decision. I will not be a part of anyone's 'collection'. I believe my self-worth is beyond that and if you are not strong enough to fight to be with me alone, than I have no interest in wasting any further time with you. Goodbye Sephiroth. Never enter my apartment again without a prior invitation or I will shoot to kill."

As the general's hands fell away from his face, Tseng walked around him out into the lounge and opened the front door before turning to meet Genesis' eyes. "General Rhapsodos, it is also time for you to leave. The warning I gave General Sephiroth about entering my apartment uninvited also applies to you. Goodbye."

Genesis raised an eyebrow and looked like he was about to comment when Sephiroth stalked out of the bedroom, not even glancing at either man before walking out the door. Frowning, the redhead finally stood, hurrying after Sephiroth with only a troubled glance at Tseng on the way past.

Shutting the door and locking it, Tseng took another deep breath before going to sit on the sofa. Staring out the window, he tried to ignore the smell of vanilla that haunted him.

 

***.***


	7. G - Genesis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PAIRING - none  
> CHARACTERS – Tseng, Genesis, Reno  
> WARNINGS – Angst, vague references to a violent assault, emotional trauma  
> SUMMARY - The tension between Tseng and Genesis breaks.  
> TIMELINE – The eve of Rufus' exile to Junon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Genesis is not portrayed kindly. If you are a diehard fan of his, you might want to skip this chapter. He is consumed by jealousy and mixed with his unstable emotions due to the destabilization of the Jenova cells in his body at this time, he takes out all of his anger and frustration on Tseng. That said, I do like him as a character but will not be going into his side of this in depth, as these are tales of Tseng, not Genesis.
> 
> **********************************************

The training room was deserted when Tseng entered, the clock on the wall showing that it was just past 2 a.m. Tseng put his towel and water bottle down on a bench off to one side, beginning his warm up stretches as he closed his eyes, trying to push his troubles and worries away. 

Tomorrow morning he and his Turks would be leaving for Junon, accompanying the President's son on his exile for at least a few months, maybe longer if President Shinra decided Rufus' attitude deserved it. Tseng would personally rather be dropped in the middle of the ocean than go to Junon with the arrogant heir, but even he had to admit there were some positives to the mission.

Getting out of Midgar was the main one of those, as seeing Sephiroth in the halls of the Shinra tower had taken on a whole new level of pain lately because of a certain redhead who always seemed to be by Sephiroth's side. Genesis Rhapsodos aggravated Tseng just by breathing, but even worse was the fact he seemed intent on teasing and provoking the Head Turk now, _why_ being a total mystery to Tseng.

In the past he would have put it down to some kind of jealousy or possessiveness over Sephiroth, but since Tseng had ended his relationship with the silver haired general, he was at a loss as to what he'd done to earn Genesis' continued ire.

It should have been something he had the ability to ignore, but the rumors Genesis kept spreading were all too close to the truth for Tseng to just shake them off. Tseng couldn't help but feel like the red head was just rubbing his face in his failure, for no other reason than plain cruelty.

Sighing deeply, Tseng finished his warm up stretches and moved off to the side to pick up one of the old, wooden training swords, swinging it a couple of times to test the balance before moving to the center of one of the training mats and taking position, breathing deeply as he relaxed his body and focused his mind. Nobody lived who knew he had training in sword combat, his preferred weapon on the job being his firearm as it was the most affective and easily concealable weapon for a Turk.

It was more of a hobby than a necessity for him, as going through the sword kata always relaxed him as he tuned out the world and focused on his movements. He preferred it to be a secret, which is why he only ever practiced in the privacy the middle of the night offered, his hobby also having the extra effect of calming his mind when he could not still it enough to sleep.

Time passed and he began to tire, the movements of his body and the blade in his hand still smooth but beginning to slow. He loved this dance and pushed himself to his limits before stopping, always disappointed he couldn't just keep moving like this forever, mind focused and clear of any other thoughts but the next step and sweep of the blade. When his last movement was complete, he bowed low, a habit his first teacher had drilled into him. Standing back up straight he closed his eyes, head tilted back as he just breathed in and out, his body cooling in the chilly air conditioning of the room.

A slow clapping sound had him spinning around, all his tranquility disappearing in a heart beat as his wide eyes focused on red hair and a sly smirk. Genesis continued to applaud, the slow rhythm of his hands full of unspoken taunts that already had Tseng's hackles up before he'd even said a word. Of all the people to catch him out with this secret, why did it have to be him?

"Well, you just continue to be full of surprises," the redhead drawled, ceasing the clapping and standing up straight from where he'd been leaning against the wall, his arms moving to cross over his chest as he continued to smirk at Tseng. "This one I would have never been able to guess in a million years."

"What do you want, General?" Tseng snapped, too annoyed at having his peace shattered so abruptly to even try to hide his aggravation.

"Good question. What is it I want? What is it we all want?" Genesis mused, beginning a slow walk across the room towards Tseng, their eyes locked together. Tseng felt his fear instinct rise, the general's gaze cold and calculating which did not bode well for him. He hated this feeling, hated knowing that one on one, he would not even be a challenge to the other man. Genesis' augmented soldier strength made Tseng seem like a child in comparison.

"I do not have the time to stand around listening to you wax poetic on desire, general. It is late and I have an early start tomorrow, so if you will excuse me, I will be leaving now," Tseng murmured, returning his practice sword to the rack before walking over to his belongings to have a quick drink. Throwing his towel around his shoulders, he turned to find himself face to face with the redhead, only just managing to stop himself from flinching back at the sudden proximity.

"I can't just let you walk out on me now," Genesis purred, one hand rising to push Tseng backwards the two steps it took for his back to find the wall. It was a gentle push, considering the redhead's strength, although the gesture in itself was enough to silence any words of protest Tseng would have uttered. As much as he hated Genesis, while alone and at the other man's mercy, he would not push his luck. "We haven't even chatted about what you were doing here yet," Genesis continued, leaning in close to Tseng, his nostrils flaring as he breathed in the scent of Tseng's recent activity, his smile turning into a leer. "You're quiet beautiful when you dance the kata, Tseng. Looks can be so deceiving though...."

The veiled insult was expected and Tseng was relieved to hear it after the compliment, as it left him in familiar territory. "Why are you here?" he asked, holding the redhead's stare and managing not to look away. "Or do you now prefer to harass me rather than sleep?"

Genesis moved back a little and chuckled, breaking the staring contest so he could look down the length of Tseng's body and back up again. "Maybe I just wanted to see you without your Turk armor on, vulnerable and all alone," he whispered, Tseng biting his tongue as he fought the urge to snap out a retort. "You do look very different... almost like a normal person. We all know that there's nothing normal about you though, don't we?"

"You are far further from normal than I," Tseng hissed, control slipping at the insinuation. His psychological abnormalities were a sore spot in his soul that he couldn't repair or defend. Only Veld and Sephiroth had ever had any knowledge of them... up until now. Breathing in deeply he tried to slow his speeding heartbeat, telling himself that Sephiroth would never betray him in such a way, not with all the secrets they had shared. It must just be a coincidence that Genesis' insults had finally struck so close to his core.

"Oh, now that is not a nice thing to say, Tseng. Sephiroth is always telling me how refined and polite you are but then again, I would guess you never pointed out _his_ abnormalities, did you?" Genesis muttered sarcastically, his expression suddenly serious. When the General reached a hand towards his face, Tseng failed to hide his flinch as a single gloved finger traced a line down the side to his jaw and along to his lips. It traced his mouth slowly and Tseng swallowed reflexively.

"Suck it," Genesis commanded, all amusement absent.

"What?" Tseng blurted out, eyes widening as the command led him to a single conclusion.

"Suck my finger, Turk," Genesis repeated, his voice lowering dangerously.

Tseng waited two heartbeats before he suddenly moved, ducking away to the side in an attempt to get out from between Genesis and the wall. Surprisingly he succeeded, racing across the room to the door, only to find it locked. Freezing in place, fear washing over him, he slowly turned to find Genesis leaning back on the wall he'd just been trapped against, watching him with an amused smirk.

"I find myself rather cheered by your fear. After all, there is no fun in a hunt when the prey does not run."

***.***

Tseng lay on the practice mats, trying to will his body to move. It wasn't the pain that paralyzed him, even though it was an almost overwhelming wave that was crashing through his nerves right now, making his muscles twitch and spasm as he grasped for physical control.

It was the emotional side of this, the mental realization that even as a grown man, trained to fight and kill, with years of working his ass off to become the leader of the Turks behind him... after all of this, he had still become a victim once more.

Ironically, as a child, he'd had an avenue of revenge. As a grown man, he had none.

Shinra would never allow for one of its shining generals to be punished for hurting a mere Turk. He didn't even have to think about it to know that fact. It had been the reason behind Veld's disapproval of his sexual relationship with Sephiroth in the first place, the knowledge that Tseng had no defense if things fell apart.

Even Veld with all his forethought and wisdom had never seen this possibility though. Tseng, himself, had been blindsided by it, until in the midst of the attack, words had escaped the red general in his crazed, blazing rage.

_How can he love something so weak, so pathetic? I could break you without effort, snap your little neck and steal your life with a casual backhand if I so desired. What is so precious about your fragility? He should worship our strength, love what makes him and I the same, more than mere mortals... not pine after something less._

This was payback and nothing more. Genesis, for all his posturing and bravado, still couldn't claim the one thing he'd always wanted, the one thing he'd never admit to desiring but had always yearned to claim.

Sephiroth's heart.

It would seem that it belonged to Tseng, despite the fact he'd never wanted it in the first place. He'd only ever wanted a friend and when the lines between friend and lover had blurred, he'd been too confused to stop the slide, too taken by warm hands delivering pleasure and words of affection to stop the crumbling of the bond into a physical parody of how it had started.

He did care for Sephiroth, but as a brother and confident. He'd never truly loved him in the way Sephiroth had always wanted him to. Somehow, that made this easier to take. It was like a punishment for his own deception, a price to pay for the silent lie he'd let cover his true feelings for all these years.

In a way, he felt cleansed of the guilt now, as if Genesis' brutality had washed away his own sins in a blaze of pain and humiliation. Tseng had paid the price for his own neutral passivity. There was no flame in his thoughts, no bloodlust and anger as was often his reaction to anything that cut too close and caused him pain.

All that he was left with was a despair so dark and deep that it threatened to consume him. Time wouldn't wait for him to find his strength, to claw his way up from the floor and make it back to his apartment before the sun rose and he was discovered. The clock on the wall ticked so loudly and every stroke seemed to drive him deeper inside himself, the fight melting away as his body yearned for the blackness that unconsciousness would bring.

Closing his eyes, he simply let go.

***.***

When Tseng woke, it was to the groggy, nauseous feeling of being cured extensively with materia. Confusion reigned for a time, as the sheets under him were too soft for a hospital ward, the smells too familiar to be anywhere but his own apartment. There was silence too, giving no clue as to who had brought him here and healed him.

Fear of what would come next had him feigning sleep for a little while longer, mind trying to find something to grapple onto first, something to anchor him in the storm he knew would await him on the other side of his closed eyelids. When he found the inner ice he usually hid behind strangely absent, the panic caused from its absence had his eyes open before he could control the reflex action.

"It's okay."

Drawing in a shaky breath, Tseng's eyes darted towards the familiar voice to his left. Reno sat on a chair, bent over himself as if the weight of the world rested on his thin shoulders. His chin was resting on his hands, which in turn rested on his knees. When their eyes met though, there was no weakness or beaten down emotions in the clear blue. Reno's eyes burned, so much anger contained within them that Tseng had to look away.

"We've contained the situation," the redhead murmured, voice strangely flat and emotionless. "All evidence has been gathered awaiting your orders. There was one witness and they have been silenced."

"A witness?" Tseng repeated, pulling himself up into a sitting position with a scowl of aching muscles and newly healed skin.

"Cleaning guy found you. He called me instead of building security, so we got him transferred to Junon. He'd been after a job there for years and...," Reno's explanation faded away and Tseng looked up to discover the redhead's eyes looking over his torso, the sheet having fallen down to his waist as he'd sat up. Following his eye line, Tseng stared at the dark smudges that would take time to disappear but would luckily be hidden under his uniform.

"Are there any marks that will be visible when I'm dressed?" Tseng asked, his own fingers tracing the marks absently.

"He left your face unmarked. Back of you neck is another story though. If you wear your hair down, it should be enough," Reno responded, turning his head to the side before closing his eyes. "Do you want the evidence destroyed or stored?"

"Destroy all of it. Leave no lose ends."

Tseng knew he didn't have to explain to Reno why, all Turks aware of their disposability in the hierarchy of the organization. The question of storage was one he would have usually considered, as blackmail ammunition of this sort was often used later by the Turks. With the perpetrator being a general though, it became a mute point. He also knew his answer would lead Reno to the same conclusion.

"Was it him?"

The question was asked in no more than a whisper and Tseng knew the redhead was referring to Sephiroth. A part of him automatically wanted to defend his ex-lover, but he bit down the reflex, knowing it was a pointless avenue. Tseng would have told anyone else to mind their own business, but the bond he had with Reno crossed lines and made him feel like he owed the youth the truth. After all, he knew most of Reno's secrets already.

"No," Tseng replied, looking out his window at the muted daylight filtering down through the city's haze of pollution. "It was...." His voice cut off, the name catching in his throat and choking him. Reno passed him a glass of water which he sipped, both of them turning their eyes to the glass as they searched for a safe place to focus.

"Genesis?" Reno asked, aware of the red general's strange vendetta of late. Tseng didn't have to answer verbally, the trembling that came over him from the sound of the name giving a clear enough answer. With a nod, Reno gently took the glass from Tseng's shaking hand and placed it back on the bed side table, standing up and turning away to allow Tseng the illusion that he still had dignity left to cling to.

"What's the time?" Tseng asked after a few minutes, diverting the conversation back to business.

"Just gone seven. The Vice President requested a later departure time, luckily for us. Ten is take off now. Everything is set up and ready to go," Reno informed him, a hand running through red hair as he pulled himself back into his usual casual persona. Tseng stared at the fiery strands, trying to burn away the memory of similar colored hair tickling his cheek as words of poison were whispered into his ear.

"Thank you," Tseng finally murmured into the uncomfortable silence, arms wrapping around his waist as he tried to hold the trembling limbs still.

"No problem. I'll go and make some calls, finalize the rest while you get dressed," Reno said as he walked towards the door, stopping with his hand on the door knob as Tseng watched him. "Is there anything else you need?"

"No," Tseng answered, needing so many things that he knew Reno could never give him.

"See ya out there."

Tseng watched him leave, letting out a breath when he finally heard the door click closed. He lay back down to stare at the roof, knowing he had the time to gather himself now, as Reno would handle the rest for him up to their departure from Midgar.

He knew the silences would be awkward for some time and that Reno would continue to burn quietly with the urge for payback, but these were things he could do nothing to remedy. The Turks knew their place as surely as they knew each other and their unspoken conversations would always be full of words better left unsaid.

***.***

A week into their stay in Junon, Reno put down the local newspaper in front of Tseng without a word. It had been turned to a particular page and folded in half so that only one story stared back at Tseng from its monochrome pages. A cleaner that had transferred from Midgar with his family had been robbed and killed on his way to work. It had only been his fifth day on the job, the report said, and there were no leads to his killer.

Tseng gave Reno the next two days off for taking care of that last lose end for him.

If he'd known Reno would use the time to hack into the science department's most classified files and send anonymous information to a certain redheaded general about the truth of his childhood, maybe he would have thought twice about it.

Maybe...

 

***.***


	8. H - High

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CHARACTERS – Tseng, Reno.  
> PAIRING - Tseng/Reno  
> WARNINGS - Drug use, sex, swearing  
> SUMMARY - Reno has a novel cure for Tseng's insomnia.  
> TIMELINE – One week after the move to Junon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just watched the Kuroshitsuji Musical 2, and as a result, Reno has a Grell moment in this chapter. I hope everyone can forgive me for it.

Tseng couldn't sleep for the third night in a row. The insomnia couldn't have come at a worse time and he was getting more frustrated with every hour that ticked by so slowly without relief. Sitting up in his bed, Tseng ran both hands through his hair and made an undignified growl of pure frustration that sounded too loud in the confines of his white walled room. This had to end. If he didn't get some sleep tonight, he was worried he would snap under pressure during one of Rufus Shinra's tantrums tomorrow and maybe kill the Shinra heir in a fit of sleep deprived rage. As amusing and satisfying as that thought was right now, the reality of getting executed in the aftermath simply took all the fun out of it.

Besides, he had promises to keep.

With a sigh of hopeless resignation, Tseng stood up and approached his clothes cupboard, yanking the first t-shirt he came to off the hanger. Pulling the soft, white cotton over his head, he paused to yawn before heading for the door, too tired to pull any pants on over his boxer shorts before he wandered out into the hall. It was highly unlikely he'd run into Rude or Elena anyway, as they were on duty guarding the Vice President. He might run into Reno, but at this time of night, even that was unlikely.

Making his way to the communal kitchen at the end of the hall, Tseng turned on the light and slowly walked over to open the fridge door, his usual grace absent. He stared into it blankly, leaning one arm on the top of the door as he studied the contents on the shelves, unsure why he'd ended up here when he had no appetite. He was lost in a dazed state somewhere on the brink of sleep when a sudden voice behind him jolted him back to reality.

"Ya know, ya could just turn up the air conditioning in your room if you're hot. Wait... you're always hot, so standing in the fridge is gonna be a pointless exercise," Reno drawled from behind him, making Tseng roll his eyes at the redhead's sense of humor.

"Ha, ha," Tseng muttered, pushing the door closed as he turned to face the redhead. "Goddess, please make Reno go back to bed and leave me alone before I am forced to make him intimately familiar with the contents of the deep freezer."

"Oh, ouch!" Reno exclaimed, taking a step back in faked fear, a hand coming up over his heart in an over-dramatic gesture. "You dare threaten to kill me and store my body parts in the freezer, you animal!" he exclaimed, causing a reluctant smile to slip onto Tseng's face. "You're in league with the prissy blond bitch's plans to end my life, aren't you!"

"Don't say such things about Elena, Reno."

"I was talkin' about Rufus!" the redhead whined. "Couldn't you even tell?"

"I was too distracted by your horrendous acting to catch onto the subtext. My apologies," Tseng replied, not sorry in the slightest.

"Are my acting skills really that bad?"

"I prefer your torture skills."

"And that there is why I like ya so much," Reno responded with a grin.

Tseng shook his head, moving to walk around Reno only to stumble over his own feet, the redhead having to catch him to prevent him falling to the floor.

"Woah, you're really fucked up with this no sleeping shit, aren't ya?" Reno asked, helping Tseng to straighten himself back up with a look of serious concern on his face. "You should stay in bed tomorrow and let me deal with the princess of pout."

"I may be totally fucked up," Tseng muttered, a hand still on Reno's arm to keep himself steady. "But I am still not insane enough to leave you and Rufus in the same room without supervision." Tseng had worked out quickly that Reno and Rufus clashed like oil and water, the redhead refusing to hold his tongue around a boy a few years younger than himself, irrelevant of his position of power. Of course, Rufus' attitude didn't help and he seemed to enjoy baiting the redhead at every opportunity, just because he could.

"I've an idea that might help with your sleeping, but I don't think ya gonna like it much... or ya might even get really pissed at me and shoot me for suggesting it," Reno rambled softly, a hand curling around Tseng's waist loosely, as if afraid the older man would stumble again.

"Whatever it is, if it makes me sleep I want it. I do not care if it is illegal or immoral, I just really, really need to sleep now," Tseng muttered against his shoulder.

"Okay, then," Reno stated determinedly, taking in a deep breath. "Um... I suppose we need to shuffle to my room then." Tseng let him herd him in the right direction, sitting down on the redhead's bed with a curious expression as he watched Reno shut and lock the door.

Reno turned back to smile at him, eyes suddenly darting around as he noticed the mess. He quickly picked up some clothes off the floor and threw them under the bed in a half assed attempt to tidy up.

"'Excuse the chaos and all."

Tseng waved it off with a smile, watching as the redhead grinned for a moment before going to his cupboard and bending over to dig around in one of his bags. Tseng sat and enjoyed the view, Reno's ass always something he appreciated, even if he had no intention of going any further than looking. He was the young man's mentor, after all, and taking advantage of the bond between them for his own physical gratification was something he would never do.

"Before we start, ya gotta make me a promise, alright?" Reno called from the cupboard, ass still in the air and wriggling at Tseng rather hypnotically. When the older man didn't answer, Reno stilled and called out, "Tseng? You still with me out there?"

"Yes I 'm here," Tseng answered hurriedly, face flushing a little from the fact that he'd been to busy ogling to hear what Reno had said. While he kept insisting to himself that his intentions were pure, his brain apparently hadn't got the memo, because it was quiet happy to watch in complete ignorance of everything else around him. "I missed the first thing you said though. My apologies."

Reno poked his head out of the cupboard, a wicked grin on his face. "Were you lost in the wonder that is my ass?" he teased.

"Your ass isn't that wonderful," Tseng lied.

"Keep telling yourself that and one day, you might really believe it," Reno chuckled out as he stood up and moved to sit down next to his boss. "Anyway, enough about my ass. What I said in the cupboard was that I need you to make me a promise, or I'm not giving you... well, the thing."

Tseng raised an eyebrow, too tired to argue. "I promise I won't shoot or otherwise harm you, or be mad, or make you work double shifts looking after Rufus, or... well anything else negative you can think of, if you show me 'the thing'. Make me sleep and I'll give you whatever you want, even my soul. Good enough?"

"That pretty much covers all the bases," Reno agreed, passing Tseng what looked like a cigarette.

"I don't smoke anymore," Tseng murmured, looking confused as he studied the small object in his hands.

"It ain't tobacco. Its wacky tobacky."

"Wacky tobacky? Reno, is this marijuana?" Tseng asked, frowning.

"Yes, it is marijuana, cannabis, ganja or whatever else it goes by these days. Remember, you promised not to kill me... and before you start yelling, you promised you wouldn't be mad," Reno insisted, looking worried now as he fiddled with another unlit joint in his own hand.

Tseng sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. While he'd never tried the drug himself, he had learned about it from a book Veld had given him on illegal drugs and the effects they had on the body. It was said to have relaxing qualities, but he was concerned about the detrimental mental effects that had been mentioned. If he remembered correctly, that only happened from long term use though.

"I know it's not a good thing to do all the time and I ain't addicted or nothing. It's just a every now and then thing for me and I swear, it'll help you relax enough to sleep. I think the reason you've been havin' so much trouble is you're too stressed. Not surprising considering the move here and what happened before we left," Reno mumbled, looking up into Tseng's eyes with pleading ones of his own. "Just try it once? I hate seeing ya like this."

Tseng turned away, trying not to grin. Reno was giving him puppy dog eyes and it was so very adorable on the redhead. He knew the drug wasn't going to kill him, unless he did something truly stupid like try to drive a car while high. As long as they stayed in Reno's room, the worst that could happen was Tseng might get nauseous and really, the chance to get some rest made that risk seem meaningless.

"Alright, I will try it. I would like to share one with you though, considering I have never done this before."

"Sounds fine by me," Reno agreed, face beaming as he pulled a lighter out of his pocket and lit his joint, taking the other one off Tseng and placing it on the bedside table. Tseng watched him suck on it before letting out a big puff of smoke with a pleasured sigh.

"Here, just don't suck too hard at first. It's different from a cigarette, heavier and kinda thicker smoke, so ya have to take it slow to start or you'll choke," Reno instructed, carefully handing it over. Tseng held it awkwardly between his fingers before putting it to his lips slowly, breathing in a little before increasing his suction lightly. The strange tasting smoke burned his throat, but he breathed it in and out, determined to give this a decent attempt while his sensible side whispered softly about how foolish it was to let Reno talk him into this kind of thing in the first place.

Fifteen minutes later, Tseng wasn't worried about anything anymore. He didn't seem to be able to focus on one thing long enough to work up a decent amount of concern, his mind skimming over thoughts gently as he lay back against Reno's chest and let the redhead push the second joint to his lips.

"How ya feeling now?" Reno whispered, his voice deeper than usual as Tseng inhaled on the joint again before exhaling with a small cough.

"Nice... but kind of...," Tseng began, glancing down at his hand. Lifting it up a little, he twisted his fingers, attention suddenly caught by the moving tendons he could see under the skin. "That's... can you see that?" he asked softly.

"Yeah, that's your pretty little hand," Reno chuckled out, putting one of his own up next to Tseng's and imitating it's twisting and turning.

"Your hand is pretty too," Tseng mumbled, his own moving to trace the back of Reno's, as he intently studied his finger's path.

"Thank you," Reno said through a huge grin, enjoying this mellow version of Tseng way too much. It was a tempting thought to keep the older man like this permanently, especially when he was so cuddly and affectionate. Breathing in once more from the second joint, Reno winced when the smoke hit his lips too hot, the joint having burnt down too close to the end. With a small sigh, he crushed it out in the ashtray on his bedside table. Tseng was still running his fingers over the redhead's hand, but then he lowered both down until they were resting on his own stomach. Reno was surprised to feel bare skin under his hand and not cotton, guessing that Tseng's t-shirt must have ridden up a little as the older man slowly sunk downwards on the bed.

"Your hand is warm," Tseng commented, resting his own on top before turning his face to the side to nuzzle into Reno's neck. "So is your neck."

Reno chuckled, the gentle touches of Tseng's nose against his skin tickling a little. He brought his free hand up to run it through dark strands of hair. "So is your hair," he murmured, teasing a little back. "And your stomach is too... though it's hot as well."

"Hot heat or hot, hot?" Tseng asked, tilting his head back to stare up into Reno's eyes.

"Both," Reno replied softly. His own mind was smudging, thoughts blurring into each other and coming back into shape as something different altogether. He could feel himself hardening against his mentor's back and his face flushed at the sudden rush of desire, as he had no way to hide it. Tseng noticed, even in his stoned state, and as those dark eyes widened in surprise, Reno panicked a little. "I'm sorry, I can't help it. It just has a mind of it's own and you're so close and warm and pressed up against it and it's not why I did this or anything, I swear," Reno rambled, his hand on Tseng's stomach moving to wrap further around his waist in an unconscious action to stop Tseng from moving away from him. "Please don't leave."

"I'm not leaving," Tseng replied calmly, his widened eyes looking over Reno's face carefully. "I'm right here Reno. I'm always right here for you, no matter what." Tseng moved his hand back over Reno's where it rested around his waist, threading their fingers together. "And I don't mind that you're hard. I am too."

Reno looked down, seeing the bulge that he'd somehow missed in his own panic.

"Oh," he mumbled, still a little tense as he tried to follow a line of thought about what this all meant, but quickly lost it and relaxed back against the headboard on his bed again. "I like this," he said softly, resting his chin on the shoulder before him to take in the familiar smell of Tseng, all hard muscles and soft skin lying over him like a blanket. It was safety to him, and he reveled in it unashamedly now, forgetting why his arousal was a bad thing.

"I like this too," Tseng murmured, his own body comfortable as his mind drifted, thinking about nothing in particular. It felt like a part of him was already sleeping but his mind still clung to consciousness. "I'm sorry we can't have sex. I just don't think I could do it with my body so tired and my legs all wobbly and... stupid."

Reno had a quick moment of surprise at Tseng mentioning sex, but it disappeared as quickly as it had come. "I like your stupid legs very much," he admitted, chuckling at how funny the sentence sounded.

Tseng was soon chuckling along with him, but he wasn't really sure why. It felt good to laugh though, and doing it with someone he cared about only made it better.

When their laughter died down, Reno just breathed for awhile, his hand in Tseng's hair slowly stroking as the one on Tseng's waist stayed twined with the older man's. It was so quiet and peaceful that he found himself dozing off as Tseng's breaths began to match his own.

***.***

"It's okay, I'm here," Tseng whispered, squeezing the redhead gently against his chest. It was early morning now, although he hadn't had a chance to look at the clock since he'd woken up with Reno in the midst of a nightmare beside him.

"I'm sorry. Finally you sleep and I go and yell you awake," Reno apologized in a rough voice, but there wasn't any tears. The youth was too like Tseng in that respect.

"No apologizing. I want to be here for you," Tseng soothed, nuzzling into red hair with his eyes closed. "It's not anyone's fault, just happens sometimes. I get them too."

"You do?" Reno asked, hands fisting in Tseng's t-shirt as he continued to hang on tight. "Did I say anything out loud?"

"No words, just murmurs. I could tell that you were hurting though," Tseng lied, knowing there was no point in bringing up details. He already knew what haunted Reno's dreams.

"I want another joint," Reno suddenly stated, interrupting Tseng's thoughts. "I think I just yelled myself straight."

Tseng couldn't help but chuckle a little, loving the redhead's turn of phrase. "More like slept yourself straight, actually." He glanced over at the clock radio on the bedside table, relieved they still had time. "It's five in the morning which doesn't leave enough time for you to partake again."

"Well that's depressing," Reno murmured, rolling over onto his back so he could look up into Tseng's eyes. The older man had his head propped up on one arm now, looking down at him with a small smile. "Although, another couple of hours with you is a nice consolation. Helps that you look like sex on legs."

Tseng wasn't surprised by the conversation's quick changes of direction, as Reno always turned to joking or flirting when things became too serious. He didn't mind playing along, especially if it cheered the redhead up and took his mind off his nightmares.

"Sex on legs?" Tseng repeated, feigning offense. "You make me sound like a walking dildo."

"Nah, I wouldn't kiss a dildo... well, okay I might, but I wouldn't enjoy it as much as kissing you."

"Well... thanks... I think," Tseng chuckled out, remembering something he'd been meaning to ask about. "Reno, I want to ask you about that Friday night when you helped me back to my apartment in Midgar, after I'd had too much to drink. Why did you just kiss me like that and then leave?"

"Why, did ya want me to stay?" Reno teased, grin only widening when Tseng twined a finger around a lock of red hair and pulled a little.

"You have never kissed me like that before, Reno. Before or since."

Reno looked up at him for a minute, not wanting to talk about the strange, mixed up feelings he always got when it came to Tseng. He cared deeply for him, but could never work out if it was a friendship love or a relationship love. In his own mind, it was hard to tell the difference when his earlier life had been so cut and dry. For many years it had been simply a case of like or hate, with sex being business. As for family attachments, he didn't remember his parents, so that was a mystery to him. Tseng had tried to explain the different types of strong attachments but Reno only understood most of them in theory, not practice. At this point in his life, he only felt a strong bond to two people. One of those was Tseng and the other Rude, and he liked both sexually which didn't help to clarify things.

He had the strongest suspicion that Tseng himself wasn't all that good at telling one from the other, although he had a better handle on it than Reno did. He'd had Veld at least and Reno knew that relationship had been platonic, like a father and son. Honestly, Reno didn't understand what was wrong with friends having sex, but Tseng seemed to want to cling to the imaginary line, so Reno just kept pushing in the hopes of making him change his mind.

"I guess I just wanted to kiss you. I know that we're supposed to have a non-sexual kind of family thing between us, but I find you attractive and I wanted to know what it was like, even if it was just once."

"So, you're saying that it's never going to happen ag...." Tseng's sentence ended abruptly as Reno launched a surprise attack, kissing his words away with a warm mouth and questing tongue. By the time Reno pulled back, Tseng was breathing hard, confusion making him momentarily mute as he tried to pull his thoughts back together.

Reno really was an amazing kisser.

"You think family feel like that when they kiss?" Reno asked pulling the stunned man beside him over, so he ended up on top of Reno.

"Depends on the family, I suppose," Tseng finally managed to mumble breathlessly, moving his legs to try and get a more stable position on top of the redhead. The movement brought their hips together, hardness meeting hardness with only thin boxer shorts in between. Reno gasped, while Tseng closed his eyes and lifted his hips away, desperately trying to convince his stupid, sex mad body to stop it immediately.

"Reno, I'm your mentor. I can't take advantage of you like...," Tseng began, words disappearing into a groan when Reno grabbed his ass in both hands and pulled them together again.

"Looks more like I'm taking advantage of you at this point," Reno purred, spreading his legs and wrapping them around Tseng's waist to hold him close, as he moved his hands to pull Tseng's head down into another kiss. The older man seemed to forget in moments that he was supposed to be fighting this, and he was soon thrusting against Reno enthusiastically.

"Reno," Tseng moaned, both of his hands gripping tight in Reno's hair as he suddenly felt the urgent need to dominate the youth beneath him. The next kiss was all Tseng, the older man claiming Reno's mouth desperately as he totally lost control in the moment. Reno groaned loudly as Tseng thrust against him over and over again, the friction pulling the redhead's orgasm from him almost violently.

Reno opened his eyes just in time to watch Tseng find his own completion, head thrown back as he arched beautifully over the youth before collapsing in an undignified heap across the redhead's chest.

For a time, neither spoke and the only sound in the room was their heavy breathing. Reno could feel when Tseng's brain kicked back in, the older man's body tensing up where it lay across him.

"You're beautiful when you come," Reno murmured, the words slipping out as he tried to think of something to say to fill the tension building in the moment.

"I doubt my face contorted into strange expressions is an attractive thing, but I appreciate the sentiment," Tseng replied softly, guilt and dread beginning to grow inside of him in equal parts. He'd walked this path before with Sephiroth and he didn't want to travel it again, especially not with Reno. There was too much he couldn't bear to loose.

"Stop it," Reno whispered, his words making Tseng sit up so he could look down and see Reno's expression.

"Stop what?"

"Stop regretting, worrying and feeling guilty. Most of all, stop thinking about him," Reno chastised, unable to keep his annoyance out of his voice. "I'm not Sephiroth."

"But I... I shouldn't have...," Tseng began before Reno cut him off.

"You shouldn't have what? Enjoyed sex with me? Got a little stress relief without having to worry about me turning into some kind of possessive asshole? There's nothing wrong with what we just did and I know you enjoyed it as much as I did. I'm not him and I'm not gonna start thinking I own you or any of that bullshit. Nothing has to change between us," Reno insisted, reaching up to gently touch the side of Tseng's face. "The only thing I want to change is for you to stop acting like sex with me is some kind of great sin. After all, if you think that way, you'll never want to do it again."

"Again?" Tseng asked, trying to process Reno's words amongst his own racing thoughts. "But... you want to do it again, so doesn't that mean that you want us to be together?"

"No more so than we've always been. Look, it can just be part of our friendship, sex being an added bonus, not the focus. If we never do it again, that's okay too," Reno explained, lips curling into a grin. "Although, I certainly wouldn't mind trying more with you later, but only if you're in the mood to relieve a little stress."

Tseng managed a small smile in return, knowing that while they were stuck babysitting Rufus, stress was going to be a common enough thing. Tilting his head to one side, he studied Reno intently, seeing nothing possessive or pained in the youth's gaze.

"You're sure that you'll be aright with it just like that?" he asked.

"Positive, so stop with the angsting. As cute as you look with a pout, my pants are so funky right now that I really need a shower but I'm not leaving until you stop stressing."

Tseng's smile grew, the worry inside of him beginning to dissipate. Reno seemed earnest in his words and while Tseng wasn't sure how this was going to work exactly, he was willing to go along with it for now.

"My shorts are a little uncomfortable too," he finally admitted, his words getting a chuckle out of Reno as they both moved to stand. Tseng headed for the door, pausing to watch the redhead collect a change of clothes. "Reno?"

"Yeah, boss?" Reno asked, slinging the hanger with his clean suit on it, over his shoulder.

"It's your turn to cook breakfast."

As Tseng walked out, he couldn't help but chuckle at the string of curses that followed him down the hall.

***.***


	9. I - Introduction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CHARACTERS - Tseng, Reno, Veld  
> PAIRING - None  
> WARNINGS - Swearing  
> SUMMARY - When Tseng first mets Reno.  
> TIMELINE - Tseng's late teens roughly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jumping back to the past again for this chapter.

Most days Tseng loved his job. Today was not one of those days.

The club he was in was dank, dark and smelt like a nightmarish combination of at least twenty different types of aftershave, mixed in with an unpleasant undertone of sweat. It was late on a Saturday night and there was quite a crowd, although not so many as to make moving around the room difficult. Tseng had managed to get a booth in the corner, as far away from the bar and stage as possible, hopefully allowing him to fade into the tacky decor. The thick mist of cigarette smoke was certainly helping his aim to blend into the shadows, it being so thick in the air that it swirled around the waiters delivering drinks to the tables like ghostly fingers in the dark.

He was only here to observe, a simple mission to collect information on anyone of note visiting this particular establishment. Veld had some suspicions regarding the owner of the club, but the investigation was only in its early days, with no proof of any illegal activity to date. Tseng couldn't help but be a little suspicious himself now that he was watching the dancers on the stage, all of them looking like they were only barely legal. He suspected most of them weren't. Their bodies were wiry and almost sexless in appearance, tendons strung too tight over pale flesh. None of them moved like children though, the gestures and gyrating of their toothpick limbs a perverse display of broken sensuality.

Tseng found himself staring at them in a trance of appalled fascination, trying to come to terms with the fact that there were so many places like this under the plate, selling despair given human form for the price of a descent meal topside.

Swallowing the rest of his drink in one quick movement, he gestured to a passing waiter and waited for another, trying to stop the commentary on social injustice that tried to bloom in his brain. Veld kept saying that he had to bury those thoughts, as a bleeding heart attitude would only get him killed, but it was harder to turn off his true feelings when the suffering was so familiar. At least his own excuse of a childhood hadn't been such a public display of abuse.

When the waiter returned, Tseng didn't even look at him, eyes still locked on a particular youth on the stage who was now being openly fondled by a man that was old enough to be his grandfather. The spark of injustice flared to life in his mind and he snatched the glass from the table top and gulped the whiskey down, trying to extinguish the blossoming flames. He would not let his personal issues ruin his first solo mission... he refused to let the past cripple his present aim to make Veld proud.

"Hey mister, I might as well bring over the whole bottle if ya gonna drink it like that," a voice drawled from beside him, Tseng's eyes flicking towards it in surprise. The waiter stood looking at him with a tired, muted annoyance, red hair almost luminescent in the half light.

"Excuse me?" Tseng muttered low, not in the mood to put up with lip from some punk kid right now.

"Ya keep making me walk back over here every friggin' five minutes. Why don't cha just buy a bottle ta save me legs the extra work," the boy explained, eyes keeping a steady link with Tseng's own, no fear showing at all on the young, cocky face.

"Obviously you are not surviving on tips with that attitude," Tseng commented, frowning but refusing to break off the eye contact first. His pride bristled inside of him, ignoring his common sense which told him just to ignore the youth so he would go away.

The redhead snorted, a grin pulling up one side of his lips into a sad imitation of a smile. "Nah, I survive off givin' blow jobs and lap dances on the side, sweetheart. With all the piss ya throwing back though, ya probably can't even get it up anyway."

Tseng arched an eyebrow, eyes darkening at the insinuation that his masculinity was somehow deficient. "It sounds like you have problems getting men aroused. Maybe not speaking would help as the sound of your voice is a rather effective mood killer."

"Hey! I dun have no problem at all getting cocks up, ya asshole," the redhead retorted, anger flaring in his eyes for a moment before it suddenly fell away and the boy gave a nervous glance over his shoulder towards the bar. Turning back to Tseng, one of his hands came up to nervously pull at his long plait of hair before he seemed to get a grip on the fear that had suddenly come over him. "Hey, look, I'm sorry okay? Let me make it up to ya. I'll get ya a bottle an then ya can tell me what ya'd like me ta do to make ya forget what I said."

Before Tseng could even answer, the boy had scurried away, Tseng feeling a little disappointed that the verbal sparring had ended so abruptly. He wasn't sure why, but he'd been enjoying it. Maybe he was missing Sephiroth more than he realized, the general being the only person who ever riled him up in a similar fashion. Sighing, Tseng ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes, wishing the war in Wutai would just end so he could have his friend back.

Jolting from his thoughts at a sudden weight on his lap, Tseng's eyes flew open to find the redheaded waiter straddling him, a bottle of whiskey held up as if in explanation.

"What are you doing?" Tseng blurted out, his hands held up awkwardly as he could find nowhere to put them that didn't involve touching the youth.

"I got ya bottle," the redhead replied, reaching behind himself in a move that showed his flexibility. Tseng swallowed and tried not to let his mind wander to dirtier uses of his bendability. Filling his glass, the redhead sat in place and held it out with a confident look that soon started to falter under Tseng's unmoving gaze. The redhead's eyes darted away before coming back to Tseng's with an almost desperate edge. "Come on, man. I know I fucked up being rude to ya before and I just wanna make it up to ya without any trouble. I'm not that repulsive am I?" 

The puppy dog eyes that followed the plea had Tseng smiling back before he realized what he was doing. Quickly schooling his features, the Turk took the glass and looked away, mentally wrestling with how he was going to remove the boy in his lap without making a scene. Maybe if he understood why the redhead thought this was necessary, he would have a better grip on the situation.

"Why do you think you have to sit on me? We only traded a few words and as annoying as those words were, I'm hardly offended to a point where recompense is required," Tseng finally stated, looking back at the youth.

The redhead blinked, a frown appearing on his face. "I'm not sure what the end of that meant, but I think I get ya drift," he mumbled, expression growing serious. Tseng mused that it was the most honest look he'd gotten from the boy yet. "Okay, I'll be straight with ya. If you complain to the boss, I'm fucked. So, instead of complaining, I thought I might be able to talk ya into letting it go if I did something for ya back, ya know?" His hands slid slowly down the front of Tseng's green silk shirt as he cocked his head to one side, smiling coyly. It nearly made the Turk laugh as it was such a wrong expression on the boy. "I could blow ya right here. Not like anyone's gonna notice all the way back here in the dark."

Tseng's eyes widened, more surprised by the fact he actually considered the proposal for a moment, than by the offer itself. He put his glass on the table before taking each of the redhead's hands in his own and stopping their progression downwards.

"What's your name?" he asked, just holding the too cold skin gently.

"Uh... Reno," the redhead answered, eyes on their joined hands and a confused expression on his face.

"Reno, you do not have to do anything for me. I will not be making a complaint to your employer."

The redhead looked up, different emotions flickering through his eyes before he settled on a small smile. "Ya don't like guys, do ya?"

"I do," Tseng replied, trying to stop himself from grinning back. There was something about the youth that attracted him greatly, and the temptation to play was definitely there... but he was supposed to be with Sephiroth and if Tseng was anything, it was loyal.

"But not me?" Reno murmured, looking way with a completely dejected pout. "Typical. First guy in weeks that's young and hot, and ya don't think I am."

"Reno, I think you are very attractive. I am just... well, to put it bluntly, I am already in a relationship," Tseng explained, raising a hand to cup the youth's face and turn it back to face him. "If I were not, I may just want to take you home and keep you."

The smile that bloomed on Reno's face stunned Tseng, the expression so very earnest and full of happiness. Suddenly he was kissed, a quick peck that only ghosted his lips before the young man removed himself from his lap and stood straightening out his uniform.

"Ya need anything at all, anytime ya come here, you just yell and I'm ya man," Reno announced, giving him a wink before heading back to the bar with a definite spring in his step. Tseng smiled at his back until he disappeared from view, finally turning back to his drink and trying to concentrate on his mission once more.

***.***

"I heard you made a new friend last night."

Tseng couldn't contain the shocked look that came over his face, his eyes wide as he looked at his mentor and tried to formulate some kind of response.

"Tseng, don't look at me like that," Veld huffed out with a breath, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back on his desk. "Surely you guessed I would have you observed on your first solo mission."

Taking a deep breath, Tseng tried to ignore the mix of embarrassment and shame that swelled up within him. He could assume Veld had been given full details of his interaction with Reno and he was frightened at what conclusions his mentor had come to from that information. Tseng had been hiding his latest personal developments with Sephiroth from Veld, simply because he had no idea what the older man thought of gay relationships. If the head Turk had a negative view of them, there was the real possibility that he would be cast aside and disowned, maybe even thrown out of the Turks... and it terrified him.

"Why haven't we talked about Sephiroth?" Veld suddenly asked, Tseng visibly flinching from the question. The young Turk's eyes fell to his feet, his shoulders sagging.

"Was I supposed to just bring something like that up over dinner between discussions on political science and training schedules?" Tseng said softly, trying desperately to keep his fear from showing. "Every time I mention Sephiroth's name, you look annoyed, so how could I possibly tell you that we...." Tseng's words cut off, his face paling. He never could control his mouth from sprouting the truth around Veld, which was why he usually tried to stay quiet unless asked a particular question.

"Damn it, Tseng. Did you think I didn't already know what had occurred between the two of you?" Veld growled, beginning to pace the floor as Tseng looked up in surprise. "You are the closest thing I have to a son and I keep a close eye on my family, even more so when one suddenly starts hiding something from me." The older man stopped for a moment, his frown deepening. "When did you stop trusting me?"

Tseng flinched again, his expression clearly showing his distress. Veld's dissapointment hurt him more than a fist ever could.

"I do trust you... with my life."

"But not with your heart."

***.***

Tseng strode down the alleyway with his fists clenched at his sides, anger and distress radiating off him as he tried to walk off some of his overflowing emotions. The mission had turned into a complete disaster, a target they'd been after for months escaping but not before firing of a last shot that should have ended Tseng's life.

Instead of paying the price for his own incompetence, Veld had pushed him aside and taken the punishment as his own.

The bullet had lodged in Veld's shoulder and Tseng had phoned for help before applying pressure to slow the bleeding in an uncomfortable silence that was thick with words he couldn't voice. He was still trying to make himself speak when the medics had arrived and he'd moved to the side to give them room to stabilize his mentor. Veld had looked up at him with eyes so full of concern that he had taken a step back in confusion, and when the older man had said his name, voice full of such uncharacteristic softness, Tseng had fled. Veld could have died because of Tseng's incompetence, and the possibility twisted his insides, mixing with the guilt that was already overwhelming him.

Ever since the stilted conversation on Tseng's sexuality, there had been an invisible wall of sorts between them. Tseng had been so distracted by it that he'd been unable to focus, making mistakes in the mission at critical times. There was nobody to blame but himself and he didn't know how to deal with it in the slightest.

Tseng knew it was childish and immature of him, but he truly couldn't function properly without that connection he shared with Veld. He'd still made no new friends, despite how much time he spent with the other Turks. It wasn't that they disliked him, as far as he could tell. They all worked together with no problems but when it came to a personal level, he just didn't click with any of them.

Sephiroth still hadn't returned from Wutai and had made no attempt to contact him in any way while there, leaving Tseng feeling so very alone in the midst of a city crowded with people. Lately, the loneliness had became so intense that he'd even considered going back to that horrendous bar... but the redhead had probably long forgotten him by now anyway. The fact that conversation had been one of the most enjoyable he'd had in the eight months since Sephiroth had left, only made him feel all the more pathetic.

Anger draining away, Tseng ran a hand through his hair, feeling the depression starting to take its place. Looking around, he discovered there seemed to be a market up ahead where the alley ended, so he headed that way, hoping to find some kind of distraction from his spiraling thoughts.

Once there, he found it was mostly full of food vendors, but there was a weapons store that had some interesting pieces and he'd lingered there for some time. Eventually, his continued presence had made the owner so nervous that he left, his Turk suit far too conspicuous for him to blend in as he wished to right now.

Walking slowly away from the busy area, he continued along the street, in no hurry to get back to the Shinra building where he'd have to face Veld. Up ahead, he noticed the passersby giving a wide berth to something on the footpath and as he approached, he realized it was a body from the two bare feet sticking out of what he now recognized as black cargo pants. The top of the body had a sack over it, tied around the waist in a familiar style that he'd seen before. A few of the local gangs had a preference for binding people in such a way before they beat them to death, the bag usually containing most of the blood and fluids. It was a mostly effective way to keep evidence contained to a body and not on the attacker's clothes, or the location where the attack took place. They usually tended to dump the bodies in a far less obvious location though... and that in itself was a big enough anomaly for Tseng to stop and check it out.

As he paused beside the body, the passersby gave him an even wider berth, most crossing to the other side of the street to avoid being anywhere near a Turk. He couldn't help but feel relieved, as the last thing he wanted was a crowd of curious onlookers. Crouching down, he suddenly noticed a slight rhythm of movement from inside the bag and was shocked to realize he'd found a survivor, not a body after all. Pulling a knife from his ankle holster, he cut away the bindings around the victims waist carefully, not wanting to cause more damage just in case there was information to gain. If this person had been a member of a gang, he might be willing to give up all kinds of useful information in return for medical attention or a way out of the city.

Pulling the bag up a little, he noticed the victim had no shirt on, his torso covered in cuts, bruises and what looked like cigarette burns. Tseng's interest was only raised, as some of those injuries had obviously been received before the bag had been put in place, leaving him to assume this person had been tortured, maybe for information. Lifting the bag the rest of the way up, Tseng suddenly froze in place, his expression of indifference slipping.

It was the boy from the bar.

***.***

Four hours later, Tseng was back in his apartment, sitting on the couch with Reno's head resting in his lap as the boy slept. Luckily, the youth's injuries hadn't been as bad as he'd first feared, and after a visit to the Shinra hospital for x-rays and a clean up, he'd ended up footing the bill to have Reno healed with materia, so he could bring him home.

It hadn't been his first plan, as he'd originally been going to simply hand him over to the Turks to be questioned once he was healed. But then the redhead had woken up and seen Tseng, his hand coming out to grasp onto the Turk's as blue eyes looked up at him as if he was some kind of hero. Nobody had ever looked at Tseng like that before and he'd ended up in some kind of daze as a result, continuing to hold the boys hand through the check up and all the way back to his apartment.

He was now trying to work out what the hell he was going to do with the redhead.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" Tseng mumbled to himself, chewing his bottom lip as his head fell back against the headrest of the sofa.

"Ya have a strange attraction to kicked puppies?" Reno's voice whispered hoarsely, Tseng's head jerking up at the sound and peering down into the boys half opened eyes. The silence lengthened, Tseng fumbling for something to say with a look of complete confusion on his face. When Reno took one of his hands and hugged it to his chest, closing his eyes once more, Tseng didn't react at all, stunned by the easy affection the boy displayed.

Sighing, he eventually closed his own eyes, letting himself drift off in the less than comfortable upright position, simply because he didn't want to wake the boy and have to speak to him again.

***.***

When Tseng woke up, Reno was still using him for a pillow and clinging to his arm as if it was some kind of security blanket. Looking down at the redhead, Tseng lifted his free hand to move a clump of hair off of the too young face before him, trying to work out what his next step should be.

"Are you going to pick up a new stray every time you fuck up a mission?" Veld's voice suddenly sounded. 

Tseng's heart almost jumped out of his throat, and while he managed to somehow keep still and not disturb Reno, his face certainly showed his shock at finding his mentor sitting across from him.

The older man actually smiled at Tseng's dismayed expression, chuckling from the satisfaction of surprising his young protégé.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in the hospital or home? Are you in pain or... or can I get you anything?" Tseng began to ramble, his nerves acting up in the wash of relief that came over him. Veld was here, smiling and not mad.

"No, I am fine, son. I'm well and truly dosed up on enough pain killers to keep me happy for the next twenty four hours. My arm will be fine in a week or two and Rude is waiting outside in the car to drive me home. Rest assured, I have been well and truly coddled by enough of my staff for one day, so don't you start," the older man replied, Tseng smiling back at how happy he seemed. 

_Definitely has to be the painkillers._

"I wanted to make sure you were alright before I went home though," Veld continued, eyes moving down to Reno and then back up to Tseng. "It's the kid from the club, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is," Tseng replied, looking away and showing his discomfort. This had been the subject that had started their last disagreement and he didn't want to revisit it again.

"What is he to you?"

"I-I... I'm not sure myself," Tseng answered honestly, looking down at the boy with a bewildered expression.

Veld nodded, watching Tseng intently while the younger Turk tried not to squirm under his gaze. 

"So he will be staying with you for awhile then?"

"I... suppose," Tseng mumbled, realizing that honestly, he couldn't just throw the kid out on the street at this point. He did have an extra bedroom in his apartment after all.

"I think the two of you fit, in an odd way," Veld remarked, lips curving to a grin.

"It's not romantic!" Tseng blurted out, eyes widening. Did Veld really believe he'd be so disloyal to Sephiroth?

"I never said it was, son, so relax. I think that's there's a possibility of more than just friendship here though," Veld mused.

"I don't understand what you mean," Tseng muttered, running his free hand over his face. The day had been too long and he just couldn't keep up anymore, no matter how hard he tried.

"Well, have you considered the option of mentoring him? We already did a background check on him after his contact with you in the bar and he's mostly clean. A few minor jobs here and there with some of the gangs, but no attachment to any one group in particular. He profiles as more of an opportunist than anything else, but I think he might decide to be loyal if it were you he was following. He seems quite attached already and if you were to foster that family bond, I believe he might make a very good Turk," Veld suggested, shifting in his seat a little, no doubt from his heavily bandaged shoulder causing more pain than he was letting on. "After all, he already has an insider's knowledge of the gangs and how they operate, and his morals aren't beyond our own."

While Tseng knew that he couldn't equal Veld yet in terms of skill and ability, he was eager to make the older man proud, and maybe mentoring Reno would achieve that goal. Looking down, he admitted to himself that he did already fell a kinship with this boy he barely knew.

"I will be his mentor and accept all responsibility for him," he finally stated, meeting Veld's eyes with a sudden confidence and sense of purpose.

***.***


	10. J - Jeopardy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing - Tseng/Rufus  
> Characters – Tseng, Reno, Rufus, Elena.  
> Warnings – Swearing.  
> Summary - Tseng and Rufus come to an agreement.  
> Timeline – A month into Rufus' exile to Junon.

After a month in Junon, Tseng decided that if he was to pick one word to describe Rufus Shinra, without swearing, it would be impatient.

He wanted everything five minutes ago and took out his frustration at delays on whoever was closest to him at the time. Tseng took it all in his stride at first, unfazed by the youth's inability to act in any kind of mature manner. He had know in advance that Shinra junior would be difficult after reading his personal medical files, kindly supplied by Reno and his hacking skills. Ten years worth of psychological therapy seemed to have done little but make some doctor a very rich man. 

Rufus was a psychologist's wet dream, with more neurosis' hidden in that handsome head then there were layers of ridiculously expensive clothing on his body. The boy was a muddled mess of father issues with a side order of repulsive arrogance and obsessive need to control, all topped off with a good dose of self-denial in regards to his need for acceptance and affection.

Basically, the boy needed a good smack in the mouth, followed by a serious hug, in Tseng's humble opinion.

Tseng was sure which he would prefer to deliver at this moment. Rufus was standing before him, cheeks pink with his anger as he yelled at the Director of the Turks because the reports he'd asked for half an hour ago had still not arrived. Yes, Rufus was physically attractive, to a ridiculous point if Tseng was to be completely honest, but his behavior was abhorrent enough to nullify any attraction every time the youth opened his mouth.

Tseng couldn't help but think there were so many better ways for that delicate mouth to be occupied.

"Sir, I assure you the reports will be here in a moment. If you would just sit down and wait...," Tseng repeated, his words cut off again as the blond's voice rose yet another decibel.

"I will _not_ sit and wait like a good dog, Turk. Your job is supposed to be to keep me happy, and I am not happy with these constant delays or your continued excuses. My father is already looking over the files that I'm _still_ waiting to receive, and why is that? It's because of your incompetence in getting me the information I need!" Rufus ranted, pacing back and forth.

"As all currently employed Turks are here with you, we have to rely on regular office staff to fax the reports. I have no control over the time they take to do so," Tseng stated flatly.

"Excuses! That is all I ever get from you! I thought the Turks were supposed to know everything before anyone else. All I've seen so far is a bunch of layabouts who are all reputation with no substance to back it up. If my father already has the information, than I should have it to. Why am I left here, waiting like a second class citizen, while your Turks lounge around getting fat off of Shinra's coffers?" Rufus raged, walking up to spit the last words into Tseng's face.

Tseng was usually a patient man. Usually, such a display of childish temper would only have him resisting the urge to roll his eyes while repeating his assurances and apologies, unaffected by the anger directed at him. Unfortunately, for all parties involved, Tseng was less than at his best at the moment. The after-effects of a certain redheaded general's jealous rage was still causing him to lose sleep and the deficit was beginning to add up.

Grabbing the front of Rufus' overpriced jacket, Tseng lunged forward, reacting purely on instinct and inner rage that he couldn't, at the present time, control. Staring down into blue eyes that were now wide with surprise, Tseng smiled with an expression that held no amusement at the young man bent backwards over his own desk.

"You will shut up now, before I teach you the true meaning of the word respect," he hissed, teetering on the edge of doing something regrettable. "Your information will come when it comes, but if I have to listen to you insult my Turks one more time, you will be unable to read it when it gets here, as you will be in the hospital fighting for your life. Do I make myself clear, Mr Vice President?"

Later, in retrospect, Tseng would kick himself for just how close he'd come to signing his own execution order with this one slip in control. Luckily for him, Rufus did not react to his threat with the same disrespect he had demonstrated towards everything else in the last four weeks.

"Y-yes," Rufus stuttered, trembling beneath him as the layers of arrogance fell away, leaving behind a scared teenager that looked on the edge of crying. Guilt coiled in Tseng's stomach as he released his hold on the youth's shirt and took a step back, mentally trying to pull himself back together.

The blond didn't move, far too still in the position he was left in, sprawled over his desk in what looked to be an uncomfortable position. Tseng swallowed back the urge to reach out and pull him upright, telling himself that if he was going to die for this breach of etiquette, he was going to make a point.

"We are your Turks, Mr Shinra. That does not mean you have the right to belittle us and insult us just because you can. If you are wise, and I believe you do have some intelligence behind the façade of total ignorance, than you will realize that we will work for you far more effectively if you bother to treat us with a measure of respect. If you do not, you will be treated the same as any other of our masters that think themselves above and beyond us," Tseng stated flatly, watching the rise and fall of the youth's chest as he continued to lie where Tseng had left him.

Minutes of silence followed, Tseng having to fight the urge to fidget in the oppressive quiet that filled the room.

"I understand," Rufus finally whispered, voice uncharacteristically subdued.

"With your permission, I will go and check on the information you have requested," Tseng said, eager to escape the room and the evidence of his own loss of control.

"Go."

Tseng did not wait any further, turning and leaving the room without looking back. Once the door was shut behind him, he paused to breathe in deep, head lowering as he chastised himself for the slip that could ruin everything.

"You okay?" a familiar voice asked, causing Tseng to look up suddenly. Reno was standing a few meters away in the doorway that led to their bedrooms, a concerned expression covering his youthful face. Tseng managed to pull up a half smile for him, swallowing down his churning emotions.

"Yes. Nothing I can't handle," Tseng replied, straightening up and pulling on a mask of confidence that he didn't feel in the slightest.

Reno's head tilted a little to one side before he returned the smile, the gesture lacking in truth as much as Tseng's own did. The redhead didn't push any further though, simply giving a small nod before walking away.

Reno's blind trust left Tseng feeling shamed, the sudden realization of just how much was at stake here making him feel slightly ill. He couldn't afford to lose control and endanger them, especially when they were already on such shaky ground with the company. Tseng may have carried out the order to execute Veld to prove the remaining Turks' loyalty, but he wasn't fool enough to believe that it made the scorecard even. It had only gotten them this far because the President knew how hard it had been for Tseng to pull the trigger.

Veld's dying wish had been for Tseng to take over the Turks and protect its remaining members and Tseng had sworn to do so, even if it would cost him his own life in the end. It was the only way he could sooth the painful ache of taking his mentor's life, and it was no more than Veld had ended up doing himself, even if his initial betrayal had been for his daughter.

There were also the promises Tseng had made to Reno to consider. 

"Sir?" Elena's voice called softly, breaking through his thoughts.

"Yes?" Tseng murmured, turning to the young woman walking down the hall with an expression of confidence that he didn't feel.

"I have the reports that the Vice President requested," she declared, the disk in her hands trembling a little in a display of nerves that the rest of her body hid well. She had only been with the Turks a few months now, but was quickly learning the ropes in much the same fashion as her elder sister had. Tseng couldn't help noticing the similarities between them every time he looked at her. It led him back down a path of memories he needed to leave behind, Veld's lifeless face appearing in his thoughts like a recurring nightmare.

"Thank you," he mumbled distractedly, taking the disk with a nod and turning away before he had to face the hopeful expression in her too trusting eyes. "That will be all for today," he said in dismissal, pausing for a moment before adding, "Well done, Elena."

He saw the pleased expression that bloomed on her face out of the corner of his vision but ignored it, along with another dose of guilt he didn't need right now. She would follow him blindly too, simply because her own sister had done the same for Veld, and it pained him to think of how quickly her radiance would dim in this profession.

"Thank you, sir," she gushed with too much enthusiasm before turning and leaving Tseng to his depressive musings.

Reentering Rufus' office was his next move, but he hesitated, unsure of what he'd do if the young man was still laying on his desk in such a defeated position. Pushing past his own misgivings, Tseng opened the door to find Rufus had moved to sit at his desk and was working on his laptop as if nothing had occurred. It was both a relief and a concern that he seemed so unaffected. Approaching the desk, Tseng waited for the Vice President's fingers to pause in their typing before he spoke. 

"The information you requested, sir," Tseng said tonelessly, holding out the disk.

"Thank you," Rufus murmured, taking the disk with only a glance upwards before he placed it in the disc tray of the laptop, those delicate digits going back to work. Tseng turned to leave, only to stop in place when Rufus spoke again.

"Tseng, a moment of your time... if you would indulge me."

"Yes, sir?" Tseng replied, turning back.

"I find myself at a disadvantage, one which I am hoping you can assist me with," Rufus stated, eyes on the screen before him in feigned casualness. "Turks are trained to appear emotionless, to cover what they really feel and keep themselves under control in all kinds of stressful situations. I find myself in need of such training and I am hoping you would be willing to assist me."

"You wish me to train you?" Tseng tried to clarify, raising an eyebrow in surprise.

Rufus finally stopped typing, fingers resting on the keyboard as he looked up and met Tseng's questioning gaze with a determination that had Tseng's heartbeat skipping up a notch.

"Yes, I would like you to train me. Is that a possibility you would consider?" Rufus asked, a slither of uncertainty showing in his eyes.

Tseng's gaze narrowed, the urge to simply refuse rising up before being defeated by a sudden idea that Tseng hadn't entertained before. Could Rufus Shinra really obey him enough to be trained, and if it was possible, could Tseng twist the situation to make the youth need the Turks to the extent that their survival was assured?

"You would have to submit to my authority," Tseng stated flatly, eyes steady on the Vice President's. "Considering your constant rebellion against your father, I can't help but doubt your ability to do so."

"Allow me the chance to prove you wrong?" Rufus murmured softly, a one sided smile curling his lips.

Tseng took a few minutes to consider the possibilities. The pluses were plain before him, all that he had promised easily attainable if this worked in his favor. The very idea of Rufus Shinra being obedient and under his control had his mind wandering to all kinds of scenarios that were inappropriate and highly attractive to him. He allowed the smile wanting to bloom on his lips to surface, enjoying the way Rufus' eyes slipped down to his lips as the youth noticed the change in expression. Yes, there were all kinds of possibilities here that he could exploit.

"As you wish, Sir. We can begin tomorrow, if you feel you are ready," Tseng stated.

"Tomorrow it is then," Rufus replied, eyes going back to his laptop as his fingers resumed their dance across the keys.

Tseng turned and headed for the door, feeling a sense of hope that had been sorely missing from his life of late.

***.***

The next morning, Tseng entered Rufus Shinra's office with a clear sense of purpose and a stubborn determination to carry it through. He had spoken to all of his Turks, going over his plan with them first and garnering their full cooperation. While Rufus might be expecting a few lessons on self control and acting, Tseng had much more planned for the blond heir.

He had expanded on his original plan to win the Vice Presidents support on his own. Instead, he now planned to introduce Rufus to a full range of training, with each of the Turks teaching him a different skill. Tseng's aim was to build a rapport between the young blond and each of the Turks, so they would all have some kind of value in Rufus' eyes. It would, hopefully, give the ignorant young man a sense of respect for each of them individually, and if they played it right, ensure he didn't treat any of them as disposable in the future.

When Tseng informed Rufus of his training plan, the youth was, predictably, not impressed.

"That is not what I requested yesterday," Rufus muttered, sitting at his desk and directing a look of contempt towards Tseng.

"You wanted training and that is what I am offering. Each activity interweaves with the next. One cannot learn to act with confidence when one has none. I am not suggesting you be trained to a Turk's level of ability, but simply that you are given the basics, so that you are not completely defenseless. At the moment, most children from the slums could defeat you with little effort. One would think you would want to rectify that weakness."

"I am not weak!" Rufus hissed, eyes darting away to the side. Tseng remained silent, giving the youth time to control his wounded pride and really think about what he'd said. He believed Rufus was eager enough for success to agree to this, as long as it was presented to him in the right way.

"Explain to me why I need training in hand to hand when protecting me is the Turks job," he finally muttered, arms crossing over his chest and frown deepening.

"We _will_ be protecting you, but there are times when you will still need these abilities. We are often left outside your office while you are meeting clients. What if a business deal goes wrong? How would you face a physical attack and defend yourself until we could intervene? It would only be a matter of moments but that is enough time for damage to be done." Tseng watched as Rufus thought it over, noticing the frown beginning to lift as realization set in. He decided to push a little more. "Also, you are a man who insists on a certain level of independence. What if you are... entertaining a guest and things turn in a direction you are uncomfortable with?"

Rufus eyes suddenly swung back to Tseng, anger flaring in them. "Entertaining? What in Hades is that supposed to mean?"

"Surely a young man of your age intends to begin dating at some point. Your father has already expressed his desire that you find a partner to marry and produce a heir of your own. There are individuals out there that will try to take advantage of such an opportunity, many desperate enough to give up their lives to end your own. If you have no knowledge of self defense, anyone with a little training will be able to overcome you and end your life," Tseng explained patiently.

"I have no plans to date anyone, despite what my father wishes. I am too busy to carry on with such needless activities," Rufus retorted, but the anger was gone now, only a stubborn resistance remaining.

Tseng almost raised an eyebrow at the youth's words, surprised by his lack of interest in the opposite sex. The President certainly indulged in those trying to win favor, and Tseng had assumed his son would be no different. It was an anomaly Tseng would keep in mind to investigate later.

"Regardless, unless you plan to have a Turk beside you at every moment of the day and night, you need these skills. A Turk's confidence is not an act, but based on the fact we have certain abilities. The self control and emotionless facade you yearn for will be learned in a variety of ways and all of the activities I am proposing will help you to gain them."

Rufus was silent for a time and Tseng watched the variety of emotions playing over his face as he processed everything. It would be a challenge to teach the youth to be less transparent, but it would be worth the effort if it gained them security.

"Alright, I concede that I can see the positives of extending the training that I originally requested. What I do not understand is why I must have such a variety of teachers. One would assume you have the ability to teach me everything I need to know," Rufus finally murmured.

"Why would you only want me as a teacher?"

Rufus stood up from his desk and turned away, a sudden blush staining his cheeks. "Are you not the best of the Turks? As their leader, I assumed that was the case and if I am to be trained, I would insist on the most skilled person carrying out that training," Rufus explained as he walked to the window, keeping his back facing Tseng. "As the future President of Shinra, I do not think that assumption is unreasonable."

Tseng's curiosity only grew, Rufus' explanation delivered in a far from confident tone of voice, even if the reasoning behind it was sound. There was something going on he was not picking up clearly and it bothered him to have an unknown cropping up in the middle of his plans. Shaking off his concerns for now, he decided to just continue with his persuading.

"Giving you a variety of teachers is simply more efficient. We all have different strengths, and while under instruction you will have the opportunity to study each member of the Turks and see how their styles differ. Also, there is the issue of the President requesting that I regularly return to Midgar to give reports and carry out some minor missions. While I am absent, your training with the others can continue."

Rufus nodded, letting out a sigh that sounded more resigned than annoyed. "I accept your recommendation for the time being," he finally conceded, turning around to meet Tseng's eyes. "But you will oversee my training and if I have concerns in the future, I expect them to be addressed by you alone. Do I make myself clear?"

"Understood, Sir," Tseng replied, giving a slight bow of acquiescence.

"So what will I be starting with today?" Rufus inquired, walking over to stand before Tseng, arms still folded over his chest.

"Elena will begin teaching you basic hand to hand self defense today," Tseng began. "I would suggest that you change into clothing of a more suitable kind though, as it will be a very physical lesson. She is already awaiting you in our private training room."

"Physical...," Rufus repeated, frowning in confusion. "Am I to assume you expect me to fight with a girl?"

Tseng smiled, but there was little humor in the expression. "I can assure you that you do not have the ability to harm Elena at present, Sir. I would be far more concerned about her injuring you. She is very fast and highly skilled."

"She's a girl," Rufus repeated, looking at Tseng as if he'd taken leave of his senses.

"I have noticed, Sir, and before this conversation continues, I think it would be best for you to go to your lesson and find your answers for yourself." Tseng's annoyance of Rufus' ignorance was only tempered by the fact that Elena would pick up his sexist attitude quickly and then teach the youth the error of his misconceptions rather thoroughly.

***.***

Tseng had decided to give Rufus a week to get used to Elena's lessons before he introduced another teacher, figuring that the blond was going to have trouble adjusting to the purely physical aspects of it. While Rufus had been extensively educated, it had all been carried out by private tutors with the focus being on business knowledge alone. Too many hours behind a desk had left the young man with no stamina and very little strength.

Tseng had expected it would be a difficult adjustment, but he hadn't expected Elena to come to him on the third day with the news that Rufus was refusing to train any further.

Standing before the Vice President's desk, Tseng was now waiting for him to get off the phone so they could discuss why. Rufus was dragging out the call, obviously not wanting to address the issue, but Tseng was determined not to let this go so easily. When the call finally ended, Rufus scowled up at him, surprising Tseng with the severity of his expression.

"Why are you refusing to go to your lesson?" Tseng asked calmly, ignoring the attitude directed at him. Rufus didn't reply, turning to his laptop and beginning to type with his lips set in a thin line. "I would think you were more mature than this, Mr Vice President. If there is a problem, we should discuss it and solve it. Only children simply refuse without an explanation."

"I am not a child," Rufus growled, hands stilling on the keyboard but his eyes remained on the screen. "I am simply accepting the boundaries of my own abilities. As amusing as my attempts may be, I have better things to be doing than entertaining bodyguards. Now, if you will get out of my office, I can get back to more productive uses of my time."

Tseng frowned, taken aback by Rufus' words and the venom behind them. "I can assure you, sir, I find no reason for amusement. It was your idea to improve yourself and I respect you for recognizing the need to do so. As for your boundaries, it has only been two days. It will take much longer for you to improve and nobody expects you to become an expert overnight."

"No matter what I say, you always have the perfect response and it is so very annoying," Rufus huffed out, eyes finally meeting Tseng's. "Are you ever unsure of yourself? Has there ever been a time in your life when you've felt completely out of your league to the extent that... that...." Rufus words faltered, and he brought up his hands to rub his eyes roughly. "Goddess, you're just so fucking aggravating with your perfect words and perfect... everything!"

"I am not perfect," Tseng retorted, his confusion clear on his face. "My skills are the result of years of training. I worked hard and if you do the same, you will achieve the results you desire."

"Oh just shut up!" Rufus exclaimed, standing from his seat and pushing his chair backwards in frustration, eyes avoiding Tseng's.

"Sir," Tseng said softly, taking a different tact in an attempt to defuse Rufus' annoyance. "You need to explain to me what I have done as I do not understand. What is it that you want from me?"

Rufus looked up suddenly, stalking around the desk to stop face to face with the head Turk. "What do I want from you?" he asked, eyes locked with Tseng. "I want to see you doubting yourself. I want to see words fail you as you tremble with indecision. I want to see you afraid and lost and... and...."

Suddenly, Rufus grabbed the collar of Tseng's jacket and kissed him hard, pushing the head Turk up against his desk as he pressed his body against him. Within moments, Tseng found himself responding, his mind spinning in a sudden burst of lust that had him moaning into the kiss before he could control it. By the time Rufus released him, Tseng was completely dazed and could only stare wide eyed at the triumphant looking teenager before him.

"Hah!" Rufus exclaimed. "Finally I find a crack in your perfection." The blond grinned and Tseng had to put a hand back to hold the edge of the table, legs suddenly unsteady under him. "Thank you, Tseng. You just gave me exactly what I needed. I will go and find Elena and resume my training."

With that the blond walked out of the office, leaving the head Turk staring at the open door as he tried to work out what the hell had just happened.

***.***


	11. K - Kill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing - none  
> Characters – Tseng, Veld, Reno, Rude, Rufus, President Shinra  
> Warnings – Character death  
> Summary - Tseng says goodbye to Veld  
> Timeline – Pre Crisis Core

Tseng sits and cleans his gun, face blank and back stiff. The movements are automatic, the routine so ingrained in his mind that he could do it blindfolded while reciting the Turk handbook, word for word. He has no thoughts to distract him, no missions to plan or schedules to adjust. Everything has stopped in preparation of what is about to occur, the future uncertain and based solely on what Tseng will do with the orders he's been given. There is only one choice he can make and he cannot stop his mind from focusing on it, pulling it apart piece by piece and searching for alternatives that don't exist.

As futile as his thought patterns are, he sticks to them, terrified of letting his mind wander onto other paths that would be his undoing. Over and over the same things recycle in his mind until they are as automatic as the movements of his hands, both set on a loop that has him lost in his own diversion.

Tseng is just packing his cleaning instruments back into their case, his gun back in its holster, when the knock on the door sounds. He has timed the whole procedure perfectly but this success brings him no sense of achievement today. It only brings him one step closer to fulfilling his orders.

Rising from his chair, he buttons up his jacket as he approaches the door at a level pace. He does not hurry and he does not linger. Reno and Rude stand on the other side and are both dressed as immaculately as Tseng is. Rude's appearance is no surprise but Reno's throws Tseng for a moment, a lapse that is only short, but long enough for the redhead to fidget.

"By the book," Reno murmurs in explanation, not meeting Tseng's eyes as he breathes in deep, stilling his twitching.

Tseng would smile at the thoughtfulness of Reno's show of respect, but his lips are frozen into a line that will not move. He gives a short, quick nod instead, pulling the door closed behind him and leading the way down the hall, his last two Turks at his back. The silence is uncomfortable and loaded with so many unsaid words that Tseng feels the weight of them like a physical presence, heavy on his shoulders.

He is still lost in contemplation when he reaches the elevator doors and stops. It is only when Reno moves to press the call button that Tseng realizes his slip. Now that they are on their way, his mind is beginning to rebel, refusing to follow his commands for stillness and control. He can feel his heartbeat beginning to rise and takes a moment to close his eyes in the lift, fighting down his emotions and trying to freeze them into numbness. 

_It's just another job, another life to take_ , he tells himself, willing his mind to believe it. _How many lives have I taken and not felt a thing? This is no different. Just another job, another heart stopping, another soul returning to the lifestream._

Their arrival on the correct floor is announced with a cheery ding of a bell, Tseng stepping into the hall and managing to keep his pace steady and his outward appearance a blank canvas, despite the turmoil inside. As they approach their final destination, Tseng's inner voice is drowned out by his own heartbeat, banging under his ribs like a bird trying to escape a cage.

He pauses to breathe in and out, all too aware of his men standing silently behind him. A part of him is ashamed and afraid that they will see his weakness, but his conscience is too busy curling up in the fetal position to care.

Tseng knocks and the door opens to a smiling man, one of the President's private staff, though Tseng cannot recall his name at present. Tseng does not smile back.

"The President will be here shortly. His last meeting ran overtime so the schedule has been pushed back by around ten minutes. If you gentlemen would kindly wait inside for him to arrive," he instructs, pausing to stand back and gesture into the room. 

Tseng enters, and walks to the centre of the room but by the time he turns, the door is closing behind the man, the Turks left to wait alone. They do not talk, as they'd previously discussed this very possibility. It was Turk protocol to leave suspects alone together to talk while monitoring the room and Tseng almost rolls his eyes at how stupid it was of the President to try and use one of their own tactics against them.

Nobody moves to the provided chairs against one wall, although all three find their gazes drawn to the plastic sheeting that had been laid on the floor on the opposite wall to the chairs. Once Tseng's eyes focus on it, he can't pull them away.

 _Practical_ , his mind supplies and he almost growls at himself at the reflex thought. _No, just wrong,,, so very, very wrong._

Tseng happens to think himself an expert on wrongness, as most of his life has been painted in its darker hues. Some wrongs he even likes, probably more than is healthy for a human, but he had accepted that side of himself many years ago and left his doubts behind. He was proud to be a Turk and held no doubts or shame over any of his previous actions on the job.

Today will be a whole new level of wrong that he'd previously never experienced though and he knows without a doubt that he will feel shame... amongst other things he is trying hard to not think about. 

By the time the President and his entourage arrive, Tseng is standing over by the only bare wall in the room, facing the opposite door with a flat expression. Rude and Reno are behind him, one to each side. Tseng has managed to calm himself externally at least, as he watches them enter with a group of Soldier second class. The Soldiers are all armed, making it clear to Tseng that the Turks will all end up on that plastic sheeting if he does not cooperate.

Tseng is relieved to see that only the President and his son, Rufus, are there from the hierarchy of the company, as he'd been worried that all the department heads may be called to witness the Turk's punishment. It is bad enough that the President has brought his secretary with him and as the young woman giggles and grins at her boss, Tseng feels his stomach twist painfully. The President smiles and pats her hand, as if this is some kind of macabre date and Tseng has to look away, his eyes darting to the President's son.

At least Rufus isn't smiling. The young man looks serious, his eyes on the plastic on the floor, just as Tseng's own had been. Tseng watches the fine features twist into a frown before moving onto his father, just in time to see the older man kiss his secretary's hand. As she giggles again, Rufus glares at them both, his seat behind them giving him free range to let his emotions show. A part of Tseng's brain tries to log the apparent hatred away for later introspection, but it is quickly forgotten as soon as the door to the room opens again.

Veld is wearing his Turk suit, a new one by the looks of it. He appears as crisp and clean as the other three Turks in the room and for some reason that, in itself, makes it all the worse for Tseng. He can't look away, his eyes glued to his mentor as the older man strides into the room confidentially and takes his place standing in the center of the plastic sheeting facing the President.

"Veld, you have been found guilty of treason. Do you have any last words before the new Director of the Turks executes you?" the President drawls, seeming to enjoy drawing out the drama.

"I'd like to say something to Tseng before he carries out my sentence," Veld replies, voice even and showing no strain or fear. 

"Take position, Director, and once he's done, carry out the sentence," the President commands, looking pleased.

Tseng's heartbeat was already racing but it picks up speed at the mention of his name, his eyes widening as he moves into the center of the room facing Veld. It allows him to turn his back on the spectators, only leaving Rude and Reno to see his face, if only in profile. He pulls out his gun from the holster under his arm, holding it down by his side, pointing at the ground as he waits for Veld to speak.

The room becomes suddenly quiet and Veld finally meets Tseng's eyes. They stare at each other and Tseng feels something inside of him on the point of breaking, like a vase teetering on the edge of a table, ready to fall.

Veld smiles.

The vase falls and a part of Tseng shatters. He hides it well, only a small sound escaping him that could easily be written off as surprise. The way Veld's eyes soften tells Tseng that he understands the real reason behind the sound.

"I want you to know how proud I am of you," Veld begins, eyes fixed on Tseng as the younger Turk began to tremble, ever so slightly. "Lead the Turk's with strength and courage... and remember me as I was, before it all went so wrong."

Tseng nods, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth as he bites down on it hard, unable to speak. Veld simply kneels down in place and Tseng walks closer, his whole nervous system going into overdrive. He lifts his gun and holds it up with both hands to try and stop the shaking of his limbs, pressing the barrel against Veld's forehead as he clicks off the safety. He is so close he can smell his mentor's aftershave, and for a moment he closes his eyes, breathing it in as he tries to find the resolve he needs to carry this out, to kill someone he loves.

Eyes open suddenly as he realizes what he's just thought. He loves Veld, his mentor, the closest thing to a father he's ever had and the first person in the world who ever cared about him. Tseng has never loved someone before, in any way, shape or form and the sudden epiphany almost makes him lose his control.

"Tseng," Veld's voice whispers, catching his attention. "Breathe in deep, son, and just pull the trigger."

"I love you... father," Tseng whispers back, the words just slipping out in his panicked confusion. He doesn't understand completely but he feels he has to tell Veld before he is gone forever.

"I love you too, son," Veld replies softly, a small smile on his face once more despite his troubled eyes. "Now pull the trigger and protect our Turks. I'll be watching and waiting for you."

Tseng nods again, knowing he is running out of time and the President's patience will not last. Veld closes his eyes and lets out a breath, and just as he starts to breathe in again, Tseng pulls the trigger.

***.***


	12. L - Lollypops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing - Sephiroth/Tseng  
> Characters - Tseng, Sephiroth, Lazard, Reno  
> Warnings - None this time  
> Summary - Tseng tries to kick a bad habit  
> Timeline - Pre Crisis Core

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For my American readers, lolly/lollies is a term used in Australia, New Zealand and England for lollypops. It is used as a broad term in Australia and New Zealand for any candy of any type. I usually try to stick to American English and terminology in my stories, simply because most of my readers are American, but I felt the need for a familiar term here. Forgive me for being self indulgent. Also, I am a smoker and have failed at giving up so many times it's not funny, so I'm not bagging smokers here. I'm just musing about Tseng's successful attempt at kicking the habit. 
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tseng doesn't remember why he started smoking, but he knows he has to stop. The habit has taken a hold of him and it's finally starting to affect him in ways he can't deny. His strategy of ignorance and self denial is crumbling under the weight of a persistent cough that is constantly tickling his throat, even when he's breathing in fresh air.

Veld's frown every time he coughs isn't helping either. He hates to displease his mentor and, even though Veld has never spoken to him about his habit, he can see the disappointment in those eyes. To avoid the looks, Tseng has cut down and doesn't smoke in Veld's presence anymore but he knows Veld can still smell the evidence of his continuing vice.

Sephiroth is another unimpressed onlooker, and the general has taken to cringing up his perfect nose and making the most adorably disgusted expression if Tseng lights up in his presence. At the start of their relationship,that probably would have been enough to make Tseng quit, but now he sometimes lights up just to annoy the General. Not much gets a reaction from Sephiroth these days and if partaking in his favorite bad habit brings out a human response in his lover, than why not?

That train of thought is childish though, and Tseng realizes it. While riling up his lover may be entertaining, the cigarettes have taken a hold of him and he needs to break away from them before they do him any permanent damage. Besides, he's sure he can find another, less self destructive way to force humanity on Sephiroth.

All of these thoughts circulate in his head as he stands in the alleyway behind the Shinra tower, breathing in the nicotine that somehow makes him feel better. There isn't much in this world that pleases Tseng, and it's ironic that he can find such an emotion at the end of a burning stick of paper and plant. 

He realizes though, that this won't be easy. The very fact he'll stand here in a stinking alley, just to get a fix where Veld can't find him, is enough proof that he's in too deep. Looking down at the cigarette, he rolls it in between his fingers frowning before flicking the ash off the end and watching it fall to the ground.

He needs a plan, some way to take the edge off his cravings so he has a chance of success.

***.***

Two weeks into Tseng's attempts to cut back, he has to admit that in this, he may just fail. Today the urge for a cigarette has left him aggravated and distracted, and he's come down to his car to smoke far earlier than he usually manages.

He only smokes in his car and at home now but has found that the only thing that going without for longer periods has achieved, is that when he does smoke, he smokes twice as many. He's starting to get annoyed and realizing that giving up this need is going to be far harder than he first suspected. His home stinks. His car stinks. He guesses that he stinks too, but the need for that smoky goodness makes all of these things fade into insignificance in the moment.

He's not going to live long in this profession anyway, so why not enjoy a few bad habits? A bullet is still more likely to be his end than some smoking related disease. Everyone has some kind of crutch in life to help them along, help then to deal, and he could be an alcoholic or drug addict, after all, and wouldn't that be worse? At least cigarettes don't muddle his mind or affect his ability to perform at work. 

The cigarette he's enjoying has burnt down too far while he's been trying to justify his habit to himself and the next inhale burns his throat, making him cough and choke. He stubs it out in the ashtray in his dashboard, frowning at the smell from the burning filter. 

The coughing is his least favorite part of this whole situation, although even that could be more a result of the pollution he's sucking down everyday rather than the cigarettes. He knows he isn't as fit as he was before, but usually it's the trainee Turk's that do most of the leg work anyway, so why worry? He can still outrun most of his coworkers, even if he has slowed down a little. 

As for his personal life, Sephiroth may make faces and complain about the smell, but he still comes over most days when he's not away on missions. They still have sex and it's no less passionate or enjoyable. Sephiroth still kisses him deeply and seems to just ignore the taste of nicotine that is always there.

When it comes to Veld, he hasn't voiced any problem with cigarettes, so surely Tseng is over reacting in thinking the older man hates it or is upset with him. If it was really a serious issue he needed to address, wouldn't his mentor say something?

Really, why should he be putting himself through all the trouble of trying to quit anyway? He's just human and deserves a bad habit that he can call his own, surely? In the end, it's just stress relief after all.

Tseng lights up another and draws a deep breath, sighing as his neurons register a need fulfilled. He's far more relaxed now as he stares out the windscreen at the cement wall in front of his car, the radio playing down low in the background adding to his calm state.

He doesn't hear the footsteps approaching until they are far too close, but luckily, it's just Reno that's comes looking for him.

"Hey boss," the youth drawls out, leaning against the next car, just outside Tseng's open window. Tseng turns and gives him a small smile, but the expression falls away as he notices something in his protégé's hand. Reno is smoking and suddenly Tseng feels overwhelmed by guilt.

The redhead inhales, watching Tseng watch him. The silence between them continues and Tseng can only stare with an expression of despair on his face, his own cigarette long forgotten as it burns down in between his fingers where they rest on the steering wheel of his car.

Reno's eyes flick over to Tseng's hand, just as a sudden pain draws his own attention that way. His cigarette has burnt down so far that it's burnt his fingers and Tseng swears, stubbing it out before fussing over the mess the ash has made on his legs. By the time he turns back to Reno, the redhead is gone.

Frowning, Tseng gets out of his car and locks the door, pausing to look at the discarded cigarette Reno has stomped out into the asphalt. Squatting down, he takes a closer look and notices it's even the same brand as his own. His next breath comes out shaky and Tseng leans back against his car's door, still squatting on the ground, and closes his eyes.

This has to stop.

***.***

Three days later Tseng is at his desk, muscles so tight with stress that he's already taken the maximum daily dose of pain killers for the headache assaulting him. The pills aren't helping with the pain though, and the cravings for a cigarette are driving his temper to seethe just under the surface, ready to break free at any moment. It's been the longest three days of his life and the only thing he can focus on right now is how much he needs a cigarette and how easy it would be to just give in and go buy some.

"Looking a little stressed this morning, boss," Reno comments offhandedly, walking through his office door without knocking to perch on the side of Tseng's desk.

Tseng tries for a sound of indifference but it comes out sounding more like a growl. Reno only raises an eyebrow in reaction, his smile not faltering in the slightest. Tseng feels like punching that grin off his face and the thought stuns him a little, short circuiting his rise to anger. He's never once thought of hurting Reno before.

"Since ya always taking care of me and making sure I'm okay, I decided to go buy a present that'll help ya out," Reno declares, placing a brown paper bag in the middle of Tseng's desk, right on top of the report he's been trying to write for the past two hours.

"A present?" Tseng asks, looking suspiciously at the bag.

"Just open it," Reno insists, rolling his eyes. "It's nothing dangerous or disgusting. Trust me."

Tseng exhales, ripping open the top sealed edge and looking down into the bag without further pause. What he finds inside has him frowning in confusion and looking back at Reno in question.

"It's not an insult, so stop going there in your head," Reno quickly says, standing up so he can take a step back away from Tseng. "Just..." The redhead scratches his head, searching for the right words and Tseng allows him the time to find them as he reaches into the bag to pull out one of the lollypops. Tseng notices there is a variety of colors, shapes and flavors inside and he guesses that there's at least twenty lollypops, if not more.

"It helps to have something to replace the smokes," Reno finally blurts out, hands disappearing into his pockets as his body slumps into a rare submissive pose, his eyes downcast. "When I gave up, before I met you, I used to suck on them to keep my mouth busy. It really helped me, so I thought it might help you too."

Tseng's eyes soften and he manages a small smile at his protégé's thoughtfulness. As strange as it is to be given a bag of lollypops, the reasons behind the gesture are sound and he appreciates the thought, even if he doubts he'll make use of them.

"That is thoughtful of you," Tseng finally murmurs, turning the sweet he is holding in his hand and noticing the purple ball on a stick seemed to be labeled as dumbapple flavored. "I've never had much of a sweet tooth before though, I must admit."

"It's not about the sweetness, it's about having something in your mouth to distract you," Reno insists, moving back closer to the desk and reaching into the bag to take one for himself. "Look, I know it seems a little weird at first, but trust me, it really helps."

Tseng is less than convinced, but as Reno unwraps one of the lollies and pops it into his mouth, he finds himself imitating him. The apple flavor is overly sweet as it sits on his tongue, but as he starts to suck on the sweet, he realizes that having the stick between his lips does feel oddly comforting in his present state of withdrawal.

Glancing up at Reno, he finds the redhead smiling around the lollypop in his own mouth and Tseng returns the expression, before pulling the lolly out with a slight popping sound.

"Thank you, Reno. I do believe that these will help," he states before putting it back in his mouth, the stick on the end moving around as he sucks on it contentedly.

Reno grinned, giving a wink before sauntering out of Tseng's office, humming a random tune. Tseng could only grin after him, feeling a little better already.

***.***

By the next Monday morning, Tseng's withdrawal had calmed a little, although he still found himself spending a majority of his days thinking about cigarettes. The lollypops were helping though, and Tseng found he'd spent the weekend at home chewing on the sticks long after he'd finished the sweet that came on the end. It was somehow soothing just to have something else between his lips, physically taking the place of the cigarettes he'd become so attached too.

He did not want to be seen chewing on an old lollypop stick at work though, and as he'd run out of Reno's lollypops last night, he'd stopped into a shop on the way to work and picked up the first similar sweet he'd found. It was a different brand to the ones Reno had bought him, but tasted similar as he popped it into his mouth and entered the Shinra building.

First up, Tseng had a meeting in his office to discuss security for an upcoming event. Veld had recently put him in charge of dealing with interdepartmental relations, and as much as he usually disliked this part of his job, he didn't mind so much when the meeting was with the Director of Soldier. Lazard Deusericus was always polite and to the point, characteristics sorely missing from some of the other Department Heads in Shinra.

Tseng was checking his emails when his guest arrived, and he was surprised to find that Lazard was not alone.

"Tseng, I hope you don't mind. General Sephiroth has accompanied me as we have a debriefing immediately after this. He's just come back from his latest mission and I ran into him on the way here," Lazard explained, taking a seat as Tseng busied himself with making both men tea, trying to keep his eyes from being drawn to his lover.

Sephiroth had been gone for three weeks and Tseng found himself a little excited to have him home, not that he planned to let the other man find out just how much he'd been missed. The General was already arrogant enough without Tseng stroking his ego any further.

"That is fine, Sir," Tseng replied, his back to both the other men. "We're going over the preliminary plans today, General, and you may have some suggestions we can take into consideration."

As Tseng finished making the tea and served it, Lazard busied himself with showing Sephiroth the plans and filling him in on the extent of Soldier's participation. Tseng joined the discussion and half an hour later, the details had been worked out to both departments satisfaction. 

As the conversation ebbed and his guests finished their second cup of tea, Tseng began to twitch under the intense gaze Sephiroth had been sending him over the course of the meeting. Glancing up, he intended to shoot Sephiroth a warning glare to halt the behavior but paused when he found Lazard was looking at him too now. The Director's eyes were focused on Tseng's lips and he had an odd expression on his face.

"Is there a problem?" Tseng asked, his eyes flicking between both men.

"Oh, my apologies, Tseng," Lazard quickly replied, his eyes meeting Tseng's. "I just never realized that you had a sweet tooth before."

Tseng felt his pulse quicken as he realized that he was still sucking on the lollypop and had forgotten to remove it before the meeting had started. He'd gotten so used to having one in his mouth that he hadn't even noticed, able to speak around the obstruction quite well now. He couldn't help but be mortified by how rude his oversight was.

"I am very sorry, Sir. I forgot it was there and I meant to remove it before you arrived," he hurriedly explained, popping the sweet out of his mouth and discarding it in the bin next to his desk. "I recently gave up smoking and have been using these to help with the withdrawal."

Lazard smiled widely, nodding in understanding. "Ah, that explains it then. So, no sweet tooth?" he chuckled out, eyes falling back to Tseng's lips.

"No, Sir. Not usually," Tseng replied, licking his suddenly dry lips as decently as he could manage with Lazard still staring at them.

"I'm glad to hear you've finally given up," Sephiroth stated, pulling Tseng's eyes to him with his words. "You're such an attractive man and it was regretful to see your beauty marred by such a habit."

Tseng stared, stunned to silence that Sephiroth would say such things in front of his own superior. While it was hardly outing their relationship, it was an extremely inappropriate thing to say to a coworker and he felt his face heat instantly to hear such words from his lover.

"Now, now, Sephiroth. Tseng is an attractive man either way," Lazard murmured, Tseng's eyes switching back to the Director and widening in shock at the teasing expression the Director was now sending his way. "And besides, it's not proper to flirt at a business meeting. It's near impossible to concentrate with a beautiful subordinate distracting us as it is, without you making him blush as well."

Tseng felt his face heat further as he swallowed nervously, pushing down the urge to scowl at his guests. As much as he wanted to bite out a comment on them both being out of line, Lazard was far too high up in the hierarchy for him to be rude to. 

"I am sorry, Tseng. I promise in the future to resist the urge to speak of your beauty at business meetings and make you blush," Sephiroth apologized, smiling wickedly while Lazard began to chuckle.

Lazard's phone chose that exact moment to ring and Tseng pulled in a breath, sending Sephiroth a dark glare as soon as the blond turned away to answer it. Sephiroth only grinned back, not seeming to be affected in the slightest by Tseng's anger towards him. Looking away, Tseng concentrated on slowing his racing heart and calming himself, trying to ignoring Sephiroth for now.

"I'm afraid that we have been called away, Tseng," Lazard sighed, turning back as he flipped his phone closed. "I'm glad we managed to achieve so much today though and I do apologize for Sephiroth's behavior. The Soldiers all tend to be a little feisty when they return from such long missions. I hope you won't hold it against our department in the future."

"Of course not, Sir. I understand," Tseng responded, standing up as Lazard did, and reaching across the desk to shake hands. As Lazard let go, the general's hand suddenly grasped Tseng's before he could withdraw it.

"I do earnestly apologize for any offense I may have caused," Sephiroth murmured, lips curling in a smile that wasn't regretful in the slightest. Tseng rolled his eyes, not amused as he looked away, refusing to let the general upset him any further. Sephiroth took the opportunity of his moment of inattention to bring his lips down to kiss the back of Tseng's hand.

"Sephiroth!" Tseng hissed, eyes back on the smirking general in an instant. "What is wrong with you?" Managing to pull his hand free, Tseng took a step backwards, face once more burning in embarrassment as his lover just chuckled at his distress.

"I was simply overcome by your beauty. I will endeavor to control myself better in the future," Sephiroth said by way of excuse, his voice earnest even if his expression made it clear that his intentions were anything but honorable.

Tseng could only stare as the General turned away, leaving Tseng's office without looking back. Tseng's gaze followed him out the door, only to find Lazard looking back from where he had stopped to wait for the general, just outside. The young blond smiled before turning to walk away with Sephiroth, and Tseng found himself staring until they were out of sight. He then rounded the desk and shut the door, leaning back against it with a frustrated sigh.

A lollypop was definitely not going to be enough now.

Ten minutes later, Tseng was back down in the alley behind the Shinra building, sucking the life out a cigarette that he had stolen out of his secretary's desk while she went to make herself a coffee. It burnt his throat, tasted like crap and made him feel like a complete failure.

It was also one of the most enjoyable cigarettes he'd ever had in his life.

Once he was finished, he made his way back upstairs feeling much calmer. On the way down, he'd received strange looks from people he'd passed and attributed it solely to his angry expression, but he found he was still getting them now, even though his expression had calmed. Frowning, he decided to visit the men's room on the way back, to make sure there wasn't something embarrassing about his appearance. What he found in the mirror left him momentarily frozen in mortification.

His lips were stained red, and not just a light shade either. The color was so dramatic and noticeable that it looked like he was wearing lipstick. Cursing, Tseng lifted a hand to his lips, running a finger along one as he thought over what could have caused it, coming to only one conclusion. The lollypop he had purchased this morning must be the culprit. 

"Wow, what's with the makeup, boss? You going undercover as a girl or something?" Reno exclaimed from behind him, making the usually calm Tseng jump in surprise. He'd been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't even heard the door to the men's room open.

"N-no," Tseng retorted, wincing as his voice stuttered. He took a deep breath before attempting speech again, thankful for the way Reno waited for him to collect himself. "I ran out of lollypops this morning so I bought one on the way to work. I believe _it_ did this to my lips and I only just noticed."

Reno grinned, walking closer as he stared at Tseng's lips in the mirror. "Oh, I probably should of warned you not ta buy the corner store ones. They've usually got so much food coloring in them that they stain ya lips. Want me to pick you up some more of those other ones that don't?"

"Yes, that would be very helpful, Reno," Tseng murmured, letting out a breath when the redhead didn't tease or mock him. "Do you... I mean, is there anyway to get rid of the color?"

"Nah, it'll just wear off in a few hours on its own," Reno replied, stopping behind Tseng and resting his chin on his shoulder. He gazed at Tseng in the mirror as his mentor frowned at his own refection. 

"A few hours?" Tseng muttered dejectedly, hand coming up again to run over his lips. "I suppose I'll have to lock myself in my office until it does then."

Reno chuckled, hands coming to rest on Tseng's hips lightly. "Ya don't have ta hide," he murmured, grin bright under the fluorescent lights. "Besides, it looks good on you." The scowl he received for his words went unheeded, Reno only chuckling again. 

"It doesn't look good at all. I look like a damn woman and I've already just sat through a whole meeting without knowing... making a total fool of myself," Tseng retorted, thinking back over this morning and wincing as he realized this was probably the reason behind Sephiroth and Lazard's odd behavior. "Maybe I should just go home."

"Hey," Reno whispered, his arms snaking around Tseng to hug him from behind. "It's not that bad. Who was the meeting with and what did they say to upset ya so much?"

"The Director of Soldier. By the end of the meeting he kept staring at my lips and making odd comments," Tseng replied, unsure of whether or not he should mention Sephiroth's name to Reno. The redhead was aware of his relationship with the general, but seemed to dislike Sephiroth so much that Tseng often avoided mentioning him if possible. He moved his own hands to rest on Reno's around his waist and sighed again, deciding to be truthful so his protégé would understand his distress. "Sephiroth was there too and he kept flirting with me. It was so humiliating to be treated like that in front of the Director. I think Lazard might know about....."

"Don't say it," Reno mumbled, all traces of humor gone from his face as he interrupted Tseng's words. "This room ain't safe," he added in a whisper, Tseng mentally kicking himself when he realized Reno was right. The toilets were all equipped with cameras on the upper floors, although they only focused on the sink areas to catch conversations and gossip in passing colleagues. Tseng was ashamed he had forgotten.

"Look, I gotta go downtown to pick up some shit for the President," Reno continued, lifting his chin off of Tseng's shoulder but keeping his arms around him. "How about you drive me, so ya can get out for awhile? I was looking for Rude to take me, but it'd give you a nice excuse to get some air and it'll take at least an hour. You'll probably be back to looking like ya normal spunky self by then."

Tseng smiled, a hand giving a light squeeze to one of Reno's arms around him. "Thank you, Reno."

"No problem," the redhead replied, face back to its usual amused expression as he released Tseng and stood back. "Ya can buy me lunch while we're down there, just cause I'm such an awesome underling."

Tseng tried to glare in feigned annoyance, but he couldn't keep the smile from his face as he led Reno out of the bathroom and back to his office to grab his keys. By the time they were down in the car park, Reno had begun his usual habit of nonsensical conversation and Tseng had forgotten all about his stained lips and the general's flirting.

***.***


	13. M - Maneuvering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Pairing** \- Tseng/Reno  
>  **Characters** – Tseng, Reno.  
>  **Warnings** – Swearing, sex.  
>  **Summary** \- Sometimes Reno is the best medicine for Tseng.  
>  **Timeline** – During Rufus' exile in Junon. 8 days after chapter 10.
> 
> ~~~

Tseng sat at the kitchen table, drinking his coffee and watching as Reno tried to balance a knife across the top of the catuar shaped salt shaker with a concentration seldom seen in the redhead. He wasn't watching because this was anything new... in fact, Reno usually did this every morning at breakfast, simply because it was something Rude could do and he couldn't.

Tseng had never tried himself and wasn't about to now. He'd had two hours sleep in the last 48 hours, sitting upright in the chopper that had brought him back from Midgar, and while the coffee was keeping him upright, he knew his co-ordination would be shot to shit.

The fact he was even sitting here, watching Reno and thinking up reasons why he wouldn't take a turn at the inane challenge was enough to convince Tseng that once his meeting with Rufus was done, sleep was the only thing he would be doing for the next four hours. Five if Rufus decided to be brief, but that was unlikely.

"Can you hold down the fort until lunch while I catch up on some sleep?" Tseng murmured, the sound of his voice making Reno jump a little, the knife clanging to the table as he looked up at Tseng with a lazy scowl.

"Yeah, yeah. Not like I haven't been doing that all week already. 'Sides, nothing vaguely interesting ever happens in this fuckhole of a town," he muttered, leaning back in his chair and putting both feet up on the table, balancing act forgotten for now. "You need some sleep. You look like shit."

"Why, thank you Reno. You look like shit too," Tseng retorted flatly, sipping his coffee again as he prayed the caffeine would give him some patience. _Any minute now..._

"When did ya last close your eyes for more than a couple of hours anyway?" Reno asked, ignoring the returned insult in favor of studying Tseng across the table.

"Not since I was last here, but I have had plenty of naps along the way. I'm fine and will be rectifying the deficit of sleep soon enough."

"Seriously? You've been gone for eight days and you haven't had a decent sleep that whole time? How the fuck are you still conscious?" Reno insisted, putting his legs down on the floor so he could reach across and stop Tseng from taking another drink from his cup. His hand on Tseng's was gentle but insistent, and Tseng didn't have the energy to move it.

"I'm fine, Reno. It's not the first time I've had so little sleep over a week," Tseng murmured, meeting the redhead's concerned eyes with his own stubborn gaze. "I just have to give my report and then I will sleep."

"Nah, fuck that," Reno announced, standing up and coming around the table without letting go of Tseng's hand. "You need to sleep now."

"Reno, do not order me around," Tseng muttered, his tone showing his growing annoyance. He really didn't have the patience to argue with the redhead's overprotective instincts right now and his next sentence was little more than a growl. "I am not a child and I can handle myself without your assistance."

Reno paused for a moment beside him, Tseng's tone of voice obviously having the desired effect. He released Tseng's hand after a moment, sighing in frustration as he looked away with a frown twisting his features. Tseng's eyes went back to his coffee, looking at the nearly empty cup as if he could refill it by will alone.

His thoughts skipped once more to Rufus, without his permission. He hadn't seen the blond since the day he'd been kissed by him, and that moment had been bothering him, clinging to the edge of every thought, the whole time he was away. Tseng knew he'd never get any kind of decent sleep until he'd found out if Rufus was going to pretend it never happened or act differently because of it. He needed to know first, so he could plan the Turks next move in trying to earn the young heir's support. All of the uncertainty would only keep him awake otherwise.

"Fine, Mr Invincible. At least let me make ya another coffee while ya wait for everyone to wake up," Reno murmured, turning his back on Tseng to fiddle with the coffee machine on the counter.

With a sigh of his own, Tseng relented and swallowed down his temper. "Fine," he mumbled, a little embarrassed he'd snapped at the redhead when he was only looking out for Tseng's best interests. As Reno turned and placed a new cup on the table and reached for the old one, Tseng reached out and stopped his hand with his own. "I'm sorry Reno. I didn't mean to be so...."

"Bitchy?" Reno supplied with a grin. 

Tseng managed a small smile back, nodding in acceptance. Reno's chuckle eased his conscience though, and he began drinking his new coffee, managing not to make a face at the odd taste he encountered. Reno never could make a decent cup. When it came to breakfast though, the redhead excelled. Tseng watched as Reno began getting out ingredients to cook for everyone, taking his time drinking the coffee as he still had around ten minutes before the clock hit six am. 

Rude would be here then, if not before, always waking up on time and frequently early if it was Reno's turn to cook. There was an interesting bond forming between Reno and Rude, one Tseng was curious about, although he wouldn't ask about it yet. 

Elena wouldn't be there until someone relieved her of her post, as she was on night duty guarding Rufus this week. Once Tseng had spoken to Rude, he was going to head to Rufus' room with the heir's breakfast, planning on giving his report while Rufus ate. He would catch up with Elena on the way and send her back to breakfast, so the other three could eat together.

Now though, he could only sit and wait for Rude to arrive, so he dragged his gaze from Reno's ass before the redhead noticed him staring again, and looked at his quickly disappearing coffee once more. A sudden wave of exhaustion swept over him, catching him off guard as he'd been beginning to brighten up a little before. His eyes wanted to close and he was having to fight just to keep them open now, his hands releasing the coffee mug as he lifted them to rub over his face.

"What the...," he mumbled out as his body slumped in the chair, eyes flickering closed as he gripped the edge of the table simply to keep himself from falling. The sudden arms he felt curl around him were a comfort at first, until he heard what Reno whispered in his ear.

"Sorry to do this to ya, boss, but sometimes you just don't know when to stop. I'll handle Rufus. You just sleep."

Tseng growled, the only sound he was able to make before blackness overtook him.

***.***

_A moan escaped Tseng's lips as he writhed in place, the kiss he'd been sharing with Rufus suddenly morphing into more in the blink of an eye. Rufus was now sucking on his cock, confidently taking in the whole length as Tseng reached down to grip the blond's head, fingers weaving through hair that was so very soft. Soft like Reno's..._

With a sudden intake of breath, Tseng opened his eyes and looked down to find Reno gazing up at him with a mouthful. The redhead winked as Tseng gasped, watching his cock disappear between those perfectly pouty lips.

"Reno...," Tseng groaned out, the sudden feeling of fingers inside of him, brushing over his prostate, making him arch back on the bed and spread his legs wider. His hands moved off of Reno's head, Tseng too worried about pulling hair as he was swept towards climax in the hands of an expert. "I... I'm gonna... fuck!"

His vision whiting out, Tseng could only writhe on the bed, hands gripping the sheets on either side of his body as he reached climax loudly, too dazed and half asleep to have the mind to be quiet. Reno kept sucking even after he'd stilled, fingers slowly continuing to fuck Tseng as the dark haired Turk tried to catch his breath. "Reno," he panted, hands moving down to cup the redhead's face as he looked down the length of his body at his coworker, trembling from the oversensitivity. "Want a kiss."

Reno let Tseng's cock fall out of his mouth slowly before crawling up over Tseng's naked body to give him the kiss he'd asked for. Tseng carded his hands through lose red strands, tasting himself on Reno's tongue and moaning into the youth's mouth as he felt the redhead's length press against him through the material of his pants.

"Why aren't you naked?" Tseng asked sleepily when Reno pulled back to smile down at him.

"You want me naked? I thought you were done for now," Reno joked, chuckling at the confused frown his words brought to Tseng's face. The smile disappeared when Tseng snuck a hand between them to squeeze the redhead's erection through his pants, and Tseng smiled at the way Reno's eyes closed and his hips thrust into the touch.

"Hmmm... I'm beginning to see ya point," Reno breathed out, eyes still closed as his hips found a slow rhythm. "Although, this was supposed to be just for you... but if ya insist on returning the pleasure..."

Tseng answered him by claiming the redhead's mouth in a deep kiss before flipping their positions so he was on top. He immediately busied himself with undoing the redhead's pants and pulling them off, while Reno removed his own shirt. When Tseng looked back up he got the perfect view of a completely bared Reno.

"Like what ya see, hot stuff?" Reno suddenly asked, waggling his eyebrows at Tseng and pulling a chuckle from the dark haired man, taking the edge of the sudden nervousness that had fallen over Tseng.

"Modesty is a wonderful personality trait," Tseng murmured, crawling back up and over Reno's now bare body with a smile. "Maybe you should try it some time."

"Nah," Reno retorted, hands moving to Tseng's waist before he pulled the older man down against his body. "You love me just as I am, remember?"

Tseng's smile lost it's teasing edge, turning a little sad as those words made him remember his first week with Reno living in his apartment. The redhead had been so young and vulnerable then, waking up from nightmares full of abuse that left him huddled in a corner, believing the words others had spat at him in the midst of their rage. Tseng had told him, over and over, that he was perfect, just the way he was and that anyone who didn't agree with Tseng didn't deserve to breath. They'd spent the next two weeks tracking some of the worst of them down, after hours, and making sure they'd never bother Reno's dreams again.

"I do," Tseng finally agreed, kissing the redhead's nose affectionately. 

Reno's expression softened as one of his hands rose up to run tentative fingers down the side of Tseng's face. "You always will... won't you?" he asked in a small, vulnerable voice.

"Always," Tseng responded confidently, eyes locked onto Reno's. "No matter where life takes us, no matter who you end up taking as a partner, or who I end up taking as a partner, we will always have each other. We're family, bonded by our souls, if not by our blood and nothing will ever change that."

Reno smiled, and it was one of his rare, honest expressions. Tseng's heart skipped a beat at the sight of it and he could only grin back as Reno's hand cupped his face, pulling him back in for a deep kiss that swept all further thoughts away.

***.***

Half an hour later, both Turks were lying side by side on Tseng's bed, catching their breath. Tseng was wide awake now, two orgasms having well and truly cleared the last cobwebs of sleep from his mind. Glancing to his window, he noticed the sun was still shining through it and sighed in relief. _Still morning then._ Looking to his bedside table to check the time, he found his alarm clock was missing and frowned.

"Reno, where is my clock?" he asked, turning to look at the youth beside him.

"Oh... I borrowed it," Reno replied, not meeting his eyes. 

"Do you know what time it is then?" Tseng asked, worried by Reno's refusal to look at him. By the sun's rays shining through his window, not more than two hours could have passed since they were in the kitchen. After all, he knew from experience that after 9am the sun had moved high enough to be blocked out by the building next door to theirs.

"It was around 8 when I can in to wake you up."

"Hmm... good. Well, I don't know what you put in my coffee, but if you ever drug me again, I will kick your ass," Tseng warned, deciding not to harp on Reno's actions further, as he knew the redhead had done it out of concern for him. He did feel better for it too, so in a way he was thankful, although he wasn't going to tell Reno that. "At least I'm only a couple of hours late to give Rufus my report," Tseng added, rolling onto his side to face Reno. "I guess he was displeased there would be a delay when you told him?"

"He was... yesterday," Reno mumbled.

"What?" Tseng exclaimed, sitting up in the bed and glaring down at the redhead. "Did you say yesterday?"

Reno cringed, but finally looked at Tseng, eyes wide and a little panicked. 

"Look it was yesterday, but before you kill me, you have to admit that you needed the sleep. Rufus isn't pissed off or anything, okay? I talked to him and told him that you'd had no sleep and was pale with dark rings under ya eyes and all. At first he didn't believe me but then I dragged his stuck up little ass in here and showed him, and he went all quiet, which was kinda weird at the time, but then he just nodded and said that he expected ya report by lunchtime today instead," Reno rambled, finally pausing to take a breath. "See, no problem and all handled so no need to kill me."

Tseng stared, mind focusing in on one thing in particular that Reno had said.

"You brought him in here and let him see me sleeping? Please tell me I wasn't naked."

"Ah... well, ya were, but nothing was showing or anything. I made sure... made him wait while I checked you were covered," Reno reassured, sitting up to be on eye level with Tseng as he chewed on his bottom lip nervously.

"What was weird about the way he reacted to me?" Tseng asked, his pulse picking up a little at the thought of Rufus watching him sleep. He was curious, a part of him wanting to know what had gone through Rufus' mind at that point.

Reno grinned a little, but quickly schooled the expression back into one more serious when Tseng lifted an eyebrow in annoyance. "Well, he just stood there at first. Then he walked closer and one hand reached out, like he was gonna touch your face or something. He pulled his hand back real quick before he made contact though, and then went red in the face and mumbled something I didn't catch before rushing out of the room. It was kinda cute... in a slightly creepy, stalkerish kind of way."

Tseng smiled, unable to stop the expression as he looked at Reno, who quickly grinned back.

"I think ya got an in with him, if ya were planning on still working that angle," Reno mused, tilting his head a little to one side.

"I was pondering the possibility... and he did kiss me once, just before I was sent to Midgar," Tseng admitted, deciding to be open about it to Reno. Out of all of the Turks, he would understand this without an explanation.

Reno's eyes widened a little, before he chuckled, shaking his head. "Hook, line, and sinker, I'd say then. He's got a crush on ya at least... think ya can make it more? We couldn't do better when it comes to allies. Well, except for the President himself but nobody wants to touch that, even if their lives depended on it."

Tseng nodded, smile widening at Reno's opinion of the current President. "Indeed, even I wouldn't order somebody down that path," he agreed, taking Reno's hand in his. "Rufus might be just the thing we need, although he is inexperienced, so I will have to take things slowly."

"Well, we got nothing but time here and nothing better to do with it," Reno murmured, flopping back down on the bed, but keeping his hand joined with Tseng's. "Suppose we shouldn't be playing like this while you're courting him, eh?"

"Well... maybe a little jealousy will do him good, give him a push to approach me again. After all, with his control issues, it would be better if he thinks this is his idea and that he's won me away from you. At least, in the beginning anyway," Tseng replied, lying back down on his side and curling against Reno, one hand coming to rest on the youth's chest. "Besides, it's my turn to top you next time and I was looking forward to it."

Reno laughed out loud, leaning over to kiss Tseng on the forehead. "Ya just can't resist my ass, can ya?" he teased.

Tseng pinched one of the redhead's nipples hard, making Reno squeak in protest before he leant over to kiss it better.

"Hey, don't start something ya got no time to finish. Ya got a brat to go seduce, haven't ya?" Reno complained, pulling Tseng's head away from his chest and up, so that they were face to face. "Now get your ass into that shower and go and give your _'oh so important'_ report."

"Yes Sir," Tseng replied sarcastically, pulling himself up off of a chuckling Reno and heading for the shower.

***.***

Tseng had finished giving his official report to Rufus in just half an hour, the blond listening to what Tseng had to say before dismissing him with no further questions. It was the first since they came to Junon that Rufus hadn't kept Tseng in the room for at least an hour, as he usually insisted on pulling apart everything Tseng said in great detail, looking for angles and ways to gain from whatever was happening in Midgar at the time.

It was so surprising, that it left Tseng on edge, and after he'd brought in Rude to begin the second faze of Rufus' training, he'd taken time out to track down Reno and borrow a couple of cigarettes off him. Reno had raised an eyebrow in a silent question that Tseng had refused to answer, but after a few minutes the redhead relented and handed them over. Tseng's relief at being left in peace was short lived though, as he was only half way through the first cigarette before Reno walked out onto the roof of the building to join him.

"Okay, what's going on? Don't even think about saying nothing, cause after everything ya went through to quit, ya ain't smoking again over nothing," the redhead drawled, stopping beside Tseng at the railing and staring out over the ocean.

Tseng glanced at him before turning his eyes back to the blue, watching the dip and rise of the water in the distance.

"He won't even look at me," Tseng murmured, pausing as Reno lit up his own cigarette and took a deep inhale of it. "He asked no questions and didn't insist on hearing the local Midgar gossip, which he's never done before. It was as if he couldn't wait to get away from me."

Taking a small inhale of smoke, Tseng resisted the urge to cough, scowling at the taste. It used to bring him so much comfort, but now it just tightened his throat and made him wish the slight buzz had the same calming effect as it used to.

"Well, that's cause ya threw him off center and rattled his little gilded cage," Reno mused, reaching over and taking the cigarette from Tseng's hand before flinging it out into the water. "Ya don't need this shit," he continued, holding his own cigarette up between them. "...and ya gotta stop doubting yourself. Fuck, Tseng, even straight guys check out your ass when you walk past. Stop judging your attractiveness by his reaction to you on a day to day basis. We know he's interested. He's just gotta work through all that crap in his head first that's telling him he's better than ya... and all the homophobic shit his dad has been feeding him for years."

"He is the Vice President, soon to be the President. Realistically, he does deserve better than a Turk," Tseng muttered, looking longingly to where his cigarette had disappeared. "And what's with the anti smoking lectures. You gave up and then started again, so you have no right to insist I don't do the same." He frowned at Reno, who only grinned back as he took another drag on his own cigarette.

"Well, I'm a huge fucking hypocrite, ain't I? 'Sides, you smell too good to mar it with this shit. And I happen to know Rufus hates the smell of smoke. His dad's a cigar smoker, after all. He won't touch ya if ya start this shit up again."

Tseng sighed, hands coming forward to grip the railing in an effort to control the twitching need to hold a cigarette between his fingers. "Fine, you have a point," he conceded. "But how do I get him past this indecision? It's like I'm back at square one and all that I've achieved with him since coming here never happened at all."

"Don't do nothing. Just keep going as ya always have and he'll come around."

"But we might not have the time to wait. Things are changing in Midgar. There's talk of trouble between the generals, that a rift is growing. Some say it's heading for a crisis point." Tseng felt Reno's eyes on him but didn't turn to face the redhead, silently praying that he'd skip asking anything more direct about Sephiroth and Genesis. Unfortunately, history had proven again and again that Tseng's prayers always went unanswered.

"Did ya talk to Sephiroth?"

"Yes. He was... different. It's like we're strangers since Genesis...," Tseng stopped talking, his voice catching on the last word he'd said and threatening to break.

Reno's hand appeared over Tseng's on the railing and pulled it free, twining their fingers together before giving a little squeeze in support, grounding Tseng as he breathed in deep and closed his eyes. "Genesis looks at me as if his only want in the world is to kill me as slowly and painfully as possible, and Sephiroth looks at me as if I don't even exist. I'm not sure which is worse."

"Then being stuck here is a blessing, eh?" Reno said softly.

Tseng nodded, sighing again as he opened his eyes, but he didn't feel strong enough to look at Reno yet. "I have to admit, I am glad for the distance."

"That's why ya didn't sleep while in Midgar, ain't it?" Reno asked, and Tseng didn't bother to nod this time, knowing that it was obvious. "Well, next time ya called in, I'm going with ya."

"What?" Tseng exclaimed, turning to meet the redhead's eyes. "You know we're under orders to stay here, and the President only ever calls me to do solo missions. He'd never allow you to come too."

"Well, fuck him. I'm sure we can come up with something to make it acceptable to that fat fuck. Besides, if what ya saying is true about Midgar, he'll be too busy dealing with the generals to worry about one extra Turk. Rude and Elena are capable of guarding Rufus on their own and we are in the middle of a fucking Shinra army base. It's not like Rufus is in any danger here."

Tseng realized that if he disagreed, Reno would just turn up in Midgar anyway, the redhead too stubborn once his mind was made up. "Fine. Next time I'll come up with something so that you can come too, alright?"

Reno nodded, grinning with satisfaction as he flicked his own cigarette out over the ocean. "Okay, now we've got that sorted, let's go and see how the brat is doing with his lesson with Rude. I'm gonna flirt a little with ya in front of him and be a little touchy, to give him a push in the right direction. Besides, I was looking forward to watching him try and argue with Rude... got twenty gil on him giving up after the first lesson."

"Why didn't anybody include me in the betting pool?" Tseng asked, releasing Reno's hand as they turned and walked towards the door that led into the building. "I'd be willing to bet thirty that he'll last three lessons. He is a Shinra after all."

"You're on boss," Reno chuckled out, opening the door and holding it for Tseng to enter with a cheeky grin. "After all, you don't know what Rude's planning today, do ya?"

"Oh, goddess help us all," Tseng sighed, walking in the door to the sound of Reno's laughter behind him.

***.***


	14. N - Nostalgia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Pairings** \- Tseng/Rufus, Sephiroth/Tseng  
>  **Characters** – Tseng, Rufus, Reno, Rude, Sephiroth  
>  **Warnings** – Swearing, angst.  
>  **Summary** \- Tseng is moving forward, but his past keeps pulling him back.  
>  **Timeline** – During Rufus' exile to Junon

Tseng received the call informing him of Genesis' desertion while in Rufus' bed. It was 3am and both of them had woken at the sound of Tseng's phone, Rufus silently watching as Tseng sat up, trying to take the news without outwardly reacting.

The sudden fear that swept over him was hard to hide, although Tseng thought he'd done a decent job considering the hour. Apparently, some discord slipped through to his expression though, as he felt the blond beside him rest a hand against his back in silent support.

Unfortunately, the move only disturbed Tseng even more.

It was the first time the young man had ever done anything vaguely caring towards him. There had only been lust and need so far, pleasure in the physical, and the smug belief that Rufus now had power over Tseng. Letting the blond think he was in control was part of the plan after all.

The sex had been quite frequent since this all began around a month ago, but this was only the second time Tseng had slept in the Vice President's bed and it wasn't like they'd ever really embraced in any way that wasn't sexual. They stayed on their own sides of the bed while they slept, together physically but a world apart emotionally.

Shaking off the distraction of Rufus, Tseng asked for some clarification of certain details, but mostly he just stayed silent and listened to Rude's detailed report. He'd sent the quiet Turk off to Midgar with Reno when his own sources had tipped him off, without the consent or knowledge of the President. It was a risky move, but Tseng hated being left in the dark, especially when it came to the movements of the generals.

He was about to hang up when Reno suddenly appeared on the line, excitement clear in his voice. Tseng sighed, running a hand through his hair as his own redhead added a few extra, more colorful facts to the report. Rumors were, after all, Reno's specialty.

"You know what this means, boss. You could be in serious danger here!" Reno insisted, Tseng forgetting his silent observer in the bed next to him, as he closed his eyes, trying to control his own rolling emotions at the reminder of his own history with Genesis.

"I doubt he would take the time to... deal with me considering everything else. You overestimate my importance," Tseng murmured, trying to reassure himself as much as Reno.

"Bullshit. With him hating on Sephiroth all of a sudden and the way they trashed that training room before? Lovers quarrel in pure General style, and with them, that usually means you'll get dragged into it at some point. Sephiroth's been walking around like a storm cloud ever since. Rumors say it wasn't the first or the last argument. Shits been building up for months and Genesis has been going off at anyone unlucky enough ta come into view. Some say his instability could be mako related... or that he's just finally showing his true colors," Reno ranted, his own dislike for Genesis clear. "Seriously, Tseng. He's unstable and pissed off at everyone and everything right now. It's not a long shot that he might come after you considering ya history. Ya gotta increase the security there. Look, if nothing else, he could target Rufus. Just use that as an excuse and get some friggin' Seconds up in the Presidential suite."

"I will, but only because Rufus may be at risk. Considering how many others Genesis took with him, I'd say it's more likely they will set up camp somewhere and regroup... organize themselves before attacking anywhere. I doubt we would be a target considering the number of troops around us. What we need to do is find out what his future plans are. At the moment, we can only guess."

"Well, it's obviously got something to do with that other scientist that went missing, and maybe Lazard too. Colander or something? Rude, what was it again? Rude? Where the fuck did ya go?" Reno swore, the sound of movement through the phone clear as Tseng sighed and tried to keep his frustration in check.

"Reno, his name is Hollander," Tseng murmured, fingers twitching with the familiar urge for a cigarette.

"Oh yeah, that's it!" Reno exclaimed, chuckling down the line. "Fucked up name. Anyway, we found a trail that suggests Lazard was extorting funds, and it was close to being found out, so he's cut and run cause of that. I'd say he's neck deep in this shit too, considering the timing though. When ya add up a missing General, a bunch of soldiers, lots of money and a scientist, it all means big fucking trouble, if ya ask me."

"No doubt you are correct," Tseng replied, head beginning to ache at the thought. "Reno, I need you and Rude to go and search the archive and see what you can discover that might be relevant. The Turk archives, that is."

"Veld's personal ones in Costa, ya mean?" Reno asked, sounding hopeful.

"Yes, those. This is not a holiday, Reno, so stay off the beach and no drinking. I need more information as soon as possible," Tseng ordered.

"Yeah, yeah. Party pooper," Reno groused, but it was half hearted at best. "We should make it there by tomorrow afternoon if we head straight out. We'll call as soon as we have something."

"Reno?"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful."

The line disconnected and Tseng found himself staring at the display on his phone, trying to fight off the sick feeling in his stomach. His Turk instincts told him that he should call Sephiroth directly and pump him for information, but he couldn't force his fingers to dial the number. He hadn't spoken to Sephiroth in so long... and the last time they had exchanged words, Sephiroth had been so cold it had frozen the blood in Tseng's veins. It still hurt, more than Tseng ever thought it would, and he didn't want to hear that tone in Sephiroth's voice again.

"Anything I should be concerned with?"

The sudden voice from beside him made Tseng jump, eyes wide as they turned to find Rufus gazing up at him. The serious expression on the blond's face only lasted a moment though, soon replaced by a smirk.

"You forgot I was here, didn't you? Very unprofessional, Tseng," Rufus teased.

"Fuck you," Tseng retorted, but his words were tired rather than aggressive. He was too conflicted and weighed down by memories to get angry right now.

"You already did earlier," Rufus drawled. "Twice, if I remember correctly."

Tseng sighed again, rolling his eyes as he turned away to put his phone back on the bedside table. "Nice to see you can count while drowning in your own self satisfaction."

"Oh, come on. I know you love me like this. It just inspires you to try and undo me with pleasure... and you always have enjoyed a challenge as much as I do." 

Tseng turned back to look down at the young man next to him, more handsome with his hair mused and bare of all his over priced clothing, in Tseng's opinion. Rufus looked younger like this, almost vulnerable despite the arrogant expression that remained. Only in the throws of passion did that mask break and the real Rufus shone through. Tseng had never expected to become so obsessed with seeing it, even if it was so fleeting.

Tseng knew he was falling into emotions that left him vulnerable, but he was already too far gone. He'd never truly been in love before and it was an overwhelming feeling. At least for now, his weakness worked perfectly with their plans for the young heir. Rufus needed to believe Tseng was in love with him, but what he didn't know was that Tseng would never place Rufus above his Turks, even at the price of breaking his own heart.

Reaching out a hand, Tseng traced the side of Rufus' jaw as he pondered just how long Rufus would play with him before becoming bored and discarding him. The original plan had been to make the youth fall for him, become attached enough to protect Tseng and in turn, protect the Turks. That possibility only became more unlikely, the more Tseng got to know the blond.

Tseng wouldn't end it though, regardless of the pain that he predicted for his future. Rufus was their only hope for some kind of security, and he had to cling to it with no other option available. Veld's execution was still too fresh in his mind, haunting too many of his dreams.

Rufus' smirk fell away at the gentle touches, replaced by a slightly confused, questioning expression. There were always too many questions with this one, and it reminded Tseng of a younger Reno, bringing a small smile to his face. Reno always knew which questions to steer clear of though, while Rufus just barreled on regardless, spoilt brat that he was.

"Tseng?" Rufus asked, voice soft and unsure.

Tseng didn't want to explain, so he kissed away the questions and tried to forget how doomed he already was.

***.***

Reno was oddly silent when he returned with Rude, letting the other Turk handle business as he stared out the window at the ocean below them. Tseng was concerned, having trouble concentrating on Rude's words with his eyes being constantly drawn to the silent redhead. He wouldn't ask Reno what was up in front of his partner though, knowing that if it was urgent, the redhead would have said something. Tseng would, however, approach him later in private to find out what was up.

Rufus was with Elena, continuing his training with a surprising lack of complaints about being left out of this meeting. Tseng suspected that it was because they were meeting in the blond's own office, and it was probably bugged so Rufus could go over what they talked about later. He didn't bother checking, as there wasn't anything they would discuss that he minded Rufus knowing. Sending him off to train with Elena was more about removing him and all his constant questions from the meeting, as it grated on Tseng's nerves.

Rude handed over copies of the files they had found for Tseng to look over himself, and as he perused them, both men headed for the door, picking up their overnight bags. They had dumped their luggage inside the door on arrival, as they'd reported straight to Tseng without going to their rooms first, considering the urgency of current events. It was only when Rude walked back to stand in front of the desk awkwardly, that Tseng looked up and noticed what looked like a gift bag in his hand.

"Is there something else, Rude?" he asked, curious as the silence dragged on too long.

"When we were leaving Midgar for Costa, Sephiroth approached us on the helipad," Rude explained, holding up the bag. "He asked that we give this too you." When Tseng didn't reach out to take it, staring at the emerald green gift as if it were about to attack him, Rude placed it on the desk. "Is there anything else you need, Sir?"

"No, that will be all," Tseng managed to say, looking up as Reno exited the room without looking back, promptly followed by Rude. As the door closed behind them, Tseng sat down, eyes falling back to the bag as he tried to breath past the lump in his throat.

Half an hour later the gift was still there, Tseng trying to ignore it as he read over the reports. As Reno entered, Tseng kept his eyes down and tried to keep his breaths even, even though his pulse quickened. He guessed the gift was what had caused Reno's earlier disturbed silence. Unfortunately, silence and Reno never lasted long together.

"You haven't even looked in it yet, have ya?" Reno asked, leaning on the edge of the desk. "Aren't ya even curious as to what's in there? Like... don't you want to look so you can work out why he'd give you something now, with all that's going on? It might be a clue or something."

"It's not related to recent events... well, not directly, at any rate," Tseng murmured, turning a page but keeping his eyes on the files in his hands.

"What's it related to then?"

Tseng sighed, frown appearing on his face. He knew there was little point in not telling Reno, as the young Turk would simply stay here and annoy him until he did.

"It's my birthday today."

"What?" Reno suddenly exclaimed, hopping off the desk to pace in front of it. "You... I mean I thought you didn't _have_ a birthday."

"I don't, in reality. Veld picked this day as my birthday when he brought me to Midgar. He believed everyone needed such a day, but I disagree. I let him have his way, but now he is gone, I simply ignore it as unnecessary."

"How does Sephiroth know about it then?" Reno demanded, hands coming to rest palm down on the desk as he leaned over it. Tseng could fell the youth's gaze burning into him, but he still refused to look up.

"When we were children, being tutored together, we exchanged gifts on our birthdays. It was like... playing normal, I suppose. A game and nothing more. Sephiroth knows it isn't my real, unknown birthday and he doubts his own is completely accurate either. They are just dates on paper, to keep the record keepers happy, after all. We stopped after school finished and never mentioned our birthdays again since."

"So why now?" Reno mused, standing back up and moving over closer to the gift bag.

"I have no idea," Tseng replied, finally putting the papers he'd been hiding behind down. "Maybe he feels nostalgic since his lover left him."

Reno snorted his disbelief as his eyes turned to meet Tseng's. "Lover isn't the appropriate word for those two. There was never any love between them. Competition, rivalry... Genesis only ever wanted to own him in the bedroom because he couldn't own him on the battlefield."

"It was more than that, Reno," Tseng disagreed, focusing on the bag to avoid the redhead's intense gaze. "I believe Genesis did love Sephiroth... and since Sephiroth gave up all his other lovers, it's logical that he loved him back."

"Logic my ass," Reno retorted, leaning back on the desk. "You know how I feel about Sephiroth. He never treated you right and didn't deserve you. As much as I hate to admit it though, he did love you... as much as someone like him could love another. From what I hear, Sephiroth gave up all those others after you left, cause with his fucked up logic, he didn't need them anymore to hide his relationship with you. Genesis was always choice number two, just like he was always number two to Sephiroth in skills."

Tseng frowned at how much sense Reno was making, feeling a sudden sympathy for Genesis, despite what the other man had done to him.

"Don't you dare go feeling sorry for him after what he did," Reno chastised, drawing Tseng's eyes to him. "Being number two ain't a bad thing, if ya not so arrogant and full of ya self. I like being _your_ number two in the Turks and I couldn't win your heart, so I moved on with no fuss. If I could handle it, than Genesis could of too."

"You never wanted to win my heart like that, Reno," Tseng replied, but the thought brought a smile to his face. "Besides, you always have it as the only person left that I consider family."

"True, but I do miss the sex something awful. Do ya think Rufus would mind...."

"Oh yes, he'd mind," Tseng interrupted, smiling wider at the cheeky grin on Reno's face. "Rude would mind too, you know."

"Rude can mind his own business until he admits how much he wants me," Reno scoffed, hand reaching out to pick up the bag. "Now, enough of trying to change the subject. Open the damn bag and let's see what the general got for ya."

Tseng exhaled, smile fading as he took the bag from Reno's hand. He placed it on his lap and peered inside, pulling out a single wrapped gift and a card, before placing the now empty bag on the floor. Looking at the present intently, Tseng frowned, trying to work out what it could be.

"Stop stalling and open it, for fuck's sake. The suspense is killing me," Reno blurted out, reaching over to poke the parcel with his finger.

With a sigh, Tseng put the card down and began unwrapping the gift. Tearing off the paper, his breath caught at what was inside and he could only stare, frozen in place.

"Cookies?" Reno suddenly blurted out, restarting Tseng's breath with the exclamation. "Why the fuck is Sephiroth giving you a bag of cookies as a gift?"

Tseng didn't answer, suddenly swamped with memories of all the lunches he had shared with Sephiroth, lying on the grass in the rooftop garden of the Shinra tower. It was so very long ago and the garden had since been ripped up and replaced by a helipad, but as Tseng stared unseeing at the bag in his hands, he was back there in his mind. He could feel the grass beneath him, hear Sephiroth's laugh and smell the other man's scent. It made his chest ache and his eyes sting so much that he closed them, but there was no escape there either. In his mind he was lying beneath the other man, being kissed so slowly and thoroughly, relaxed and content in the affection he was being gifted with.

It was the happiest he had ever been and he had never even appreciated it at the time.

The sudden touch of a hand brought him crashing back to the present with a gasp, eyes opening and blinking through a sudden haze. It took a few moments before he could focus on Reno's face, the redhead having turned his chair to the side so he could kneel before him. The hand on his cheek was warm, and as Reno's thumb moved, Tseng realized the redhead was wiping away tears he didn't know he'd shed.

"I'm sorry you're hurting," Reno whispered, eyes wide and worried. "Tell me what to do to make it better."

Tseng smiled sadly at the young man before him, finding reassurance in the earnest caring he found in those eyes.

"You make it better just by being here, Reno. You always have," Tseng replied, voice rough with too much emotion. "I'm alright... really. It's just memories of a time long ago when things were... simpler. Sephiroth and I used to share our lunch every day and I always brought these, as Hojo never let him have anything that wasn't strictly healthy. We used to lie on the grass and talk about anything and everything... wrestle, although I never won unless I cheated." Tseng chuckled a little, Reno giving him a small smile but remaining quiet. "He just kissed me one day but it never changed anything. We still shared our lunches and talked and watched the sky. The kissing was just an addition that happened randomly but never progressed to anything more." At Reno's raised eyebrow, Tseng added, "It did eventually, but that was later, after I left to become a Turk and he, a Soldier. Back then though, it was all so... innocent and comforting."

"I think I understand now.... The two of ya fit with each other when nobody else did," Reno murmured softly.

"Yes. He was my first friend, and I his," Tseng confirmed, gaze back on the gift as his heart ached with all that they'd lost. "I wish we could of just...." Tseng voice faded away, too many wishes to name coming to mind.

"Stayed friends?" Reno supplied. 

Tseng could only nod, deciding that pretty much described all of his regrets with Sephiroth as simply as possible.

"Maybe this is his way of reaching out? Maybe he wants ta just be friends again?"

"Maybe," Tseng agreed, managing another small smile for Reno. "I will... think it over."

"Well, whatever ya decide, I'm here for you, okay? Just don't let yourself get hurt again," Reno murmured, taking one of Tseng's hands and giving it a squeeze. "Your happiness comes first this time, not his... okay?"

"Yes, Reno. I'll be careful."

With a nod, the young redhead stood and released Tseng's hand. He seemed a little uncomfortable all of a sudden, and Tseng could only grin at how endearing it was.

"Okay, well enough of this gooey heart to heart crap. I have stuff ta do. Call me if ya need anything else, boss." 

As Reno headed for the door, Tseng realized that the young man before him was a true friend, one that he should appreciate more. Unlike his time with Sephiroth, Tseng wanted to make sure there were never any regrets between them.

"Reno, thank you... for everything," he called after the redhead, smiling as Reno paused half way out the door and glanced back at him.

"My pleasure... as always," the youth replied, winking before disappearing and closing the door behind him. Tseng chuckled at his cheekiness, secure in the knowledge that at least when it came to Reno, his affection was returned equally.

***.***

After dinner that night, Tseng excused himself and retired to his own room alone. Rufus didn't suggest they spend any time together, probably too keen to go watch the recordings the hidden camera in his office had captured during the day. 

Tseng realized too late that his conversation with Reno would be part of it, but after some initial worry, he let his concerns go. It was a private moment, one Tseng would rather have not shared with the blond, but at least one part of it would be helpful for Rufus to 'overhear', as it were. Tseng had made it clear to Reno that he was staying faithful to Rufus, and as Tseng closeness to Reno had been a source of jealousy for Rufus, it would help to reassure the blond at least.

Undressing, Tseng slipped into bed, aiming on getting an early night, when Sephiroth's unopened card caught his attention, sitting propped up on his bedside table. With a sigh of resignation, he sat up in bed and reached for it, fingers running over his own name written on the front in Sephiroth's distinctive script.

Opening the envelope, he pulled out the card and smiled at the picture on the front. It was a scene of two boys lying in a grassy field staring at the sky, and the feelings of nostalgia from earlier in the day washed over him once more. He took a moment to breath deeply, reigning in his emotions before opening the card to see what was written within.

~

_Tseng,_

_I hope you will take the time to read this, and not simply destroy it when you find out it is from me. I know you are still angry with me, and maybe now I understand... at least in part, why my actions angered you so._

_This is most probably too little, too late, but I am sorry for the pain I caused you. As you know, I have never been very skilled in social situations, or understanding others. Then again, until I met you, I never had an interest in what others felt or desired. You called me selfish and arrogant, and perhaps you were correct._

_Regardless, I wanted to gift you on your birthday, to ask your forgiveness, and perhaps remind you of happier times we spent together. I have never stopped loving you... or wishing you were back in my arms._

_Happy Birthday,_

_Sephiroth_

~

Tseng read the message over a few times, trying to take in every word. He'd thought he'd been forgotten long ago... unimportant, just another lover in a much larger group, but this? This spoke of him being more, of being special. Sephiroth was the only person who had ever told him he was loved like this.

He had yearned for so long to be a part of a loving relationship, but not one with Sephiroth... not in the way Sephiroth wanted. It made yearning and guilt twist and pool in his stomach, as his mind kept slipping to how much he wanted to be loved by Rufus, and how wrong it was to think that when Sephiroth was reaching out to him like this.

It might not seem like much of an effort, compared to what an average person would do, but for Sephiroth, this was a huge step. 

Tseng knew it was probably a bi-product of Genesis' desertion, but he still found himself reaching for his phone, dialing Sephiroth's number to offer... something. He didn't know what, but he couldn't just put the card down and never reach out and take the proverbial olive branch offered him.

The phone rang for some time, and Tseng almost hung up when he suddenly remembered the time difference. It would be around 2am in Midgar right now. The call was answered before he got the chance though, but not by Sephiroth.

"Whoever this is, it better be an emergency," a male voice said sleepily.

Tseng's heart clenched... but then doubt snuck into his mind. Maybe Sephiroth's phone number had changed, or he'd left the device somewhere by mistake? And did he have the right to object anyway? After all, he wanted to be the man's friend, not lover... didn't he?

"I am sorry to disturb you at such an hour," Tseng managed, voice flat despite his churning emotions. "I am trying to contact general Sephiroth."

"Oh... fuck, I picked up the wrong phone. Hang on a minute," the voice replied. Tseng waited, relief rushing over him as it sounded like maybe this was just a case of Sephiroth's phone falling into the wrong hands by mistake. 

It was short lived though. 

"Sephiroth, wake up. This call's for you. Sounds important," the unidentified male murmured in the distance. "Oh, come on, big bad general. Surely I didn't wear you out that much." The chuckle that followed those words was quickly ended by the sound of a slap and a yelp.

"Behave or I'll make you sleep on the floor, puppy. Now pass me my phone," Sephiroth's voice said in the distance, tone clearly amused.

"I was about to, you asshole. You didn't have to smack my butt."

 _I'm such a fool_ , Tseng thought to himself, trying to swallow down the jealousy he shouldn't be feeling. His free hand curled into a fist as he tried to focus on what he wanted to say. All because Sephiroth had apologized and said he loved Tseng, it didn't mean the man would be alone, waiting for him to call. It was better this way, as it eased his own guilt in being unable to return the feelings to the same extent... and if he could just convince himself of that, this would be easy.

"General Sephiroth speaking," the general's voice suddenly said over the line, louder now that he was talking directly into the phone.

"Hello, Sephiroth," Tseng replied. Silence answered him, and Tseng suddenly found himself filling it on reflex. "I apologize for calling this late, but I just received your gift. I wanted to... well, thank you and make sure you were alright, considering... considering recent events."

"I am... fine," Sephiroth said, voice tinged with a strange emotion Tseng couldn't name. "Did you like the gift?"

"Yes. It was very thoughtful of you to give me something so personal. It brought back many fond memories. Thank you for thinking of me," Tseng murmured, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth and biting down to try and stop himself from rambling. Tseng heard what sounded like footsteps through the line and when Sephiroth spoke again, there was a slight echo. Tseng guessed he had moved into the bathroom for privacy from his bedmate.

"Not a day goes by when I do not think of you," Sephiroth said softly.

"I am glad you still mange to find ways to distract yourself during the night from those thoughts," Tseng retorted automatically before flinching at his slip. "I mean... I am sorry. That was uncalled for. What you do with you nights is not my concern."

"It could be. I gave up all of those others... I want you to know that. Right now there is only one I share my bed with, and we are just friends, finding relief with a familiar face," Sephiroth explained. "Tseng... when will you be coming home?"

"Home?" Tseng repeated, his free hand fisting as he swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat.

"You and I, when we are together it feels like I am home and we could make a home together... couldn't we? Nobody has ever understood me as you do and I know I could make you happy if you'd only give me another chance. You are the only one I've ever wanted, ever loved. Tseng, we are different from everyone else and we belong together. Away from Shinra and Midgar, somewhere far away from all of it." 

A home was something Tseng had never truly had.

While he knew he didn't love Sephiroth romantically, he started examining the possibility that maybe with time, he could learn to. The sex had always been mind-blowing and Tseng did care deeply for Sephiroth. His imagination ran wild with the suggestion for a moment, visions of a better life, of being loved so completely and passionately, flittering through his thoughts... until reality crept back in and swept them all away. Shinra would never let either of them go. To attempt it would be suicide.

"Seph... I d-don't... I mean...," Tseng stuttered, trying to align the words spinning around inside of him.

"Don't answer me now," Sephiroth interrupted. "Just think on it, on what we could have together. Remember those times in the garden and how it was, before Shinra took over our lives and ruined it all. We could be like that again, I know it. Promise me you will... please?"

Closing his eyes, Tseng took the cowards way out.

"I promise, I will. I don't know how long our mission here will last... but we will talk about this when I return to Midgar," Tseng murmured, guilt turning his insides painfully.

"Thank you," Sephiroth responded, and Tseng could hear the happiness clearly in his words. It made him hate himself, just a little bit more. "I suggest you 'sow your wild oats' while in Junon, because when you come back, I _will_ convince you to be mine."

"Sow my wild oats?" Tseng questioned, distracted from his guilt for a moment. "What in gods name does that mean?"

"It means to sleep around with a variety of partners," Sephiroth explained, chuckling softly. "I overheard some of the new recruits speaking of it. Apparently, it is something one does before settling down with their life partner."

Tseng was sorry he'd asked.

"I don't think that will be necessary," Tseng responded, images of Rufus appearing in his mind and increasing his guilt ten fold.

"I have to admit, I am glad to hear that," Sephiroth replied, sighing down the line. "I have missed this... us talking. Nobody else ever wants to just _talk_ to me."

"I will always want that." It was the first truly honest statement Tseng had made this whole call, and probably the most ironic. After all, that had always been exactly what Tseng had always wanted from the general. 

The silence dragged on for a time while they simply listened to each other breathing.

"Hmmm... I suppose, I should go considering how late it is," Sephiroth finally conceded. "I have a mission in a few days time, to the reactor in Nibelheim, but when I return would it be alright if I called you?" Sephiroth asked.

"I'd like that," Tseng responded, smiling sadly. 

They said their goodbyes, and Tseng lay down with a sigh, picking up the card once more to gaze at the picture of the boys in the field. Maybe, somehow, he could fix this and find a way to just be friends with Sephiroth. It would be difficult, and something best done in person, but the possibility was there, he was sure.

Tseng allowed himself the indulgence of hope.

***.***


	15. O - Orientate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Pairing** \- Tseng/Rufus  
>  **Characters** \- Tseng, Rufus, Reno.  
>  **Warnings** \- swearing, sex, fellatio, rimming.  
>  **Summary** \- Tseng finally makes headway with Rufus.  
>  **Timeline** \- During Rufus' exile to Junon. 
> 
> ~~~

_Orientate - A person's awareness of self with regard to position, time, place and/or personal relationships._

 

Tseng managed to procure use of the army's firing range once a week under the guise of Turk training needs, and while it was little more than a large cement bunker deep under the rest of the military complex of Junon, it was fitted out with all the appropriate gear that he would need to carry out his own lessons with Rufus. 

They kept the blond's' training a secret, as Tseng thought it best that the rest of the world didn't know just what skills Rufus possessed. Anyone who attempted to attack or kidnap the Vice President was then sure to underestimate his abilities based on how useless the rest of the executives of Shinra were with such things. The President not knowing was another must, because if the man didn't know, he couldn't object and order them to stop. Rufus agreed wholeheartedly with this point, at least.

Tseng always arrived first, clearing out any stragglers and making sure the area was secure. He set up the equipment they would need and then was left waiting for Rufus to arrive, with nothing but his thoughts for company. Unfortunately, his thoughts of late centered around one particular incident that he'd rather not contemplate any further. 

That one kiss Rufus had surprised him with seemed to sink into every thought, like honey spilled over bread, soaking in and tainting every moment with sweetness. He'd already spent far too many nights lying awake, trying to quash the sticky memory of the youth's taste. 

In an attempt to distract himself, Tseng let his attention be drawn to a photo on the wall of the seaside town of Junon before Shinra had decided to move in. It had been a peaceful place... simple but all the more beautiful for it.

The original town of Junon was still there today, but remained little more than a crumbling collection of houses wilting under the weight of the cement and steel that now towered over it. It reminded Tseng of Midgar in many ways, Shinra's growth blocking out the natural light and taking all hope with it. He didn't believe it was a good thing, not even on the days when he could talk himself into believing the company was on the right road into the future, but saving the world was not his purpose. Saving what remained of the Turks would be difficult enough.

When the door finally opened, it was Reno's grin that greeted Tseng first, the redhead's warmth melting the melancholy mood from the Head Turk in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, the warmth was short lived as Tseng's eyes diverted to the blond that strode in past Reno, self satisfied smirk wide as his eyes danced under a too long fringe. 

Tseng's mood sunk with every step closer Rufus took, and as much as he would like to fool himself, he didn't honestly believe that Shinra would change all that much under Rufus' leadership. The boy could act the part of his father's protégé a little too well and his lust for power was obvious, as was his apparent lack of plans for anything more than taking control of the company. What he'd do with it once it was his was anyone's guess.

"Do you have to look so dour, Tseng? You could at least pretend that spending the next few hours with me doesn't worry you so," Rufus murmured as he stopped before the older man, smirk twisting into a mocking pout. "I promise to keep my hands to myself today, if it is any consolation."

"That will be all, Reno," Tseng announced over Rufus' head, ignoring the provocation in favor of sending a small smile in his coworker's direction. Reno smiled back, adding a wink before he left to take up position in the hall outside.

"Maybe getting you to answer me requires the removal of a certain redhead," Rufus suddenly hissed, pulling Tseng's full attention down to a now glaring Vice President.

"Threatening my Turks will get you nowhere, Sir," Tseng replied, managing to fake an offhand tone, even if the threat cut into his chest as surely as a blade. "And it is unbecoming of one in your position to show jealousy so carelessly. I was under the impression that your lessons in hiding your emotions were going better than this."

Rufus looked off to one side, blue eyes glaring down the length of the firing range for a moment as he wrestled his temper under control. Tseng watched the way his jaw flexed, captivated by every twitch of muscle and the slight flush of color on the pale youth's skin. The transformation from petulant child into self assured Vice President was fascinating to observe. By the time Rufus turned back to face him, his handsome face was a template of confidence and self assured control.

"I can assure you," Rufus began, voice cool and even. "That slum dog has nothing that I could possibly be jealous of. He is nothing more than a Shinra possession... much like yourself, Tseng." The youth took a step closer, eyes challengingly locked onto Tseng's. "You would both do well to remember that."

Tseng raised an eyebrow at the display, but otherwise did not react. Their eyes stayed locked for a time, and it was Rufus who finally looked away, a chuckle bubbling up from his chest as his whole demeanor relaxed, one perfectly manicured hand rising to run through blond locks.

"Was that a satisfactory display of what I have learned, oh expressionless one?" he drawled out, smirk twice as wicked now he'd gotten a chance to point out Tseng's lack of power, even if in jest.

"You are supposed to be learning to control your emotions... not how to act like an ass," Tseng murmured, turning to walk over to the lane he had selected earlier. The blond's laughter followed his steps, tingling up his spine like ghostly fingers.

"Oh, but you know as well as I do that acting like an ass is the Shinra way," Rufus retorted, the shuffling sound of cloth indicating the youth was removing some of his multi layered clothing in preparation for his lesson. "I have to be able to do it convincingly to satisfy my father, after all. Don't you think he'll be proud to see it?"

"No doubt, he will be thrilled," Tseng replied flatly, eyes flicking over to watch Rufus as the youth folded his top two layers of jackets over the back of a chair. The multiple layers of clothing had increased lately, with a black, bullet proof vest added the most recently. 

The vest was a one of a kind garment, ridiculously expensive and custom made for the young heir on a special order that Tseng had arranged himself. It was made of a light material that would not weigh down the slight youth or impair his movement, but it would stop any bullet aimed at his torso from entering his body. The impact of such a projectile would still bruise at the least, maybe break a rib at worst, but the skin would remain unbroken, cutting down the risk of fatality.

The other layers were more for giving the youth a bulkier appearance, although the long outer jacket was specifically designed to hide the blond's shotgun, an unwise choice of weapon in Tseng's opinion. Rufus had been adamant about keeping it though, and Tseng had soon given up trying to point out the long list of more easily concealable weapons.

It was, after all, a weapon Rufus was skilled in using. Tseng had been surprised to find that the youth not only looked after the weapon himself and kept it in perfect condition, but that he could also use it one handed with deadly accuracy. Apparently, Rufus' spare time hadn't all been wasted on frivolous pursuits in the years before they'd met, as Tseng had previously assumed.

Today was not about Rufus' shotgun though. Tseng insisted Rufus be proficient in a variety of firearms, and today was a continuation of his training with hand guns. He wanted the youth to carry one as backup, and Rufus had agreed once he was sure his beloved first choice would not be taken away.

"How have your lessons with Reno been progressing?" Tseng asked as the blond approached, trying to control the urge to let his eyes wander down the handsome form of the youth. He managed to lock them onto Rufus' face just in time to catch the twitch of annoyance his question sparked.

"Well enough. He is unprofessional and knows little of the proper terms associated with the technical equipment. I have to question your choice of subjects for him to instruct me on," Rufus replied, eyes looking over the handgun on the table before Tseng.

"While his formal education may be lacking, you will find no other who knows more about the subject than Reno. His talents in hacking and lock breaking alone are unsurpassed and you will learn much from him if you allow him to teach you without constantly criticizing him over small details that do not matter," Tseng began, watching the frown that his words brought to the youth's face. Tseng hoped that his words would sink through Rufus' dislike of Reno and take hold. "Rufus, while your formal education already taught you everything official that you need to know about computers and the technology Shinra uses, there are many unofficial things you do not know. Isn't it wise to swallow your hatred and learn what you can from him?" 

Rufus exhaled, a hand coming up to fiddle with the bottom edge of his bullet proof vest in an unconscious gesture that he made when nervous. Tseng found it endearing as it gave him a glimpse of the innocent child Rufus had once been.

"It's not that I _hate_ him... as such," the blond mumbled uncomfortably. "He just gets on my nerves with his constant lack of respect and proper manners. Have you ever watched him eat, for goodness sake? It's like he hasn't had a meal in weeks."

Tseng chuckled at the pout that formed on Rufus' lips. Reno's table manners, or lack of them, was a constant point of contention with the other Turks as well.

"Elena already insisted on working with Reno on his table manners, and considering it's a skill he needs to have for undercover work, he will improve in time," Tseng explained, picking up the gun and checking it over as he spoke. "As for showing respect, that is a simple matter. Reno will show you respect when you earn it. I can order him to fake it, if you'd prefer."

"I'd prefer it to be honest respect," Rufus admitted after a small pause, taking the handgun from Tseng's hands and doing his own checks, as Tseng had previously shown him to. "But I have no idea how to achieve that with him. He is... very different from the people I am used to associating with."

"Which is exactly why it is such a valuable lesson for you to learn," Tseng continued, watching as the blond loaded the weapon and placed it back on the table, all checks followed through perfectly. "Your upbringing has isolated you, and he is a safe way for you to broaden your horizons and gain an understanding of the people living under the plate. They do make up two thirds of your city, after all."

"True," Rufus conceded, finally meeting Tseng's eyes. "May I ask how you developed such a rapport with him? You did, after all, grow up above the plate I believe."

Tseng smiled, unable to hide the expression or mute it, when he thought back over his time with Reno. He gazed off down the lane at the target in the distance, missing how intently Rufus studied his expression as he spoke.

"I first met him on a mission, working in a club as a waiter under the plate. He was disrespectful, rude, confrontational and fascinating. I never thought I'd meet him again and then one day I came across a body in the street which had been bagged and beaten. It turned out to be him and like a lost kitten, I took him home and he grew on me. I saw his potential as a Turk, trained him, and he's been an irreplaceable asset to our organization ever since." Tseng turned back to Rufus, shaking off memories to focus on the present once more. "He's completely loyal, respectful and professional in his actions, from my point of view. You only have to put aside your own bias of those who live under the plate and you too can inspire these things from him... from all the Turks, if you wish it. True loyalty and respect are earned, not bought with money or coerced through fear and threats."

"A lesson my father never learned, hmm?" Rufus replied, expression serious.

Tseng didn't verbalize an answer but he didn't need to. Both men knew where the Turks truly stood when it came to the current President of Shinra.

"Alright, I will take your advice under consideration," Rufus conceded, reaching for the safety equipment hanging on the wall and quickly putting on the glasses and ear muffs. Tseng did the same and took a step back to give the youth more room, letting the previous conversation lie for now. He was inwardly thrilled though, having previously been lost on how to develop a closer relationship between Reno and Rufus. It was yet another essential piece of his plan, slipping into place, and it took some of the weight off his shoulders that had been feeling so heavy of late.

Watching as Rufus took position, Tseng let the youth go through a round while memories of the one kiss he'd shared with the blond came back to haunt him once more. His plan was still to ensure more of such actions, but so far Rufus had made no move to touch him again, and the lack of progress frustrated Tseng. 

Tseng's previous relationship with Sephiroth had never required him to initiate anything, and even the moments with Reno were fluid, just happening without any planning or need to garner attention on his part. While Reno assured him that Rufus was interested and would make a move soon enough, Tseng's confidence was slipping fast. 

_Why would Rufus want someone so much older anyway? Surely he was just playing with me that day, as there are many far more attractive options open to him... maybe even Reno._

The thought of Rufus playing with Reno's heart brought a frown to his face and an ache to his stomach, the possibility one that he hadn't considered before. Tseng hated the idea instantly, his negative reaction to the possibility shocking him in its intensity. While Tseng was willing to put himself on the line for his family, was not prepared to allow Reno to do the same.

All the earlier questions Rufus had asked about Reno came to mind, increasing Tseng's worry tenfold as he tried to control his sudden panic, trying to swallow it down as his previous battle with his patience was instantly lost.

There was no time to wait. He had to somehow make the youth want him and him alone, as soon as possible.

Once Rufus changed the target, reloaded the handgun and took aim again, Tseng took the opportunity to step forward and place a hand on the youth's back. Pausing, Rufus glanced over his shoulder at Tseng who managed a small smile before he stepped closer.

"Your stance is slightly off," Tseng whispered, close enough now that his breath tickled the blond's ear, making the youth shudder a little. Tseng's smile increased, confidence bolstered by the instant reaction. "Let me guide you."

Sliding one hand along Rufus' arm, he adjusted the height of the gun slightly, leaving his fingers lightly curled around the youth's wrist as his other hand dropped to rest on the blond's hip. "Your body should be turned a little more... like this." Tseng's hand guided the youth's pelvis back towards himself until Rufus' backside was pressed tightly against him. "Yes, that's it," he added in a whisper, feeling the tremble the closer contact caused. "Now show me what you can do, Rufus."

The next round of shots were fired off at an even pace, Rufus not hurrying and seeming to keep his aim true despite Tseng's distracting presence. When the last shot was fired from the clip, Tseng released the youth's wrist so the blond could put the gun down on the table and hit the button for the target to be retrieved. 

As it came towards them, Tseng was surprised to find that the bullet holes showed an improvement from the last, his attempted distraction a failure. Stepping back, he removed his hand from Rufus' hip and tried to pretend that his actions were nothing but professional, even if his pulse was racing. 

_Maybe it's already too late... maybe Rufus' interest has already shifted to Reno._

"Looks like your adjustments helped, Tseng," Rufus murmured, eyes on the paper target before they flicked over to the older man. "Thank you for the personal touch. Can you do that again for the next clip too?"

"Of course," Tseng replied, trying to still his racing thoughts. If Rufus wanted Reno now, there was nothing he could do to prevent it. Reno would cooperate and would let the blond use him to protect them all. He would be hurt and Tseng would be powerless to prevent it, all because Tseng had failed to keep the blond's interest on himself.

"Tseng, I'm ready," Rufus' voice called, pulling the Turk out of his thoughts. Tseng stepped forward, putting both hands back to their previous position on the blond's body.

"Your shoulders are too tense. You need to relax," Tseng instructed flatly, all attempts at seduction abandoned as he wrestled with his fears and ended up simply focusing on the lesson at hand. "Your aim is to learn the stance until it is second nature, letting your body fall into the position without thought. Over think it and you become too tense, throwing off your aim."

"Like sex, I imagine."

"What?" Tseng blurted out, jolted from his focus by the sudden change of topic.

"It's like sex... and seduction," Rufus repeated, hips pushing back into Tseng a little as he continued. "If you over think the physical actions, trying to get every move perfect, you end up too tense to complete the act properly. But if you just let go, flow with the feelings and trust your prior knowledge, you get a better end result."

Luckily, the youth began firing off the round immediately after he finished speaking, as Tseng was too shocked to do anything but try to keep his breaths even after that.

_Seduction... was I that obvious?_

Tseng was so busy going over Rufus' little speech in his head, trying to decide if it was directed at him or simply coincidental, that he failed to notice when Rufus finished firing and put the gun down, only returning his attention to what was happening around him when the youth turned in his arms. Rufus reached up to take off Tseng's safety glasses and ear muffs, his own already on the table. 

Tseng took a step back when the blond turned to put the items down, but found himself face to face with Rufus as the boy turned back and boldly stepped forward, hands gripping onto Tseng's hips and holding him in place.

"You've never had lessons in seduction, have you Tseng?" Rufus asked, looking up at him with a completely serious expression that only confused the Turk more.

"N-no," Tseng replied, breathing in deep to try and ensure his initial stutter was not repeated.

"Then maybe there is something I can teach you in return, hmm?" Rufus asked, turning them to the side and pushing the older man up against the wall. Tseng was so surprised by the move he failed to resist in any way, staring at the youth as his brain tried to catch up. As Rufus pressed up against him, he suddenly realized he was hard, something that Rufus discovered at around the same time, if the smug expression that bloomed on his face was any indication.

"You certainly could do with a lesson or two in seduction. First rule is never try to seduce somebody that you want too much. Your body will always betray you and leave you open to them turning the tables on you... taking your control and bending it to their own will." The blond pushed his hips against Tseng's, making the older Turk gasp at the sudden pressure against his arousal.

"I wasn't trying to seduce you," Tseng shot back, frowning as he attempted to wrestle back control over his traitorous body.

"Then what were you trying to do with the rubbing up against my ass and whispering in my ear, Tseng? You've never done that before in showing me proper positioning," Rufus purred, smiling as his hands pulled the sides of Tseng's shirt free from his pants and snuck up under the material to run gently up the sides of his torso. "Or were you talking about a different kind of positioning all together?"

Tseng wasn't sure exactly what happened next. One minute he was looking down at Rufus' face, turned up towards him with an irresistibly smug expression, and the next he was kissing the youth fiercely, hands fisting in blond hair that was so soft. Rufus whimpered into his mouth, fingers lightly scratching Tseng's chest as they moved to pinch his nipples, causing Tseng's grip in Rufus' hair to tighter further. When a fingernail scratched too deep, Tseng pushed forward, only to swing around, swapping their places as he slammed the younger man up against the wall.

"You are infuriating!" Tseng growled, his lips moving to bite the youth's neck before his tongue lathed over the mark. 

Rufus writhed between Tseng and the wall, completely shameless in his obvious arousal. 

"The way you speak down to me and smirk as if I am nothing before you... I should bend you over the nearest surface and fuck some respect into you," Tseng hissed.

"Oh Goddess, yes!" Rufus exclaimed. "Finally the Turk gets a clue! It's about time you.... nngh!" Rufus' words cut off mid sentence when Tseng jammed his thigh between the blond's legs, pushing against the youth's arousal hard, to shut him up.

"Does your mouth need to be full to cease annoying me?" Tseng whispered against Rufus' lips, eyes burning with annoyance as he stared into blue blown wide with desire. "Don't think I won't make you... I don't care who you are or what blood flows in your veins."

Tseng was stunned when the youth suddenly dropped to his knees, hands quickly undoing the front of Tseng's trousers. He could only stare, bewildered by the sudden compliance, as Rufus pulled out his cock and stroked it gently. Tseng had been angry, but he had honestly had no true intension of going through with his threat, only wanting to scare the youth into silence.

"Rufus, you don't have to... oh fuck!" Tseng exclaimed, interrupted in offering the blond a way out by the hot mouth that swallowed him down. He was left gasping, trying desperately to keep himself standing as his knees went weak, the wall before him offering some support as he gazed down between his outstretched arms at the youth kneeling between him and the wall.

Tseng had one vague thought that Rufus had obviously been lying when he'd said he was inexperienced with sex, before his mind was lost to pure need. The little part of him that was still conscious was completely focused on staying upright, as Rufus sucked him like a professional, bringing his orgasm too close, too fast. There was no way he could stop it, and before he could even work up some kind of verbal warning, he was thrusting deep into that eager mouth and releasing weeks of pent up frustration.

Once he recovered enough presence to move his hips back, the blond only moved with him, still sucking as Tseng hissed at the feeling of too much sensation on over-sensitized skin, his cock twitching as it tried to respond too soon.

"Enough," he insisted hoarsely, throat dry and rough. He must have voiced his enjoyment rather enthusiastically, he figured from the state of his throat, although he had no memory of making a sound. 

Rufus finally complied, releasing his cock slowly as he gazed up at Tseng. Taking a step back, the head Turk stumbled a little as his pants caught around his ankles, but the opposite wall of the lane caught his back. He leaned against it, staring down at the youth who seemed to be waiting patiently, despite his panting breath and obvious arousal. Tseng had never seen Rufus so submissive and subdued before and it made him frown for a moment until he realized why it felt so wrong.

It reminded him of himself, the way he always was when under Sephiroth's spell. The thought was sobering as taking somebody else's power away, as the general had always done to him, felt oddly satisfying... and very arousing, if he was completely honest. Guilt stirred in his stomach, but he pushed it down, thinking of his Turks and what the purpose of all this was. Having some kind of power over Rufus was necessary, and the only power he could lord over the blond heir that would ensure his Turks survival was sexual. Rufus was young enough to mold, at least a little, and he only needed to twist the boy enough to make sure the Turks were safe in his hands.

Considering how Rufus felt towards his father, it shouldn't be _that_ hard to entrap him emotionally. Start with lust and work on it becoming more...

Mind made up, Tseng toed off his shoes and stepped out of his pants, eyes finally leaving the blond's. He approached the counter in the lane, hanging the remaining safety gear that was lying around back on the wall and taking the empty clip out of the hand gun before walking over to put both it and the weapon away in the nearby locker that the Turks stored their practice gear in. Rufus' eyes followed his every move and while he felt a little silly, walking around in nothing but his socks, shirt, tie and jacket, Tseng managed to act as if fully dressed. 

That done, Tseng walked back over to the lane and looked down at the youth, still sitting in place and peering up at him. He forced himself to smile, even if it wasn't earnest, and reached out a hand.

"Time to get your wish," Tseng murmured, gripping the hand that took his and pulling the youth to his feet. He couldn't help but reach out and run a gentle touch over the blond's jaw, as the vulnerability in those eyes pulled at his heart. Rufus relaxed under the touch, eyes half closing as he tried to shift closer to Tseng.

"Hands on the table, with you eyes down the lane."

"What?" Rufus asked, eyes opening fully at the request and a confused frown falling over his face.

"Hands on the table... I want to see you bent over it, Rufus," Tseng instructed, managing not to show the way his heart picked up sped at the fear in the youth's eyes. "If you don't, our lesson is over and we will go back to the apartment and never speak of this again. The choice is yours."

Rufus seemed to think it over for a minute, frown deepening as he glanced at the table and back to Tseng. Somehow the Turk managed to keep his expression flat, showing nothing of the turmoil raging within him. Eventually, the blond made a frustrated growl of compliance and turned away, bending over the table and placing both hand flat on its surface. Tseng enjoyed the view while he took a moment to breath in deep, pulling his strength around himself like a coat of steel resolve.

When he saw the youth begin to slightly tremble in place, Tseng stepped forward and ran a hand slowly over Rufus' ass, feeling the smooth fabric under his fingers. Under the material, the youth felt toned, proof of the physical training Elena had been putting him through daily. Tseng licked his lips, thankful that he wouldn't be facing having to dominate a weak, childlike body. Small mercies were all Turks ever had to be thankful for.

Then again, he couldn't honestly say he didn't want this, or wouldn't enjoy it. Rufus was beautiful, and the two times the youth had kissed him, Tseng had melted under the effect of his lips. That was part of the reason he'd positioned the youth like this, facing away from him. Somehow, Tseng had to keep his cool and hold control over the rest of this encounter.

"Tseng?" Rufus questioned, eyes still facing forward, but definite concern in his voice. Tseng smiled a true smile at the lack of an arrogant edge, realizing he quite liked Rufus' voice when it was like this... deep and smooth, but with a touch of innocent concern.

"You have a very beautiful body under all of these layers, don't you, Rufus? I want to see more of it." Tseng stepped closer, both hands wrapping around the youth's waist to undo his belt and pants, before beginning to work them down.

"B-but I don't... I mean I've never...," Rufus stumbled over his words as one hand lifted off the table to grasp onto the waist of his pants and hold them in place.

"Rufus," Tseng purred, leaning forward over the blond's body and stopping with his lips next to the youth's ear. "You chose to stay, and now I am going to make you feel so good that you will always remember the feel of me inside of you. I will not harm you... but I will claim you completely and leave you thanking me for it. You said you wanted me. Well, here I am. Are you going to be a child and run away, or be a man and take me... all of me?"

His own words made him want to flinch, but Tseng managed not to show it. Arrogance and dominance were never traits he felt comfortable with when it came to sex or emotions, but the way Rufus completely relaxed proved that he had guessed correctly. Rufus wanted to be dominated and Tseng would give him exactly what he wanted. Luckily, Tseng had spent enough time with Sephiroth to know exactly what to do.

The youth's hand slowly let go of his pants and returned to the table, and Tseng saw Rufus' chest rise and fall as he breathed in deep, calming himself. The Head Turk pulled the blond's pants and underwear over his hips, working them down to Rufus' ankles before pausing to take off the Vice President's shoes. That done, he lifted Rufus' feet one by one, completely ridding him of the garments. Dropping them on the floor behind him, Tseng looked up at the skin he'd revealed, pale and perfect as only someone who'd grown in luxury could be.

"You have a beautiful ass, Rufus," Tseng mused, both hands running up over the backs of the blond's thighs to pause on his cheeks. "So very soft and inviting." Tseng spread those soft cheeks and blew a line of air along the youth's cleft, grinning at the noise Rufus made from the strange sensation. "Has anyone ever touched you here before?"

"N-no," Rufus whispered in response, Tseng only just able to hear his reply. 

Tseng had to admit, even if only to himself, that it excited him to be the first. Leaning forward, he licked a line from the youth's balls, over his entrance and up to his tailbone. Rufus gasped, legs shifting apart further at the touch and opening himself up further to Tseng's exploration.

"Please... more," Rufus whimpered, the sound making a true smile bloom on Tseng's face.

"As you wish, Vice President," Tseng replied before his tongue returned to tickle the back of the youth's balls, flicking over them and making the blond lift his hips to try and get more. Rufus ended up in an uncomfortable position, his ass as high up as he could lift it, legs straining as he held himself aloft on his toes. Tseng decided to reward him for the effort, sucking first one and then the other testicle into his mouth and rolling it around gently, his tongue playing with the soft, sensitive skin.

Rufus was making various noises now, from mewls to soft gasps, and each one made Tseng's cock twitch with interest as it slowly began to harden again. When he finally moved his mouth away from the blond's testicles, Rufus whined softly until his tongue touched the youth's cleft again, flicking and teasing up and down along the smooth skin before finally pausing over the blond's entrance. Rufus froze in place, breathing hard, and Tseng couldn't resist pushing in suddenly, letting the tip of his tongue penetrate as Rufus let out a moan that had the head Turk's cock coming to full hardness instantly.

"Oh goddess... Tseng... please, oh please don't stop!" Rufus muttered desperately, hips pushing back as Tseng lifted his hands to hold the youth's hips still. He gave Rufus what he asked for though, pushing his tongue in further, only to pull it out again and flick it over the entrance teasingly.

He continued this torture for awhile, enjoying every sound it forced from Rufus' mouth. The begging he particularly enjoyed, as he'd thought that it would take more work to get the youth this desperate, but he was pleased that it had turned out to be so easy. Reaching down between the blond's parted thighs, Tseng gave Rufus' cock a slow stroke, noticing how much it was leaking already.

"You're not thinking of coming already, are you Rufus?" he teased, voice condescending and superior in tone.

"Bastard... you came fast yourself, so you can't... hngh... oh goddess!" Rufus tried to complain, but Tseng silenced him with the sudden entrance of his fingers, pushing two into the youth's loosened hole without any trouble.

"Yes indeed," Tseng mused, thrusting the two fingers in deeply, but making sure they avoided the youth's prostate... for the moment. "Such a little slut you're turning out to be. My two fingers went in so easily, your ass open and begging to be filled, just from a little licking. Really Rufus. You're so very hungry for cock, aren't you?"

"Fuck you," Rufus groaned out, words forced out but lacking in any kind of strength. The blond was rocking back on Tseng's digits, so much so that Tseng only had to keep his hand still and let the youth do all the work.

"Oh, no. I will be fucking you today. I wouldn't dream of denying your body what it obviously so eagerly yearns for... although, I will not allow you to come until I say so." Reaching his free hand up to his hair, Tseng pulled his hair band out and let his locks fall free. "I know it must be hard for you to hold back, so I will assist you."

The hair band was easy enough to stretch and pull over the youth's cock, the boy not coherent enough to realize what Tseng was doing under he carefully let it go and the pressure of the band made itself known around the base of Rufus' erection.

"You fucking bastard!" Rufus spat, but he kept his hands on the table, causing Tseng to smile in satisfaction as he watched the blond's hips keep on pushing back onto his fingers. He slipped in a third to throw off the youth's train of thought and it worked, Rufus' curses turning into pleas for more. There was one more thing Tseng wanted though, before he would give Rufus what he wanted.

"Swear you will be mine," Tseng growled, determined to use this opportunity to ensure that Reno would never become a target for the blond's lust.

"What?!" Rufus gasped, his thrusts backward losing rhythm and finally pausing as he battled with the sudden confusion from Tseng's words.

"I said, swear you will be mine and mine alone," Tseng repeated, leaning in close over the youth's back. "I do not share lovers, Rufus."

"Fool... you belong to me! All the Turks belong to me. I told you, father is giving your whole department to me when I return to Midgar," Rufus insisted breathlessly, suddenly trying to break free of his position as his temper spiked, momentarily overtaking his lust. 

Tseng ended the struggling with a series of hard thrusts, his fingers changing angle to push at the blond's prostate while his mouth sucked up a purple bruise on the back of the blond's neck. Rufus whimpered weakly under his attack, one of the blond's legs rising to rest a knee on the table, spreading him wide open for Tseng's ministrations. The head Turk's own cock ached to be inside the youth, and Tseng's heart hammered in his chest as his arousal grew to painful levels with every sound the blond made.

"Tseng... Tseng, please!" the blond finally groaned out, pale skin now stained with the flush of his desire. "Whatever you want, just please let me come."

"I will belong to you in every other way... all the Turks will," Tseng hissed into Rufus' ear, giving the lobe a quick bite before continuing. "But in the bedroom, you will belong to me and me alone. Swear it, Rufus, and I'll give you what you need."

"I swear it!" Rufus exclaimed, patience long gone by this stage. "Whatever you want, just fuck me damn it!"

Tseng pulled his fingers free suddenly, Rufus' breath stolen away by the sudden disappearance. The head Turk gave him no time to recover though, lining up his cock and pushing in before the blond could even voice another complaint. Tseng went slowly, but didn't pause until he was fully seated inside the younger man, biting his own lip to control the urge to just thrust forward hard. Rufus refused to stay still, writhing on the table and trying to force him to move, but Tseng somehow managed to hold himself back, leaning heavily on the blond's slighter form.

"Oh goddess, Tseng please move. I promised you whatever you wanted," Rufus begged, causing Tseng to growl with the overload of desire the youth's words caused. He managed to start slow, only the satisfaction of ringing such sounds from Rufus keeping his control in check. Tseng had always imagined the youth would be a quiet lover, but he was proven wrong as Rufus moaned shamelessly with every thrust, hands scrambling on the table as he tried to force his body back faster onto Tseng's cock.

"Is this what you wanted, Rufus? To be taken like a two gil whore, bent over the nearest surface and begging for more?" Tseng panted out, thrusting so hard now that Rufus had to grip the table to avoid being pushed over it, the blond's hand's whitening with the effort to hold on.

"Yes... oh goddess yes... more... fuck me more," Rufus chanted over and over, shameless in his need. 

Tseng was overtaken with lust, intoxicated by the fact that he had rendered the Vice President of Shinra so incoherent. Both his hands were on the youth's hips now, fingers digging in hard as he thrust with all his strength, his own orgasm building fast. Luckily, he remembered the hair tie around Rufus' cock in time and removed it, his hand staying on Rufus' cock to stroke it fast while he used all his will to hold back his climax just a little bit longer.

"Yours...," Rufus groaned out, back arching beautifully under Tseng. "My protector... mine!" The blond's orgasm shook his whole body and the sounds of his pleasure echoed off the walls of the firing range, almost a physical presence against Tseng's overheated skin. The Head Turk followed his employer over the edge almost instantly, Rufus' come still spilling over his hand as Tseng thrust in deep to fill the youth with his seed.

Minutes later found them both still in place, Tseng resting over Rufus on his elbows, somehow managing to stop his body from slumping fully forward as he caught his breath. The scent of the youth under him filled his senses and he breathed it in, trying to find his equilibrium as he replayed the joining over in his mind.

_My protector... mine!_

Typical that even in the throws of passion, Rufus still managed to find his own best angle. 

"Keep up this kind of behavior...," Rufus panted out, his words jolting Tseng out of his thoughts as the boy squeezed his inner muscles around the Head Turk's softening member. "... and I might have to give you a raise."

Tseng could only stare at the back of the blond's head, trying to find his confidence once more. It wasn't how he had foreseen things would occur, but if Rufus was pleased with his performance, that was all that mattered... wasn't it?

***.***


	16. P – Pyromania

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing - Tseng/Rufus  
> Characters – Tseng, Reno, Rude, Rufus, Elena  
> Warnings – Disturbing imagery, swearing  
> Summary – Nibelheim burns  
> Timeline – During Rufus' exile to Junon
> 
> ~~~

Tseng could only stare at the destruction before him, stunned by its utter senselessness. Some of the houses were still burning, the sounds of them collapsing amongst the hissing crackling of the flames, the only noise to be heard.

There were no screams, no moans of the injured. There was nobody left alive to voice them.

Tseng had seen death before, had seen villages hit by destruction both natural and man made. But he had never seen such a total cleansing of life like this. Even the animals of the town were dead, their charred corpses lying amongst the still smoldering human bodies that littered the streets.

He would have never believed it, if he hadn't seen it with his own eyes. He was still trying to convince himself that Sephiroth was the one responsible for it all.

"Boss?"

Reno's voice was harsh in his ears, even though he was speaking so softly. Tseng didn't want to hear Reno's voice. He wanted to hear Sephiroth's. Wanted to be back on the phone with him, listening to the calm, affectionate tone that the general only ever let him hear. Feeling the hope that had blossomed that night again, instead of the total despair he was drowning in right now.

"Tseng? Please say something," Reno whispered, close enough now that Tseng could feel their arms touching, the way the redhead's hand was twitching, wanting to bridge the small distance to cling to his own. They couldn't touch though, not anymore. Just like Sephiroth, Reno was another Tseng could never hold again. It only sharpened the prickling pain into a spike. 

"We have our orders," Tseng stated, voice flat and cold as he continued to stare at the carnage before him. "The cleanup crew will be here within the hour. We need to set up a command site to... to...."

Tseng voice caught in his throat, choking him as he tried to breathe past it. Reno's hands were on him in an instant, pulling him into an embrace he didn't want, couldn't let himself fall into.

"Reno stop. Let me go!" he managed to force out, face twisting in pain he couldn't afford to let himself feel. There was too much to be done, too much that he couldn't do...

"Nobody's here yet, so shut the fuck up and let me hold ya," Reno growled, arms tight around him, too strong considering their thinness. "Don't ya know I need this as much as you do?"

The last words struck home and Tseng stopped fighting, letting the redhead have his way. His own arms lifted to wrap around Reno's waist, returning the embrace and for a moment, just that one moment, Tseng breathed in and out and let himself feel it all.

Then his eyes focused on Rude, standing a few feet away and just watching. Rude's back was stiff, his hands curled into fists and his jaw tight, but he was still standing tall... still being all a Turk should be. It was enough to jolt Tseng back to reality and let him regain his focus.

"Reno, it's alright. We have to.... We have to just keep moving," Tseng murmured, removing his arms from that familiar body reluctantly. When the redhead didn't release him, Tseng reached up to tug on the younger man's hair before he gently pushed him away. 

When their eyes finally met, Tseng realized that the youth's distress had nothing to do with the residents of Nibelheim or the destruction before them. Reno was feeling all the pain that Tseng wouldn't let himself feel over Sephiroth, despite the fact he hated the general with a passion. Tseng traced one of the red tattoos on his protégé's face and smiled sadly. "They'll be time for the rest later. Right now, we have our orders and we must be ready when the cleanup crew arrives."

"Yeah," Reno muttered, stepping back as a trembling hand rose to adjust his goggles. He managed a grin, even if it was devoid of its usual level of cockiness. "Sorry boss. You can count on me and Rude though. We'll get the job done."

"I know," Tseng replied, watching as the redhead turned away and began the walk back to the chopper for their gear. As he passed Rude, the quiet Turk turned to follow with a simple nod to Tseng.

Turning back to face the town, Tseng took a deep breath and pulled out his phone. He still had to inform the President that Hojo was on his way back with two new specimens, one a first class soldier, the other a simple cadet. He knew from experience that neither would be available for questioning now that Hojo had them, despite the fact that they might hold the key to what had happened here.

He had managed to get a look at them both though. Hojo's team had needed the Turk's to escort them into the reactor to ensure it was safe, and Tseng had been with the first group who had found the two men, dying from injuries that were caused by a large blade. Sephiroth's blade, Tseng assumed. Tseng had recognized the first class soldier as Zackery Fair and while he'd only met the man a few times himself, he did know for a fact that Fair and Sephiroth had been friends.

It was a disturbing fact that the general had tried to kill a friend, but it would not deter Tseng from his goal of getting to Sephiroth first. He had to believe that his bond with the general was enough to ensure his own survival.

***.***

Reno and Rude were silent in the cockpit of the chopper as Tseng sat alone in the back, almost finished with the task of sorting all the files they'd retrieved from the Shinra Mansion into two boxes. They were mostly medical reports and rambling diaries from the scientists involved in the projects, and Tseng was separating out anything on the 'S' project to look over first. Veld had mentioned the project to him long ago, explaining it was about Sephiroth's enhancements, but not elaborating further. Tseng was hoping something within would give him a clue to what had set the general off, as they'd been stored in the only building in town that had been left untouched. It had to mean something considering how thorough Sephiroth had otherwise been.

The cleanup crew had steered clear of the Mansion, apparently on orders of the President, so Reno and Rude had been able to get in and take whatever they could carry without any witnesses. While they searched the old building thoroughly for clues, Tseng had continued overseeing the cleanup crew, all evidence of Sephiroth's crime vanishing in only a week.

The fact the town would be rebuilt immediately had come as a surprise to Tseng when he'd first been informed. That it would be repopulated by inhabitants that would all swear they had lived there since they were born, was extreme, even by Shinra standards. Of course, none of this was being done out of any sense of responsibility on Shinra's behalf. The President, and Hojo too no doubt, were just hopeful of somehow luring their star general back, willing to forgive and cover it all up, as long as their investment returned.

Tseng knew Sephiroth wasn't coming back on his own after that massacre though. 

Personally, he didn't care how many others Sephiroth had killed or even that he'd lost his mind. Tseng had lost his own enough times to sympathize and there was no guilt left in him for any stranger's death, no matter how innocent the victims may be. He just wanted a chance to help Sephiroth, somehow make him see that he wasn't alone and there was still hope. Tseng couldn't let go to of the possibility that it was just a temporary slip, that the general's sanity could be saved. He had to try, and hoped that he could find something in the files to assist him. After all, if he failed, there was only one way Sephiroth would ever truly escape Shinra.... and he didn't want him to die. 

Luckily, the President had called Tseng this morning with the orders to handle the general's retrieval, so Tseng would have his chance before more drastic measures were taken.

"Sir, we're approaching Junon. ETA five minutes," Rude's voice stated calmly over the headset, pulling Tseng's thoughts back to the present. He was being dropped off back in Junon while Reno and Rude would be continuing on to Midgar. The President had already begun gathering the replacement townsfolk from various cities, and Reno and Rude would spend the next week ferrying them back to the town as it was rebuilt. 

Tseng would begin collating and tracking the few reported sightings of the general that had begun to trickle in until they returned, as well as scouring the files for the reason behind Sephiroth's breakdown. He could do most of his work from Junon and it was, after all, where Rufus still was. Somehow, he had to manage to continue to protect the Vice President, while completing his latest orders, and it made him long for the days when there were more Turks to share the load. 

***.***

Tseng had headed to the shower after locking the files away in his room, intent on trying to wash away the smell of smoke and burnt flesh that seemed to cling to him as stubbornly as Sephiroth once had. It was a reminder he didn't need of things he'd rather forget. 

Besides, Tseng hated being dirty and there had been no chance to shower properly in the last week. There had been buckets of water and soap in the makeshift camp that they'd been staying in but a quick wash down just didn't get rid of the smell. It had added to Tseng's distress but luckily, he'd been so busy that he'd had no time to think on it too much.

Finally clean and skin a little pink from the thorough cleaning, Tseng had pulled on a pair of sweatpants and begun brushing out his wet hair on automatic, eyes locked on his own reflection as his mind wandered.

He almost didn't answer his phone when it rang, having to force himself to pick it up, wishing he could just turn it off or ignore it for once. 

Staring at the display, his brain flat lined at seeing it was Rufus' number, confusion only adding to the weight on his strained emotions. Why would the Vice President be ringing him when they were only rooms away? Putting the device to his ear, Tseng mumbled out his own name, his greeting lacking any of its usual calm.

"Tseng, come to my room. I need to discuss some things with you," Rufus' voice ordered across the line, its familiar arrogance strangely comforting. "I know you were on your way to bed, so don't bother getting into uniform. Just come now."

"Yes, Sir," Tseng replied dully, waiting to hear the call disconnect before flipping his phone closed and putting it back on the side of the bathroom sink. He moved to comply without any thought, body and emotions so tired that he just wanted to deal with this quickly so he could finally go to his room and try to find some rest.

As he approached the Vice President's apartment, his eyes met Elena's, who was just coming out the door and she seemed to startle at his appearance. Tseng might have apologized for his attire, or lack of it, on any other occasion but not tonight. Tonight he couldn't find it in himself to care.

"Sir!" she finally managed. "Welcome back."

"Thank you, Elena. Go get some rest. I'll see to him until he goes to sleep," Tseng informed her. Elena gave a nod and disappeared down the hall towards the Turk's rooms, face blushing pink. He'd have to remember to apologize to her tomorrow, for wandering around in such a state. 

_At least none of us have to stay up all night on guard duty anymore_ , Tseng mused to himself. The floor they all inhabited was now under constant guard by Soldier, ever since Genesis' desertion. It was ironic that for once, the redheaded general was making Tseng's life a little more bearable.

Walking into Rufus' apartment and closing the door behind him, Tseng headed across the darkened lounge area and down the hall towards the only light in the apartment. Rufus was in his bedroom and Tseng couldn't help but frown, hoping the younger man wasn't in the mood for sex. Tseng knew he wasn't capable of performing tonight.

He found Rufus sitting on the side of his bed, a glass in hand that was more than likely filled with his favorite whiskey. Tseng had given up trying to get Rufus to drink something more appropriate before bed long ago, as it did seem to help the youth relax... and at this moment, Tseng wouldn't mind a glass himself.

"Would you mind if I had one too?" Tseng murmured by way of greeting, stopping just inside the door and waiting for Rufus to look up. When their eyes finally met, Rufus frowned, but nodded and gestured over to a side table that held a couple more glasses and a decanter.

"Help yourself. You look as if you need it more than I do," Rufus replied, eyes intently watching as Tseng went and did just that. His first glassful was swallowed down immediately, and Tseng let the burn awaken him a little before he poured a second and turned back to the blond.

"How can I help you tonight, Sir?" Tseng asked, taking a sip of his drink as his eyes peered at Rufus over the edge of the glass. The youth looked back at him, his own drink forgotten as his eyes slowly swept up and down Tseng's form.

"You know, when I said to come straight here and not bother with your uniform, I didn't mean you couldn't retrieve a shirt. Aren't you cold?" Rufus finally said softly, patting the edge of the bed beside him. Tseng moved to sit, an eyebrow lifting as the youth touched his wet hair, frown deepening. "Or are you trying to give yourself pneumonia?"

Rufus had a point. The air-conditioning made the apartments chilly even on the hottest days of the year, but Tseng hadn't even noticed the temperature until the youth had mentioned it. It made him realize how numb he was feeling, with only a pair of sweat pants on, wet hair hanging down his back and still dripping.

"I... I didn't realize," he admitted, turning away to take another sip of his drink that ended up as more of a mouthful.

"Bad week, I assume," Rufus stated, standing up and walking away. Tseng simply stared at the drink in his hands, not wanting to talk about it... not ever with Rufus. When the blond returned, Tseng looked up to find the younger man was holding a hairdryer and he sighed, having no energy left to dry his hair.

"Don't even think of arguing. I want you to stay tonight but not with a head of wet hair," Rufus continued as he plugged in the device and untangled the long cord, retrieving a brush before walking back over to stand in front of Tseng and gaze down at him. "Now turn around and I'll dry it for you."

Tseng was so stunned by the offer that he turned around on automatic, sitting with his legs crossed and back to the youth who was standing beside the bed. It confused him, why Rufus was doing this for him, as he'd expected to be sent away... had hoped in a way. Rufus had never had any patience with him before, had sent him away for the most small and insignificant reasons just to demonstrate his control and dominance of their relationship.

He'd certainly never done anything like this, never looked after Tseng in any way, shape or form. Tseng was so emotionally drained that he didn't voice his confusion, closing his eyes and just enjoying the feeling of somebody gently drying his hair, letting the warmth wash over him and steal the chill away.

By the time Rufus was finished, Tseng's glass was empty and resting beside him on the bed, and the older man had almost slipped into sleep, upright but sagging a little in his relaxed state. He sighed as warm arms wrapped around him from behind and Rufus pressed a kiss to his neck, and while he wanted to just enjoy the affection, he knew he should never relax when Rufus was the one handing it out.

"Thank you," Tseng murmured, his own hands coming up to rest on Rufus' arms around him, as he breathed in deeply, trying to find his wilting inner strength. "I'm afraid I won't be of any use to you tonight though, Sir. I am...."

"Tired and drained?" Rufus whispered, breath warm on Tseng's ear.

"Yes," Tseng conceded, tensing a little as he waited for the expected order to leave, and the anger over Rufus having wasted effort drying Tseng's hair for nothing. When the silence continued, Tseng frowned, his nerves too raw to handle the wait. "Look, I'm sorry I've wasted your time. I'll leave..."

"I don't want you to leave," Rufus cut in, moving Tseng's empty glass before insistently pushing the older man to lie down, eventually maneuvering him under the covers. Rufus then joined him, turning onto his stomach to lie half across Tseng, resting his chin on crossed arms on the Turk's bare chest. "I didn't mind drying your hair. I like your hair."

Tseng didn't know what to say, thrown by the diversion of their usual dance. Rufus only chuckled up at him, the smugness in the youth's expressing somehow only making him appear more attractive.

"I am not as self absorbed as you like to think, Tseng. I know this week was hard on you and not just because of the long hours or horrid conditions. I am aware that you and Sephiroth were childhood friends, and then much more," Rufus explained, smug smile becoming more earnest. "And honestly, well, Elena clarified to me that I should be more giving on occasion to you."

Tseng's eyes widened in shock. What had Elena said? He had a feeling he was better off not knowing, although the absence of details brought him no comfort. The very fact that Rufus knew about his old relationship with Sephiroth was upsetting enough on its own, and it led his mind to speculate what else Rufus knew, and what else was common knowledge to the hierarchy of Shinra that he'd thought was private.

"Don't worry, my father doesn't know anything about you and Sephiroth, or suspect. I found out through other means that are secure," Rufus reassured, having come to his own conclusion as to Tseng's reaction. "I just wanted you to know that I know, because... because I realize now that you need a little contrast from me. It's what makes you happy, isn't it? What will keep you content? A little sweet with your sour?"

Tseng frowned, gazing down at the blond silently as he tried to work out just where this conversation was going.

"Take Reno for example. He's usually inconsiderate, uncouth, confrontational, with questionable morals. But in private, with you, he's affectionate, trustworthy and caring," Rufus mused. "I suppose this thing between us won't last the way it is now, and if I am to keep you by my side, I need to attempt to act in a similar manner in private."

Tseng didn't know what to say to the fact that the youth didn't take affection and caring as natural things to show somebody you wanted to stay with you. Then again, considering the family Rufus had grown up with, it wasn't really all that surprising.

"Are you sure you can manage it?" Tseng finally murmured a little sarcastically.

"Hmm... I suppose I can think of it as yet another lesson," Rufus sighed, looking up at Tseng innocently. "I don't want you to be unsatisfied in any way. Your attention might wander from me to another. Having you executed and breaking in a new lover would be so tiresome."

Tseng scowled, turning his eyes to the side as the blond chuckled at his reaction.

"Oh, come on Tseng. Where's your sense of humor?"

 _Burned up in the flames of Sephiroth's sudden insanity, just like that damn town and all it's inhabitants_ , Tseng thought to himself, somehow managing to keep his mental anguish at the thought from showing on his face.

"My sense of humor is asleep, considering the hour," he said out loud, turning back to gaze down at the blond tiredly. "But I... I would appreciate it if you would try to be like that with me, in private." He hated to have to negotiate it like this, but it didn't take away from the need inside of him, to be held and comforted, especially when his heart was hurting so much. 

For a moment, he wished it was Reno here with him. Reno would just do it, wouldn't ask for an explanation, wouldn't need one. The redhead had always known when Tseng was hurting and offered comfort automatically, taking the sharp edge off the head Turk's pain.

But Reno was someone he couldn't be with, not like that. Not anymore. It wasn't fair to either of them to pretend he loved the redhead in that way, when he simply didn't.

"Then I will try," Rufus stated, crawling up to curl against Tseng's side. He rested his head on Tseng's shoulder, one arm wrapping around the older man's waist. Tseng could feel how tense Rufus was in this position, and despite the unemotional way he had spoken about all of this, he was here, making an effort, despite his own lack of experience and discomfort with such things.

Tseng couldn't help but smile as he closed his eyes. Resting his head on top of Rufus' and wrapping an arm around the youth, Tseng exhaled and let himself enjoy the embrace of the one that held his heart so firmly. He'd needed this, even if it had come about through a discussion, rather than a natural progression of emotions. It was what he had been searching for from all of his partners in his life.

Love and affection. Intimacy and understanding. Rufus might not love him yet, but he wanted Tseng, enough to try to change, and Tseng believed that with time, maybe the blond's feelings would grow to match his own. 

***.***

Tseng woke the next day to find Rufus straddling his waist, fully dressed and groomed to perfection. He blinked up at the smiling blond with half closed eyes, trying to push back the fuzzy remains of too many nightmares.

"You're kind of cute when you're half asleep and all mussed," Rufus observed, smile morphing into a smirk. "In a dopey old man kind of way."

"I hate you," Tseng muttered, voice rough and dry. "Water?"

Rufus rolled his eyes, but reached over to the bedside table and retrieved a glass, handing it to the Turk. Tseng pulled himself up a bit to drink, and found arms wrapping around his waist to pull him up further. They stayed there, supporting him as he drank, and Tseng finished off the whole glass, trying to give his brain time to reboot, confusion settling over him from Rufus' affectionate actions.

Soon the glass was empty though, and Rufus took it from him, leaving them face to face... too close in Tseng's opinion. Well, too close when he wasn't firing on all cylinders. Rufus was dangerous when he was acting out of character.

But he was warm too and he smelt so very, very good, aftershave light but intoxicating. Tseng's morning erection twitched in interest, lying against the blond's inner thigh with only the thin cotton of Tseng's sweatpants between them. It was too late to try to hide it, but Rufus didn't seem to mind as he pressed forward, arms tightening around Tseng's waist. It was only then that Tseng discovered Rufus was hard too.

"You're very aroused for one who thinks this 'dopey looking old man' is only _kind of_ cute," Tseng whispered, sucking in a breath as the youth wriggled provocatively.

"I may have been a little misleading about my true opinions," Rufus admitted, grinning as he bridged the small space between them to kiss Tseng chastely, lips lazy and slow. Tseng let him have his way for a moment, but was soon threading a hand into soft blond locks so he could deepen the kiss, tongue twisting with Rufus' own and drawing a soft moan from the younger man.

A sudden knock on the door shattered the moment, Tseng jerking back from Rufus in surprise. He noticed the smug satisfaction on the blond's face and frowned in annoyance.

"Who is that?" he demanded in a whisper.

"Sir? I'm back with our meals," Elena's voice called from the other side of the bedroom door. "Do you want me to go and wake up Tseng in the spare room?"

"I already woke him," Rufus called out, glancing at the door. "He'll be out in a minute, as will I."

"Okay, I'll set the table then," Elena responded, before her footsteps could be heard, heading back towards the kitchen.

One side of Rufus' lips rose up in a cheeky grin as he turned back to Tseng.

"Elena is here to dine with us. My apologies. It completely slipped my mind."

Tseng growled as Rufus climbed off him, straightening out his suit and redoing the button on his jacket to hide the bulge of his erection from sight.

"I'll go out and stall for you, but don't be too long or we'll start eating without you."

A moment later the youth was gone and Tseng was left scowling at the bedroom door, hating that he'd been fooled by Rufus and left... left... aroused and with no way to hide it. Throwing back the sheets, he stood up, looking down to see how obvious it was. The tent in his sweatpants made him wish he'd put on underwear before coming here last night and Tseng growled again, annoyed and embarrassed by his own body. There was no way he was letting Elena see him in such a state.

But then he realized he was in Rufus bedroom, which had a cupboard the size of a small room coming off of one wall. Walking over, Tseng opened the doors and started going over the contents, trying to find something that would fit. None of the pants would do, Rufus having a waist far too slim in comparison to Tseng's, and his legs were noticeably shorter. Deciding to just make do with what he had on, Tseng turned to the shirts for a moment, before noticing shelves of pullovers towards the back. He found something suitable there, an older looking jumper that appeared big enough and he pulled it on, thankful the stretched out length meant it covered what he needed it too. He took a moment to run the brush through his hair, and then was out the door, finding the other two in the kitchen waiting for him.

"Good afternoon, Tseng," Elena beamed, standing so she could uncover the dishes in the middle of the table. "You're looking much more rested now, Sir."

"Thank you, Elena," Tseng replied, the fact she'd said afternoon taking a few seconds to sink in. "Is it afternoon?" he asked, sitting down and reaching out for the cup of coffee Rufus handed him without meeting the blond's eyes. He was still too annoyed to pretend not to care right now.

"Yes Sir. It's just after one o'clock," she informed him, settling back into her chair. "But don't worry. I made sure to cover all incoming calls this morning. Reno and Rude reported in and said everything is running smoothly." When Tseng's frown remained, she continued on. "I would have disturbed you if anything important came up, but since you got in so late last night, and Rufus explained to me about Reno's prank in your room that left you with nowhere to sleep so you had to come and use his spare room, I figured you needed the extra rest." Her smile dropped away, nerves starting to get the better of her. "Was that alright... Sir?" she finished, voice clearly showing her worry.

"Its fine Elena," Tseng replied, coffee frozen in place half way to his lips. 

_Reno pranked my room? What in the world is she talking about?_

He noticed her smile hadn't returned and shook off the questions for now, knowing better than to call Rufus' story a lie in his presence. It made him wander why the youth had lied though.

"It's more than fine, actually. Thank you, Elena. I appreciate the extra sleep as it was sorely needed." He gave her a smile, one which she returned, setting them both at ease. "I apologize. I am just a little sleepy still."

"Totally alright, Sir. I understand completely! I'm the same before my first cup of coffee in the morning too," she went on, starting to help herself from the selection on the table. Tseng glanced at Rufus, glad that at least the youth's manners were working this morning and he'd waited for the lady in the room to partake first.

All good feelings were washed away by the amusement on Rufus' face, reminding Tseng of Elena's strange explanation of why he'd spent the night in the blond's apartment. What was Rufus up to now? He watched as the younger man selected his food next, finally getting his own last and beginning to eat, almost humming at how good the food tasted. He'd missed Rufus' expensive tastes far too much in his short time away.

Once lunch was finished, Elena excused herself to return to Tseng's office, insisting on covering for him for the day since there was nothing important due for now. No new reports of Sephiroth had arrived yet, and he would begin reading all the retrieved files later today. He watched her leave before turning to Rufus, intent on getting some answers to his earlier questions.

"Oh, don't look at me like that! I'm not doing any harm," Rufus exclaimed, giving in under Tseng's glare. "I just couldn't resist, and it's not my fault she's so clueless."

"Your view of harm is very different to mine, Rufus. Explain, now," Tseng demanded.

"Well, as you well know, Elena and I have spent all week together. We eat together, and started working together on the second day, as it was foolish for us both to be in separate rooms, alone and bored. At least when we share an office, we can chat or train when the day is slow," Rufus explained, pouring himself another cup of coffee. "I don't mind her company, even if she can be a little too enthusiastic at times. Over the course of the week I discovered two things about her. One, she worships the ground you walk on. Two, she has no clue at all that we have been having sex."

Tseng frowned, ignoring the first point as Rufus being paranoid, his jealous nature always making such judgments of others unrealistically. The second point though, just couldn't be true.

"Of course she knows," Tseng insisted, sipping on his second refill of coffee slowly.

"She does not know, and doesn't even suspect," Rufus insisted, grin wide. "We talked about you quite a lot, and she went on and on about how wonderful it was that you and I were such good friends. She's thrilled that we've bonded and are so close, but has no idea of the true nature of our relationship."

"But she must. This isn't the first time I've stayed in your apartment overnight," Tseng continued, putting down his cup.

"You've only slept over a handful of times, and even then you're usually the first one awake, so how would she know? She assumes we are working when you're here at night, and you've told her no different. Interesting enough, Reno and Rude haven't filled her in either and won't now," Rufus continued, his last words making him chuckle.

Tseng's stomach turned a little. There was always some point to Rufus' little games, and he hated to think what this one would be.

"Why won't they?" Tseng asked with a sigh of annoyance.

"Well, I made a small wager with them. You are welcome to join in too, if you'd like."

"What wager, Rufus?" Tseng annoyance was clear in his voice now, his imagination always going to the worst possibility when it came to the Vice President.

"I just bet them both 1,000 gil that she wouldn't work it out within the year, thus insuring that they won't tell her within that time, or they default on the wager and have to pay me anyway. She stays ignorant, they get their money eventually when I tire of the game and tell her before the year is out, and I get my fun. See, everyone's happy," Rufus finished, looking far too pleased with himself. 

Tseng knew there was much more to this, but the shock that Rufus really believed they'd still be together in a year's time took precedence in his mind. They'd be back in Midgar before then, most likely, and wouldn't Rufus simply loose interest in him sexually when he had more appropriate choices on the menu?

"Everyone will be happy except for Elena," Tseng pointed out. It wasn't like he could ask Rufus what his plans for him in the future were anyway, because the youth would only lie.

"Elena is going to be unhappy to find out whenever we tell her because she has such a crush on you. I'm just putting off her suffering until we are in a place where she doesn't have to spend so much time with me. Doesn't that ensure a smooth working relationship while we're here, something you're always insisting on?"

Tseng's frown deepened. Rufus had thought very carefully about all of this, which only made him worry more. Right now, he couldn't think of a good enough reason to object to the game, but he was so tired and not at his best. He still didn't believe she had any kind of crush on him either. Tseng decided he'd talk to Reno about it when he and Rude returned at the end of the week, and decide what he truly thought of it then.

"When did you make this bet with Reno and Rude?" Tseng finally asked, a little offended Reno hadn't told him.

"This morning, when they called to report about 20 minutes before you woke up. After Elena talked to them, I simply told her I had something important to discuss with Reno and she left to collect our lunch while I did. So, are you in on the bet too? I'm sure you could find a use for the gil."

Tseng felt bad taking the bet, but decided it was better to be in than out, even if it was only to keep an eye on what they were all doing. If they won the wager, he'd be giving his money to Elena anyway, as compensation for leaving her out... although, telling her about the bet probably wouldn't be wise. He could always make up some reason for giving her the gil later. 

"Fine, count me in," he finally agreed, Rufus looking very happy at his decision. "But if I think, for one moment, that she is being hurt by this wager, it will end and nobody will win or lose... except maybe you."

"I know, I know," Rufus agreed, waving a hand in the air at Tseng. "I'm quiet aware of how protective you are of your Turks, Tseng. I'm only providing entertainment to the troupes, not trying to harm Elena. I do like her, after all." He stood from the table then, taking his coffee cup over and rinsing it out in the sink. "I'm going to check in at the office, but I'll be back within the hour. Make yourself comfortable. Sleep or whatever, but I would appreciate it, if you stayed here. You are wearing one of my favorite cashmere tops after all, and I'd really like to take it off you personally a little later on."

Rufus left then, Tseng too tired to argue as he made his way back into the bedroom to lie down. For a moment, he thought about calling Reno to ask about the whole wager business, but then remembered he'd left his phone in his bathroom last night, and he was far too comfortable to go get it. Deciding it wouldn't hurt to leave it until Reno returned in a few days, he curled up under the sheets instead.

He could only hope his dreams would be free of flames, the choking smell of burning flesh and Sephiroth's smile.

***.***


	17. Q - Quixotic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Pairing** \- Tseng/Rufus  
>  **Characters** – Tseng, Reno, Rude, Rufus, Elena, Aerith, Cloud, Tifa, Barret  
>  **Warnings** – Swearing, angst  
>  **Summary** – The plate drops on sector 7  
>  **Timeline** – During the original game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The actual conversation between Tseng, Avalanche and Aerith just before the plate drops is taken directly from the original game, word for word. I just added Tseng's thoughts around the spoken parts from the game, to try and give reason to what is said and why he hits Aerith.
> 
> ~~~

Four years slowly ticked by after Nibelheim burned.

Tseng couldn't even begin to put Sephiroth behind him and move on, as the mission to bring him back never ended, false leads a weekly occurrence. Even when in Rufus' arms, his mind would slip to thoughts of the general. Like a ghost, Sephiroth's memory haunted him endlessly with all the possibilities of what might have been if Tseng had just been a little stronger, a little more willing to settle for less. His pride had insisted he end their relationship and he'd walked away, leaving the general to face the perils of Shinra alone. 

Alone, with no backup or friend in sight. That one phone call didn't count... it'd been too little, too late. Tseng couldn't move past the guilt lying in his chest like a stone, cold and unbreakable, just like he'd always believed Sephiroth to be.

After investigating the incident for so long, Tseng believed that the town had been no more than collateral damage when the general had fractured. He also believed that Hojo had somehow orchestrated the whole disaster, but he had no proof. Tseng decided the Turk's really needed to find an excuse to end the professor, sooner rather than later. No scientific discovery was worth such loss. The ends just didn't justify the means.

Zackery Fair's face flickered through his mind and Tseng flinched, closing his eyes and frowning at the memory of the young man that had held so much promise. Then there was the cadet, a short, slight of frame blond who looked too young to be holding a rifle in the first place, too innocent to be consumed by Hojo's twisted experiments that never seemed to produce anything more than pain and suffering.

Tseng opened his eyes again and sighed in frustration. What in Gaia's name was the President trying to achieve with all of this bullshit anyway? The Promised Land, the older man would rant, spittle flying from his lips as he rambled on about a never ending source of mako that would make him ridiculously rich and powerful, make him a name to never be forgotten.

The fat fool didn't realize that his name was already unforgettable, but for pain and suffering, repression and betrayal. The Promised Land was nothing but a figment of his imagination, Tseng was sure, and the whole company was going to be dragged down by his delusions, becoming nothing more than a name to be cursed, a reminder of darker days.

Despite all of this, Rufus still fought on to win it. Tseng didn't understand, didn't get why the youth hadn't just cut and run, while there had been a chance to break free. He'd had enough money, enough assets of his own to start again far away with a false name and a clean slate. Freedom with a large dose of wealth still attached, sounded far more attractive to Tseng than continuing under the weight of the Shinra name.

It worried Tseng, just what Rufus _would_ do when he became President, whether he would improve the city or simply make it worse, but that was just another thing Tseng was powerless to control. He would follow the blond, even if it led to damnation. He couldn't help but want to find a way to save him despite the hopelessness of it all, just as desperately as he wanted to find a way to save Sephiroth.

The problem was, Tseng had only ever been trained to destroy, not save. He was no hero and had no desire to be one. He just wanted both of these cursed men to survive, to rise above the darkness that clung to them and be free of it... for them both to find a little light. 

It was a fool's errand at best, he knew. Sephiroth was missing, maybe already dead, and Rufus? Well, Rufus was deaf to any of Tseng's views on Midgar. Male pride and far too many father issues tainted Rufus' usual intelligence to nothing but pure lustful intent on that subject and Tseng knew no way to clear his view.

But at least he was there, in front of Tseng, available and in plain sight. He seemed to care... in his own, twisted way. Rufus didn't love him yet, but Tseng still help hope that it might lead there one day. The blond was certainly already possessive enough, and he had held to his promise to be more affection in private, even if it was awkward and almost laughable at times. Tseng found the attempts heartwarming, he couldn't help it. Rufus had so much pride, but was still willing to put it aside just to ensure Tseng stayed interested, and the blond was earnest in that, at least.

"Sir, sorry to disturb you, but there's an urgent mission from Midgar," Rude's voice suddenly sounded, pulling Tseng out of his moment of contemplation. Putting down his coffee cup, the Head Turk looked up from the surface of the desk were he'd been staring, to the doorway to his office, one eyebrow rising in question.

"Details?" Tseng asked.

"Two specimens have escaped from the Nibelheim laboratory. The President is sending the military after them, but wants us to help the search and pass on any information," Rude explained, walking closer to stand in front of the desk. "Specimens are human in appearance and one is classified as armed and dangerous, the other catatonic."

It seemed simple enough, but something about Rude's manner caught Tseng's attention. Looking over the other Turk, Tseng heard the creak of leather, indicating that Rude's hands were clasping each other tightly behind his back. That was never a good sign.

"What are your concerns?" Tseng asked, forgoing tact.

"Initial intelligence suggests that the armed specimen has the abilities of a soldier first class."

"Zackery Fair... and the catatonic one is that cadet?" Tseng muttered, more of a statement than a question. Rude answered it anyway.

"I believe so. The military have been given a kill order, Sir. No retrieval, even if they surrender," Rude continued, looking away. The angle allowed Tseng to notice the clench of muscle along the other man's jaw. He had to agree with Rude's unspoken distaste.

"If we get to them first, there's a chance...," Tseng began, voice fading as the possibilities filtered through his mind.

"The only chance they have," Rude added to the silent pause, eyes back on Tseng. "Zackery Fair was a top soldier, and could assist in the retrieval of Sephiroth."

Tseng doubted that, since from what he'd seen in the reactor that day, Zackery had had no success in reaching Sephiroth's sanity. Still, there was a small chance of easing some of his own guilt, and if the Turks retrieved the two and made their return public enough, maybe Hojo would be prevented from continuing their torture. After all, once they'd been seen by the other soldiers, pretending they were killed on a mission was impossible.

"Rude, tell Reno to prepare the chopper. You'll go with him and I'll requisition another from the army for Elena and I. Have her start on drawing up a search grid immediately as I want us in the air within the hour. The official line will be that we took them in for questioning over the Nibelheim incident," Tseng ordered, already reaching for his phone.

"You're going to fly, Sir?" Rude asked, making Tseng's hand pause on the receiver. He looked back at the other Turk, one eyebrow rising once more. 

"I am fully trained and licensed, if you have forgotten, Rude," Tseng retorted coldly, glaring until the other looked away, shifting nervously in place.

"Of course, Sir. I wasn't... I mean, I...," Rude stuttered in a rare display of uncertainty.

"Dismissed," Tseng snapped, taking in a deep breath to calm himself as the door closed behind Rude. None of them were ever going to let him forget that one incident in the Nibelheim mountains when the weather conditions had defeated his piloting skills. It irked him, as despite the crash, he had managed to land the chopper with no fatalities. After all, not everyone could be a pilot protégé like Reno.

Pushing the annoyance aside, Tseng dialed the phone and was put on hold while an available chopper was organized. While he waited, he opened the draw of his desk, pulling out the container of letters that he'd been burdened with years ago. He wouldn't be sad to see them gone, as he already had enough regrets to bear without having to shoulder other's.

***.***

The haste in beginning their search for the two escapees had been a waste, as yet again the Turks were led on a long game of cat and mouse. It went on for months, and Tseng's mood sunk to new depths of blackness as frustration became a way of life. Rufus gave him space, and for a time there was nothing but endless flights, weeks of searching for the two who always seemed to be one step ahead.

Then came the day when they were found, Reno and Rude rushing to their location only to find the Shinra army had found them first. Zackery Fair died in a blaze of glory, taking a ridiculous number of regular army soldiers with him until he was put down. The cadet, Strife, disappeared without a trace, assumed dead considering his catatonic state. Even Reno came back home angry at their failure, and he, Rude and Elena settled in to drink their regrets away.

Tseng didn't join them, despite Reno insisting he should. Instead he went to his office and locked himself in, sitting for hours just staring at the bundle of letters that taunted him with yet another failure, another life he couldn't save. They eventually went back in his bottom draw, locked away from sight but never to be far from thought.

Rufus didn't say a word when Tseng turned up in his bedroom later that night, the first time since the search began that he'd approached the blond. Rufus had risen from bed to meet him, standing in front of the head Turk for a moment before undressing, offering himself up like some kind of silent sacrifice to Tseng's sanity.

Tseng took him, hard and barely prepared. Rufus didn't complain, still didn't say a thing, even when he failed to reach his own completion before Tseng collapsed over him, spent and still so frustrated at his long line of failures.

The gentle fingers that twined through Tseng's hair took his frustration and twisted it into tears, and still Rufus remained silent.

***.***

The days kept coming and going and somehow, Tseng managed to rise to meet each one. He was relieved when the first terrorist attack on reactor 5 shook the city, finally able to busy himself with familiar actions that came easy and kept him from thinking of a lost general he just couldn't let go of.

The first time he saw security camera footage of the new Avalanche, that relief fled like a flock of birds startled into flight.

Cloud Strife had returned from the dead to lead an attack on Shinra's reactors, a first class uniform worn like a walking memorial to Zackery Fair. Tseng found himself unenthused to capture him, the tiny part of himself that still clung to fairness insisting that Strife was justified. Still, Tseng was a Turk, and justice was not his path to walk.

When Strife prevented Reno from retrieving the girl believed to be an Ancient, all regrets dissipated to a distant memory. The Turks didn't have time for mercy with the President nipping at their heels and the second attack on a reactor only drummed that reality home. Strife's group had signed their own death warrants with that alone, but when they stole Aerith away, the President was enraged, as she was yet another price Hojo insisted on in return for his Promised Land. Reno's failure to get Ms Gainsborough from the church made him a target of the President's wrath, and Tseng would not stand for it. 

Yes, before he'd felt sympathy for Aerith, even a little affection after his own time following her around the slums, but he would never sacrifice Reno for her, not even as some kind of recompense for the loss of Fair to Hojo.

Reno was family, and family came first.

Tseng ran interference, keeping Reno busy and out of sight, by having him and Rude track the terrorists to find their base in Midgar. Despite the redhead's skills in the slums, they only had their home base narrowed down to one sector when the President's patience ran out. 

Finally the order Tseng had feared all along was given. Dropping one of the plates on the slums was a possibility Heidegger had suggested after the first attack, and the President had decided to agree now they'd narrowed down the possibilities to one area. Objections from some on the board of directors were noted but ignored and sector 7 was condemned. The whole incident would be twisted into yet another attack by the terrorists, and Avalanche would be blamed for their own destruction.

Tseng immediately volunteered, knowing full well that whoever carried out this mission would be left burdened with the needless deaths of hundreds of innocents, and he didn't want any of his Turks to have to bear such a weight.

Unfortunately, the President hadn't forgotten Reno's initial failure to retrieve the flower girl, and he was not a forgiving man. Tseng was ordered to have the redhead carry out the detonation of the support pillar, and he had no choice but to bow and accept. 

Tseng could do nothing but head to his office to try and find the inner strength needed to pass the mission to Reno, to emotionally cripple one he cared for, to make Reno destroy a large section of what was his childhood home.

When he opened the doors to his office, instead of a sanctuary, all he found was his biggest weakness.

"Shut the door," Rufus ordered, sitting at Tseng's desk with an expression that brokered no argument.

Tseng slammed it shut, demonstrating his discontent at the blond's presence, as his lips stayed sealed shut, thin and tight across all his clenched hatred of what his life had become.

"He gave you your orders then," Rufus observed, standing from the chair and walking to the side of the desk slowly, as if approaching a bomb that might explode with the slightest vibration. "I objected to this plan of action privately before the meeting, but father is unconcerned with my opinion on the matter."

Tseng let out a breath and looked away from him, mentally counting to ten in his head. This was a recent habit of Rufus'. He'd come to Tseng and insist he was separate from his father, denying responsibility for any decision that worked against the Turk's best interests. Overall, it was a positive development as it meant Tseng's opinion of him mattered and that he wanted the Turk's loyalty, but that didn't stop it being annoying, especially when it was so badly timed.

The blond began to pace when Tseng said nothing, taking his silence as acceptance and letting his personal aggravation from the board meeting slip through. Tseng couldn't help turning back to watch him, his eyes always drawn to the graceful sway of expensive fabric over soft skin, the glide to Rufus' stride that was all money and entitled upbringing.

"It's a waste of life that is unnecessary, but he refuses to see sense! I tried to tell him that chances are, Avalanche will escape and the only casualties will be citizens, but as usual, he listens to me last over the other fools." Rufus had paced his way right around the desk back to where he started and finally walked to the window to glare out over the city. 

Tseng looked past him over Midgar, its night time facade resembling the corpse of a defoliated Christmas tree whose lights continued to glow hopefully amidst the twisted metal carcass of what could have been.

"It's always fucking Hojo this and Hojo that, and this fabled Promised Land, over and over again! It's as if the Professor has him by the balls and keeps squeezing, and that deluded fuck just hands him whatever he wants. Forget sense, forget politics or public relations or his own fucking son! No, none of those things are important when compared to the chance for _extraordinary_ profit." Rufus snorted out a noise that was all childish disdain, but somehow managed to make the vulgar mannerism seem elegant. "Profit over parenting... maybe _that_ should be Shinra's new logo," he drawled, face twisted into a snarl.

Suddenly Tseng was distracted by that expression, by Rufus' malice towards his father. He was overcome by the urge to redirect that ire towards himself, to twist it into a viscous passion that could burn away his guilt, fuck it out of his system one hard thrust at a time. He'd always topped the youth before, an unspoken agreement that he suddenly wanted to break with every fiber of his being. Asking would never get him what he wanted, but maybe....

"I am sorry, Rufus," Tseng began, glaring at the blond and despising the fact his heart chose _this_ man to love. "But I'm afraid you've mistaken me for someone who gives a fuck."

Tseng watched the youth tense up instantly at his words and only regretted he couldn't see the look of shock on Rufus' face from this angle. It would have been priceless, he assumed. By the time the Vice President turned to face him, there was only anger and threats in his expression.

"I beg your pardon?!"

"My pardon is not given. If you would, I'd appreciate it if you would leave as I have work to do, and no time to listen to you whine about your daddy issues tonight," Tseng replied flatly, enjoying the flush his words spread over those usually perfectly pale cheeks. He had begun to understand why Reno enjoyed pissing people off so much, as it did feel rather gratifying in the moment.

"M-my what?!" Rufus stuttered out in a yell, eyes half closing into a dirty glare that Tseng only found vaguely threatening. 

It was foolish to risk everything to just to work up Rufus' passion to punish, but Tseng couldn't stop himself in the moment, his mouth opening yet again, against his better judgment.

"Your daddy issues," he repeated helpfully, at least managing not to smirk. Smirking would probably get him shot, although Rufus looked like he was considering that option anyway. Tseng felt his heart pick up pace, his whole body responding to the threat of danger in a rush that washed away all remnants of his previous depressive cloud. "Maybe you should go and seek out your therapist, Sir. I'm sure she'd be more than happy to listen to you feel sorry for yourself for hours. I, on the other hand, find it a rather large waste of my time."

"You fucking asshole," Rufus hissed, stalking towards him with fists clenched, eyes burning with his wounded pride. The youth stopped one step away, trembling a little with indecision and the effort it took to control his overflowing indignation. His mouth opened and closed twice before he found words to weave into an acceptable expression of his rage.

"How many times in the past four years have I listened to you whine about your Turks, especially that fucking redhead? And then there's your unending quest to find your psychopathic ex-lover who will probably kill you on sight. _They_ are all you ever worry about, all you ever _think_ about, day after day." Rufus leaned in as he hissed out his poison, as if magnetically drawn without his consent. "You know how much I hate it, but I never say a word and always let you take out your frustrations on me. The _least_ you could manage is to listen to my vexations in return!"

In that moment, Rufus was a picture of discontented beauty that was unaware of its own allure, and Tseng ached for the blond to explode into him and tear away all the emotional burdens that were weighing him down. He'd tried everything else he could think of to alleviate the weight of his failures, but never insults that bordered on betrayal.

"Why don't you make me?" Tseng murmured, low and challenging, letting the smirk break free on lips that could almost taste relief. "Bend me over my own desk and force me to respect you, Vice President." 

Tseng leaned in a little, leaving them with only a breath between their lips, so close he could feel the heat of Rufus' anger radiating off him.

"Or are you _still_ not man enough?"

Rufus' eyes dilated, his breath stuttering a moment as the possibility flickered through his mind. Tseng watched him consider the suggestion, then the blond's eyes suddenly flattened, shutting him out.

"No," Rufus whispered, taking a step back, and Tseng almost followed, having to force himself to stay in place as his eyes widened in surprise.

"No?" Tseng repeated, smirk twisting into a frown. Rufus mirrored the expression for a moment, but then his face fell to sadness.

"No... not like _this_. I will not," Rufus replied, stepping past Tseng and leaving the office without looking back.

Tseng stood for too long, frozen in yet another failure, faced with ordering Reno to abandon his soul with nothing to temper his guilt.

***.***

The day of the plate drop began with an air of falsity, Tseng sleeping in past his alarm for the first time he could remember. Rufus had refused to see him out of work hours since he'd tried to use the young heir as a kind of self flagellation, and Tseng had been left to brood in his own self hatred alone. Nightmares had plagued his sleep, and he'd had nobody to turn to, as Reno had chosen Rude for his comfort and strength. 

It was what Tseng had wanted all along, but his too taut nerves were making him selfish and spiteful. He found himself truly jealous when it came to the abandonment, thoughts of harming Rude flickering through his malcontented thoughts. Thoughts of harming Rufus had grown boring after the first few hours, as most had already been chewed over before.

Even three cups of coffee didn't help in the slightest, and Tseng ended up being the last to arrive at the helipad, the others avoiding his gaze and falling to silence as he approached like an impending thunderstorm. He didn't want to discuss it, so he was relieved at the avoidance. He just wanted this cursed day to be over. 

What he wanted never did come to pass though, and while he was turned away, checking his phone for the possibility that Rufus had forgiven him, the others arranged themselves in the chopper without his consent. He climbed in the back to find Reno waiting for him, not Elena as was their usual order.

The redhead did not look pleased, and Tseng could tell immediately that it had nothing to do with the mission. The ire was too personal, and aimed squarely at him. By the time he considered escape, the doors were closed and they were in the air, trapped with the one person he could never take out his temper on.

"I had a little chat with Rufus this morning," Reno began, gaze holding Tseng's like a vice. "He told me what ya did the other night, in your office."

Tseng let an eyebrow rise but didn't reply, waiting for a clue as to how much Reno actually knew. Surely the two hadn't become that close while his attention was elsewhere.

"Ya think he don't understand. Ya think I don't either... but ya always have underestimated how much we all know ya," Reno drawled, voice loud enough to be heard over the noise of the chopper, loud enough that Rude and Elena would be hearing it too. 

Tseng's face flushed red in a mix of embarrassment and anger, but Reno didn't back down. Reno never backed down from anything.

"Ya ain't got the right to do this, ya hear? This is _my_ burden to bear and I'll bear it fine. Ya ain't my daddy, ain't the protector of my morals or some shit, so just drop it," Reno insisted, reaching over for a hand that Tseng snatched away, refusing the contact the youth always insisted upon. 

Reno's words hurt, stabbed Tseng in the chest and made his already bleeding conscious almost flatline from the pain. He'd thought Reno had considered him as a father figure of sorts, as Tseng himself had considered Veld, but if that had changed....

"Don't ya dare get that damn expression on ya face either!" Reno suddenly yelled at him, reaching out again and snatching Tseng's hand while the older man was stunned by the sudden rise in volume. "You're my best friend, and I love you, but I won't have ya carrying my guilt. For fuck's sake, Tseng! You're already carrying so much other shit you got no control over. Stop with the martyring crap and just be here for me! That's what I need from you. That's what will get me through _this_ , knowing you're all here and none of ya will think less of me after."

The relief was bittersweet, tainted with his failure to keep his strength in a situation where he was just an observer, Reno's bravery shaming his own weakness. Tseng tentatively squeezed the fingers holding his, suddenly noticing how desperately Reno was clinging to his hand... and another needle of guilt pierced his heart.

"I'm sorry," Tseng blurted out, knowing that he had to get a grip, for Reno if for nothing else. While usually that wouldn't be a hard thing for him to do, usually that was because he was the one suffering. Watching one of his Turks suffer was hard, watching Reno suffer was unbearable, especially on the heels of Sephiroth's loss. It made Tseng feel so helpless, and nothing ever threw him more than that.

"Yeah, I know ya big idiot," Reno retorted, rolling his eyes before giving him a grin. 

Tseng couldn't help but smile back, even if it was a pathetic attempt in comparison.

"Tonight, after all this shit, you're coming to drink with us, ya hear? The four of us together are gonna wipe this whole day out of our minds and move on. Don't try and wiggle your way out of it... please?" Reno implored.

The youth's expression was so earnest that Tseng wanted to hug him, but considering where they were, he simply nodded and pulled Reno's hand closer, holding it to his cheek and closing his eyes. It was the first human contact Tseng had had in weeks and it bolstered him a little, giving him the strength to open his eyes and try to be what Reno needed.

***.***

Having to leave Reno on the pillar to set the detonation program took all of Tseng's self control, and by the time they arrived at Aerith's mother's house, he had no patience left to be gentle. Aerith wanted to fight for her freedom, but froze when Tseng grabbed the little girl she'd been protecting and held a gun to her head.

"Do not think I care that she's a child. I have killed children before and will again. Her life is meaningless to me," Tseng stated flatly, almost wishing she'd resist just so he could pull the trigger and see all that innocent indignation crumble into despair.

"You're a monster!" Aerith's mother hissed, uselessly brandishing a frying pan in his direction. It was something that would have usually made Tseng smirk, but his sense of humor had been left on the pillar with Reno.

"No, just a Turk doing his job," Tseng replied, pressing the barrel of the gun harder into the child's temple and making her whimper. "Now move, Miss Gainsborough, before I decide to kill them both and take you by force." He didn't have the time for discussions, the minutes ticking by too quickly until they had to pick up Reno. To be late would mean losing him forever.

"I'll come with you, just don't hurt them!" Aerith insisted, dropping her staff and walking forward, eyes on the child in Tseng's hold. 

"Elena, take her," Tseng instructed, giving them a few minutes to get to the chopper before he pushed the child at Aerith's mother and left the house. 

In minutes they were in the air, Tseng in the back with Elena and their captive as they approached the pick up point for the redhead. He was there, with a split lip but still smirking, much to Tseng's relief.

"All set," Reno announced, climbing into the chopper. He sat down next to Tseng and looked Aerith up and down, before winking at Elena who stuck out her tongue at him. "Avalanche came ta visit. I stalled them for awhile, but left when I ran out of time."

"Can they disarm it?" Tseng asked as the chopper lifted into the air once more.

"Nah. It was pretty obvious they don't have the codes. They were trying ta think of another way though, and hopefully they'll keep trying 'til the thing drops on their heads."

"Maybe we should encourage them to stay a little longer then," Tseng mused.

"How can you do this! Hundreds of innocent people are going to die, and for what? Just so you can kill a handful of Avalanche members?!" Aerith insisted, standing up and taking a step towards Tseng with her fists clenched.

"Hey, they started it and besides, don't see ya moaning the loss of all the so called _innocents_ that got killed when Avalanche blew up the first reactor," Reno spat at her, leaning forward in his seat.

"That was an accident! They told me they miscalculated....," Aerith began, but Reno cut her off.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever _flower girl_. You justify what they did however ya like, but it's no different ta us. Innocents get killed all the fucking time when shit goes down like this. It's called collateral damage. If they cared about innocents dying, they wouldn't of started this war in the first place."

"They're trying to save the planet," Aerith insisted, eyes wide and full of pure earnestness. "Sometimes, lives are lost but it's for the greater good, and I know none of them would ever kill innocents on purpose."

"What, ya trying to tell me they didn't know the bomb was gonna kill people living around the reactor? Ya really believe they're that stupid?" Reno retorted, waving her off and leaning back in his chair. "They _knew_ and they did it anyway, cause they believe that it's for the greater good... which is exactly why we're dropping the plate. For the greater good and all, so sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up."

"Two minutes until detonation," Rude's voice called from the front, grabbing Tseng's attention while Aerith dropped to her knees in the middle of the cabin, all the fight draining out of her as she sagged in defeat.

"Head to the pillar so we can delay Avalanche for a moment," Tseng ordered, turning back to watch the flower girl as the chopper lurched and changed direction. He found her pathetic in the moment, all former affection and respect for her gone. She was supporting terrorists and yet somehow had been fooling herself into believing they were angels of some kind. Tseng had no time for such naivety.

Standing up, he grabbed the girl by the pony tail and dragged her closer to the door as they rose up parallel with the pillar. She just sagged in place, so he released her and opened the door just in time for the platform Avalanche were on to come into view. They were still standing around the control panel, and Tseng smirked at the fact that these idiots really believed themselves to be heroes, when they were nothing more than murderers hiding behind good intentions.

"That's right. You'll have a hard time disarming that one. It'll blow the second some stupid jerk touches it," Tseng called out, smirking as all three turned to glare at him.

"Please, stop it!" a dark haired girl called out to him, expression similar to the one Aerith had worn only moments before. 

It tweaked Tseng's temper, how these people kept acting so damn innocent and justified, as if they didn't have blood staining their hands already... as if they were better than he and his Turks. He laughed at her, but there was no amusement in the sound, only a mocking derision that he had no other way to express.

"Only a Shinra executive can set up or disarm the Emergency Plate Release System," he finally replied.

A muscular man with a gun grafted onto his arm, lifted it threateningly at the chopper. "Shut ya hole!"

"I wouldn't try that. You might make me injure our special guest," Tseng remarked, glancing at the girl beside him to drag their attention to her.

"Aerith!" the dark haired girl yelled, taking a step forward as the gun-armed man lowered his weapon with a snarl.

"Oh, you know each other? How nice you could see each other one last time. You should thank me," Tseng drawled sarcastically.

"What are you gonna do with Aerith?!" the third Avalanche member called out.

Tseng looked him over, recognizing him and feeling a sudden wave of conflicting emotions that threw him off balance. It was Cloud Strife, the cadet Zack died trying to escape with, the one left for dead on the plains outside Midgar like human waste. Hojo's lost little lamb....

"I haven't decided. Our orders were to find and catch the last remaining Ancient. It's taken us a long time, but now I can finally report this to the President," Tseng replied flatly. He stopped himself from saying more, shocked by how much he'd just blurted out simply because of some twisted sense of responsibility.

What had happened to Fair and Strife was not his fault, and there was no reason for him to feel guilty when he'd only been following orders, only protecting his own by ensuring the President wasn't handed anymore reasons to cancel their usefulness to the company. He was suddenly assaulted with memories of Veld, of having to execute his mentor at the President's order, and instead of sadness, a wave of pure rage poured over him.

These worthless humans lived on when Veld was no more, and it was so very, very unfair.

"Tifa, don't worry! She's alright!" Aerith suddenly yelled from beside him, and before he even registered what he was doing he'd struck out at her, slapping her across the face and knocking away the sudden smile she tried to gift her companions with.

"Aerith!" the dark haired woman called out in concern, but Tseng ignored her, too busy trying to pull himself back under control as he glared at the girl beside him.

"Hurry and get out!" Aerith called back before glancing at Tseng, leaning away from him but still showing a stubborn resolve in her eyes. He wanted to hit her again, but his train of thought was interrupted by Rude's call that they had to go as time had run out.

There was no time left for Avalanche to escape, and it bought a sick sense of satisfaction to Tseng's mind, making him laugh mockingly at them once again.

"Well, it should be starting right about now. Think you can escape in time?" he managed to taunt, just before the chopper pulled away from the tower. Slamming the door closed, he turned on the flower girl.

Tseng looked at her wide eyes with a hunger for ruination, imagining what it would be like to wrap his tainted hands around that fragile, pure neck and squeeze until all remnants of humanity were gone. Before he could act on the urge, Elena moved between them, shoving the girl into a seat and strapping her in place. She then turned to meet his own enraged gaze with one of cold, determined steal.

He'd never seen Elena like that before, all smiles forgotten and affection removed. Her eyes dared him to try that on her, to raise his hand to strike and find out exactly what lay hidden beneath her usual mask of light amusement. He was tempted for a moment, yearning for the pain of punishment that he knew would follow.

"Tseng."

It was only one word, but it came from Reno's lips and stopped all violence like a brick wall appearing across a highway full of speeding traffic. Tseng's head jerked to the side to meet the redhead's eyes and found a stubborn resolve that shamed him.

"Rude needs you in the cockpit. Me and Elena will watch the girl."

Tseng complied without a word, as if Reno was in charge all along, slipping into the copilots seat without glancing at Rude. In seconds they were high in the sky, looking over the horror below like malevolent gods, trying to ignore the echoes of screams from below and the closer sound of Aerith's sobs.

***.***


	18. R - Retrospect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Pairings **\- Tseng/Rufus, Rude/Tseng/Reno****  
>  **Characters** – Tseng, Reno, Rude, Elena, Rufus  
>  **Warnings** – Angst, sex, infidelity, swearing  
>  **Summary** – In retrospect lies regret  
>  **Timeline** – After the plate falls on sector 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to kickcows, who now owns my soul. Please don't sell it on e-bay.
> 
> ~~~

Tseng wanted to disappear.

It wasn't a foreign urge, but this time it was so much stronger than usual. Shame dirtied his thoughts like ash, and the more he tired to wipe it away, the more he simply smudged the blackness everywhere. It just kept getting thicker and deeper until he felt like he was being buried alive.

He needed someone to pull him free. 

But why would anyone? Why would his Turks help after he'd displayed such a complete and utter lack of self control? He couldn't hide the irrationality of his actions now, and he had no way to justify his slip over the fine line his sanity balanced on. For so long he'd hidden that part of himself from them but now....

Elena wouldn't even look at him, neither would Rude. Reno's silence was like a scream of disappointment, deafening in its complete condemnation.

But still... the redhead _was_ holding his hand.

Tseng had been shocked when those fingers had entwined with his own just moments after they'd left the science department, having handed over the flower girl as ordered. Now they were making their way up through the building once more and still Reno's hand remained, holding his. Fortunately, nobody seemed to notice. Like ghosts, the Turks strode through the halls seemingly invisible to the people running past them, the whole organization in a panic in the wake of the plate drop. 

When they arrived at Tseng's apartment, the redhead stopped and glanced at Tseng, who unlocked the door and led them inside. He waited to be chastised, to see disappointment in Reno's eyes over the realization that Tseng was so much less than he pretended to be. When Reno turned to face him and gave him a smile instead, Tseng could only stare back in shocked confusion.

"What, you stunned by my sexiness?" Reno teased, grin widening. When Tseng didn't respond, the youth lifted his free hand to lightly pat the side of Tseng's face. "Hello, anybody home?"

"Reno, don't be an ass," Rude's deep voice chastised, jolting Tseng out of his singular focus. 

Looking around, he took in Elena placing glasses on the coffee table and Rude standing over by the mini bar. It was only then he remembered the reason why they were here, the promised drinking session with his Turks.

"Boss, you mind if we help ourselves?" Rude asked.

Tseng shook his head, before his eyes were back on Reno. The redhead was giving Rude a cheeky smirk full of unspoken insinuations that made Tseng's heart clench in a wave of melancholic envy.

"Ya know, if we're gonna drink, we should sit down," Reno noted, turning back to Tseng with a wink before he pulled him towards the two seater lounge. "You're sitting next to me."

Tseng simply went were he was led, frowning as he sat stiffly beside Reno. This jealousy he felt towards Rude was bothering him, as he couldn't understand why it wouldn't go away. He knew it was wrong, was misplaced. He was the one who had pushed them together, after all. He didn't love Reno like that, he was sure of it.

But maybe this wasn't about love at all. Was it alright to feel jealous just because you'd been left behind?

Trying to force his thoughts back into the moment, Tseng noticed Elena and Rude were both at the bar now, arguing over what to drink, it seemed. Reno chuckled as he watched them, Tseng's hand still in his grasp, but the hold had softened. 

Palm up and resting on Tseng's thigh, Reno's hand was more like a soft place for Tseng's hand to lie, given freely for as long as he needed it.

"Why aren't you angry at me?" Tseng whispered, eyes on their hands as he tried not to think of how their limbs were imitating their past relationship.

"Why would I be angry at you?" Reno replied softly, head tilting to one side as he turned to face Tseng.

Tseng had to look away. Reno's expression was too earnest and too affectionate. He ended up staring at his feet where his shoes led him down yet another avenue of thought he didn't wish to visit.

Veld had taught him to always take them off at the door when he came home, one of the first things he'd learnt when he'd come to Midgar, but for the first time he'd forgotten. Yet another thing Veld had taught him that he'd failed to do today. 

With a scowl of annoyance, Tseng toed them off and left them where they fell under the coffee table, trying not to think of Veld. It was as if his mind was intent on torturing him with every painful topic it could, and he was quickly losing patience with himself.

"Shit, sorry boss! Totally forgot about the shoes," Reno suddenly apologized, having misconstrued Tseng's scowl. The redhead slid his hand out from under Tseng's to remove his own shoes before grabbing both pairs and carrying them over to the door while the fingers of Tseng's abandoned hand curled, digging into his thigh. 

"Hey you animals, shoes off!" Reno called to the others as he arranged the footwear by the door, just as Tseng always did, in one neat line.

The head Turk watched as Elena and Rude went to the door and did the same. Tseng couldn't take his eyes off them, the way the three interacted like siblings. Reno poked Elena in the side with a finger as she balanced on one leg to remove her shoe, and after she stumbled and was stopped from falling by Rude, she righted herself to slap the redhead's arm lightly in rebuttal. Then the two switched to insults, the verbal sparring more bruising, as Rude simply shook his head at them both.

His Turks... his family. But if they were the children, what did that make him? The father? No... he was not enough to call himself that. Veld had been the father, strong and stable, never faltering, but Tseng was just... he didn't even know anymore. Staring back at his feet, he gripped his own hands together in front of him and tried to pretend he was still holding Reno's hand.

Tseng was so wrapped up in his self derision that he didn't see Rude glance at him, didn't see him put a hand on Reno's shoulder and nod in Tseng's direction before the pair exchanged a few whispered words. Tseng didn't even notice how quiet the room suddenly became as Elena and Rude watched Reno walk towards him. He ended up jerking away in surprise when the redhead knelt down beside him, startled by the sudden proximity as he looked up and his eyes connected with concerned blue.

"I'm sorry," Tseng whispered, lips parting as he prepared to explain further, to tell Reno why he _should_ be angry at him. He never got the chance though, as the redhead leaned in and kissed him, soft and sweet. It stopped all Tseng's thoughts dead, and when Reno leaned back again to look at him, Tseng could only return the gaze with wide eyes.

"Don't be, cause I'm not," Reno murmured, his hands taking hold of Tseng's and prying them apart. "You can do something for me though," he added, that damn smile back that Tseng could never refuse.

"Anything," Tseng replied automatically, eyes darting around nervously until he found Rude and Elena. The other two were back at the bar now, collecting a few bottles and chatting about their choices. Tseng didn't understand why Rude didn't seem to care that Reno had kissed him, as he'd thought the two were a couple now... although, he had been too distracted lately to check up on how they were going. Before he could think any more of the subject, Reno's hand appeared on the side of Tseng's face and gently turned him back to look at the redhead.

"Drink with us and stop with the angsting. You got nothing to worry about right now. We're all here and we're all alright. Mission accomplished, time to chill," Reno began, moving to sit beside Tseng and drawing the older man's eyes with him. "You're so fucking stressed lately, that you're like a male chocobo in heat, scowling at everything that moves like ya gonna kill it. Seriously, you need to get laid and lighten up, cause it's pissing me off seeing ya like this."

"Nice analogy, Reno," Elena muttered sarcastically as she sat down on the floor across the coffee table from them. "Tseng is nothing like a chocobo, you moron."

"Fuck you, blondie. Ya not even half as smart as me," Reno retorted, snatching a bottle of whiskey from the table top.

"Not half as smart assed as you, definitely," Rude murmured as he sat next to her and gave Reno a small grin. "And she has a point. Tseng is not like a male chocobo in heat. Not even vaguely. You'd be dead by now if that was the case."

"Oh, gang up on me, why don't ya!" Reno complained, pouring himself a glass and filling another, which he handed to Tseng. "Here I was thinking ya loved me, Rude, but now I see ya just crushing after Lena after all. My heart is broken man, seriously."

"It's your brain that's broken, Reno," Elena commented, winking at Reno as he glared at her. "Besides, I'm sorry to say, my heart is set on another now, so all you boys are going to have to live without me."

Reno's glare morphed back into his trademark smirk almost instantly.

"Oh, I ain't believing that until I get a name, Lena! 'Sides, me and Rude gotta make sure whoever this guy is, that he's good enough for one of ours."

Elena's smile turned impish as she rested her head against Rude's shoulder for a moment, watching as he poured her a drink from one of the bottles he'd brought over.

"Who said it's a he, Reno?" she finally replied, just as Reno was taking a sip of his drink. Tseng patted the redhead's back as he coughed around the liquid he'd just breathed in, Rude and Elena laughing at Reno's reaction. It was only when the redhead recovered and turned to refill Tseng's glass that Tseng realized he was smiling too.

***.***

Hours later, half of Tseng's extensive collection of alcohol was gone. Strangely, it didn't bother him at all. Nothing was bothering him at the moment... mainly because he couldn't remember what should be bothering him. Then again, the fact he'd drunk so much that he doubted he could stand up probably had something to do with it.

Not being able to stand... that _was_ a bother.

He was sure if he drank a bit more, he could fix that too, and he spied his glass just in front of him on the coffee table. Unfortunately, when he tried to pick it up, his hand missed it completely and before he could try again, it disappeared. Looking up, Tseng met Reno's smirk with a glare.

"Give it back."

"Nah, not gonna happen. You've had too much already and I'm not letting ya drink yourself into the damn hospital. Rufus would throw a fit and he's a big enough pain in my ass already. Not literally, mind you. Don't go getting any crazy ideas in ya pretty head," Reno replied, handing the glass off to Rude who'd suddenly appeared beside him. Looking around and trying to get his bearings, Tseng noticed that all the bottles and glasses were gone... as was Elena.

"Where's Elena?" Tseng asked, frowning at the fact he honestly didn't know.

"She's gone home," Reno replied, sitting down next to Tseng and patting his thigh. He noticed that Rude had disappeared again... which was just creepy. "She said thanks for the drinks and that she'd hold down the fort tomorrow so you can recharge. You agreed with her."

"Why would I do that?" Tseng asked, blinking at Reno in confusion.

"Cause you're a smart guy who knows when he needs a day off," Reno announced, chuckling at the dirty look Tseng gave him.

"I would never order myself to take a day off. That's just ridiculous," Tseng muttered, turning away as he stood up, intent on calling Elena and finding out for himself. Unfortunately, he only made it two steps before the room tilted disturbingly. He would have fallen if not for the two arms that wrapped around him from behind, holding him up securely.

"Well, ya did, and ya ordered us to make sure it happens, no matter what. So deal with it like a good Turk and don't be difficult," Reno retorted, walking around to stand facing him, hands on hips like a chastising parent.

"Hang on," Tseng mumbled, looking at Reno's arms, then down to the two that were still around his waist. "If you're there, who owns these arms?"

"That would be Rude. You do remember Rude, don't ya?" Reno drawled, smirking at Tseng.

"Of course I do, you ass," Tseng retorted, glaring at the redhead. It was only then that Tseng realized there was a body pressed flush against his back, and it was a rather nice body at that. Heat sprung to his cheeks before he could stop it, embarrassment washing over him as he felt himself begin to harden.

 _No, no, no, no!_ Tseng's thoughts screamed, but his legs wouldn't obey him and take his weight. He couldn't afford to be getting aroused over Rude, not when Rude belonged to Reno.

"Let me go," Tseng mumbled, turning his face to the side in the hope that Reno didn't notice his blush. His hair fell to cover his face, but the relief of being hidden only lasted seconds. His ear was now pressed up against Rude's chest and he could hear every breath Rude took, feel the muscles of the other man's chest expand and contract with only thin cotton between them. There were a lot of muscles.

"If I do, you'll fall down," Rude's voice replied, too close to a purr. 

The sound sent a wave of desire from one end of Tseng's body to the other, his eyes half closing without his permission as his pulse sped up. He couldn't think of a reply, couldn't think of a way to get away and hide this before either Reno or Rude noticed. His arousal mixed with the panic to leave him frozen in indecision.

'Tseng?" Reno's voice suddenly sounded too close.

Tseng squeezed his eyes closed, trying to hunch in on himself as much as possible so the redhead wouldn't see. Reno could always read his eyes too well. 

"Hey, what's wrong? Rude, you ain't squeezing him too hard, are ya big guy?" Reno continued, concern clear in his voice.

"No," Rude replied. "But he's trembling."

"Trembling?" Reno asked, closer still.

Tseng bit his lip, trying to think of something gross, something that would take away this damn feeling, but the adrenaline rushing through his veins was only making it worse, making him want so much that he could bring up no other thought. The slight touch of Reno's hand trying to move his hair out of the way made Tseng finally force out words.

"I'm fine," Tseng whispered, voice little more than a whisper. "Just let me go."

"Keep him where he is," Reno ordered.

The command in the redhead's voice caught Tseng's attention instantly, as he'd never heard it before, not even when the redhead was angry at him. Tseng was looking up before he could stop himself, eyes wide as they met the redhead's intense gaze.

"Oh my," Reno murmured softly, a hand gently moving Tseng's hair behind his ear. "I think somebody has suddenly realized how attractive you are, Rude."

Tseng was sure his heart had stopped beating, but he guessed that even if it were true, he wouldn't die quickly enough to save him from this.

"No, it's not like that," Tseng insisted, beginning to wriggle in Rude's arms.

"It surely is," Reno asserted, smirk back in place. "You want my man, you hussy."

"Excuse me?!" Tseng demanded. "Did you just call _me_ a hussy?"

"Did I mention I love hussies?" Reno chuckled before grabbing Tseng's face and kissing him silent. Rude still held him tightly, but now Reno held him too, the redhead's tongue licking away all resistance.

"You both are such damn handfuls," Rude's voice muttered, capturing Tseng's attention enough that he bit Reno's lip to end the kiss, making the redhead hiss in protest.

"I am not a handful," Tseng quipped indignantly, trying to glare over his shoulder but failing. His attempts got Reno laughing again.

"Nah, Tseng is two handfuls, trust me," Reno declared, making an obscene gesture with his hands.

"Reno, don't be so crass," Rude rumbled, his voice echoing through his chest and causing a rather nice vibration.

Tseng shivered, his cock aching for touch as he sighed in frustration at his body. Why wouldn't they just let him go?

"Tseng loves it when I'm crass, don't ya beautiful?" Reno purred, leaning in to lick the shell of his ear.

Tseng whimpered, then blushed redder from making such a sound. He had to at least save himself a little embarrassment, so he latched his mouth onto Reno's neck to mute the noises he didn't want them to hear.

"You love it too, Rude, ya big sex machine," Reno added with a hum of pleasure at what Tseng was doing. "And now you've gone and worked your mojo on him, you gotta fix him before he explodes from unresolved sexual tension.... Owe, fuck it Tseng, not so hard!" Reno exclaimed, tugging on Tseng's hair. It didn't move the older man, but he did stop biting... for now. He really didn't like Reno talking about him in such a way.

"Really?" Rude asked, seemingly ignoring Reno's last outburst. "But won't he kill me tomorrow when he's sober? And don't _you_ mind?"

"Ya only live once, my friend," Reno chuckled as Tseng's arms slid around him, one slipping down his back to squeeze the redhead's ass. "And as for me... well I'm in on this too, but don't get used to it. Tseng will always be an exception, but he's the only one."

The words filtered through Tseng's mind like background music, heard but not absorbed, as he was too busy mapping out every inch of Reno's neck. He was so hungry for human touch that Rude's hands on him felt like fire as they slid from around his waist to rest on his hips, giving a little squeeze of encouragement as adrenaline gave Tseng the strength to stand on his own two feet.

They were big hands, strong hands, confident hands. They reminded him of Sephiroth's and he moaned against Reno's neck as painful memories swept over him, biting down again in anger at his mind's betrayal.

"Fuck, Tseng!" Reno hissed, the hand fisted in Tseng's hair finally pulling hard enough that he complied and leant back. "You're like a fucking vampire. Seriously, how long has it been since you got laid?"

"Two weeks... but it was me doing the laying," Tseng replied, licking his lips as he leant back into Rude again, but he kept his arms around Reno's waist. The sudden breath by his own ear made him flinch, but then Reno was kissing him again, and the breath turned into another set of lips, kissing and licking lightly along his ear. Tseng groaned, hips bucking forward into Reno's as he began to drown in all the sensations, pressed between two warm bodies that wanted him.

"How long since you received?" Reno whispered against his lips, chuckling as Tseng glared at him through half open eyes, head tilted to one side so he could feel more of Rude's talented tongue. 

"Never with Rufus," Tseng replied, closing his eyes when he noticed Reno's widening in shock.

"That means... holy hell, that long," Reno mumbled, hands slipping down between his and Tseng's body to work at removing Tseng's pants. There were more kisses, and Tseng had forgotten his embarrassment by the time Reno pulled back and added, "Rude'll take good care of ya, I promise. I've always wanted this... the three of us, at least once."

"We'll take it slow," Rude whispered in Tseng's ear, making him gasp. "Is that what you want, Tseng? Do you want me inside of you?"

"Y-yes," Tseng replied shakily, but as attractive as it was, he found himself a little hesitant. "But Rufus...."

"He isn't here and he'll never know. We want to give you pleasure, and you need it right now. Nothing more, nothing less," Reno insisted, laying little kisses over Tseng's face.

Rude's hands squeezed a little on his hips, before moving up to his waist so Reno could pull Tseng's pants down. The air of the room was cold on his bared skin, and he bit his lip, unable to look away from Reno's captivating eyes.

"Is that alright with you, Tseng? To let us give you this?"

"Yes," Tseng whispered, and as Reno's fingers rose to unbutton his shirt, he found he could suddenly breathe easier. Bared completely between them, there was nothing left to hide.

Tseng lost time, the haze of pleasure and alcohol overwhelming his usually sharp senses. The next coherent thought found him in his bed, hovering above Reno's naked form, the youth's hair spread out like spilt blood around his beautiful face.

"I want... want to...," Tseng mumbled, frustrated at words that wouldn't come, frustrated at his inability to express this need that was everything in the moment.

"Then do it," Reno responded, a small smile curving his lips, eyes half open as he gazed back at Tseng. "This is for you, whatever you want. For once just take it, just do it, without any calculations or doubts. Stop thinking and just act."

Tseng licked his lips, nodding as he shuffled down the bed a little. He could smell Reno's arousal, musky and sweet and he wanted so much just to taste it... so he did. Starting with slow licks, he tasted every inch of the redhead's cock, fascinated at every twitch and jerk, every pulse and texture he could feel with his tongue. Reno hummed his approval, hands fisting in the sheets as he pressed up into Tseng's touch, fluid and sinful in every movement he made.

"Reno," Tseng murmured, pausing with the redhead's cock against his chin, wet and warm and wanting. "Put your hands in my hair. I want to feel how much you want me in every pull and push. I want you to take my mouth."

"Fuck," a voice sounded from behind, and even as Tseng registered it was Rude, he didn't look away from Reno's face, too caught up in the fear that maybe this was too much. 

His apprehension disappeared a moment later when Reno's smile widened, his hands lifting to cup Tseng's face before his thin fingers slipped further back to twine through Tseng's hair. With an exhale of relief, Tseng smiled before taking the youth's cock in his mouth, suckling the head and tracing every contour with his tongue.

"Tseng," Reno hissed, grip tightening in the older man's hair. Tseng let him lead, his own hands only supporting his weight as Reno began to slowly push up, gasping as his cock went a little deeper with each thrust.

The sudden feel of warm hands on his ass made Tseng moan around the redhead's cock, Rude's touch soft but confident as strong fingers started kneading his rump. Tseng pushed his ass up into that touch, wanting more and for once, not afraid to show that need.

"Such a pretty little ass," Rude said softly, leaning in to kiss Tseng's tailbone, giving a little lick. "Already wanting it so much... but you have to want it more."

The sudden sensation of hot wet tongue at the top of the cleft of Tseng's ass made the Head Turk suck in a sudden breath through his nose, eyes widening as they looked up at Reno. Then those big hands spread his cheeks wide, Rude's tongue traveling downwards as Tseng found himself whimpering, ass pushing up higher to try and get that sensation where he wanted it the most.

"So needy," Rude breathed over his entrance, voice a deep rumble that Tseng could almost feel under his skin. 

The accusation made Tseng squeeze his eyes closed, shamed but far too aroused to object. There was one lick, then more, slow and casual as Tseng wriggled his hips, making far too much noise for one with a mouth full of cock. Reno's thrusts stopped, his hands fisting tight in Tseng's hair as if to keep him in place, but Tseng was too lost to wonder why. Just when Tseng thought he would go mad from the teasing, Rude's tongue pushed against his entrance, forcing it's way just inside as Tseng whined shamelessly and sucked as hard as he could.

"Oh fuck, fuck, fuck!" Reno exclaimed, his hands pulling Tseng's hair as if to force his mouth away. 

Tseng refused to budge, his attempts to try and mute his own sounds of pleasure superseding everything else around him in the moment. Reno's orgasm caught him by surprise, his mind too distracted by Rude's wicked tongue to correctly comprehend the signs of its approach. Reno thrust forward just once, deeply enough to choke as he climaxed with a shout. 

When Tseng's hair was finally released, he pulled away, sucking in a few breaths and coughing... but still Rude continued to tongue fuck him, either unconcerned or unaware. He felt Reno slip out from beneath him and there was a moment of desertion before the sudden touch of gentle hands and something soft, wiping the mess of saliva and come from his face.

"Shit, sorry," Reno whispered, laying kisses over his heated face, voice full of concern. 

Tseng tried to find words to reassure, but then Rude replaced his tongue with fingers, pushing deep and making Tseng moan shamelessly... too hot and too good.

For a time Tseng lost all sense again. When he regained enough coherency to open his eyes, he found himself kneeling upright on the bed, Reno mirroring his position and gazing at him from only inches away.

"You okay?" the redhead asked, eyes bright and expression full of affection that tugged at Tseng's heart. He could only nod, leaning in to kiss Reno's lips, his arousal an intoxication that he didn't seem to be able to break free of.

Reno's kiss was slow and comforting, and Tseng felt so relaxed in the moment that he didn't even flinch when Rude's hands returned to his hips, firm and strong. As much as Tseng wanted to keep kissing Reno, there was one thing that he wanted more, and as Reno pulled away from him, Tseng saw in his expression that Reno understood.

Turning in place, Tseng finally faced Rude. The other Turk was on his knees too, but resting his bottom back on his feet, relaxed and confident in his naked pose. Tseng's eyes swept over him, taking in every curve and dip, his tongue coming out to lick his lips in an unconscious sign of appreciation.

"Gorgeous, ain't he?" Reno purred, pressing up against Tseng's back and resting his chin on Tseng's shoulder.

"Exquisite," Tseng managed to whisper, earning a chuckle from the redhead by his ear.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Reno added, laying a last kiss to Tseng's shoulder before he backed away.

Tseng couldn't look away, caught in Rude's intense gaze as he fought down his fear of the unknown. Rude didn't make any further moves, patient and welcoming as he waited for Tseng to wrap his thoughts around the situation.

But Tseng was tired of thinking... tired of being afraid of what he didn't know and couldn't control.

Placing his hands on either side of Rude's face, he leant in and kissed him chastely, getting a hum of approval that bolstered his courage. Eyes fluttering closed, his tongue licked along Rude's mouth until it opened for him and he tentatively slipped inside, searching for that appendage that had already gifted him so much pleasure. When he found it, the first touch sent a jolt of arousal through him that he hadn't expected. The whimper was reflex, but he didn't have time to feel embarrassed by it as Rude growled deeply and grabbed him by the hips, pulling him forward until he was straddling the larger man's thighs, lost in an overwhelmingly dominate kiss. 

It'd been so long since Tseng had been dominated, since anyone had made him feel so powerless in their arms. He melted into the embrace, adoring the sensation of being at another's mercy, all responsibility and accountability falling away. When he was lifted and felt Rude's cock come to rest against his entrance, Tseng felt a moment of panic that had him freezing up suddenly. It took him a moment to register that Rude had stopped, holding him in place but not entering him, and he opened his eyes to gaze at the other's expressionless face.

He opened his mouth to apologize, to explain that he just needed a moment to align his thoughts, but he never got the chance. Rude pushed into him slowly and Tseng's body welcomed him, well prepared and eager, even if Tseng's mind had paused to doubt. The feeling was so intense that Tseng could only gasp, head tilting back and back arching as he was filled as he never had been before.

Sephiroth had always been one for a quick entry but this so was very different. It was almost painfully intense, too much pleasure drawn out too long. By the time Rude was fully seated inside of him, Tseng was a boneless mess, draped around the larger man and clinging to him, wanting to move with no strength left to do so. The hum by Tseng's ear was rich and deep, making him cling tighter, fingers digging into hard muscle.

Rude's hips began to draw back and push forward shallowly at first, but it was enough to draw a sound from the Head Turk's stubborn mouth, the moan soft but no more intense for it's lack of volume. As the thrusts lengthened, so did the noises Tseng couldn't hold back, and although his face burned with the shame of it, he could not silence himself. It was like being a puppet, controlled by strings of pleasure that held firm and tied Tseng's will to every movement.

Time became a blur of trying to breath past the pleasure that overwhelmed him, the sounds of sex carnal and too loud in his ears. His own moans took on a desperate edge as Rude sped up the pace, nearing his completion and dragging Tseng with him. It felt like it would never end, as if he would be here forever, body nothing more than a bundle of nerves that only had one purpose... to feel unending bliss and be the conduit that passed it on.

Eventually, Tseng peaked, still clinging to Rude so tightly that he was sure his fingernails drew blood, the sound of his own strangled voice too loud in his own ears. Rude didn't stop, didn't even loose the beat as he continued to thrust into Tseng's spent body until he too slipped into orgasm, only giving a gasp as he filled the older man's body with his seed.

For a time, Tseng lost himself again. When he gained enough sense to be aware, he was tucked into his bed, clean and surrounded by two warm bodies. He didn't have the energy to argue as he was soothed back to sleep, Rude a comforting, secure presence behind him as Reno petted his hair, acting as his personal pillow.

Tseng didn't even think of Rufus once before he slipped into a dreamless slumber.

***.***

In another room of the Shinra tower, Rufus Shinra sat motionless watching the screen before him. His face held no expression, and he seemed unaffected by what he'd just seen... except that if one looked closely, they would notice the trembling of his perfectly manicured hands as they gripped the arms of his chair too tightly. 

The Turks had taught him how to hold his emotions inside, fight them down and show nothing and this was just another lesson... one he'd seen coming.

But he hadn't anticipated how much it would hurt.

***.***


	19. S - Sacrosanct

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairings - Rufus/Tseng  
> Characters – Tseng, Rufus, Reno  
> Warnings – Sex, angst, swearing  
> Summary – Tseng pays the price for his infidelity  
> Timeline – Two weeks after the plate drops on sector 7  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to read Rufus' point of view for this chapter, it's called Surrender and it is - [HERE](http://archiveofourown.org/works/919093/chapters/1784434) -

Midgar late at night, from the upper floors of the Shinra tower, is a sight to behold. One could imagine the world has been inverted, with the black smog filled sky above, and the glittering field of city lights below. It looks as if the sky has fallen and as Tseng stands gazing out over it, he tries to stop his spirits from doing the same.

It has been two weeks since the sector seven plate dropped. The fires are out and the rescue teams have stopped searching for survivors. Luckily, Tseng's apartment looks over the opposite side of Midgar, so his view is clear of the destruction, allowing the memory of their involvement to fade. 

What happened later that same day is a different story, and it is what Tseng struggles to forget. Reno and Rude pulled him apart and put him back together so expertly and he can't help but wonder why, especially when it comes to Rude, but he knows it's a question he will never ask.

Better to pretend it never happened, for all their sakes. Blame it on the alcohol and let it all fall away like autumn leaves, beautiful, but a thing of the past that's usefulness is complete.

Hopefully, that is not what he's become to Rufus.

The blond has been avoiding him completely since the incident in his office. Tseng knows he has nobody but himself to blame for Rufus' desertion, especially since he insulted the blond and angered him on purpose... with no provocation to hide behind. 

Tseng would apologize, but shame holds his tongue hostage, especially when he can't even explain to himself why he did such a thing. These waves of masochism are not healthy, and while he understands, at some level, where they originate from, Tseng has no idea how to wrestle them under control when they overtake him.

Staying up all night to wallow in his mistake is not going to help though, especially when he has a full day of work tomorrow. With a sigh of disgust at his failure to yet again think of a solution, Tseng closes the blinds and retreats to his bed, eyes falling closed on what will hopefully be a dreamless sleep.

***.***

It is still dark when Tseng awakens, but he can tell just by scent who it is hovering over him, watching his arrival into consciousness. He can't help but frown in confusion as to why Rufus is in his apartment in the middle of the night, and his expression only darkens as he realizes his arms are restrained above his head.

"Rufus? What are you doing?" Tseng asks, his voice rough with the remnants of sleep he is slowly shaking off.

"What you wanted," the blond replies, but his voice is strained and off center, something Tseng has never heard before. It sets off alarms in Tseng's mind that bring him awake instantly, as he tries to calculate what mess he's ended up in this time.

"I only want you... how doesn't matter," he manages, trying to get his vision to focus on Rufus' expression. There is a little light creeping in through the closed blinds, but the blond has his back to the illumination, leaving his face a mystery while Tseng's is revealed in the soft glow.

"If only that were true." 

The words are only a whisper and Tseng pulls at his bonds, the urge to touch too much with all the ache he hears in Rufus' tone.

"Release me. Let me show you?" Tseng implores, but he can see the blond hair shaking in the negative before his sentence is even complete. "Rufus, don't assume. There is no one way it has to be between us. I know I'm not good with words, but the way I feel about you is not a lie."

"I've never judged you by your words," Rufus murmurs, hands too gentle as they trace the lines of Tseng's face. "If I had, you would not be here today."

The older man freezes in place, eyes fluttering at the gentle touches he's longed for from Rufus... even if they are displaced within the veiled threat. Then the blond's hands shift down, as if Rufus is trying to memorize his whole body simply by touch, no inch of skin left forgotten as Tseng trembles under the intensity. By the time those questing digits reach the older man's cock, he is already hard, skin warmed by the heat of arousal that has taken over his whole body.

"So very beautiful... too beautiful," Rufus murmurs before shifting his weight off Tseng and leaving the Turk's pulse to quicken in panic for a moment at the bereavement of body heat. 

Then suddenly there is warm wetness surrounding his erection and Tseng's thoughts grind to a halt. Time loses it's coherency in the mix of suction and heat, and even when he feels Rufus' fingers enter him, all Tseng can do is open his legs and let the youth in. The danger his senses prickle with is not enough to override the overwhelming pleasure of finally getting from the blond what he's wanted for so long. He is pushed to the edge of climax before all touch disappears again, and it is too much in the moment, too intense when his heart is so entwined with every movement.

"Rufus? Please, more...," he gasps, teeth biting down on his bottom lip in an attempt to halt any further begging as he arches his neck to try and place the blond in the room, his own breaths too loud to find his lover by sound.

Then Rufus is there, over him, lips taking his own in a kiss that is bruising in its intensity, claiming and inarguably owning him in every way. Rufus' skin is silken soft as it covers him, hot and as wanting as his own... but there is an inexperience in his movements that pulls at Tseng's heart, makes it even more intense as Rufus muddles his first thrust and has to reach a hand down to align himself again. Curse words are muttered into the side of Tseng's neck and he can feel the heat of Rufus' blush as he turns and kisses whatever he can reach, the burning skin of the blond hot under his own questing lips.

Then everything suddenly aligns and Rufus is inside of him, slowly pushing forward as he gasps into Tseng's ear. All the head Turk can think is that he would give his whole world to be able to wrap his arms around the youth and hold him as they become one, every thrust making him test his bonds... but the ties hold fast.

In the end, it doesn't last long, but it is more than enough for Tseng to reach his climax, followed by the youth only a few moments later. Rufus collapses over him, a shaking mess of spent intent and Tseng pulls at his restraints again, the need to embrace the youth a physical pain in his chest that is only getting stronger.

"Untie me so I can hold you," Tseng manages through his own panting, chin rubbing the top of the youth's head to try and get his attention. "Rue, please?"

"Rue?" 

The mumbled word is breathed onto his chest and for a moment Tseng almost apologizes for it. After all, Rufus isn't the kind of man to take to pet names, so concerned with being seen as more adult than his years attest to. But Tseng is too relaxed in afterglow to take it back, too relieved and thrilled and happy in the moment. Rufus is here, with him... and the youth has switched their usual roles, as Tseng had requested. It is like a dream come true and Tseng is going to enjoy it, even if it kills him.

"Yes. My Rue," Tseng murmurs with a contented sigh.

His bliss dissipates instantly as Rufus jerks away, pulling out of him too quickly and making him hiss in discomfort. There is a wave of sound and movement and then the darkened form of Tseng's lover disappears out the door and silence falls over him, condemning in its completeness.

Tseng is still staring wide eyed at the bedroom door when he suddenly realizes his error.

_My Rue... my regret..._

"Rufus!" he calls, but the sound of the front door opening and slamming closed tells him his pleas will not be heard. Instead he swears into the dark, cursing himself and his stupidity and it is only when his phone rings, flashing it's little light from it's perch on his bedside table, that Tseng remembers he is still tied to the bed.

***.***

The overhead light is too bright when it flicks on, and Tseng has to close his eyes, face burning with the shame of his predicament.

"Well, ain't you a sight," Reno drawls, chuckling as he moves closer.

Tseng manages to open his eyes enough to watch as the redhead sits down beside him, expression all amusement as a hand reaches up to brush the hair from his face.

"Just untie me," Tseng mutters, looking towards the door with relief as he realizes nobody else is here to see his shame.

"Yeah, yeah," Reno mutters as he reaches up and makes quick work of the bonds, helping to bring Tseng's deadened limbs back down to a more comfortable position.

When Tseng tries to clumsily tug up the blankets to cover his nakedness, Reno takes over and does it for him, giving him back a little self respect. For a moment, they just look at each other... and it is Reno who bends first, glancing away.

"So, what brought this on?"

"He thought I wanted to be the receiver," Tseng mumbles, fingers twitching as the blood begins to flow freely once more.

"Well, ya did, didn't ya?" Reno replies, leaning back on one arm so he can watch Tseng scowl at his words. "Stop pouting and tell me how it was."

Tseng sighs, closing his eyes as he remembers.

"Wonderful," he finally whispers, not even realizing he is smiling until Reno begins to laugh again.

"So how did 'wonderful' end up with you left tied up alone?" the redhead asks, slipping back further to lie with his head on Tseng's chest, legs still hanging off the side of the bed.

"I said something stupid," Tseng admits, one tingling hand lifting up to card through Reno's hair. The movement is calming.... _Akin to patting a cat_ , Tseng thinks to himself with a smirk.

"You two are so fucked up," Reno murmurs, eyes closing.

Tseng figures arguing about that fact is a moot point.

"Ya need to apologize," Reno continues, humming as he leans into the touch of Tseng's hand. "Why don't ya just send him some flowers? And one of those big, 'I'm sorry' balloons?"

Tseng chuckles at the thought, earning a grin from Reno that is all mischief.

"Sure, if I want Rufus to have me killed," he retorts, giving the red hair a playful tug. "You're no help at all."

"Hey, I did come and untie ya," Reno declares, winking mischievously before pulling away from Tseng to stand, stretching like the cat Tseng sometimes sees him to be.

"I'll think of some way to fix it," Tseng insists, to himself as much as to Reno. As he sits up, his eyes lazily trail up Reno's form, comforting in its familiarity. By the time he reaches the redhead's face, Reno is looking back, expression disturbingly serious.

"I believe in you."

Tseng nods, taken aback by Reno's sudden somberness as he watches the red head turn and leave the room. With a sigh, he shakes off his discontent before heading for the shower.

***.***

Another week drags by, and Tseng begins to work late into the evening every night in the hope that he can catch the blond on his way home and initiate a conversation... some kind of exchange of words where he can apologize for his latest mistake. Rufus has become an expert at avoidance though, and Tseng is starting to believe that all those lessons the Turks gave the blond are coming back to bite him in the ass at the worst possible time.

He'd laugh at the irony if he wasn't so desperate to make things right between them. That one taste of Rufus wasn't enough, and now his urge to be dominated has been quenched, Tseng can't stop thinking about taking the youth again. 

The thought brings a scowl to his face as he internally berates himself yet again. Tseng is angry, furious at himself for ruining such a vulnerable moment with Rufus, especially after he's spent years waiting for it. He can still feel the ghostly remnants of Rufus' fingers on his body, as if they have branded the skin of his soul, and his heart aches at the possibility of never feeling them again.

"Quite a sight you are, frowning at my city. Not getting enough sex, by any chance?"

Tseng spins around in surprise to find Rufus over by the door, expression far too serious considering he's just managed to sneak up on the head Turk. Tseng would have guessed he'd be smug at least... especially after that line.

"Finally done with avoiding me?" Tseng asks, deciding to ignore Rufus' stab at his latest self inflicted wound. It had to be a lucky shot, as it wasn't like Rufus knew about Reno and Rude. They were still breathing, after all. Tseng sighs into the lengthening silence, looking past the youth to the closed door of his office, wondering absently how he hadn't heard the blond come in, or at least noticed the light from the hall when he entered the darkened office.

"I haven't been avoiding you. I've just been busy. Contrary to your beliefs, my world does not revolve around you," Rufus eventually murmurs, chin held high as he pulls off a nonchalant expression.

"Mores the pity," Tseng whispers, watching in his peripheral vision as Rufus' eyes flick up quickly to watch him, too wide in surprise. 

Tseng's heart clenches with the sudden possibility that this is more serious than he'd predicted, but is it just Tseng's own guilt leading him to the conclusion he dreads? Keeping his eyes on the door, Tseng decides to test the waters by simply diving in. 

"I wanted to apologize for how things ended last week. I didn't mean 'rue' in the way you obviously took it. I was just shortening your name... but I am sorry if I caused offense."

Rufus' laugh is brittle like ancient paper, crumbling through his lips and dissipating into the silence.

"Offense wouldn't be the correct word, one would think," the blond says softly as he walks over to stand next to Tseng and gaze out the window. "You are far too much like this damn city," he mutters cryptically, sighing before adding, "But that is not why I am here."

Tseng frowns, turning to watch Rufus watch his city like a spurned lover. The green light from the reactors give him a sickly glow, but to Tseng it only makes him seem more attractively untouchable, a perfect specimen of fragility that seems about to break. It is so tempting to just reach out and...

"I've come to inform you that I'm going away on a business trip. I'd like to request Elena accompany me. I'm not sure how long it will take, but I will not return for some time," Rufus says flatly, breaking the spell that had enthralled so easily.

"What? Why Elena and not me?" Tseng blurts out. His hand had been rising automatically to follow his previous thoughts, but now it falls back to his side... discarded and forgotten.

Rufus has noticed its retreat though, and his eyes flicker to the limb, watching it dangle beside Tseng as if he yearns for its previous course to complete.

"I can hardly take the head Turk's time so selfishly," Rufus replies stiffly. "Besides, you have other... _things_ that demand your attention."

Rufus' eyes slowly rise to meet his, and Tseng finds his breath stolen away by all that he reads in that gaze. The love he'd always yearned for is finally there, but instead of joy at its appearance, Tseng only feels a wave of crushing despair at how laced the emotion is with pain. Somehow, Rufus knows what he's done.

"I'm so sorry," Tseng whispers, managing to fight out the words past the strangling grip of his own insufficiency.

Rufus smiles, and it is the saddest expression Tseng has ever seen.

"Not as sorry as I am." 

Rufus' reply is no more than a whisper, and as he turns to leave, Tseng takes a step forward to stop him, determined to somehow make this right.

The sudden trill of Tseng's phone makes him flinch, eyes moving down to his pocket where he quickly retrieves the device to stop the noise. When the silence returns the moment has already passed over... and he is left staring at Rufus' back, phone in hand and too many words on his tongue he can't find the strength to utter, as the blond walks away. 

***.***


	20. T - Temple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Pairing** \- none  
>  **Characters** – Tseng, Sephiroth, Vincent Valentine, Aerith.  
>  **Warnings** – Violent rape, swearing, angst.  
>  **Summary** \- Tseng and Sephiroth's final confrontation in the Temple of the Ancients  
>  **Timeline** – During the original game  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTE** – Extra warning for **VIOLENT RAPE**. Read at your own risk. It was traumatic to write, so not for the faint of heart.
> 
> Also, Tseng's visit to the Temple is AU here, as in the original game, he enters with Elena and is injured in the final room before crawling back to the entrance. I messed with that because too much of it didn't make sense to me, so I simplified it to concentrate on the personal side of the scene. I apologize if that annoys any readers.

The Temple of the Ancients was an imposing site rising out of the misty forest, and despite the warm sunshine and soft breeze, Tseng felt a chill run through him. While he'd taken every precaution and watched the entrance for some time, he was unsure of who or what might already be waiting inside. 

He'd had no choice but to come alone. Reno and Rude were still trailing Avalanche, and Elena was busy guarding Rufus. Besides, Tseng didn't want any witnesses for what he was planning if Sephiroth was here. 

Officially, he was supposed to exterminate the general rather than retrieve him now, and though Rufus didn't seem to be anything but satisfied over his father's death, the blond had still handed over the change of orders with an expression that brokered no argument. Not that Tseng would have tried to argue with him while the Masume skewered corpse of his father sat between them, mocking in its finality. 

Tseng had been about to leave for the Temple when he'd been called back to see Rufus again, and while he'd considered ignoring the summons this time, he'd eventually reneged and gone to hear what the new President had to say. Awkward wasn't a strong enough word for how that meeting had gone. 

Tseng couldn't even look at Rufus anymore without his throat tightening and trying to steal his breaths, and it was no consolation that Rufus seemed to have the same problem. The blond had kept his eyes down on the paperwork on his desk as he'd spoken, suggesting that the mission be redirected into Soldier's hands. Tseng's heart had clenched at the concern Rufus was showing him, but at the same time panic almost overwhelmed him. He'd seen what the army had done to Zackery Fair, after all. Luckily, when he'd insisted that he could handle the mission, Rufus had simply paused for a moment, before finally nodding and letting him have his way.

Tseng shook off his thoughts on Rufus for now, knowing he couldn't afford to be so distracted. He had to have his mind focused to talk to Sephiroth, had to somehow convince him to stop this insane path of revenge against Shinra. The general had to run, disappear and never be found again if he was to survive. The alternative was too much to even think about.... Tseng knew his sanity couldn't take killing another he cared for so deeply.

Hardening his resolve, Tseng stepped out into the sunshine. He crossed the wooden bridge leading to the Temple, passing under the stone arch of the outer wall before pausing to peer up at the entrance which sat at the apex of the pyramid like structure. The forest was eerily silent and as he climbed the stone steps, his shoes sounded too loud, no matter how softly he tried to place his feet. The stone door at the top was open and Tseng had his gun drawn by the time he was half way up, cautiously prepared for whatever surprises he might find within.

Unfortunately, there were some things one could never prepare for.

He'd only taken two steps inside, his eyes not even having adjusted to the dim light, before something collided with him, throwing him up against one wall hard enough to make his vision black out for a moment. He hissed from the pain, raising his gun only to have it knocked out of his hands by a strike that shattered the bones in his wrist, making him gasp in pain.

His other wrist was grabbed in an iron grip, one that was mirrored around his throat. Freezing in place, Tseng focused on his attacker and couldn't help the surprised sound of distress he made when he realized who it was. Sephiroth towered over him, eyes wild as his gazed down at Tseng.

"Tseng... fancy meeting _you_ here," the general purred, pressing his body up against the Turk's as the grip he had on Tseng's throat tightened. "Have you come to kill me... or beg for my forgiveness?"

Tseng couldn't answer as he was too busy fighting to draw breath. The pain of his other injuries faded into the background as he stared wide eyed at Sephiroth, lungs burning with the need for air. He could only struggle in place, eyes silently begging for Sephiroth to let him breath, and just when he thought all hope was lost, the general released him.

Falling forward into Sephiroth, Tseng desperately drew in air as the general wrapped his arms around him, holding him in a surprisingly gentle embrace. When Tseng recovered from the near strangulation, he didn't fight the hold, too terrified that any move would get him killed instantly.

"My dear Tseng," Sephiroth whispered, one hand lifting to slowly caress Tseng's hair, like a mother comforting a distressed child. "Always so difficult, testing my patience. I never want to hurt you, so why do you force my hand?"

"I... I don't mean to," Tseng murmured, playing along for now in the hopes of avoiding any more violence. He was still breathing fast, the pain of his broken wrist a steady throb he was trying hard to ignore as his mind searched for the next safe step.

"Hmmm... I know. You can't really help that you're a Shinra whore," Sephiroth said softly, beginning to rock the Turk in his arms. "You always were so good at spreading your legs."

Tseng flinched, unable to stop his automatic reaction to the hurtful words in his present state of shock. Something wet trickled down the back of his neck, and Tseng realized it was probably blood from when his head had hit the wall.

"Luckily, I know how to fix everything. In this temple, I can wash away your sins and make you mine again, as it should be," Sephiroth continued, his odd tone of voice sending a shiver of fear through Tseng's already trembling body. "Then we can be together forever."

"Forever?" Tseng whispered, trying to pull something useful from his confused thoughts.

"Yes. Forever with no more Shinra," Sephiroth replied, laying a kiss to the top of Tseng's head. "I do hate hurting you. You're the only one I never wanted to harm."

Tseng's heart clenched, his face still hiding in the general's chest, breathing in the too familiar scent of his old lover. He could hear the madness in the tone of Sephiroth's voice, but there was also the edge of truth that cut him deeply. His Sephiroth was still there, buried under so much pain and twisted rage that he was only a flicker of light... but Tseng could still see him.

"I never wanted to hurt you either," Tseng whispered, closing his eyes and trying to control his emotions. His eyes were burning, but he refused to let the tears fall. "I only ever wanted you to be happy, Seph."

"With you, I will be," the general sighed. "But first, I must reclaim what has been tainted by others."

Suddenly Sephiroth moved him so fast he almost passed out and Tseng could only hang on to the front of the other man's jacket before the air was forced out of his chest again, his back hitting the floor hard. Coughing to draw in breath, he was completely unprepared when the general's hands started undoing his pants.

"W-what... no!" Tseng exclaimed weakly, his undamaged hand trying to stop his disrobement clumsily.

Sephiroth simply ignored his protests, one hand grabbing his and pinning it beside his head as the other pulled Tseng's pants down his legs before throwing them off to one side. Sephiroth said nothing as he forced his way between Tseng's legs, and despite the fear of more violence, Tseng tried to fight him.

It was a pointless move, born of sheer panic more than anything else, and did nothing to even slow the general down.

Sephiroth pushed inside of him in one smooth movement, making Tseng cry out in pain at the sudden breach. When his arm was released so the general could embrace him, Tseng still tried to push him away but Sephiroth held him easily, no matter how much he thrashed and kicked. Even when Tseng bit down hard on the general's shoulder, tasting blood in his mouth, Sephiroth did not react, simply stilling fully sheathed inside of Tseng's abused body in a mockery of consideration.

Silence fell over them as Tseng gave up fighting, his head falling back to rest on the floor as he stared wide eyed at the stone ceiling with Sephiroth’s face tucked against his neck. He sucked in a deep breath and heard it hitch, his heart crumbling into dust as his control disintegrated.

“You shouldn't have allowed anyone else to touch you,” Sephiroth whispered, kissing Tseng’s neck gently between his words. “You belong to me.”

“Get off me!” Tseng exclaimed, his voice betraying his weakness with its edge of raw pain and fear. He pushed at the body covering him again, but Sephiroth only clung to him more tightly. “You're hurting me… after everything you just said about not wanting to… just get the fuck off me!” Tseng insisted, voice rising in volume as he teetered on the edge of hysteria.

Sephiroth’s hips began to pull back and Tseng let out a breath in a sudden wave of hope, letting his arm fall to the side as he waited for his freedom. The sudden thrust forward caught him completely by surprise, pulling a sound of despair from his lips as the pain almost overwhelmed him. The general kept his face buried in Tseng’s shoulder, his hips beginning a slow rhythm as Tseng’s brain tried to come to terms with what was happening. Sephiroth wasn’t stopping… had no intention what so ever of letting him go.

“Why won’t you stop?” Tseng implored weakly, tears escaping his eyes unchecked. He lay like a limp doll under Sephiroth, not struggling at all anymore as he forced his body to relax. A long time ago Tseng had learnt it was the only way to reduce the pain and injury in this kind of situation. His Turk training was a void inside of him, gone in the face of such a deep seated bereavement, but his survival instincts were still working, too much a part of him since he was a small child. Most of his early life, this had been the only way he'd survived. 

His mind numbing out completely, Tseng didn’t even notice when Sephiroth climaxed, or react when the other man sat up and began caressing his face. He felt nothing in response to the look of regret in Sephiroth's eyes… did nothing when his name was called. The cold muted emptiness deep inside of him was where he stayed, closing his eyes as he reveled in the lack of pain and fear… in the lack of anything ever being able to touch him here. He’d missed the sensation of barrenness more than he’d ever thought he would.

"I will not let you freeze me out again," Sephiroth's voice suddenly growled. "Look at me!"

Tseng heard the command, but it was distant. The anger in it only made him sink a little deeper.

"You belong to me! You will obey me! Do you hear me, Tseng?! You're body is weak, _human_ with all the imperfections that come with it... but I want to take you with me, let you live and be by my side. You have to swear that you will serve me alone and obey no other. Mother says that you will not, that you never loved me but I... I still believe that she... she...," Sephiroth's voice faded away. 

A part of Tseng realized that he needed to wake up, needed to try and handle the situation to survive with Sephiroth's sanity teetering so close to snapping, but the urge to stay inside where it was safe won out. The physical pain was just hovering on the edges of his consciousness, sharp and severe, and he was so very sick of being in pain.

"But mother... I just need a little more time!" Sephiroth insisted, Tseng's mind latching onto those words in confusion. "I can make him... No, he is mine! If I just leave him, another will claim him. If not Genesis, one of those cursed Turks or Shinra. I will not stand for it!"

Tseng's still felt disconnected from his body, but the fact Sephiroth was talking to someone had hooked his withdrawing mind and prevented his escape. Could there possibly be someone else here, someone helping Sephiroth that they had completely missed? Sephiroth's mother was supposed to be dead. 

The Turk part of him reawakened, nudging his consciousness and trying to pull him back. 

"Tainted?" Sephiroth's voice murmured emptily, and the anger seemed to be suddenly gone. "But I wanted... no... no mother, you are all I need. Yes... yes, he is just human. But if I leave him like this...."

Tseng felt a wave of fear at the tone of Sephiroth's voice. It had become bereft of emotion, and as it washed over his senses, the pains of his body began to return, forcing him out of his self induced trance. He couldn't stop the groan that escaped him as he squinted his eyes open, but the sound went unheard by the general. He was standing a few steps away, looking at the ground and mumbling to himself and Tseng was struck by the range of emotions that flittered over his face as he continued his one sided conversation.

Suddenly Sephiroth fell silent, turning towards him with an expression of cold determination that sent terror creeping through Tseng's veins. The general held out one hand to the side, Masume appearing in his grip as he summoned the blade.

"It is such a shame, my dear Tseng. You may be just a human, but I would have liked to keep you alive... kept you in my arms. Unfortunately, you can no longer be trusted, as your heart does not beat just for me. Their taint is all over you and I can not let such betrayal go unpunished, nor will I let them win in this. I will end you, while my seed still cools inside of you, so that in taking your life, you will be finally be completely mine."

"No," Tseng whispered, trying to crawl backwards across the floor as his body screamed in protest. "Sephiroth, listen to me. Killing me will not make me yours. It will only make me be gone forever. Let me help you and stop this... this senseless destruction. What good is it to rule a world that is devoid of life?"

"I will be the planets life, with mother by my side. Don't you see, Tseng? Humans are nothing compared to our perfection. We are gods, and as such it falls to us to cleanse this world of the humans that spread like a virus over its surface. Do not fear though, my little one. You will find peace in the life stream and your death will add to its power as I consume it, strengthening me. You will serve me in death as you failed to do in life."

Tseng found he didn't have any further space to retreat, a wall of stone the only thing behind him and he pulled himself upright to lean against it, finally realizing that there was no way to escape this. Sephiroth's mind was too splintered, lost in delusions of godhood and world destruction... full of an imagined mother's voice he'd spent his whole life longing to hear. The pain Tseng was feeling inside was not just physical, was not just about failure or the loss of his own life or even the betrayal of his childhood friend. His heart was breaking for Sephiroth because he could see so much of his own despair in the other man.

"Sephiroth... please," he weakly implored, trying to ignore the pains of his body as he lifted a hand out to the silver general in a last ditch appeal. "We were best friends, remember? Our hearts used to beat as one. When nobody else understood, I understood you and you understood me. We could have that again, you and I. You're not alone... you never were. I've always been just waiting for you to come back to me."

His hand was shaking from the effort it took to hold it up, muscles spasming in protest, but he kept it there... a desperate outreaching that he should of made years ago.

"Seph... I never stopped loving you. You and I were always connected, always fitted together like family. I thought you didn't need me any more, that all you wanted was Genesis," he admitted, eyesight blurring with tears of desperation. "Please don't do this. Don't send me away when we could be...."

His words were cut off by a sudden thrust of metal, Masume piecing through him with a blur of movement that was so fast that he didn't even have the chance to flinch. It moved with such force that it pierced the stone wall behind him with a screech of rock and metal meeting, the sound mixing with Tseng's own gasp of pain as he stared down at the shining metal protruding from his torso.

The gentle touch to his face had him forcing his eyes upwards to come face to face with Sephiroth, blood choking his breaths as he stared wide eyed at the general.

"I will always love you, Tseng. Thank you for loving me... even if it wasn't in the way I wanted."

A sharp movement stole Tseng's consciousness away, and he never registered the general pulling his blade free or saw him standing there, watching as Tseng slumped to the floor.

***.***

Vincent Valentine approached the entrance to the tomb slowly, all senses on full alert for any sign of Sephiroth. The area was quiet, a calm breeze softly caressing the surrounding foliage and creating a misleading atmosphere of peace. He could smell the general though, his scent recent enough that chaos growled deep inside of Vincent, eager to find their prey.

He was scouting ahead of his team, his inhuman abilities lending him a stealth and speed none of the others could match. While he knew it was unwise of him to try and fight the general alone, finding where he was headed was his aim. After all, he didn't want the others stumbling into the general unprepared.

Pausing at the stone arch, the sudden scent of blood wafted down the stone stairs and Vincent frowned, not expecting it. This area was not inhabited, and the blood he could smell was definitely human in origin. Just who had been unlucky enough to stumble into the general in his crazed path of destruction? Hurrying upwards, he entered the Temple and his eyes widened in surprise.

He did not expect to find a Turk.

His surprise only increased at the fact that this Turk was not only the present leader of the organization, but that he was also missing his pants. Glancing around, Vincent spied them nearby, a trail of blood leading from them to the altar that the man was laying beside now. It seemed he'd been attacked off to one side before crawling here. Turning back to the Turk, he found his eyes suddenly entranced by the pool of red growing around the man as he slowly bled out.

"Wonderful," a weak voice murmured, pulling Vincent's eyes to the pale face half covered by ink black hair. "A witness... to my final failure."

Valentine frowned, moving to kneel down beside the Turk, ignoring the blood that began soaking into his leather pants as he swallowed down his demons' excitement over the mixed scents of sex and violence.

"What kind of insanity made you think you could stop him alone?" Vincent asked before ripping open the Turks shirt in one swift movement to inspect the wound beneath.

"He was my friend... once," Tseng managed weakly.

Vincent sighed, frowning down at the wound. It was definitely made by a clean through with a sword. Thin blade... the Masume, obviously.

"You need to choose your friends more wisely," Vincent muttered, switching one of the materia in his bracer for a mastered cure. He never needed it himself, but had often used it on the other team members when they battled side by side.

"You have... a point," Tseng whispered, his eyes fluttering closed.

Vincent quickly activated the orb, watching as the blood flowing out of the wound slowed. He scowled as the skin refused to knit together completely, suspecting that Sephiroth's blade must have had poison junctioned, as the edges of the wound were slightly discolored.

He did not have anything on him to counteract it, as he himself was immune to such status effects.

"Tseng," he called, giving the Turk a small nudge to his shoulder to wake him again. Dark eyes opened but remained unfocused. There was still some awareness in them, at least. "Do you have a heal materia or antidote? The blade was poisoned."

"No, I don't," Tseng replied in little more than a hiss of breath. As Vincent tried to think of what else he could do, the Turk spoke again. "Could you... get my pants?"

Vincent stared at the Turk before him, one eyebrow rising in disbelief at the question. 

"I think you have a much more pressing problem to worry about than a lack of clothing."

"I'd rather die with some self respect... if nothing else," Tseng answered, trying to smile but his attempt looked more like a grimace. Vincent could only nod, realizing the man before him had a point. It was all he could do for him now anyway.

Retrieving the pants, Vincent redressed him as gently as he could. Tseng tried to assist, but his movements were more of a sign of stubborn pride than any real help. When Vincent finished, he propped the Turk up against the altar and met his dark eyes once more.

"Is there anything else I can do for you?" he asked, a little confused by how strong his urge to help was. It seemed the part of him that used to be a Turk wasn't buried as deeply as he'd believed.

"Just... please don't tell anyone how you found me?" Tseng whispered, trying to keep his eyes open again as his lids became heavier.

"Of course. I'm sorry I cannot do more."

"You've done... more than most would. Thank you," Tseng replied weakly before he lost his battle with unconsciousness again.

Vincent could only watch his slow decline, feeling oddly guilty that his own attempts to save him would now only prolong his suffering. He moved to stand against the wall nearby as he heard the others from his party approach, letting their surprised words at Tseng's presence wash over him and not commenting with more than a nod to their assumptions of Sephiroth's passing by this way. 

When Tseng awoke and exchanged words with Aerith and Cloud, before giving them the key to enter the Temple, Vincent hid his surprise behind the collar of his cloak, embarrassed by his own failure to search the man. He really was getting too soft in his old age.

As the others checked over their equipment in preparation to enter the Temple, only Aerith hung back, walking over to stop beside Vincent as her eyes strayed to the once again unconscious Turk.

"Is there nothing we can do to save him?" she asked in a whisper.

"He is poisoned and we do not have anything to counter it. I've done all I can," Vincent replied softly, watching the sadness that came over the young girl's features. She seemed deeply conflicted about leaving Tseng like this, and Vincent sighed as he gave in to her distress. "If he has a communicator on him, I may be able to send a call for help to his comrades. The signal would never work through this stone, but I could take him outside if you wish."

"But the others... could you do it without them finding out?" Aerith asked, turning hopeful eyes back to Vincent. "He was the Turk that used to watch me in Midgar and he... well, I kind of grew up with him always there protecting me from the shadows. I know now that his intentions weren't pure but still, he was always kind to me back then. I would feel better knowing that the others were coming for him, even if he doesn't...."

Her words faded off as she glanced back at Tseng, eyes wide with her grief.

"Go. I will do as you wish," Vincent reassured her, getting a sad smile from the girl in thanks before she walked off to join the others. 

When it was time for the group to proceed, Vincent announced he would stay at the entrance, incase Sephiroth doubled back, and nobody questioned his motives. Once they were out of sight, Vincent returned to Tseng's side and lifted him into his arms. 

"One day I will learn to ignore damsels in distress," he growled to himself as he walked down the stone steps, trying to pay no attention to his inner demons' calls for more blood.

"It could get you killed," Tseng mumbled suddenly, eyes partially open and gazing up at Vincent as he fought to pull in breaths.

Vincent didn't bother telling the Turk that it already had.

***.***


	21. U - Ubiquity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Pairings** \- Tseng/Rufus, Tseng/Reno  
>  **Characters** – Tseng, Rufus, Reno  
>  **Warnings** – Swearing, angst, fellatio  
>  **Summary** – Tseng wakes up in Healin' Lodge  
>  **Timeline** – Between the original game and Advent Children  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter also has a Rufus point of view version. It's called Unattainable and can be found - [HERE](http://archiveofourown.org/works/919093/chapters/1928199) -

Tseng starts to wake slowly, like a computer system booting up one section at a time. He has muddled memories of doing this before, of trying to wake but not being able to complete the sequence, but this time feels different... although his thoughts are still not clear enough to pinpoint why. 

The first thing he becomes aware of is warmth, comforting and secure, as his neurons register that one side of him is a little warmer than the other. He automatically tries to move closer to the heat source, only to find his body is sluggish and doesn't respond except for his head which he manages to turn in the right direction. It is only then he becomes aware that he is on his back and the warmth is another body beside him. There is also a hand resting on his chest, palm down... bare skin on bare skin over his heart. Tseng is not naked though. He can feel that he is wearing some kind of pants, soft but a different texture to the sheets under his back and over him.

Smell is the next sense to awaken, and as he breathes in deep, there is one scent that grabs his attention completely. Only Rufus smells like that, a mix of expensive shampoo and light aftershave, with a little hint of something else underneath that Tseng has never been able to name. It makes him smile, the muscles of his cheeks as sluggish as the rest of his body, but he ignores the strange sensation for now as he finally manages to make the arm furthest away from his bed partner move.

His hand feels like a dead weight, and he figures he must have been lying on it for it to be so stiff, but Tseng is nothing but stubborn as he forces the limb to rise and stretch, fingers flexing in the air as he breathes in deep and exhales.

" _Hurts...._ "

The word is barely more than a twist of breath, but Tseng hears it, as it is uttered from just beside him. Smile slipping away, Tseng tries to open his eyes only to find that everything is too bright, and he can only squint as he waits for them to adjust to the white that is all he can see. His hand stops it's fluttering in the air to bend back towards his face, clumsily landing on his forehead before he manages to make it rub over eyes that simply aren't co-operating. It is only then that he swallows and finds his throat is dry and aching.

A frown twists his features and the fogginess in his brain begins to annoy him, like cobwebs clinging too densely, hard to break simply because of the sheer number of them. The rising annoyance seems to help though, his blood pumping faster as he manages to get his eyes to focus through sheer stubborn will.

The first thing he sees is Rufus. 

The youth is asleep, lying stomach down beside Tseng and his face is half buried in his pillow. Tseng can only see one eye and a little slip of pink lips. The rest is all tussled blond hair... hair that seems strangely longer than he remembers. He shakes off the discrepancy with a stray thought of angles being responsible, his mind more intent on moving himself closer so he can rest against those soft locks before Rufus wakes.

It's a battle in itself to wriggle closer, but somehow he manages it, even if it is an embarrassingly clumsy affair. Tseng is just taking a deep breath, soft strands tickling his nose, when Rufus begins to stir. He is sure the youth will move away as soon as he wakes, as it's a dance he knows the steps of all too well. It's only in Rufus' dreams that he is ever honest enough to cling to another. Tseng feels too groggy to do anything but lay and wait for the inevitable, while soaking up as much of this illusion of intimacy as he can.

"Tseng?"

The voice is so small and unsure, that for a moment Tseng thinks somebody else has entered the room. Then Rufus' head moves, lifting up off the pillow enough that those big blue eyes can look at him. But instead of two eyes, Tseng can only see one, and it is wide open with a desperation that doesn't belong. The other is covered by a patch of white gauze taped in place and the sight steals away all the previous contentment from Tseng in a wave of concern.

"What happened to you?" Tseng manages, although it comes out rough and barely understandable. When he only receives silence as an answer Tseng's frown deepens, his patience wearing thin quickly with rising worry. "Who hurt you?"

Suddenly Tseng finds himself with an armload of blond, Rufus diving half on top of him in an embrace that not only shocks him mentally, but also knocks the air out of his lungs. He begins coughing immediately, but then the weight quickly disappears amongst a mumble of apologies before he is helped to sit up, and a glass of water is pressed into his hands.

By the time he empties the glass, his breathing is back under control and Tseng finds he is leaning heavily on the youth who has one arm wrapped around his back at waist level, while the other assists with holding the glass. His own weakness is overwhelmingly distressing, and it is all he can focus on in the moment.

"W-what is wrong with me?" Tseng asks in a voice that sounds a little more like his own, apart from the edge of panic he can't hide. 

"You're alright, you're going to be all right," Rufus replies, but Tseng has doubts... especially over whether Rufus is actually answering him, or reassuring himself. The blond's voice sounds wrong, all the usual arrogance and confidence is stripped away and only a trembling vulnerability remains.

In the past, Tseng would have been thrilled to hear it, maybe even a little aroused, but right now he feels neither of those emotions.

"It's just... you've been sick so long. You kept waking up, or kind of waking up, but your fever was so high that you couldn't understand what we were saying. You'd thrash about sometimes and other times you'd just stare into space, mumbling... but you weren't really there." Rufus stops again, taking a few deep breaths as his face switches to a more familiar frown. "The doctor said you'll experience some weakness and discomfort when you wake, but she insisted that it will pass in a few weeks as you regain your strength. She said the possibility of long term side effects was very low because somebody used healing materia on you almost immediately after you were hurt."

"Some weakness?" Tseng repeats, his head lolling a little until he just gives up and rests it on Rufus' shoulder. Strangely, there is no tensing of muscles from Rufus at the intimate move... which only disturbs Tseng further. Instead, the blond's arm tightens a little around his back as if he wants this closeness.

Rufus exhales deeply then, jolting Tseng's head a little as he twists to put the empty glass on the bedside table. Once that is done he turns back and lifts his hand to tentatively pet Tseng's hair. 

Tseng knows he should be lapping this up, enjoying all these touches he's always wished for, but they are so odd coming from Rufus that Tseng finds himself wondering if he really is awake after all.

"Is there any pain at all? Do you want to lie back down?" Rufus asks, the hand carding through Tseng's locks gaining confidence and starting to feel comforting.

"No, no pain, just a little muddled and weak," Tseng responds tiredly, eyes closing as he takes a deep breath and exhales, finally surrendering to the tenderness. He is still thinking over whether he should just lie back down and curl up with the blond, when suddenly his brain clicks into second gear.

"Wait... How long have I been ill and what caused it?"

"You don't remember?" Rufus asks, sounding surprised.

Tseng feels the youth stiffen against him, causing him to open his eyes and lift his head to search Rufus' expression. The covered eye is furthest away from him, but just seeing it jolts his equilibrium and reminds him of his earlier concern. 

"And you still haven't told me what happened to your eye," he demands moodily, angry with himself for forgetting.

"I'm sorry... Fuck, I'm doing this all wrong," Rufus blurts out, face pinking as he looks away, as if searching for help in the empty room. His arms stay firmly around Tseng though, a fact Tseng is thankful for. He's sure he'd simply collapse back into the bed like a rag doll otherwise. "He's supposed to be here to help when you wake up, but of course, the only time I actually want him here, he's not. _Fucking redheads...._ " 

The last two words are mumbled and followed with a frown that is more pouty than angry.

"Do you mean Reno?" Tseng asks, amazed if he has guessed right, although there isn't any other possibility that comes to mind. After all, considering how jealous Rufus usually is of any time he spends with Reno....

Tseng's whole body tenses, as suddenly everything comes rushing back into his mind at once. It's like an avalanche of information, starting off with his infidelity with Reno and Rude, picking up speed with his breakup with Rufus and finally coming to a crashing conclusion with what had happened in the Temple of the Ancients.

As he slips back into unconsciousness, Tseng's vaguely hears Rufus calling his name like an echo of everything that's slipped through his fingers.

***.*** 

It's dark the next time Tseng opens his eyes, and he is lying on his side...cold and alone. There's a window before him that stretches from floor to ceiling, curtains pulled open, and as his eyes adjust, he focuses on the world outside. It's a view he's not familiar with, all foliage and grey rock lit up in the moonlight, and he tries to sort through his memories for a clue of where in the world he might actually be.

Then he remembers Rufus being there the last time he woke up and the where loses priority to the 'what the hell' of that whole previous scene. The last time they'd talked before... before the failed mission Tseng isn't willing to think about right now, Rufus had broken off their relationship and left for an extended business trip just to get away from him. The blond had been angry, completely closed off and hurt. Tseng had figured that there was no possibility of fixing any of it. After all, he couldn't take back what he'd done with Reno and Rude, and he refused to lie and say he regretted it.

But earlier, Rufus had looked so happy to see him when he'd awoken beside him, had embraced him desperately enough that Tseng hadn't been able to breathe, and had then helped him sit up and drink, every touch tender and concerned.

_Maybe it was just a dream? _Tseng thinks to himself, sighing in frustration. There wasn't really any way to tell at this point, but it seemed like the most realistic explanation. After all, Rufus wanting Reno's assistance to talk to Tseng when he woke up was crazy considering how poorly the two got along, and that was even before Tseng had betrayed Rufus by sleeping with the redhead.__

"Tseng?"

Tseng flinches in surprise at the sudden voice, eyes searching until a shadow disconnects from the wall, just beside the window he'd been gazing out of. As the figure nears, the faint light from outside illuminates red hair and Tseng's face breaks out in a smile.

"Reno," he whispers in relief, the sudden wave of fear ebbing away.

"Hey there you," Reno says softly, and Tseng can hear the grin in his voice, even if he can't see it with Reno's back to the moonlight from outside. "Nice to see those pretty eyes finally recognizing me again."

Tseng opens his mouth to speak, but words fail him. He is overcome with the sudden need to have Reno's arms around him, but a part of him remembers what happened with Sephiroth and it fills him with doubt. Will Reno want to touch him now? Will what happened taint his relationship with Reno and twist it into something that feels wrong?

In the end, he doesn't get the opportunity of choice, as Reno sits down beside him and leans in to embrace him without asking or waiting to be asked. The redhead is warm and familiar and nothing but comforting to all of Tseng's senses in a way he didn't expect. Trying to speak again only makes Tseng's voice catch in his throat in an audible sound that causes Reno to hold him a little tighter.

"I've missed ya so much. Thought for awhile there you were gonna skip out on me... break ya promise and leave me behind," Reno whispers, face buried in Tseng's neck.

"I-I'm sorry," Tseng finally manages, fingers gripping into Reno's clothing and holding on tight.

"Not your fault, any of it," Reno quickly replies. "Ya came back and that's all that matters to me, all that matters to all of us."

The redhead pulls back then and Tseng reluctantly lets him go, thinking that it's for the best, no matter how much he needs... but Reno doesn't go far. He moves to lie down next to Tseng and they end up face to face in the darkness, just breathing in each others presence, and all thoughts of impropriety disappear in the comfort of having his redhead close. Reno's treating him the same as always, no disgust or tip toeing around, and it's such a relief that Tseng feels the tears prickle his eyes and thanks the darkness for hiding them.

"Just rest for now, okay? I'm right here and will be till ya wake up again, promise."

Tseng can only nod slightly, still feeling overwhelmed by the effect all these emotions are having on his defeated body. Reno's hand wraps around his own, and a few minutes later he is lost to his dreams again.

***.***

"Reno, that's not the fucking point!" a voice hisses, loud enough that the anger in it grabs Tseng's dozing consciousness and nudges it back to waking.

"Will you shut the fuck up," Reno replies, a harsh whisper that is much the same, volume wise. "You'll wake him up and ya know he needs more sleep."

"Oh bullshit, you asshole. He's done nothing but sleep for months, and now that the drip is out, he needs to eat something! You heard what the doctors said, so why are you being such a bitch about this?" Tseng is surprised that the second voice arguing is Rufus' and it distracts him for a moment, as he remembers how tender the maybe dream Rufus had been. 

"I ain't no bitch, _princess_. Ya want me to prove to ya just who the bitch is between the two of us?" Reno's voice has a dangerous edge and it immediately pulls Tseng's attention back. He is worried enough by Reno's tone to force his eyes open and blink them to focus in the daylight that fills the room.

He finds both young men over by the far wall, facing off against each other with matching scowls. Tseng can't help but question his own sanity when his body finds the sight oddly arousing.

"Fuck you and your threats. Just answer the question Turk!" Rufus demands, but Tseng can see the youth's hands are shaking. He's putting up a good front though, and Tseng is impressed with his progress, from a professional point of view... even if he's concerned Reno might hurt him.

Reno doesn't bite this time though, and instead rolls his eyes in an overdramatic gesture while breathing in deeply.

"Okay, fine. Look, I know he has to eat, but I just think it's better to wait until he wakes up on his own," Reno insists, but the aggression has gone out of his voice and it's more frustrated now than anything else. "He's not gonna starve ta death in one day." 

Tseng is fascinated by the exchange, as it's different from anything he's ever seen between these two before. Yes, they have always rubbed each other the wrong way, but he's never seen either make a serious effort to convince the other of anything before. He never thought either cared enough to try.

Reno suddenly reaches out and for a moment, Tseng fears he's going to hurt the younger blond... but the movement is too slow. When Reno does nothing more than gently cup Rufus' jaw, Tseng's heart stops dead in his chest. 

"I know you're worried about 'im, but trust me with this," Reno implores. "His stomach will wake him up when it's ready for food. Trying to force it on him any earlier is only gonna make him throw up."

"But... Reno, he's been off the drip for over twenty four hours and hasn't eaten anything at all. He's already so weak and he'll only weaken further without nutrition," Rufus continues, but the anger is wavering and his expression has already softened from the hand that is still holding his face gently.

"You said he drank some water, so he's had fluids," Reno murmurs, giving a little smile. "Look, I want him better too, ya know. Do ya think I'd do anything to put him at risk?"

With a sigh of defeat, Rufus pulls away from Reno's hand and crosses his arms.

"Fine, we'll do it your way for now. If he gets worse, even a little, because I listened to you, I'll shoot you myself," Rufus grumbles.

"Yeah, and I'll even help you load ya big gun," Reno agrees, getting a scoff of disbelief from Rufus.

Tseng is simply stunned by the whole exchange and forgets that he's eavesdropping on a private conversation and should at least pretend to still be asleep. Rufus's uncovered eye finds his own before he can even consider hiding, and it instantly widens in surprise.

"Tseng, you're awake," Rufus exclaims softly, his scowl evaporating. His gaze doesn't linger though, quickly flicking over to Reno and becoming imploring.

Tseng follows his line of sight to the redhead just in time to see Reno roll his eyes again.

"You're such a dick," Reno mutters towards Rufus before looking over to Tseng. "Hey, beautiful. Sorry we woke you up."

"It's fine," Tseng replies, eyes drawn back to Rufus. He expects anger or at least annoyance to be showing on the blond's face in response to Reno's beautiful comment, but instead Rufus' expression is so unsure, almost afraid. It makes Tseng consider the possibility that maybe what Sephiroth did makes a difference to Rufus... maybe the sight of him is something disturbing now to the blond. Or maybe it's just that he's still angry about Tseng sleeping around behind his back. It would help if he knew whether his previous talk with the blond was real or just a dream. "I appreciate that you both care enough to argue about my treatment."

"Well, we would just grab an arm each and pull, but ya might just snap in two," Reno chuckles, and Tseng can't help but smile at how inappropriate the jest is, especially since Rufus looks so horrified by it.

"Now who's the dick," Rufus hisses at Reno, but it only makes the redhead laugh more.

Tseng waits for Reno to quiet down before he speaks again, his eyes moving back and fourth between the two. "Who is going to tell me how long I've been out and where we are now?"

"We're at Healin' Lodge. It's in the mountains, between Midgar and the chocobo farm," Reno replies, coming over to sit on the edge of the bed. "And it's been about three months since ya went to the Temple."

"Originally, we bought you here because although most of your injuries were healed in the first week, the poison that was on the blade was one nobody had seen before. The doctors here are specialists in unusual and rare illnesses and poisons, so they were best suited for fixing the damage and helping you recover," Rufus elaborates, but unlike Reno he doesn't move any closer. 

"When are we returning to Midgar?" Tseng asks, trying to ignore the memories of how that poison had been delivered. The months of recovery that he doesn't remember are an embarrassment, as he hates the fact he's been nothing but a burden for such a long time. He needs to keep moving forward and keeping busy will achieve that at least.

"Midgar doesn't exist anymore. There is a new town that's being constructed beside Midgar's ruins, called Edge, but it doesn't have anywhere secure enough for us as yet. We're based here, in Healin' Lodge for the time being," Rufus replies, and Tseng ends up just staring at the blond, startled by his statement. 

It is surreal that so much could change in such a short time, and Rufus' lack of apparent anger or distress over the loss of his city makes it all even more unbelievable. The blond had always been obsessed with ruling Midgar, and it was the one thing Tseng had always thought Rufus desired above all else.

"Midgar was destroyed?" Tseng asks, knowing he is simply parroting back a fact that's already been stated, but unable to move past it. He is confused by how much it upsets him, and despite his best intentions to get back to work as soon as possible, that one point is like running into a brick wall in his mind. So many of his memories resided amongst the steal and concrete, and he finds it physically painful to imagine that none of it exists anymore.

"Yeah, it's a long story, but it's all gone...," Reno begins, but his words pause and quickly change direction. "Hey, Tseng? Are ya alright? You look pale."

Tseng can't answer as he's too short of breath all of a sudden, like his chest is being constricted by his own ribs curling inwards. He vaguely realizes it is probably a panic attack, something he hasn't had to deal with since he became and adult, but the logic of understanding is not helping him calm in the slightest. 

Looking down at his hands, he tries to remember the ways he used to deal with these turns when he was young, closing his eyes so he can concentrate better and try to force himself to breath deeply. He can't seem to focus on anything but all he's lost at first, although he manages to divert his thoughts to possessions instead of people, eventually thinking over the various items he owned that he would never see again and mentally discarding them.

The memory box Veld had given him comes to mind and his panic returns, all the personal treasures it contained flashing into his thoughts. If Midgar was nothing but rubble now, it was lost forever which means he has nothing left of Veld... and nothing of the man Sephiroth had once been either.

The urge to vomit rises in his stomach, twisting and turning, and he curls up on his side in the bed to try and ease the pressure, unaware of the voices calling his name. He doesn't want to remember Sephiroth as he was in the Temple, wants to forget that ever happened and cling to the memory of the man he knew before. 

When he tries to remember the general in his mind all he can see is madness shining out of those once beautiful green eyes and how much Sephiroth wanted him to die... and when he tries to recall Veld, all he can remember is that sad smile of acceptance before he pulled the trigger and blew out his father's brains.

"Hey, just breathe, one breath at a time," Reno's voice suddenly registers, and it is only then that Tseng realizes the redhead is murmuring in his ear. Reno's body is spooned against his back, arms around his waist as one hand rubs circles on his stomach. "A lot has happened, but we're all alright. You, Rufus, Rude, Elena and me are all alive. That's all that matters in the end, ain't it? Everything else will heal, or can be fixed or replaced. We still all got each other and that's what matters the most."

Tseng doesn't answer, because as much as his common sense tells him Reno is right, there's just too much he wasn't ready to let go of.

***.***

When Tseng next feels aware enough to take notice of his surroundings, he guesses that he must have fallen asleep for a time. The room is only lit by a small lamp now, the sunlight long gone. Reno's is still behind him, but it's a relaxed stillness and he can hear the youth's steady breaths as he sleeps, one arm still resting over Tseng's hip.

Rufus is sitting in a chair beside the bed, staring at the far wall of the room and a million miles away. Tseng takes the chance to study him and notice the slump to once eternally stiff shoulders, the longer hair and older eyes... or eye in this case. It's as if the youth has aged years in the months of Tseng's sickness, but the blond still wears the change well, looking more handsome for it, even with the eye patch.

"Rufus," Tseng calls softly, smiling a little when his voice startles the blond.

Rufus scowls at him for a moment, seemingly a reflex action by how quickly it disappears.

"Do you need something? Water, or something to eat?" Rufus asks, sitting up straighter and evening out his expression. "I can help you to the bathroom too, if you need it."

"I need you here," Tseng murmurs, too emotionally worn out to pretend otherwise. He pats the space in the bed before him, ignoring the widening of the one eye he can see. "Please?"

A whole minute passes in silence, and Tseng can see the blond is struggling with his request. Tseng figures that he's earned the right to be selfish right now, even if it's probably a fleeting occurrence, but he's too tired and pissed off at the world to be his usually cautious self. He needs to know if Rufus finds him repulsive or is still angry, considering everything that happened, and Tseng wants his answers now.

"Rufus, I want you in my arms again. You can hate me all you like tomorrow," Tseng adds resignedly, unable to suggest out loud that it might be revulsion. 

"I don't hate you," Rufus replies quickly, standing up and taking the two steps to the edge of the bed before pausing. His hands clench at his sides as his gaze flicks past Tseng to Reno, before coming back to Tseng's face. "I just... I don't understand...."

"Rue, stop thinking and get into bed," Tseng repeats, the words coming out like an order, his temper getting the better of him. It seems the problem is Reno, and while Tseng is relieved that's all it is, he's far too tired to start that particular conversation right now.

Rufus swallows, and their eyes break contact as he turns his back on the bed. 

Tseng's heart aches when it seems as if the youth has refused him, but then Rufus sits on the edge of the bed and begins removing his shoes and socks. By the time he is pulling off his jacket and vest, Tseng is smiling widely, his heart fluttering a little in his chest with the sudden happiness such a small thing brings.

Once Rufus adds his belt to the pile on the chair, he only has his slacks and long sleeved shirt left, but he stops there and lies down, flat on his back. Tseng almost complains that he doesn't remove more clothes, but then he notices Rufus' heart is beating so fast he can see it pulsing in the youth's neck and there is a pink blush on the blond's cheeks. The apparent embarrassed excitement Rufus is feeling makes up for the lack of skin.

With a sigh of contentment, Tseng rests his head on the blond's shoulder and wraps an arm around him, taking full advantage of the moment. Reno stirs a little, his hand on Tseng's hip moving to keep it's place, but then the redhead settles again. Tseng purposefully lets his breath tickle Rufus' neck and enjoys the shiver he can feel travel down the youth's body in response.

After a few minutes Rufus is still stiff beside him, and Tseng sighs in acceptance that he has no choice but to put in a little more effort, or Rufus is going to bolt as soon as he's asleep. The blond has always been a handful, and it's oddly comforting that it's one thing that hasn't changed.

"I'm sorry for having sex with Reno and Rude," Tseng murmurs, sitting up a little as Rufus turns to look at him. "I have to be honest with you though. I don't regret it. I was falling apart at the time, and they put me back together. It wasn't about not wanting you... it was never about not wanting you or preferring them. I just needed... I needed...."

"More than I could give you," Rufus inserts into the gap Tseng leaves wide open.

The blond is meeting his eyes evenly and calmly, and Tseng is taken back by the lack of anger and clear acceptance he finds in that steady gaze.

"I understand that now. Reno... well, he explained some things to me I didn't comprehend before. I won't lie to you and say I'm happy about it though," Rufus adds, his gaze falling to Tseng's lips.

Tseng can't help but lick his lips in a tease that makes Rufus' breath catch a little. The positive reaction spurs on his wounded courage.

"Can you accept that and forgive me?" Tseng asks, leaning in a little closer. Rufus' eye is still focused on his lips, seemingly caught there for the moment as the space between them lessens further.

"Yes... already did," Rufus mumbles, his tongue slipping out to wet his own lips, but it's a nervous move rather than a purposeful seduction. 

It entraps Tseng anyway and he closes the final space between them to kiss Rufus, just letting their lips touch a few times gently. It's so little in comparison with everything else, but it still makes Tseng's heart ache in his chest with how much it means to him.

"Can I have you back?" Tseng breathes against the youth's lips, needing just a little more reassurance. He can feel Rufus' breaths have picked up speed and his own are quickly rising to match.

"You never _didn't_ have me, idiot," Rufus whispers, and suddenly the blond lifts enough to steal a kiss, raising a hand to thread through Tseng's hair and pull him back down with him.

Tseng deepens the kiss eagerly, thrilled that this has turned out so positively. He thought he'd never get the youth to give him another chance but it's obvious in the way Rufus' body is pressing into him, as if starving for the contact, that Rufus wants him back too. It's such an honest need, showing that this is far more than just pity or some new business deal.

A few minutes later, Tseng has to pull back and end the kiss, at risk of getting carried away when he's not up to going further in his present state. Rufus doesn't fight the withdrawal at all, and they end up just looking at each other in silence. It's a little intense, and Tseng gets the feeling they are truly seeing each other for the first time, all walls down and emotions in plain sight.

"That was so hot," Reno's voice suddenly cuts into the silence, breaking the spell as both men turn to glare at him. "Woah, don't kill me... hang on, what the hell did I do now?"

Tseng just sighs and half collapses back against Rufus, using the blond's shoulder as a pillow once more. He's far too worn out to argue and decides if Reno wants an explanation, he can bother Rufus this time around.

"You spoiled our moment, you ass," Rufus grumbles, but his arms go around Tseng as he speaks, and they settle into a comfortable position. 

"Well, sorry for breathing," Reno retorts with a huff, lying back down but leaving a space between himself and Tseng this time.

The distance is noticeable, and it's like a physical statement that he will give them their space... as if he's accepted that he's no longer needed. Tseng tenses before he can stifle the urge, wanting to dispute the silent withdrawal, because he knows that he needs them both now, more than ever before. 

But he also realizes that Rufus will never accept things being like that between the three of them, and it's understandable, as it is a lot to ask, especially considering that Reno is the person Tseng betrayed Rufus for in the past.

"Reno," Rufus suddenly mutters into the uncomfortable silence that has fallen over them.

"What?"

"Stop pouting and get over here. Tseng's back is cold," Rufus mumbles resignedly.

"Really?" Reno asks, and Tseng can hear him sitting up to look over him to Rufus. "Are you sure?"

Tseng keeps his eyes closed, holding his breath as he waits for Rufus' reply.

"Would I have said something if I wasn't sure? Hurry up before I change my fucking mind," Rufus finally hisses, and Tseng can't help nuzzling the neck he's resting against, giving it a kiss of thanks which seems to instantly relax the suddenly tense youth.

Reno spoons up against Tseng's back, thankfully without any further comment, and all three shuffle around a little, finding comfortable places for too many arms and legs. When they all finally still, Tseng can't stop smiling, even if he is a little squashed between them both. There's no way in hell he's complaining now though as he sighs and finally relaxes into sleep once more.

 

***.***

Early the next morning. Tseng is awakened accidentally by Rufus as he tries to slip out of bed. He explains that he has an early meeting, and Tseng lets him go once he states that he'll be taking Rude and Elena with him. Tseng hasn't seen either of his other two Turks since waking from his illness, and as he watches Rufus collect a fresh set of clothes and leave the room, he begins to feel guilty over not even asking after either of them.

Turning to watch Reno sleep, he decides it's the first thing he'll do when the redhead wakes, but as the minutes collect in silence, Tseng thoughts begin to wander. When he suddenly remembers that Reno is here with him and Rufus when he should be with Rude instead, Tseng refuses to wait any longer and wakes up Reno with a tug on his hair.

"Wahh?" Reno grumbles, flailing out an arm that luckily misses Tseng as he hovers over the redhead.

"Reno, wake up before I molest you," Tseng states, grinning when blue eyes flash open at his words. Once Reno recognizes Tseng, he closes his eyes again and grins, making Tseng chuckle.

"Come on, I was promised molesting an I don't feel nothing yet," Reno mumbles, stretching out lazily, his feet catching in the blanket and pulling it down enough to reveal a tease of thin hips above the waistband of loose sleep pants.

Tseng can't help but look over him, appreciating the view. By the time his eyes rise back up to Reno's face, the redhead is watching him, smirk in full force.

"You want me, don't try ta hide it."

"I was hardly hiding it," Tseng retorts, sighing as he holds back from taking a kiss... but his eyes are stuck on those lips and he really, really wants to. The hand that suddenly reaches up and threads through his hair isn't helping in the slightest.

"Is he gone to the meeting already?" Reno asks.

"Yes," Tseng replies. "But you know we can't. It's not just because of him either. You have Rude."

"Ah, well ya see, that's not a problem anymore. Me and Rude broke up, but we're still partners, friends and all that. Just didn't work out in the end," Reno explains as his fingers begin massaging Tseng's scalp, making the older man's eyes half close in enjoyment. "We'll always be close, but he dreams of kids and all that proper marriage shit, and I've got no interest in it."

"What is it you dream of, Reno?" Tseng whispers. He's relieved to hear they've broken up, and it makes him feel a little guilty that he's honestly become that selfish.

He's so busy digesting that fact, that he's totally unprepared when Reno flips him, ending up on top and smirking at him suggestively. Tseng can feel the redhead is hard, and his heartbeat picks up pace at the realization that Reno can easily tell he is too.

"I dream of you finally fucking me again, slowly, until I'm almost insane with it," Reno purrs, pushing his hips down and making Tseng gasp. "But I can't beg for you to go faster, cause I'm too busy choking on the princess' cock. That's what I dream of."

Tseng whimpers, and as embarrassing a sound as it is, he's too busy trying to think past the image Reno has burned into his brain to care. Then Reno is kissing him, and Tseng gives up, knowing this is one battle he can't win, would probably lose even when completely healthy. 

Reno is a force of nature when he puts his mind to seducing somebody he really wants, and Tseng doubts there is a human on the planet, male or female, who could resist him when he's like this. The only reason there isn't more under his spell is simply that Reno doesn't seem truly interested in many, despite all the harmless flirting he pours over others to tip them off balance.

It's only when the redhead stops kissing him and begins moving down his body that Tseng regains enough sense to realize he has to stop this. Unfortunately, Reno is in a particularly determined mood, and he swallows Tseng's cock without pause, making Tseng's brain short circuit as he struggles to object.

"Reno... _Rufus_...," Tseng finally manages to gasp, hands fisting in the sheets as he tries to stop his hips from rising for more. Luckily, his words reach Reno and the redhead pauses his torture for a moment to glance up at Tseng.

"You were right the first time," Reno jokes, but his amusement is short lived. With a sigh, Reno's eyes become serious without Tseng having to say a word. "Look, I know what you're thinking, but things aren't the way they were before."

"Reno, he'll never forgive me a second time," Tseng implores, despite the way his hips are twitching. It's taking every bit of self control he has to stop them rising to close the gap between Reno's mouth and his cock.

"He hasn't told you yet, has he," Reno states, looking annoyed as he leans down to lick up the underside of Tseng's cock.

Somehow Tseng manages to hold onto the thread of conversation, despite how dizzy and muddled with lust his head is right now.

"Told me what?"

"What I'm doing to you right now, I've already done to him, more than once... and he's done it to me too."

Tseng's eyes widen in shock, but then everything is heat and warmth, suction and pressure, and Tseng can only gasp desperately for breath before he's coming down Reno's throat, shaking all over as if it's the first orgasm he's ever had.

It completely drains him, despite being so quick, and he's only just clinging to consciousness when he feels Reno's lips on his again and tastes himself on the redheads tongue.

"Probably best if we don't tell him about this one time though," Reno whispers against his lips, chuckling as he adds, "He'd be so pissed if he didn't get you first."

***.***


	22. V - Vanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Pairings** \- Tseng/Rufus, Reno/Rufus, Tseng/Reno, Tseng/Rufus/Reno  
>  **Characters** – Sephiroth, Tseng, Rufus, Reno  
>  **Warnings** – Sex, spanking, rimming, fingering, swearing, angst  
>  **Summary** – Tseng finally finds out about Rufus' injuries.  
>  **Timeline** – Between the original game and Advent Children.  
> 

"Take off your pants," Sephiroth growled before licking the edge of Tseng's ear with the tip of his tongue.

The Turk chuckled from the ticklish sensation, but his hands moved immediately to his pants, undoing the fastenings obediently. There was no way he could get the pants off though, not in his present position straddling Sephiroth's lap, so he shuffled backwards off the general's lap and stood before him. Sephiroth watched through half closed eyes as Tseng stripped naked, unaffected by being so exposed. Sephiroth's eyes held him so completely entranced it never entered his mind to be ashamed.

Tseng raised one finger and signaled wait, giving a smile to his lover before disappearing off the balcony to go back inside to find some lube. Sephiroth would simply take him without it if he didn't make the time to get it before he was swept away in the moment, and he couldn't afford to be sore when he had to fly back to Midgar first thing in the morning for work. Digging through his overnight bag on the dining table, he glanced back over his shoulder for a moment, watching Sephiroth on the balcony. The general was staring out over the ocean, seemingly just waiting as Tseng had asked him to do, which was a little disconcerting in itself. Sephiroth wasn't usually so patient....

Shaking off the odd feeling of discontent, Tseng turned back to his bag and felt around under his clothes for the familiar tube that he always left in the bottom, just in case he ran into Sephiroth while away on a mission. Their relationship had morphed into this strange tangle of random meetings at some point, although Tseng didn't understand why... or how it could ever be any other way. At least here in Junon he had his own apartment, which made it feel like something more respectfully acceptable, instead of the usual discomfort of illicit hotel room encounters. 

Tseng pulled the lube free and paused, staring down at the tube in one hand. No matter how impossible it might be, he wanted so much more than this. He yearned to feel it in his chest when they kissed, not just between his legs. With a sigh at his own foolish romanticism, he dropped his bag on the floor and ran his free hand through his hair, trying to push the thoughts away and focus back on his lover and what they were about to do.

The sudden press of a body against his back made him startle, but the chuckle was one he knew so well that he relaxed instantly and turned to smile over his shoulder.

"Bastard. Don't sneak up on me like that," Tseng murmured, eyes closing as the general lay a kiss to his cheek, strong arms wrapping around his waist.

"You took too long... and you were a million miles away. What thoughts had you so intrigued? I'm a little jealous of them, to be honest," Sephiroth whispered, his lips moving to tease and taunt Tseng's neck, making the Turk exhale slowly.

"I was thinking of you, so your jealousy is rather misplaced," Tseng replied, putting the lube down on the table so he could rest both of his arms over Sephiroth's around his waist. "I thought we were going to...," Tseng began, words cutting off in a gasp as Sephiroth pressed his still clothed erection up against his bare ass. "Yes that, but out there," Tseng finished a little breathlessly.

"I considered it," Sephiroth murmured, one hand dropping down to wrap around Tseng's half hard cock. "But then I remembered how vocal you are when I fuck you. I don't think the rest of Junon deserves to hear the sounds you make when lost in pleasure."

"I'm not... loud," Tseng tried to insist, giving the general a stern look. The effect was ruined by the blush painting his cheeks though, and as Sephiroth gave a little smack to his thigh, Tseng disproved his own statement with a sudden moan.

"You're going to be loud tonight, either way, so this argument is void," the general informed him, pushing him forward over the dinner table. Taking his hand off Tseng's cock, he positioned the Turk leader with his legs spread wide, torso down flat on the low table's surface so that ass sat high in the air. 

It made Tseng feel so exposed, but he trusted Sephiroth completely by this point... well, at least when it came to sex. Still, his face burned with the shame of how aroused it made him to be positioned so, and the knowledge that the general was just standing there, looking at him.

"Seph, don't just stare," he groused after a time, the awkward arousal becoming too intense as his hips began to twitch.

The next smack to his ass was completely unexpected, and Tseng moaned again without thought, face blushing a darker shade.

"Ever been spanked before, Tseng?" Sephiroth asked, one hand now caressing the abused skin of the Turk's ass.

"N-no," Tseng managed, his voice rough and smaller than usual with the oddness of the situation. He'd never thought Sephiroth would be into this kind of thing... and had been unaware he would enjoy it this much himself.

"Hmmm... I'd like to hear you say no like that during sex, just for a change of pace. Can you do that for me Tseng? Pretend you don't want my cock in you, pretend you don't want me to punish you like this?" Sephiroth paused to spank him again, Tseng only whimpering this time. 

"I... I suppose I can," Tseng replied a little shakily, more exited than he'd like to admit by the proposed game.

"Thank you, love," Sephiroth purred, laying a couple of kisses to Tseng's spine. "Before we continue though, Genesis tells me I need to use a safe word with this kind of play. Yours will be chocobo. Say it if things get too much for you and I'll stop, alright?" Sephiroth informed him, the fingers on his ass moving to trace down his cleft.

"Yes, fine," Tseng replied flatly, trying to hide his annoyance. The mention of Genesis' name awoke his own jealousy, Sephiroth's so called friend the last person Tseng wanted to think about right now. 

_Why have those two been discussing kinky sex anyway? Surely that wasn't a normal topic of conversations between men who were just friends... or was it?_

Tseng glared at the table top, trying not to think on the redhead any further, despite the spark in the back of his mind that was nudging him to do just that. Then Sephiroth pushed a finger into him dry and slapped his ass again, and Tseng stopped thinking altogether.

"Your ass is so hungry," Sephiroth growled low, pulling the finger all the way out before pushing it in again. Tseng couldn't help his automatic reaction, his hips pushing back to force the digit deeper. "You've been playing with your ass, haven't you? When nobody's around, you shove your fingers in here like some kind of needy little whore, but no matter how much you try it's never enough, is it?"

"Fuck you," Tseng gasped, earning himself a harder smack for his disobedience. The sound of it rang out in the room and Tseng whimpered again, his hips wriggling needily to try and get that damn finger to move deeper and not just sit there inside of him. 

Sephiroth's next chuckle was tinged with sadistic pleasure, and Tseng was about to spit out some more choice insults at the smug bastard when the general suddenly reached around and grabbed his cock. Sephiroth squeezed him firmly a couple of times first, then began a slow stroke that was pure torture, especially when the general's fingers paused to play with the head of Tseng's erection on every upward stroke.

"Your cock is dripping already, just from a few smacks and one finger in your ass... what a shameless wench you are. As beautiful as it is though, you're still not being loud enough," Sephiroth whispered in his ear. 

Suddenly Sephiroth's finger pulled free of his body, and Tseng couldn't help the way his hips wriggled back in search of it, far too eager in the moment. The general wasted no time in teasing him this time though, Tseng freezing in place as he felt his ass cheeks being spread apart before something warm and wet flickered over his entrance.

"Oh goddess, is that...," Tseng began, his words twisting into a loud groan as what could only be Sephiroth's tongue pushed inside of him.

There was no way anyone in the adjoining rooms couldn't hear him now, the walls here far too thin to withhold any noise louder than normal conversation. Tseng's face blushed deeply, but as Sephiroth continued to tongue fuck him, he forgot his embarrassment and let himself get lost in the pleasure, sounds flowing freely as he squirmed in place.

Tseng was lost in a daze of arousal when Sephiroth eventually stopped and sat back. Then two fingers pushed in where Sephiroth's tongue had been and Tseng groaned again, far too close to coming as the general finger fucked him, showing no mercy to his lover as he smacked Tseng's ass again.

"Such a needy little whore," Sephiroth murmured huskily, leaning over Tseng to whisper his insults up close as Tseng trembled from every word. "I wonder if I called in all the people in the adjoining rooms to watch you, just how you'd react? Maybe you'd enjoy all those eyes on you so much you'd beg me to let them line up and fuck you, one by one. Would you like that, Tseng? To be nothing more than a fuck hole for the masses, made to come over and over again, stuffed full of cock and come, in your ass and your mouth? Or maybe I'll only let them use your mouth as I just sit inside your ass, not moving or letting you reach your climax at all until you've serviced enough others to earn it. I wonder how much come you could swallow until you were full, little whore."

"Seph," Tseng hissed, one hand raising over his head to grip into the general's hair tightly and pull... but those hips were still grinding back on Sephiroth's fingers with just as much need. "I'm not your whore, you fucking asshole," Tseng growled, his lover's words too much to let lie, even if said as part of the game.

"Oh yes you are, little bitch," Sephiroth chuckled back at him, pulling his fingers free and using his body weight to pin the Turk to the table. Tseng whimpered beneath him from the force, but the sound earned him no sympathy. He still hadn't said the safe word after all, and Sephiroth would not back down unless he did. "You are _my_ whore and I'll do whatever I want with you, understand?"

Tseng refused to answer him, even as the weight on him pressed down a little more, making it hard to breath. There was silence for a few moments, then Sephiroth sighed and fisted a hand in his hair.

"Looks like you're insisting on being difficult. I suppose I'll have to call an assistant to help me discipline you after all," Sephiroth whispered pausing for a full two minutes, probably to give Tseng time to object or use the safe word. 

Tseng stayed silent though, refusing to say a word as he stubbornly just lay there, determined to not to lose the game. He wasn't convinced Sephiroth would go through with this particular threat, especially when the general was always so jealous about anyone else touching him.

He was therefore shocked when he heard the sound of Sephiroth pulling his phone from his pocket and dialing a number.

"Good evening, Genesis. I have a proposition for you."

Sephiroth's greeting made Tseng's eyes fly wide open and suddenly his mind was flooded with memories of what the redhead had done to him in the training room... the helplessness and the pain.

"CHOCOBO! CHOCOBO! CHOCOBO!" Tseng screamed.

***.***

Rufus had only just entered his bedroom and made it half way to the bed when Tseng sat bolt upright and started screaming 'chocobo' at the top of his lungs. Reno had been curled up around him but as the older man failed violently, still lost in the midst of some nightmare, the redhead ended up being pushed roughly out of bed, landing on the floor with a loud thump. Rufus said a quick thanks to the goddess that he'd only just gotten home from his business trip a few moments ago and entered the room, avoiding being in the midst of the chaos.

"Mother fucking...," Reno mumbled from the floor, groaning as he rubbed his ass. 

Rufus wasn't that concerned for the redhead though, as if he was bitching, he couldn't be too damaged. Tseng on the other hand was now staring wide eyed at the far wall and Rufus had to force his limbs to take him closer because honestly, Tseng frightened him when he was like this.

"Tseng? It's alright, it was just a bad dream," the blond attempted, tentatively crawling onto the bed on his knees and shuffling closer. "You're awake now and safe."

Tseng's eyes swung around to meet the blond's, and it was only then Rufus noticed just how terrified Tseng really was.

"Rue?" he asked in a voice that sounded far too broken.

"Yes, it's me," Rufus replied, quickly wrapping the older man up in an embrace, all fear forgotten in the face of Tseng's fear. Arms returned the hug instantly, clinging tightly as Rufus rubbed his back and mumbled soft words of comfort. He had been watching carefully when Reno comforted Tseng, and was finally getting the hang of it now.

"Yeah, nobody worry about the redhead on the fucking floor," Reno muttered before standing up and stomping off to the ensuite bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

"What's wrong with Reno?" Tseng mumbled from where his face was pressed tight against Rufus' chest.

"You knocked him out of bed when you woke from your nightmare. You may have hit him... I'm not sure," Rufus replied, frowning in the direction Reno had disappeared. It was unusual for the redhead to take offence from something like this.

"Fuck... I did it to him last night as well," Tseng muttered, causing Rufus to chuckle a little. 

It explained Reno's reaction at least, and why the redhead had been so prickly when Rufus had phoned last night to say he'd be staying overnight. 

"I need to apologize again... and get off this damn medication," Tseng added in a grumble.

"I'll call the doctor in the morning," Rufus soothed, giving an absentminded kiss to the top of Tseng's head. "I'm sure having night terrors is defeating the purpose of the pills anyway. Surely she will see the sense in you changing to another kind that won't give you such an adverse reaction." The medication was supposed to be a sedative after all.

"Thanks," Tseng replied, lying back down and pulling the blond with him. 

Rufus made a surprised oomph sound, but only chuckled when he ended up sprawled half way across Tseng. It was one of his favorite places to be, after all. 

"Why weren't you here in bed with us?" Tseng asked.

"I only just got back as we were delayed with... well, unimportant crap. It seems I have wonderful timing though," Rufus replied, looking down into the dark eyes of the man under him and smirking. "Unlike Reno."

Tseng flicked his nose lightly with a finger, sighing a little in a halfhearted reprimand. 

"I thought you two were getting along now... or is this extreme level of snarkiness just a side effect of how much sex the two of you have been having while I was incapacitated?" Tseng murmured, grinning back at the blond.

Rufus blushed, amusement fleeing in the wake of the shock that Tseng knew. He was going to kill Reno for letting him be blindsided by this.

"I'm sorry," Rufus blurted out. 

Tseng's smile widened, and before Rufus had a chance to say anything else, he was pulled down into a kiss.

***.*** 

They were still kissing a good five minutes later when Reno came back and sat on the bed beside them, and even his snide comments didn't slow them down. It was only when the redhead tried to stand and leave that the kiss broke, both Tseng and Rufus reaching out to grab him and stop him from leaving. Tseng caught his wrist and Rufus, the edge of his pajama pants.

"What?" Reno snapped, glaring at both men.

"I'm sorry," Tseng murmured earnestly, his thumb beginning to rub circles where his hand still held onto Reno's arm.

"We think it's one of the medications the doctor only started him on the other day, and I'll be talking to her about it tomorrow. Don't take it personally, Reno," Rufus added earnestly, giving the redhead's pants a little tug before letting go.

Reno exhaled, rolling his eyes a little before shaking off his anger. "Fine... just, next time? Knock princess out of bed and not me. My tailbone's so sore I'm gonna be sitting crooked for the next week," Reno complained, looking everywhere but at Tseng as he sat down gingerly on the bed behind Rufus.

"I'll kiss it better for you later," Tseng insisted, smirking at the light blush that sprang up on Reno's cheeks in response to his offer. Even Rufus couldn't help but chuckle at it.

"Bastards, both of you," Reno mumbled, but there was no heat in his words now. "So... what did I miss that had you two tasting each other's tonsils? Care to share?"

"That was my fault. I was just imagining what you two must look like when you're fooling around together," Tseng replied, making Reno and Rufus look at each other for a moment before they both looked away quickly. Tseng thought they were adorable and had to bite down on the urge to kiss one of them again, only because he couldn't decide which one to kiss first... then again, he'd prefer to watch them kiss each other right now. "May I make a request?"

"A request?" Rufus asked, finally meeting Tseng's gaze, if a little tentatively. Reno seemed to be adjusting quicker though, as he sat on the bed behind the blond and smirked at Tseng from out of Rufus' line of sight.

"I want to watch the both of you kiss," Tseng stated, figuring it was better to start slow. The twin looks of shock that greeted him in response to his request told another tale though, and Tseng found himself frowning as he came to only one conclusion for the reaction he'd received. "Don't tell me you two have never kissed?"

The silence was telling, and Tseng himself was speechless for a time. It was he who eventually broke the deadlock though, too many questions running around in his head as he tried to make sense of this latest revelation.

"How can you have slept together without kissing each other?" he asked, frowning as he speculated on the possibilities.

"Well... we haven't slept together. Not technically," Rufus muttered defensively, flinching away as Reno flicked his ear from behind. "Cut it out, asshole," he grumbled, glaring over his shoulder. Reno only smirked back at him.

"We just argue then suck each other off," Reno announced, meeting Tseng's eyes without wavering, the redhead never apologetic when he thought he was in the right. "Princess needed the stress relief, and ... well, I couldn't help but be attracted to him. We've a lot in common and he's cute when he's pissy. Also, he's fucking amazing at sucking cock."

Tseng could only stare as Rufus suddenly turned and took a swing at Reno, missing his mark but causing the two to end up in a tumble of limbs on the bed as Rufus kept trying to hit the redhead and Reno simply stopped him time and time again. Reno was laughing too hard to put up much of a fight at first, but just as Tseng was shaking himself out of the shock of seeing Rufus actually lose his temper completely, Reno got serious and pinned the blond down.

"Mother fucking cunt! Let me go now!" Rufus hissed, trying to buck the redhead off of him but failing dismally. 

Reno smirked at the blond, and it was one of those sexy smirks that always went straight to Tseng's cock. Confusion seemed to be the order of the day for Tseng as he continued to just stare at the two, unsure of how to appropriately react to this now there was no danger of one hurting the other.

"I prefer cocks to cunts, actually," Reno purred, pushing his hips down into Rufus and making the blond gasp and blush. "Now, the boss gave us an order to kiss. You gonna comply or pussy out of it, princess?"

"I'm not afraid of you," Rufus bit back, but he didn't move and neither did Reno. They simply stared at each other, both breathing fast from their wrestling match.

Then Reno started to lower himself, slowly getting closer to Rufus' lips. The blond was wide eyed and looked a little terrified, and Tseng had to clench his hands into fists to resist the urge to help him. It was an automatic urge, only made stronger by the eye patch the blond wore... the eye patch that he still had no answers about. The annoyance at himself for letting everyone keep that bit of information from him helped to distract him enough at least, and by the time he refocused on the two in front of him, their lips were just meeting.

Reno kissed Rufus so slowly it was almost painful to watch. Rufus whimpered as Reno nibbled on his lips, the blond's eyes fluttering closed as he simply surrendered to it, his whole body relaxing into compliance as Reno's hands released his wrists and crept up into his hair.

Tseng swallowed down his sudden arousal as Reno deepened the kiss, Rufus' arms still lying out to either side of himself as if forgotten as the blond opened his mouth and let Reno do as he pleased.

To Tseng, it was like watching sin corrupt the innocent, Reno fluid as he seduced Rufus in slow motion. He could have sat and watched this for hours in pure contentment, the arousal he felt a slow burn that matched his redhead's slowly rolling hips in its ebb and flow.

Eventually they parted, but Reno hovered just above as they stared at each other, one hand still lost in blond locks while the other cupped a cheek gently, as if Rufus was so fragile that the slightest wrong move would break him.

"I like the way you taste," Reno whispered, his tongue coming out to lick over Rufus' lips once in a tease, both men's eyes still locked together. "Makes me want to taste you all over."

"Reno," Rufus breathed, the name almost too soft to hear. 

Tseng only then noticed that the blond's hands were fisting the sheets, as if he was trying to hold himself back from touching... although Tseng couldn't work out why. They'd both forgotten he was there, and he didn't want to break the spell, preferring to wait and learn as much as he could while the magic of the moment lasted.

"What?" Reno replied to the blond's whisper of his name, leaning in again to lay a few gentle, chaste kisses to Rufus' lips while the blond wrestled with what he wanted to say.

"Kiss me again," Rufus finally managed, but when Reno just smirked at the order, one of the blond's hands let go of the sheets and lifted to grab hold of Reno's pony tale and pull him closer.

Reno moaned and Rufus took advantage of his open mouth, this time initiating a kiss that was all passion and need. Tseng rested back against the headboard, smiling affectionately as he watched the two make out. It gave him a strange sense of calm, despite the arousal, and he had no urge to interfere. He was so relaxed in the moment, that he didn't even realize he was slipping away, unconsciousness sneaking up on him and sending him back to oblivion without warning. 

Mercifully, he was so worn out by two nights of nightmares, that his sleep was dream free this time.

***.***

Reno sighed in annoyance, watching as the blond collected a change of clothes, not even glancing at him as he left to shower and change for bed. Rufus was still so damaged emotionally, and adding Tseng in his present state to the picture, it was no wonder Reno was so tired. Both of them had too many triggers right now, and every moment saw him negotiating a minefield of issues he had no map for. Reno had never been soft footed when dealing with emotions, preferring to dive right in and confront any problems head on. This time though, that approach wasn't an option and Reno was worn through with all the tip toeing around.

With a snort at his own inner whining, the redhead stood up to leave Tseng to his dreams, pulling the sheet over his sleeping lover and pausing just to watch him for a moment. Tseng was still one of the most unusual men he'd ever met, and one of the most attractive. The redhead had tried to forget him, move on and let Tseng and Rufus be together, simply because it was obvious how much Tseng was in love with the blond, and to Reno's eyes at least, it was also clear Rufus felt the same in return, even if the blond tried so hard to hide it.

While Reno was a third wheel in this, he also realized that he was needed now, as the two could be as thick as bricks when it came to each other. They needed a conduit, somebody to translate when they both ended up almost speaking a different language to each other, neither understanding the other's point. As frustrating as it would be to have to be that person, the rewards were worth it, to Reno at least. He loved Tseng as much more than a friend, had for a very long time, even if his Turk leader was still oblivious to that fact. Truth be told, Reno had also begun to love Rufus, as much as he didn't want to. The blond had snuck under his skin in the time they'd been without Tseng, and Reno found himself caught by that mess of arrogance and vulnerability, as surely as Tseng had been.

Whether Rufus felt much for him in return, Reno didn't know. He doubted even Rufus himself could answer that question at the moment. The blond was craving physical touch so much at this point that it could be just a case of Reno being available, being easy and familiar, rather than wanted or desired.

Still, Reno couldn't walk away. He wanted them both, and Tseng wanted both he and Rufus too, so there was a chance this could work, depending on how Rufus worked it all out in his head. Reno could only hope the blond decided to want him to be a part of it, because Reno was under no illusions when it came to who Tseng would choose if Rufus made him pick.

Finally walking out of the bedroom, Reno headed to the kitchen to find something alcoholic, deciding he'd need the calming effect before he had to face Rufus again. The blond was hurt, deeply so, that Tseng had fallen asleep while he'd been kissing Reno, and of course, it was simply yet another misunderstanding. 

Rufus had taken it as an insult, of course... as a sign that Tseng didn't care in the slightest who else he was with, because Tseng was losing interest in him. Reno knew it was the furthest from the truth though, as to him it was obvious that Tseng was so comfortable with he and Rufus being together, so very okay with it and happy and content with it, that he'd just relaxed so much and given in to his exhaustion as a result. It was more a sign that he loved them both, and trusted them to be together without any jealousy or need to be there watching what happened.

Now if only Reno could make Rufus understand that.

***.***

When Rufus came back from the shower, Reno was on his third glass of whiskey, sitting at the desk in the corner of Rufus' bedroom as he pondered what to do about the blond. He was about to start off the conversation with something snarky, when he suddenly realized Rufus had forgotten to put on his eye patch, and the sight stunned him momentarily into simply staring. There was no scarring on his face, no mark or apparent damage he could see, so why did the blond insist on covering it up all the time?

Rufus glanced at him and frowned, closing the cupboard doors as their eyes met.

"What?" the blond demanded, looking regally offended, although Reno noticed how one of his hands grabbed hold of the hem of his shirt in an unconscious nervous movement. That small sign of humanity made Reno's heart miss a beat, as it was these little cracks that he loved the most... the small indications that Rufus wasn't the arrogant over confident asshole he liked to pretend to be.

"Just... you're kinda beautiful," Reno replied, lips curling into a grin. "Makes me want to lick you."

"Pervert," Rufus groused, turning away, but not before Reno caught the blush on his cheeks.

"Makes me want to lick you too," Tseng suddenly said from the bed, his voice startling Rufus visibly as the blond turned to stare at him. "What, you're not going to call me a pervert too?" Tseng added, grinning sleepily.

"I... I don't think you're a pervert," Rufus managed, the one hand that had been loosely holding the hem of his shirt now fisting the edge and stretching the material downwards.

"He's more of a perv than I am, princess," Reno added, unable to stop the urge to tease. Rufus off kilter was ridiculously attractive to him, all awkward movements and diverted gazes, blushing cheeks and indignant words. "You of all people should know that by now."

Rufus didn't reply, just continued to stand there awkwardly staring at the floor, in the middle of the room between them. Reno looked to Tseng, who glanced over to meet his gaze with one eyebrow raised in question over the blond's reaction. The redhead could only shake his head and sigh, as there was no quick way to explain what was wrong with Rufus. 

The blond had, from what Reno could work out, wrapped all his self worth in the things he'd been raised to believe were the most important. Position, power... and of course that cursed city he'd lusted after since he was a child. So when Midgar was destroyed, Rufus seemed to truly believe that his own value was destroyed with it, and that old twisted arrogance led him to believe everyone else would think the same way he did on the subject. 

With his self worth in ruins, Rufus seemed to be clinging to the idea that he could keep Tseng, and by extension all the Turks, with an illusion of physical perfection. All he had to do was hide his damaged back and whatever the hell was wrong with his eye from Tseng, at least until he could build some kind of power base up again, to somehow counteract his perceived lack of value. As stupid as it all seemed to Reno, because in his opinion the kid was more beautiful with the damaged edge, it matched the blond's twisted sense of perception perfectly.

There was no easy way to explain it all to Tseng though. Most of the conclusions Reno had come too were simply gut feelings, guesses based on the way Rufus reacted to things Reno had said or done in the past and other vague pieces that all seemed to fit together like some kind of abstract puzzle. He had no proof, certainly nothing solid enough to present to Tseng... but if Reno pushed in the right ways and forced the issue, he was sure Rufus would crack and show enough for Tseng to work it out for himself. Pushing was going to hurt Rufus though, and it was the last thing Reno wanted to do... but maybe it was a necessary evil if the truth was ever going to surface.

"Rufus, take off your shirt," Reno murmured softly.

The blond stiffened noticeably but did not look up, his free hand moving to mirror the first in fisting the other side of the hem of his shirt, holding the material down and stretching it visibly.

"Rufus," Reno repeated, ignoring Tseng's frown and focusing completely on the blond as he put down his drink on the desk. "It's just a shirt. Take it off for us... now."

"Don't tell me what to do, Turk," Rufus whispered, standing so very still... too still. "I am not here for your amusement."

"Do I look amused?" Reno replied, standing up slowly but moving no closer. From this distance he judged he could reach the blond before he reached the door... and he was positive Rufus was only a couple more pushes away from trying to bolt. "Oh, that's right. You'd need two eyes that worked proper to tell, wouldn't ya?" he threw out in a guess, hoping to hit a sore spot.

Rufus looked up at Reno then, and the look of betrayal on his face stopped the redhead's train of teasing dead in its tracks.

"You're not wearing the eye patch," Tseng stated from the bed, sitting up now and watching both the other men intently. "Rufus, your eye looks fine. Why have you been covering it?"

Reno watched the expression on Rufus' face switch from betrayed to startled in an instant, then lastly it slowly slipped to panic. Reno ended up moving just before the blond did, but as Rufus was closer to the door, the redhead still had to grab him from behind. Reno ended up with both arms around the blond's waist, Rufus' arms pinned to his sides as he struggled to get free. By the time Reno turned them both to face back towards Tseng, the blond had stopped fighting though, head back to hanging down so his fringe hid his face.

"Answer the boss' question, princess," Reno murmured, managing to dodge the kick in the shins Rufus attempted at his words. "Ya know it only turns me on the feistier ya get." 

"Fuck you. Let me go!" Rufus demanded, but his voice sounded bereft of its usual arrogance... more young and frightened than Reno had ever heard it before. 

Glancing up, Reno finally noticed Tseng had moved to the edge of the bed as if he'd been about to attempt to stand on his own, and the older man looked so pained that it was yet another blow to Reno's flailing determination... but at least Tseng wasn't directing that expression at him.

"Rufus," Tseng said softly, the blond stilling in Reno's arms again. "Stop trying to run away and tell me, what is wrong with your eye?"

"Please let me go," Rufus whispered in a voice that sounded so lost that Reno ended up resting his head against the blond's and laying a kiss to the mused hair.

"I'm not trying to hurt ya, babe. You gotta stop running and tell us the truth," Reno murmured softly back, but he didn't loosen his hold. "Don't ya think it's time ya came clean?"

"What is it you want to hear?" Rufus hissed, venom slipping into his tone as his fear began to twist into anger. "You want me to tell you all the reasons you both shouldn't want me? How I'm so broken and... and less than I used to be?"

"No injury will ever make me not want you, Rue," Tseng replied instantly, much to Reno's relief. The redhead's relief was short lived though, as Rufus only seemed more annoyed by the response.

"Injuries get better. This is as _better_ as it ever will be. You want the truth? My fucking stupid eye is blind, completely useless and it will never, ever get better," Rufus spat, his breathing picking up speed as his distress increased. "And as for the rest of me, my back is scarred, every inch of it puckered and more like melted plastic than real skin anymore. It's ugly, disgusting and repulsive. Do you honestly still want to be with me like this? Disabled and... and irreversibly damaged?!"

Reno closed his eyes, but didn't loosen his hold on the blond. The possibility of Rufus being blind in one eye hadn't even occurred to him, as he'd automatically thought it was a cosmetic reason initially, then maybe just a reduction of vision, his own mind making light of the injury. He felt more than a little guilty now, although the fact Rufus was blind in one eye, and the scarring he'd already been aware of, didn't change the way he felt about the blond in the slightest. Opening his own eyes again and looking to Tseng, he was surprised to find the older man looking angry at the revelations.

"Reno, how did this happen?" Tseng demanded, making the redhead frown himself, as Reno really didn't believe that was an important point at the moment.

"Long story. Huge fucking monster attacked the city. Rufus stayed in the Shinra tower to shoot the canon at it and got blown up by the fucker. Almost died trying to defend his fucking city. I'll fill ya in on the details later," the redhead hurriedly informed his boss, hoping it was enough to redirect Tseng back to the important point here, not side issues that would only leave the blond to harden his own delusional self hate.

Tseng nodded, looking away for a moment as he digested the new information. Reno watched him intently, trying not be moved to release Rufus as the blond leaned against him heavily, as if trying to huddle into the only available shelter. When Tseng finally looked back, he looked even angrier and Reno began to fear this was all about to go very wrong.

"Did you honestly believe I was so shallow that this would make a difference to me? That I'd reject you solely because of some physical imperfections you'd received trying to defend your city, of all things? Damn it Rufus, I'm so proud of what you did, so proud of you! Yes, I'm also fucking angry that you almost got yourself killed, but the pride is greater than that anger. What ever made you think I'd reject you over something so superficial?" Tseng demanded, his gaze dark and piercing as he stared at Rufus.

"Superficial?!" Rufus hissed, tone cold and fierce despite the fact he still wouldn't look up and meet Tseng's eyes. "You... you're the one who always went on and on about how much you loved the perfection of my skin, how attractive my eyes were. How much they turned you on and... and how much you loved to touch me, to gaze into my eyes. You always said how beautiful I was and perfect, that you loved that about me. Every time we had sex you would mumble about it, and run you fingers down my back, kiss down my spine!" 

The blond was almost hyperventilating now, but Reno still didn't let him go, arms wrapped around the blond's chest, even though the intent of the hold was changing by the second, turning into more of an embrace than just a restraint.

"Don't you get it?! You'll never do that again!" Rufus yelled, his temper erupting with his issues laid bare, that self disgust twisting with shame and tearing at his self worth. "I can't feel anything properly through that revolting excuse for skin and I never ever will be able to! If you stare into my eyes, one will be like a corpse looking back at you, devoid of life and recognition! You'll never say any of those words to me again!"

Tseng was staring, wide eyed in shock at the blond's loud and venomous self depreciation, when he needed to be reassuring the blond immediately, before Rufus' self hate decided that silence was agreement. Reno understood though that Tseng hadn't seen any of this coming and had only just woken up. He was just trying to process it and choose the right words through his own shock at Rufus' turn of self worth. It would take time, and while Reno knew he'd come to the right conclusions, there wasn't time to just sit and wait for him with Rufus crumbling so quickly.

"You're still beautiful," Reno murmured in the blond's ear, holding tight when Rufus started to struggle against him, trying to break free and escape what Reno had to say. "Never disgusting, never revolting. Those scars are a mark of ya bravery, of how strong you've become and how much ya gave to try and save Midgar. Don't you dare go and be ashamed of that. Don't you dare belittle all ya suffered through to try and save everything. More importantly, you stubborn little fuck, don't you dare assume that Tseng would ever be so fucking shallow as to judge ya less attractive for any of it!"

The last line was little more than a growl as Reno struggled to hold the blond still, but it had the desired effect, Rufus finally going limp in his arms. The blond's head still hung down as he hid from Tseng's eyes behind his too long fringe, but at least he was quiet now and hopefully processing properly what both Reno and Tseng had said.

Looking up, Reno found Tseng looking stricken, and not for the first time he wished there was two of him, one to hold each of these damaged men he loved.

Deciding on a compromise, he walked Rufus over closer to Tseng on the bed, and the dark haired Turk raised his arms as they approached, taking the blond from Reno and into his own lap. Rufus went easily enough, straddling the older man's lap and curling around Tseng, burying his face in the older man's shoulder to keep hiding, but at least hanging on.

With yet another sigh, Reno flopped down on the bed beside them both, watching Rufus tremble in Tseng's arms like a child. A part of him hated it, hated how his own heart hurt in tandem to Rufus' pain... that another person could do this to him apart from Tseng. He supposed this was what love was about after all, sharing the bad with the good.

Reno's eyes were drawn to movement, Tseng slowly slipping a hand up under the back of Rufus' shirt to feel over his scars in a move that made the blond on his lap tense once more. Reno reached out to pet the blond's mop of hair, trying to lend what support he could while Tseng investigated every inch of the badly scarred flesh on Rufus' back. Rufus didn't try to move away, but he flinched constantly as if every touch to the scarred skin caused him pain.

"I thought you said you couldn't feel it if I touched you here?" Tseng asked, his other hand now joining the first, both caressing gently.

"I mostly can't," Rufus mumbled, voice thick as his face stayed buried in Tseng's shoulder. "It's just... it's like I keep expecting it to hurt... because it did for so long."

Tseng nodded, turning his face to kiss Rufus' hair before directing a sad smile over the top of the blond's head at Reno.

"That's happening because you haven't let anyone touch you here since you recovered. It will pass with time, even faster the more you get used to our hands," Tseng continued, fingers still slowly moving as if he was memorizing ever slight dip and rise of Rufus' changed landscape. "And you will get used to our hands, Rufus. We will have it no other way."

Reno had to smile at the shaky inhale Tseng's words drew from the blond in his lap, and he decided that the two were good for now, taking his own hand away from Rufus hair with the intention to withdraw and leave them to it. What he didn't expect was the hand that suddenly grasped his own retreating one, or the too intense blue eye that peered at him from under a curtain of mused blond hair, its dead twin hiding under a closed lid.

"Please don't go," Rufus whispered, voice needy and small.

Reno could only nod, letting Rufus pull him closer, but ending up just sitting awkwardly next to them while the blond held his hand, still wrapped around Tseng like a child.

"And people call me a handful," Reno finally muttered, getting a huff from Rufus and a small chuckle from Tseng at his words.

***.***


	23. W - Wraiths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Pairing** \- none  
>  **Characters** \- Tseng, Rufus, Reno, Rude, Elena, Kadaj, Loz  
>  **Warnings** \- Angst, swearing, torture, trauma  
>  **Summary** \- The Turks go to the Northern Crater  
>  **Timeline** \- Around the beginning of Advent Children Complete  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite the fact that it is usually noisy as hell in a chopper, I went with it being quiet inside the Shinra chopper, as it was in the beginning of the Advent Children movie. I figured it was canon, since in the movie it's so quiet you can hear Reno mumbling to himself.

Tseng tried to ignore the chilling cold seeping through his suit as he stared out the window at the sea of white. Reno was silent beside him as he guided the chopper through the dangerous conditions, an expression of cool concentration on his young features. Tseng wasn’t worried about the snowstorm they were traveling in though, having complete confidence in Reno’s ability to get them to their destination safely. He could hear Elena and Rude talking quietly in low murmurs in the back of the chopper, and while he couldn’t make out any particular words, the sound was a comforting balm.

He'd had to leave his lover without a Turk by his side and it grated on Tseng's nerves. Reeve Tuesti was a man of honor though, and probably the only remaining human on the planet, apart from the Turks, that would be true to his word and protect Rufus until they returned. The WRO was based in a highly guarded compound with far more security than Healin’ Lodge had ever had, so attacks from outside where unlikely. The covert plan to get Rufus there and into Reeve’s private apartment without discovery had gone off without a hitch, so apart from Tuesti and a small group of his most trusted employees, nobody else was aware of Rufus’ presence.

It was still too risky for Tseng’s peace of mind though. The real danger of one of Avalanche’s members discovering Rufus’ presence worried him, as he had no idea how they would react to finding out Rufus had survived the weapon's attack on the Shinra building. If any of them decided to end the Shinra line once and for all, even Reeve’s protection might not be enough to stop them.

Unfortunately, they had no other option though. The Turks were heading straight into one of the most dangerous areas on the planet with far too few people and only a vague idea of what they were looking for. In the past, when the Shinra organization was still at full force, he would have never allowed his Turks to take on such a risky mission, but at present he had no choice. The Northern Crater was the only place they knew of that might contain some biological remains of Jenova or Sephiroth, and Rufus’ constant decline left no room for delay.

Tseng couldn't even ponder the thought of losing the blond. He'd already lost so many he loved, and refused to have Rufus join the list, no matter what lengths he had to go to, to try and save him. Having to search the northern crater was a last resort, and as much as the possibility of finding a body part of the general horrified him, he would suffer through if gladly if it meant saving Rufus' life.

The possibilities of what they might find in the crater made Tseng stumble in his thoughts, images of Sephiroth the last time he'd seen him flashing through his mind. Tseng sucked in a sudden deep breath, trying to push away the memories that clung like phantom hands, grabbing on too tightly and trying to pull him under. Now was not the time for him to loose himself in despair, not when it'd only been a couple of weeks since Elena had managed to pull him out of his last stint of depression.

“You alright?” Reno suddenly asked softly, glancing at him with concern.

Tseng took too long to answer, finally managing to push away the memories through sheer stubbornness. 

“I will be when this is all over," he finally muttered.

“Hm, can’t argue with that,” the redhead replied, eyes turning back to the whitewash of snow outside before resuming their dance between the multiple dials on the dashboard. 

Tseng turned to watch him, desperate for a distraction as he asked the first thing that came to mind.

"What did Rufus say to you, just before we left him with Reeve?"

Reno smirked, glancing over for a moment before his eyes went back to the dials.

"Told me if I didn't bring you back in one piece, he'd shoot me himself," the redhead replied, amusement slipping as a frown fell over his features.

Tseng bit his lip, trying to think of something to say to make Reno feel better, even a little. Even since Rufus had contracted geostigma he'd been pushing them both away, both physically and emotionally, and as hard as it'd been on Tseng, it had been just as hard on the redhead, something Tseng was shamed to admit he kept forgetting. 

"You know, he never would," Tseng finally murmured, managing a small smile for Reno as the redhead glanced back at him. "He's just worried, about us both."

Reno huffed out a laugh, shaking his head.

"Yeah, aren't we all," the redhead muttered, before sighing and bringing up a hand to fiddle with the goggles on his forehead. "Still, I suppose it's progress that he showed that much concern, all things considered."

 _Progress... more like one step forward after ten steps back,_ Tseng thought to himself, emotionally worn out from the constant dance that loving Rufus was turning out to be. Then again, at least he wasn't trapped alone in the dance anymore.

"Hey, cheer up. In a couple of hours we'll be back home and all this shit will be just another memory," Reno murmured, managing a small smile. "I'll even make dinner for us all to celebrate."

Tseng felt a stab of guilt from the fact Reno was still trying to be strong for him, even when all Tseng seemed to ever do in return was burden him further. He'd never understand why Reno loved him, but he was thankful for it. Tseng was also discovering that his love for Reno was changing... becoming more like how he felt for Rufus, and less like the brotherly mentor he'd once been.

"Thanks," Tseng said softly, reaching out to give an affectionate, gentle tug to Reno's ponytail. It was so inadequate, but was all he could manage in his present state. "I'll look forward to it."

Reno glanced over, smile a little brighter before his eyes returned to the controls, darting around as he reached up to make a few adjustments.

"Looks like we're almost there. ETA is around ten minutes," the redhead informed Tseng, changing the subject. Tseng let him. 

"I'll go get ready and tell the others," Tseng replied, standing up disappearing into the back of the chopper. 

***.***

As the chopper ascended, and the swirl of snow settled, Tseng felt a deep sense of foreboding sweep over him. He both hated and feared the Northern Crater and would rather be anywhere else in the world than in the dead hole that was Jenova’s crypt... and Sephiroth's as well. It was bad enough that the alien's presence had permanently tainted the cave, the wrongness it left behind almost tangible. Add to that what had happened to Sephiroth and it only made the crater a more personal offence to Tseng's peace of mind.

He had chosen to carry out the footwork for this mission himself despite all of that though, as it was simply the logical choice. Reno was the only one skilled enough as a pilot to negotiate the volatile weather conditions and Rude was best backing him up and giving covering fire if needed. Elena was their resident expert in visual recording, her custom made goggles equipped with a camera that transmitted directly to the hard drive in the back of the chopper, so she was with Tseng on the ground. They each were carrying out the role they were best at, as any mistakes could be suicidal in such a place.

“Sir?” Elena asked from beside him, pulling his attention from his inner thoughts and to his surroundings.

“Rude, do you copy? How is the camera feed?” Tseng asked, looking around as he heard the confirmation that everything was working. “Alright. Reno, hold position until we find something,” Tseng ordered, listening for Reno’s reply before turning to Elena. “Can you hear us all clearly through your com?” he asked, concerned the camera might cause interference.

Elena nodded, frowning as her eyes darted around the cave. “Any idea where to start?”

The area they'd been dropped off in was where the final battle had taken place, a mostly flat area of stone which had just enough space for the chopper to land. It was surrounded by jagged outcroppings of rock and ice which stretched out to the distant walls of the crater in all directions, a virtual maze with millions of possible hiding places for any biological remains. According to Reeve, Avalanche had destroyed anything they had found in this area, so Tseng knew that anything left would be somewhere out there.

“Let's just start on the northern side and work our way to the wall to begin with. We're looking for anything that could possibly be classed as biological remains. No splitting up though. I want us to be in sight of each other at all times, clear?”

“Yes, Sir,” Elena replied, moving closer to him as he found a break in the rock and entered it, trying to ignore the feeling of impending doom he couldn't shake.

***.***

Tseng and Elena had been searching for around an hour, keeping quiet in the hopes of staying hidden from any creatures that may be lurking deeper in the crater. While they had found indications that monsters had been here in the past, they found no life forms, and while at first Tseng had been relieved, he was now beginning to worry. The absence of creatures in a place such as this usually meant that something far more dangerous was around and he couldn’t help but glance up at any and every sound.

“Sir? Do you smell that?” Elena suddenly asked, her voice low but still jolting Tseng with its sudden reappearance. “Something's really funky over this way.” Walking over to stand beside her, Tseng breathed in deep, nose wrinkling up at the foul odor. It was an intense smell, but it came and went on the air current in their present location. 

“It's definitely something rotting. Hopefully not simply a monster corpse,” he mused softly. With a signal to Elena to follow him, Tseng let the scent lead him through the maze of rock and ice, changing direction a few times as he tried to trace the smell.

“I think it’s coming from over here,” Elena suggested, disappearing between two large pillars of stone off to one side. Tseng walked towards where she had disappeared, only to stop and glance around as he thought he heard a suspicious noise in the distance. Listening intently, he heard nothing more but the low hum of the wind and decided maybe his imagination was starting to act up from too long in this cursed crater. “Tseng! Look at this.” Elena’s voice suddenly exclaimed, pulling him away from his watchfulness.

He found Elena standing in the centre of a small clearing that was ringed by high stone outcroppings, next to a rock towards the back that had been cleaved in half horizontally. The top discarded section was still visible off to the far side lying against the wall, mostly buried in snow. The remaining pedestal of stone had something in the centre of it and it was unmistakably the source of the smell. 

Oddly, there was no snow on the lump of remains on the makeshift pedestal and Tseng wondered for a moment why it wasn’t buried in snow like everything else. As he stepped up to Elena’s side, he was unable to hide his expression of disgust at what lay before them. The remains still had a patch of dirty grey hair attached to one side and a small section of bone showing at the top, but the rest was a rotting mass of discolored flesh that was sitting in a pool of its own goo. It was definitely not from a natural biological source and judging from it's placement here, Tseng guessed that it was what was left of Jenova's head, probably placed here by Sephiroth when he'd come to the crater years ago.

“Hn… Paydirt,” Tseng murmured, noticing how the snow falling lightly down melted instantly on contact with the lump of flesh. While it wasn't Sephiroth's remains, Jenova's should be just as much use to the scientists in finding a geostigma cure, and besides, he was well and truly at his limit of staying here any longer.

“Not a pretty sight, is it?” Elena muttered, handing Tseng a small storage box and a pair of tongs out of her back pack. He quickly put the chunk of flesh into the box, discarding the used tongs onto the ground and passing their prize back to Elena to seal. Once she was done, Tseng led the way back to the main path, eager to be away from this place.

“Reno, the chopper,” he commanded, relief sweeping over him. He heard Reno’s confirmation through his earpiece as they reached the pick up point and turned towards Elena when something caught his eye over her shoulder. Pushing her quickly to one side behind a large rock, he drew his gun, firing at the shine of metal in the distance. He only got off one shot before he was jolted back a step by a hit to his shoulder, quickly followed by another that grazed his forehead. Before he could even take a step towards cover, a third bullet hit his right thigh and sent him stumbling off in the opposite direction to Elena before he fell to the stone floor.

Pain lanced through Tseng’s wounds and his vision blurred, his lack of sight not helped by the sudden snow storm whipped up by the descending chopper. He heard the sound of Reno exclaiming in surprise and Elena calling for the redhead to hurry through his earpiece, but he could already tell he was too far away from the vehicle to get to it under such heavy fire. Scrambling for his gun which he'd dropped when he fell, Tseng resumed shooting in the direction the attacks were coming from, hoping his cover fire would at least give Elena the chance to escape. 

Glancing over, he could see her approaching the chopper with the black box held to her chest, enough rock between her and their attackers that she was safe for the moment. She suddenly paused and looked back towards Tseng, calling out to Reno again. Through the swirling snow, their eyes met and he realized she was trying to think of a way to save him. Stealing his expression and trying to hide the pain, Tseng gestured with his uninjured arm for her to get in the chopper and leave him.

“Who the hell is that?” Reno’s voice questioned through the earpiece, pulling Tseng’s eyes back to the other side of cave where two forms could now be seen, each one holding a gun as they rounded the rocks that would let them fire on Elena and the chopper. Tseng’s eyes widened as he noticed that from the waist down these creatures were nothing but black mist, even if their top halves appeared to be human. He kept firing at them, trying to keep their attention on him as he glanced back only to find Elena still looking at him.

“Elena!” he yelled, his stern expression enough to make her turn away and finally approach the chopper door which opened, Rude there to great her. Tseng turned back to the battle, his gun clicking empty just as he heard the chopper’s engines speed up for take off, his relief that Elena and the box were safe, tempered by the reality that he was about to face their attackers unarmed and injured. Rufus and Reno’s faces appeared briefly in his mind, making his heart hurt at the thought of never seeing either again.

“Get out!” Elena voice suddenly yelled, pulling Tseng’s eyes back over just in time to see her slam the door closed in Rude’s face and turn back to him. He couldn't stop the scowl as he watched Elena began firing at the enemies while running towards him. Her own gun clicking empty as she dropped to his side, exclaiming his name once more as her fearful eyes swept over his injured body. He tried to say something but couldn’t find any words, angry that she would chose to come back and waste her life, only to die with him.

His anger fled suddenly when he remembered a conversation he’d had with her only weeks ago and his face screwed up at the sudden wave of despair it brought with it. Elena had said her greatest fear was dying alone and he had agreed that it was a frightening thought, even though it didn’t particularly bother him personally. He’d been trying to comfort her, make her feel better in some way at the time, but because of that little white lie she was here now by his side, about to lose her life needlessly.

The sound of the chopper faded away, replaced by the steps of their approaching enemies. Tseng turned to look just in time to see the swirling black mist of the three approaching creatures change, completing their human form with black armor appearing to cover their nakedness. All three had silver hair, and even though they all differed in height and age, they each reminded Tseng of Sephiroth. 

The smallest walked out from between the larger two, and Tseng could only stare as his stomach twisted at the sight of him. The childlike version of Sephiroth ignored him though, instead going straight for Elena and grabbing a fist full of her hair roughly. She tried to fight him off, but he overpowered her with little effort, turning her face and therefore the camera, back towards himself.

“Don’t think you can keep her from us for long,” he taunted before throwing her to one side with a surprising amount of force. Tseng tried to sit up, swearing and trying to take their attention from her, only to be suddenly hit from behind, his vision blacking out as he passed out.

***.***

Tseng groaned, coming to consciousness slowly. He could feel hard ground beneath him, stones and rocks sticking into his back like spikes amongst the burning cold that had taken over most of his body. His shoulder and thigh wounds throbbed painfully despite the cold and his head was trying to match them at present, as he tried desperately to open his eyes and remember how he'd ended up like this. There seemed to be a weight on his stomach and it was the only warmth he could feel.

"Well, hello again," an amused, childlike voice suddenly sounded, making his body tense immediately as memories flooded back. He forced his eyes open, blinking through slits as he tried to focus in the blinding white reflection of snow all around him. "So nice of you to join us, Tseng."

He slowly focused on the one talking, finding the smallest of the three that had attacked them straddling him, staring down with a wide smile as he waved a small card around in one hand. 

"So, you are the Director of the Turks now... Shinra's lowest and dirtiest dog," the boy continued, attention on the card that appeared to be Tseng's I.D. before he turned to meet Tseng's cautious gaze. "Typical that Shinra would send you to steal mother but I bet you didn't expect to find us here, hmm?"

"Who are you?" Tseng croaked out, ignoring the insults.

"I am Kadaj and this is my brother, Loz," the boy announced, gesturing over to the side. Tseng turned his head slowly, following the direction indicated to find a vague, washed out shape of a larger man, leaning against a rock not far away.

"Where's mother?" the other demanded, voice deeper and bereft of amusement.

"Now, now, brother. I'm sure that you're wasting your breath asking. After all, we haven't even had a chance to play yet, have we Tseng?" the smallest chuckled, pulling Tseng's attention back to him.

"Play?" Tseng repeated, having trouble working out what was going on through the haze of pain assaulting him.

"Yes," Kadaj replied with another chuckle, this time echoed by the one called Loz. "And since you're the leader of the Turks, you're lucky enough to be my playmate." Suddenly the youth leant forward, a hand coming up to press into Tseng's shoulder wound, making him hiss in pain. "Although, I don't think you're going to enjoy the game as much as I am, Turk."

"I want to play too, Daj," Loz complained, the interruption giving Tseng a chance to catch his breath as the smaller one sat back and glared over at his brother.

"You'll get to play next time. Right now, I need you to go and keep a look out in case any more Shinra come," Kadaj ordered, putting a hand up to stop Loz when he began to argue. "If anyone else comes, you get to play with them."

Tseng heard the other reply but missed the exact words, his head pounding with the increase in pain from his shoulder. He noticed that Kadaj had turned away from him and was watching Loz leave, so he tried to take advantage of the distraction, throwing a punch with his uninjured arm, towards the youth's face.

Kadaj caught the fist in one hand easily, without turning back, and Tseng's eyes went wide. The grip on his fist increased, bones beginning to ache as they were crushed in a vice like fist that belied the youth's small stature. He felt a bone in one finger snap and couldn't hold back a gasp from the pain.

Kadaj finally turned back and smiled. "So eager to play, Tseng," he chuckled, releasing Tseng's fist and letting it drop back to the snowy ground as he leaned in closer, stopping eye to eye with the head Turk. "We're going to have so much fun... especially since I have all of big brother's memories of you."

***.***

Rufus awoke with a start, bolting upright and drawing in deep breaths, shaking all over from a nightmare he could only remember one thing about. Sephiroth had been in it.

Lifting a hand up to rub his face, the blond closed his eyes again and tried to calm himself, heart beating too fast as the remaining tendrils of panic from the dream worked their way through his system. Then he remembered the mission, his Turks going to the northern crater and the fear resettled in his gut like a stone.

"Fuck," he muttered, annoyed at his own doubtful thoughts as he scowled in the darkness. They would be fine, he had to believe it. His faith in his Turks had never let him believe any other outcome was possible in the past, and just because two were his lovers now, his belief should be no different. Besides, Sephiroth was long gone....

"Bit early in the morning for fucking," Reno's voice suddenly sounded from beside the bed, making Rufus startle and turn towards a dark shape he could only just see. 

"Reno? What are you doing here and where is Tseng?" Rufus asked, glancing around the room but noticing little else in the darkness. "I thought you were going to pick me up in the morning?"

"Change of plans," Reno answered, but there was something off about his voice... an emptiness Rufus hadn't heard before. "We got stuff we need to discuss, and here ain't the place."

Rufus nodded absently, letting the redhead help him up on unsteady limbs and into his chair, careful to make sure none of his bare skin touched the redhead. Rufus was still dressed mostly, only having taken off a few layers before lying down to rest till morning. This place was not his home and he would not undress here, not when he was already too vulnerable with the geostigma weakening him so. Reno helped him redress and fix the final layer of cloth over himself before collecting up his overnight bag and hooking it over one handle of the wheelchair.

"Rude's sorting things with Reeve and his men so we can go now. Soon as he's back, we'll move," Reno murmured.

"Reno, where's Tseng?" Rufus asked again, the strangeness of this whole scenario only becoming clearer as his mind fully awakened.

"Please just... just wait 'till we're home," Reno insisted, a hand coming to rest on Rufus' shoulder and squeezing lightly. The redhead was behind him, out of sight as he readied the wheelchair for movement... but Rufus knew it was more than that. Reno was hiding from him, and the sudden sickening riot of possibilities this caused in the blond's mind was so violent that it took all of Rufus' willpower to stay quiet and not demand answers. He had to wait, stay professional until they were in secure surroundings and then.... Rufus swallowed, his hands fisting on the arms of the chair as he counted the passing minutes to distract himself.

***.***

Reno chain smoked all the way back to Healin' Lodge, up front in the car beside an equally silent Rude. Rufus was already pissed off, probably guessing things had gone to hell, although Reno knew that none of that would take the edge off of Rufus' reaction when he found out the whole truth.

He'd left Tseng and Elena behind... and they were probably dead. The reality of it wouldn't settle in his mind, anger bubbling up to block out the pain.

"Cunt!" Reno hissed, kicking the dash of the car in frustration as he flicked his smoke out the window and lit another, thankful for the divider in the car that gave him a brief respite from Rufus' too intense gaze. "How the fuck am I 'supposed to tell 'im this shit? He's gonna fucking shoot me on the spot. Pull out his fucking shotgun and blast a fucking hole right through me for losing 'em both like that," Reno muttered, glaring daggers at the road ahead, the sun just starting to rise over the mountains in the distance.

"You didn't lose them. We had no other choice," Rude replied, voice even but there was a definite edge of worry. "The mission was...."

"Fuck the fucking mission!" Reno spat, cutting the other off mid sentence.

"Reno, think of what Tseng would say," Rude insisted, glancing at the redhead for a moment before his eyes went back to the road. "You know we had to get out or we'd all be lost, along with what we went there for."

"Yeah, I'm sure Rufus will thank us for coming back with the maybe fix for his geostigma, while losing Tseng and Lena. Fuck that man, he's gonna be fucking livid," Reno mumbled, running a hand through his hair and pulling hard, trying to control his own distress. He couldn't get the sight of Tseng on the ground out of his head, or the sound of Elena's voice when she'd called his name.

"Better we came back with it than we all died," Rude insisted, expression grim as his eyes remained on the road ahead. When Reno said nothing in response, he continued. "Reno, you know that whatever those... things were in the crater, they're going to come after us to get the remains back. We have to get Rufus to accept the situation quickly, and then get him somewhere safe."

"I know," Reno muttered, closing his eyes and rubbing a hand over his face. "Just hope we got the time to convince him before those fuckers find us, or this'll all be for nothing."

***.***

_Sephiroth, please..._

Tseng drifted in and out of oblivion, trying to remember where he was... and when he was. Everything was so jumbled in his head, so much pain and confusion, and it felt like his limbs might be gone altogether. The thought didn't frighten him as much as it should, for at least if they were gone, it'd be less body to feel pain, less mass to suffer.

He couldn't remember how he'd gotten to this moment, or who the distant sounds of a woman's screams belonged to. The only thing he was sure of was the source of his suffering. The child like version of Sephiroth seemed to want nothing more than to break him completely, both physically and emotionally. Tseng didn't understand why. All he could think about was that he wanted... no, he _needed_ it to stop. 

The sudden green glow of a cure materia before him only increased his despair, as this part he did remember. He would only be cured enough to keep living, just so this boy could keep up the torture indefinitely.

"Let me die," he mumbled, words slurred and his own voice sounding alien to him. His demand was answered by a yet another sickening laugh, a sound of young amusement that should be innocent and clean, but instead was tainted and cruel.

"Where would the fun be in that?" the boy asked, activating the cure as he leant over him, close to Tseng's face. Always too close. A bloody hand rose to pet the Turk's hair, the gentleness an insult to every loving touch he'd ever received. "Besides, you had your chance to die when Sephiroth visited you last...," the boy murmured, hand moving to cup Tseng's jaw as the materia in his other hand disappeared and the spell ended too soon. "...but you had to go and disobey yet again, surviving against his and mother's wishes."

The words hurt, Tseng's heart aching from the memories that flooded his mind, before the youth snickered and clenched the hand holding his jaw. Tseng moaned from the pain as bone cracked, the too strong fingers digging into his skin mercilessly. 

"I'm rather happy to get to play with you too, though," the boy continued, raising a knife in Tseng's line of sight and juggling it cheerfully. "And if you're a good dog and tell me where mother is, I might even let you die."

Tseng didn't remember who 'mother' even was, the lost memory pointless anyway as he was unable to speak with his jaw broken. Feeling the blade press into the bare skin of his chest, all he could do was hope for unconsciousness to return. 

***.***

Reno and Rufus watched the video of the mission in silence. Rude was in another room making a list of their options for relocating because the redhead had insisted on telling Rufus alone. It turned out that Reno couldn't make the words come out though, so instead he'd simply played the video, Rufus still annoyed, but seemingly satisfied to watch what had happened instead of hearing it second hand.

It was harder to watch than Reno thought it would be. With the video coming from Elena's point of view, it was full of images of Tseng as they searched the crater, the sight of the older man pulling at Reno's heart and pushing his control to its limits.

Rufus watched like a statue, his face expressionless but his attention riveted to the screen. Not for the first time, Reno wished he could read the blond's mind so he would have some guide to how he was reacting to this all. It was his job to talk Rufus into running, but he had no idea of what angle to pitch with Rufus' thoughts and feelings a mystery.

Then the video came to the final scene and Reno found himself riveted to the action, having not seen any of this himself before. Rude had watched it once while Reno flew the chopper and simply filled the redhead in on what had happened. Seeing it for himself was a whole lot worse though, Reno's chest aching from the sight of Tseng wounded and obviously in distress.

Then the camera swung around to the attackers Rude had described, and Reno's heart skipped a few beats. Rude hadn't mentioned that they all looked like Sephiroth, as if the man had been split into three, each figure a different representation of a part of the general. To Reno, that one fact was far more disturbing than the sight of their bodies and clothes forming from some black smoke-like substance.

"Sephiroth clones," Rufus hissed, his voice little more than a whisper as he glared at the screen and rewound it to watch the three unknown men again. Reno couldn't agree more with the blond's apparent anger, especially after what the original Sephiroth had done to Tseng last time the two had met. It was a cruel twist of fate that Tseng had fallen prey to these men, and Reno knew there was little hope it wouldn't all end up the same... or worse.

"It's obvious they want the bitch's body part back," Reno murmured, clenching his fists tightly to keep himself level enough to put forward the plan he and Rude had discussed earlier. "We need to go somewhere more secure. Soon as possible."

"We're staying here," Rufus retorted, his tone brokering no argument.

"Me and Rude can't defend you from 'em. The bullets did nothing," Reno insisted, not willing to back down this time.

"I want them to come," Rufus replied, finally glancing up at Reno and meeting his eyes. "It's the best way to set a trap for them."

"To be a fucking trap we'd have to have some way to stop them, and we don't," Reno argued, getting annoyed as his anger at the events in the crater returned.

"It's your job to get Cloud Strife here," Rufus continued, ignoring Reno's objection. "Then I will talk him into helping us defeat them, thus freeing Tseng and Elena."

"Seriously, there's more than a couple of holes in that plan, princess," Reno drawled, not caring at this point if he angered Rufus. "One, Strife hates our guts, so even if I can find a way to get him here, he's never gonna do squat for us. Two, if by some fucking miracle he does hang around, he'll kill 'em on sight cause they look like the general and will most probably try to kill him first. If he kills 'em, we'll have no way of finding where the fuckers left Tseng and Elena. Three, we've already had reports that they're probably on the move, with people killed and a chopper stolen from Icicle Inn so they could be on their way here right now. They get here before Strife does and we're all friggin' dead."

"All the more reason for you to get on the phone and call Strife right now," Rufus replied flatly, turning enough to glare at Reno. "Considering we're trying to find a cure for geostigma and one of Strife's brats has the disease too, it shouldn't be too hard to convince him. If he does kill them all, Tseng and Elena will find a way to contact us and then you can go and get them."

Reno stared at Rufus, a little gobsmacked that he had such blind faith in Tseng's ability to 'find a way to contact us'. Considering the state Sephiroth had left the head Turk in last time, and the obvious injuries he'd already received on the video, Reno doubted Tseng would be able to do anything more than lie wherever he was and try not to die too quickly... and that was only if those bastards hadn't already killed him and Elena.

Then Reno suddenly noticed Rufus' hands gripping the arms of his chair too tightly, belying the cool annoyance of his expression, and he realized this was Rufus' way of handling the possibility of having lost Tseng and Elena. Total denial until he had solid proof. With a sigh, Reno looked away, weighing up his options.

"You better have a backup plan," he finally muttered. "And we should still look into possible places to hide in the meantime, just in case Strife turns us down flat." Rufus' plan might suck, but Reno honestly had no better ideas. He could only hope some better option appeared along the way.

"Of course I have a backup plan," Rufus retorted primly, tapping the box on the table that held Jenova's remains. "But I doubt we'll need it. I have faith in your ability to annoy Strife into coming here, even if it is just so you'll leave him alone. Also, Tseng will find a way to get back to us... he always does."

In the end, Reno found himself wanting to believe Rufus' delusional thoughts, simply because he didn't want to think about the alternative.

***.***

_Tseng... hold on..._

_Something's wrong... trouble breathing..._

_I don't know!_

The voices were so familiar, one more so than the other, and Tseng could only assume they were a dream... or a memory skirting the edges of his slowly sinking sanity. He didn't want to fight to wake up to see if he was right, knowing the only thing that awaited him was more pain.

No, this was better. In the darkness, nothing hurt so much, and that childlike wraith never hurt him here. Tseng couldn't stay like this forever though, and he knew sooner or later he'd blink and the wraith would be back with that taunting smile and sadistic games. 

_Materia rejection..._

_Icicle Inn... potions..._

Who owned the voices suddenly became irrelevant in the face of what was being said. Tseng knew his body had been close to the limit with how many times the wraith had healed him, and he'd been waiting for the imminent rejection of the cure materia so he could finally slip away into peace. But this? Going to Icicle Inn for potions so the torture could continue indefinitely? Something inside of him shattered at the thought.

The sudden rush of panic had him crashing into consciousness, his hands moving to grab the blur that hovered above him and pull it off balance. Tseng slammed the body into the ground beside him and managed to get on top, ignoring the sharp pain in his chest that was impeding his breathing. He didn't need to breathe right now, didn't have time to do anything but take this short chance of surprise and make the most of it.

He threw all of his weight behind the elbow he aimed at what he guessed was a neck... only to find his burst halted abruptly. A single arm was around him, pinning his other arm to his body and holding him in place, while another gripped his attacking arm like a vice.

The despair of failure swept over Tseng like a wave of ice, as his lack of air caught up with him and the strangled sob he managed to exhale was not followed by any kind of intake. His lungs would not comply, and in the brief moment when he realized he was about to die, his vision cleared and he saw Elena staring up at him wide eyed before darkness stole his surprise away.

***.***


	24. X – Xiphium Iris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Pairing** – Vncent Valentine/Elena  
>  **Characters** – Tseng, Elena, Vincent Valentine, Reno, Rude, Rufus.  
>  **Warnings** – Angst.  
>  **Summary** – Tseng wakes up in Icicle Inn.  
>  **Timeline** – Follows last chapter. During Advent Children Complete.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter named after the Xiphium Iris because it represents faith and hope
> 
> Japanese words this chapter  
> kaasan – mum  
> tousann – dad  
> Gomennasai – I'm sorry

Tseng can hear a woman singing, and for a time, he wonders if he is dead. The voice is oddly familiar and sweet, everything he likes to imagine his mother's would be if she were to sooth him into the afterlife. There is also a hand gently stroking his hair and the physical touch is slowly pulling him from the mist of unconsciousness as the song keeps him calm and at ease.

"Kaasan?" Tseng whispers, frowning as he tries to reach out only to find his limbs too heavy to respond. Breathing in through his nose, he can smell nothing but disinfectant, the memory of his mother's scent useless under such heavy camouflage.

"He is waking," another voice states, deep and definitely male, leaving Tseng wondering if his father might be here too. 

"Tousann?" Tseng asks through the fog in his mind, clinging to the hope that maybe it is them... that they haven't forgotten him after all these years.

"Gomennasai," the male states, voice sliding over Tseng's senses like syrup, adding to the dreamlike state he can't seem to pull himself free of. "They are not here."

It's a painful realization that his parents are absent... but then, at least somebody _is_ here, and his curiosity over who else would meet him in the life stream quickly takes precedence.

"Then who...?" Tseng manages.

"It's me, Elena."

For a moment Tseng is stunned by the thought that Elena is dead and in the life stream too... but then his body starts to register muffled feelings of pain and he realizes it means he's alive after all. For once, he's not disappointed by the realization.

"Elena?" Tseng mumbles, managing to crack open his eyes. It's too bright and it's going to take a while for him to adjust to the light, but he can make out a blurry face with a halo of blond hair.

"Yes, I'm right here," she replies, relief clear in her voice. 

Her hand is still petting his hair and Tseng leans into it unconsciously, finding the cobwebs in his mind hard to push through as he blinks before closing his eyes again. 

"How do you feel?" she asks.

"Tired," he murmurs, trying to take in a deep breath only to find his chest suddenly aches sharply, preventing him from doing so. "Hurts," he adds, frowning as he tries to touch where the pain comes from... only to have his hand caught in a leather clad grip, gentle but firmly stopping his movement.

"You will harm yourself if you try to touch it," the male voice explains, and Tseng turns towards it. 

Cracking open his eyes again, Tseng finds a blur of black and red hovering on the other side of him.

"Who...?" he whispers, fear bubbling to life in the background despite Elena's hand continuing to pet him.

"Vincent Valentine," she replies from behind Tseng, as the other man slowly sharpens into focus. Valentine is still holding Tseng's limb but his eyes are looking at Elena as her hand ceases it's movement in Tseng's hair.

Tseng wrestles internally with why Valentine is here, and what he has missed, until memories begin to creep to the surface of his foggy thoughts, bursts of pain and nightmare sharpening his thoughts into a steely point of concentration. The irony that this man, Veld's long lost partner, seems to have saved him again is not lost on him. Tseng is sure Reno will find it amusing when he finds out, although the comedy is lost on himself at present.

"Again?" he manages, just as those red eyes divert down to met his own, studying him far too intently in his current vulnerable state.

"Yeah, he seems to be becoming your regular knight in shining armor," Elena replies, and Tseng can hear the laughter in her voice as he frowns... and Valentine mirrors his expression. Then Tseng notices the flash of gold metal on the man's other hand and Elena's joke suddenly sinks in. Tseng would roll his eyes if he believed he could without passing out again.

"I assure you, it is not intentional," Vincent mutters, before his eyes suddenly alight on where he still holds Tseng's hand. Tseng watches those red eyes widen and suddenly feels a finger rub over his wrist... over the red plaited cord he'd slipped on before leaving Healin' Lodge. He'd thought it might bring him luck, being such a special item from his past with Veld. A childish impulse at best.

The silence becomes too heavy in the room, and Valentine's interest in the cords is making Tseng far too uncomfortable, his already stretched nerves screaming at him to pull his wrist away and protect the bracelet for some reason. Such a reaction would be shameful and far below the person he is suppose to be, but he can't seem to find an appropriate way to end the tense moment. Then he thinks of Reno and decides to use a common tactic of the redhead's as a diversion.

"You stalking me then?" Tseng murmurs. He even manages a small lopsided grin as Vincent's eyes flick back to his face.

"For a damsel who is constantly in distress, you should be more thankful to your rescuer," Vincent growls, releasing Tseng's wrist and letting it fall back to the bed as he turns his back to them both, seemingly offended... or maybe embarrassed. The possibility cheers Tseng a little.

"Vincent, we're very grateful, aren't we, Tseng? After all, without your help, Tseng might have... have...." Elena's attempt at reassurance fails as her words catch in her throat and Tseng turns to look at her, discarding Valentine for the moment.

"Elena, everything is going to be alright," he states, managing a small, much more earnest smile for her. She returns it and for a moment, Tseng can't help but wish her hand was still moving over his hair, easing his discontent. The questions of how they ended up here are already building, but he pushes them down for now, seeing the vulnerability in her eyes. Then he remembers snippets of a memory, of how he attacked her in error, in the midst of his panic. "And I... I wanted to say sorry. For attacking you earlier. I thought you were them and I...."

She cuts him off from continuing with a finger to his lips, before her smile finally brightens.

"No need to apologize. I understand, completely. Besides, you didn't hurt me, just surprised the hell out of me. How you could even move in the state you were in is a mystery to me." She shakes her head in disbelief as her finger moves away, but her smile remains and for now, it's all Tseng needs. Shadows darken the recesses of his mind, memories lurking like crouching beasts, but he refuses to acknowledge them now, not when her sunshine is so warm around him.

"Adrenaline makes the impossible, possible," Valentine comments, and Elena's eyes skip up to the other man. Tseng sees something in her expression shift... and she smiles a smile he used to know so well... the one she used to save just for him. "Also, I only assisted in getting you both here, to Icicle Inn. Elena is the one who rescued you from the hands of your captives. She's the real hero this time."

Tseng's eyes widen in surprise at the revelation, and Elena looks away from them both, face coloring a little.

"I only dragged us out when they disappeared. Hardly heroic," she mutters, embarrassed by the attention.

Tseng manages to catch her hand in his and the touch has her eyes moving back to him.

"Thank you," he murmurs, but then his vision starts to blur and his grip on her hand falters.

"It's okay," Elena's voice suddenly reassures as he frowns before his eyes fall closed once more. "Rest and we'll talk later. I've got everything under control, so you just concentrate on getting better."

Tseng tries to say something, but his body is beyond obeying his commands anymore. Still he fights it, until her hand returns to his hair, every stroke draining away his urge to stay awake.

"He cares deeply for you," Valentine observes, his voice a distant murmur in the darkness.

"Yes, but not in that way," Elena responds, and Tseng is straining to hear, using all his stubbornness to stay awake just a moment longer under her hypnotic touch. "I told you, he may have been raised as Veld's son, and on the outside, he appears just as stoic, but he's very different on the inside... softer, in the best of ways. We're more of a family now, instead of just... well, what the Turks were before."

"I think... I'm pleased by the change," Valentine's voice replies, just before Tseng loses his battle with unconsciousness.

***.***

Time passes slowly while Tseng heals and he spends most of the next two weeks trying to sleep as his body recovers from the multiple injuries he'd received from Kadaj. His jaw aches constantly but the bones are healed thanks to the potions, leaving it as more of an annoyance than a serious problem. The broken ribs are much the same, but it's the punctured lung that concerns him the most, as he's been left weak and short of breath constantly in his recovery and it's unknown how much this will improve as he heals. He is frustrated and grumpy, but shamed enough by his physical weakness to control his temper as he remains a virtual prisoner in the hotel room they have shifted to.

Valentine is a regular visitor, dropping in every night to talk to Elena in hushed tones that Tseng has no interest in overhearing from across the small room. Tseng knows Vincent's presence is Elena's balm, and she deserves something after all they've been through lately, but that does nothing to ease his own shattered equilibrium. He needs Reno's calm reassurance... and Rufus' awkward affection too. He needs them both beside him as he sleeps, chasing away the nightmare wraith that haunts him every time he closes his eyes, spitting poison words that twist and taint all the memories of Sephiroth that he still holds dear. 

At present, he doesn't even know if either of his lovers are dead or alive, and that is the worst part. Logically, the remnants would try and track them down in their search for the remains of Jenova, and Tseng is slowly going insane just sitting here helplessly, imagining all the worst case scenarios.

"You're pouting again, Sir," Elena comments cheerfully as she finishes arranging the flowers she bought to 'cheer up the place' on the only table in the room, beginning to hum again in a way that is far from comforting anymore. He knows she doesn't deserve his wrath, but she's the only one close enough, and it's not like she takes anything he says to heart anyway. Tseng's only recently found out that it was her who nursed Rufus back to health, and he supposes, in comparison, he just can't compete with a Shinra black mood.

Tseng doesn't bother to argue about the pout, too busy trying to ignore the small sound he is sure is a chuckle coming from the humanoid gargoyle across the room draped in red and black. Elena shoots a smile in Vincent's direction and Tseng fails to stop a growl of annoyance at their constant flirting, which is like a slap to the face with his own lovers so far away... maybe already in the hands of the same clones that he and Elena escaped from. The sound does not go unnoticed.

"Have you been able to contact Midgar yet?" Tseng asks flatly, glaring at the far wall to avoid the two sets of eyes he can feel watching him.

"No, Sir. All communication is still cut due to the blizzard. There is hope that sea transport might be back up and running by the end of the week if the ice flow thins though," Elena replies, professionalism slipping into place to counter her leader's mood.

Tseng does appreciate the effort. He appreciates all she is doing to try and get them out of here, and he knows she's only telling him half of what she's really been up to at the most. Tseng is sure if there was anyway, illegal or immoral even, to leave this frozen rock, they'd be home by now thanks to her efforts... but he's still so damn frustrated, and so frightened of what might be occurring back in Midgar while he's just sitting here on his ass.

It's only then that he notices her hands fidgeting and has to suppress the urge to growl at her again.

"What are you hiding from me, Elena?" he asks, quietly watching as she tenses from head to foot. She says nothing but it's written all over her face that she is deceiving him and his anger bubbles up quickly into his throat. "Air transport is back up, isn't it?" Tseng demands in a hiss, ignoring the fact Valentine is probably fingering his gun already in her defense.

"Yes, limited air travel," she finally replies with an exhale, meeting his glare stubbornly. "You're not allowed in the air, not until that lung has had more time to heal and I'm not going without you. Reno and Rude will keep him safe in the meantime so don't even think of ordering me... unless you want me to disobey a direct order. The doctors said you should be able to absorb a materia heal by then, which will help strengthen your lung and ease the constant breathlessness. What's the use of going back anyway when you're still too weak to stand?"

"They could be dead by then!" Tseng snaps, standing up and stepping towards her, only to find his anger draining away the little energy he had. In the end, it is her who ends up catching his falling form, holding him up as he tries to hold back tears of pure frustration and self loathing. 

_Always too weak, always too little too late... never strong enough._

"Tseng, have a little faith," Elena chastises him gently, not even slightly intimidated by his outburst. "Who do you think ran everything while you were out for months last time, hm? Rufus was out too, that time, and Reno kept the ball rolling, kept us all safe. You should be ashamed of yourself for giving him so little credit."

Tseng doesn't have the breath left to argue and as he clings to her so he doesn't fall, she rubs circles on his back and lets him hide his silent tears of frustration on her shoulder.

***.***

It ends up being another two weeks before they finally manage to get passage on the first vessel leaving, and despite their transport being a cargo ship, it gives Tseng a dose of optimism that he's been desperately in need of. He still does not look well, pale and too thin, but at least the dark rings under his eyes have almost gone since Elena started dosing his evening meal with sleeping tablets.

He worked it out fairly quickly, but let it slide, all things considered. She continued to let his pride cling to the illusion he didn't know, and Valentine, as always, just watched them both silently from the sidelines. At least with a decent amount of sleep under his belt, Tseng has managed to retain a level countenance, and there'd been no further outbursts from him as they'd waited for the weather to break. Inside, he still churned for all the same reasons, but he had the energy to push it down and control it now.

On the final morning he awoke to the usual grogginess of chemical induced sleep, showering and getting dressed in a haze. It wasn't until he was half way through his morning coffee that he realized the usual weight of the red bracelet on his wrist was different.

_Heavier..._

Fingering it with wide eyes, Tseng counted three new cords of red before his eyes flicked up to find Valentine watching him from across the room. The ex-Turk's gaze was steady but gave nothing away, and Tseng floundered for what to say in the face of his confusion.

"What... why did you...," he manages unsteadily, eyes diverting back to the bracelet as he tries to work out whether he is offended that the other had touched his memento, or simply curious as to what it means. Veld had never explained the bracelet to him, after all, but he remembered that it had originally only been three cords, his mentor adding another three when he claimed Tseng and took him to Midgar all those years ago.

"That bracelet was a gift from Veld when you first met, yes?" Valentine says softly, eyes intent.

Tseng nods, watching the other carefully as his hand continues to run over the red cords.

"On a mission to Wutai, he was given the original three corded bracelet by a monk, after praying for a second child... a son," Valentine explains, his lips on one side curving up a fraction. "We'd gotten lost in the mountains and stumbled across this temple in the middle of nowhere...." 

Vincent stops suddenly and frowns, as if catching himself from telling more and Tseng feels a wave of disappointment. Valentine seems to be the kind who never usually speaks of his past, but this is far too important to Tseng to just let it lie.

"Please?" Tseng asks softly, eyes imploring. He's so desperate to know anything more about the only father he'd ever known that he's not beyond begging if need be. Veld was always such a closed book to him, even if his affection was obvious.

Valentine takes a deep breath and sighs, looking away and Tseng opens his lips to plead, only to be cut off before he can get a single word out.

"I believe it's based on the red string of fate or red string of destiny, said to connect two people who are destined to meet and share a bond. A soul bond," Valentine explains, glancing back to Tseng. "The monk told him to give the original three corded bracelet to his son at birth and then to add another three at two certain points in his life. The first addition when the child first went out into the world to learn, for example when he started schooling. The last three when he left the home permanently, to begin his own family."

Tseng's mind is racing and he can't hide how much this is affecting him. At best, he can stop himself from crying like a child, but that is his limit as he struggles with the realization that Veld felt so strongly for him, on a soul deep level, from the very beginning.

"I think he would have been proud of you," Valentine finishes, and it's too much, those simple few words. Tseng feels as if a chasm has opened inside of his chest as he stares wide eyed at the table before him, frozen to the spot with too many emotions all crashing down on him at once. Eventually, it is the weight of a hand on his shoulder that brings him back, his eyes rising to meet with a deep red gaze of a man he knows so little about, except that his father trusted him with his life.

"Thank you," he manages, although the words crack on his tongue and fall from his lips in pieces.

Vincent nods, and then turns and walks from the room without another word. Tseng is still staring at the door when Elena comes to get him half an hour later.

***.***

Tseng spends the first day of the voyage alone, sitting near the bow of the cargo ship and stealing his resolve for what he may find on his return. His eyes are on the horizon and apart from the few times Elena brings him his meals, he looks nowhere else.

He knows Valentine is with Elena while he wallows in his thoughts, and he leaves her in the other's care, confident that if something develops between them, he is alright with it. Not that it's really any of his business anyway, but he can't help but be overprotective of his people... and it finally feels okay that he is.

The extra width and weight around his wrist feels right, and he fingers it constantly now, pondering the fact that Valentine finished the bracelet that Veld had started. He is still surprised by the gesture, but touched beyond words by it, and it is a kindness he will not forget. Shinra owes the ex-Turk a lot for what the company did to him in the past, and Tseng is determined to see the debt paid in full somehow, as soon as those remnants are dealt with. Whether Rufus agrees with him or not is irrelevant... he doesn't need the Shinra heir's approval for this.

As night falls and he's left with only the stars for company, Tseng does realize that he needs Rufus though, far too much at this point. Reno too, which is a little confusing for Tseng in his present state of emotional turmoil. He's never loved anyone at this level before in his life and now he finds himself loving two men equally, and it's all rather overwhelming. It's a good overwhelming though, he has to admit, even if just to himself.

***.***

"Nice to see that smile again," Elena says cheerfully, grinning at Tseng as he startles a little from watching the sunrise and turns towards her. "Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt your pleasant thoughts, Sir."

Tseng lifts an eyebrow at her smirk but doesn't bother denying the insinuation that he's thinking of his lovers. He does notice Vincent beside her though, and decides it's time to divert the conversation off himself.

"May I ask what your plans in Edge are, Vincent?"

"Cloud may need my assistance," Valentine replies, glancing off towards the now visible coastline. "And Reeve has requested my presence besides. The WRO is planning on cleaning out Hojo's remaining labs once the remnants are dealt with, and with no Soldiers left, they are in need of augmented fighters."

Tseng nods, relieved Vincent will be assisting Reeve. Rufus had already filled him in on his talks with Reeve, and plans to continue to fund the WRO, before the northern crater incident. How un-augmented soldiers would fair against any leftover Jenova mutated creatures that might be lurking in such places had been their biggest stumbling block before proceeding, and with Cloud unenthused to assist, Vincent had been the only other possible option. Tseng had been concerned Valentine would refuse too, considering his own history with Hojo, but it seems he has underestimated the ex-Turk's inner strength... something he will never do again.

"Nice that we're all on the same page for once," Elena states, drawing Vincent's gaze back to her. "Get rid of the clones, clean up Hojo's labs, get things back on track. It's nice to have positives to work towards," she adds, smiling at the gunman affectionately. Vincent might be smiling back, but Tseng can't tell from this angle with that high collar in the way, so instead he looks back out at the approaching shoreline and leaves the two to their flirting, trying to believe in Elena's hope.

***.***

By the end of the day, Tseng is exhausted. While the doctors did successfully cast a full cure on him before leaving Icicle Inn the previous day, relieving most of his shortness of breath from his lung injury, his stamina is still woefully inadequate. 

Having to run to be in position to save Rufus after the blond had jumped off the thirteenth floor of a building didn't help... and Tseng was still really pissed about that. The blond was unapologetic, shrugging off his near death with a small smirk of arrogance that reminded Tseng of how Rufus used to be, all those years ago when they first met.

Tseng was just as annoyed with Reno. The redhead had dived out of his helicopter mid-air. It was a miracle he'd somehow managed to land on a building, making the fall short enough that he wasn't killed, or even injured. The fact Rude was with him only made it worse.

Seriously, he and Elena had been back all of five minutes before both remaining Turks and the ex-President had nearly died.

"And you said they'd be fine without us," Tseng grumbles under his breath to Elena who is sitting across the table from him looking amused at his foul mood. He knows he's being a little too touchy but doesn't care at this point. If he could get away with locking them all indoors for the next month to insure their safety, he would.

"Tseng, they are fine. Reno and Rude couldn't help what happened. It's not like they could of foreseen one of the remnants jumping his bike through the chopper and shooting out the control stick while it was 100 feet in the air," Elena says softly, trying to be soothing Tseng guesses, but her tone only annoys him more.

"And Rufus? Can you explain what would possess him to just jump off a damn building?" Tseng argues in a low growl, not wanting the others to hear. All three are out in the kitchen preparing dinner for he and Elena, and as annoyed as he is, he doesn't want to bring them in on this particular conversation.

Elena laughs and Tseng continues to scowl at her, turning the ire up a notch.

"Oh stop it. You know quite well what he's like in a crisis. When has Rufus ever not thrown himself into the middle of disasters? Seriously Tseng, this is no different from last time when he stayed in the Shinra tower firing at the planet's Weapon when everyone else evacuated. Once Rufus has committed to a plan of action, he follows it through," Elena states, and although her words are forceful, there's a kindness in her tone and expression that has Tseng sighing in defeat and rubbing his eyes. "Also, I think that even though Reno said Rufus wouldn't accept we were gone, a part of him might have just... well given up, you know?"

Her final words have Tseng staring at her wide eyed, the possibility of Rufus having attempted to commit suicide never having entered his mind. It wasn't like the blond knew that he and Elena were coming back at that moment, so....

"You have to remember everything he'd already lost and the geostigma, after all. Do you really think he could cope with losing you too?" she adds, making Tseng's frown deepen.

"But, he'd still have Reno and Rude," Tseng murmurs, not wanting to accept it. 

"Sometimes, all a person can see is what they've lost, not what they still have. It's all a matter of perspective," Elena points out. Then she sighs and adds, "Tseng, come on. Everything is different now anyway. Rufus' geostigma is gone and now there's hope that everything will work out. We should be celebrating and you should be happy."

Before Tseng can respond Reno and Rude come back and set out their meal in the middle of the round table, Reno telling them Rufus is just getting some wine as he sits next to Tseng and leans in for a kiss. 

It starts as a peck but then develops into more, although it stays slow and easy. Tseng is at fault for prolonging the exchange, the sudden pain inside in at the possibility that Rufus had been trying to kill himself, leaving the head Turk suddenly needy for the touch of his lovers. Reno hums into the kiss, chuckling as he breaks it off and Tseng leans towards him a little as if chasing him for more.

"Eat first, then play," Rufus' voice states from the doorway as he enters, eyes on the table as he busies himself with opening and pouring the wine. He is miraculously energetic after the healing rain cured his geostigma, his whole persona alive once more, as it hasn't been for too long. It leaves Tseng feeling like he's looking at a different person and for the first time in years, he has no idea how to approach the blond.

The conversation picks up between the others as the meal is shared out, Elena happy to share a heavily edited version of their time at Icicle Inn and news of her new 'friend'. If Tseng wasn't feeling so raw right now, he'd be amused at how she avoids any hint of the developing relationship between her and Valentine, but it's her secret to keep and Tseng will respect it. Besides, he's too busy watching Rufus as he converses with the others, only realizing now that the blond hasn't met his eyes once since they've returned.

Tseng wants to grab his face and make Rufus look at him. He wants to kiss him like he just kissed Reno... no, he wants to kiss Rufus harder. Make him gasp and utter those little sounds of surrender Tseng hasn't heard in far too long... since before that cursed black stain appeared on his lover's pale skin. He wants to tear down all of Rufus' defenses before making the blond tell him exactly what was going through his mind when he threw himself off the thirteenth floor of a high rise building.

Tseng is so intently taken with his thoughts that he completely misses the conversation ceasing around him, or the three sets of eyes that are looking at him. He only sees Rufus, who happens to be studiously ignoring him and eating enthusiastically... something that's suspicious in itself. Rufus never eats enthusiastically, not even before the geostigma.

"Tseng!" Elena suddenly exclaims, making the head Turk startle and turn towards her. 

The expression on her face is pure determined annoyance, and he can't help but be surprised enough by it that all his previous thoughts stutter to a halt.

"Eat," she adds, her eyes narrowing in a way that is, honestly, a little scary. 

Tseng glances down at his plate, then back up to to her once more.

"I'm not hungry," he states childishly, his stomach picking that exact moment to grumble in objection to his lie.

Reno's chuckles are not appreciated, but when Rude joins his amusement, Tseng looks down at his food again shamefaced. He can feel his cheeks heat as he picks up his fork, feeling like a total fool.... 

Suddenly, under the table, a hand slides onto his thigh and gives a little squeeze before just resting there. It's on his leg closest to Rufus and he glances at the blond only to find no visible reaction on his face. With a sigh, Tseng surrenders and begins eating, his free hand slipping under the table to rest on top of Rufus', their fingers entwining as the conversation starts back up around them.

The next time Tseng glances at Elena, she grins and winks at him and he figures that this one time, she probably knows best.

***.***

They're on to the fourth bottle of wine when Rufus announces he is going to bed. Tseng lets the blond's hand go under the table and watches him as he walks around the table to kiss Elena on the cheek and tell her he's relieved she's alright and back with them.

Then he's walking out of the room without a glance at Tseng and it's just too much for the head Turk to take. He is up and after him without a word, catching up to him in the hallway where he reacts on instinct, wrapping his arms around the blond from behind, stopping his progression down the hall.

"Tseng," Rufus breathes out in little more than a whisper, tensing for a moment before suddenly relaxing back into his Turk's body.

Tseng has no words, his throat tight with too many emotions to voice. Instead he buries his face into the blond's neck, arms tight around his waist as if he's afraid Rufus will try to break free. Rufus' own hands move to rest over Tseng's around his waist, and he turns his head to the side enough to kiss the soft black hair Tseng's hiding under.

"I've missed you," Rufus states, making the butterflies in Tseng's stomach twist and turn. "So much that I...." 

The blond never finishes the sentence, leaving it hanging open ended in the silence of the hall. Tseng doesn't want him to finish it, suddenly not wanting conformation that he almost lost Rufus... only made it just in time to save him from himself. The possibility is just too much to bear.

Eventually Rufus sighs, as Tseng remains silent and wrapped around him. "Tseng. Never leave me again like that. I can't do this without you," he whispers, his hands tightening where they rest over Tseng's.

"Never again," Tseng mumbles into his neck, feeling the exhaustion creep over him again as his body begins to slightly tremble. Rufus notices it immediately and turns in his arms, finally meeting Tseng's eyes, just when the head Turk doesn't want him too.

Tseng is caught in those beautiful blue eyes, entrapped by the desperate affection directed at him. He feels too vulnerable and open and... Rufus smiles and it makes his chest hurt from how hard his heart is beating in his chest against all those aching, too recently healed injuries.

"Come to bed. I want to hold you," Rufus says, taking Tseng's hand and leading him. By the time they've both dropped their clothes and slid under the sheets, Tseng regains enough sense to realize that this is the first time he's had Rufus naked in bed with him for months... the last time being before the geostigma stole their physical relationship away.

"I've missed this," Tseng whispers, finally able to lean in and get the kiss he's been longing for, as they lay on their sides facing one another. Rufus smiles into the kiss, one hand on the side of Tseng's face before it gently wanders back into dark hair and threads through the strands.

They fall asleep the same way, facing each other as they simply kiss and breath each other in, their legs intertwined. It's a level of intimacy they've never truly shared before, and Tseng's last thought as he drifts off is that it may be his favorite moment with Rufus yet... except for one missing piece.

That one missing piece wakes him some time later when he crawls in to cuddle up to Tseng's back, all humming contentment with a good dose of alcohol to boot. Reno is warm and naked too, making Tseng smile in his still half asleep state.

"About time," Tseng murmurs, getting a chuckle and a kiss to the back of his neck that sends little shivers up his spine.

"Sorry, had ta welcome Lena home properly and all. 'Sides, you two needed some time, I figured. Everything okay?" Reno whispers, his hips pushing his half hard erection into Tseng's ass.

"Yes," Tseng replies, hips pushing back a little in a silent greeting, even if he has no energy left to do anything further. "Missed you."

"Missed you too, babe," Reno whispers, giving Tseng's shoulder a lick. "Hmmm... you still taste good."

"Reno," Rufus growls from where he is curled into Tseng's chest, eyes still closed. "Shut the hell up and stop humping Tseng. He needs his sleep."

"Yeah, yeah, princess. I know," Reno chuckles before one of his hands reaches over Tseng to ruffle the blond's hair.

Rufus open's one eye to glare and Tseng can't help but chuckle at how cute he looks with his hair all mused and that expression on his face.

"Oh bugger off the both of you," Rufus grumbles, turning over with an indignant huff, but he doesn't resist when Tseng settles up against his back... not even when Reno's arm slides over Tseng to rest on the blond's stomach.

"Buggering is for tomorrow. Lots and lots of buggering," Reno muses out loud, ignoring the growl Rufus responds with as he continues. "So, lots of sleep now cause you're both gonna need the energy to keep up with me."

"Reno, be good and be quiet now and you can chose what we do first tomorrow, alright?" Tseng murmurs, figuring a little incentive might help, especially since Reno's been drinking.

"You promise?" Reno asks, his enthusiasm clear.

"Yes, I promise."

"You're going to regret that," Rufus mumbles, making Reno chuckle evilly before he settles into silence.

Tseng doubts there is anything Reno could think up that he wouldn't be willing to do with the both of them, so he's not worried in the slightest as he drifts off to sleep.

***.***


	25. Y - Yield

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Characters** – Tseng, Reno, Rufus  
>  **Warnings** – Sex, abuse, swearing, angst, fluff, mental trauma.  
>  **Timeline** – Back in time again we go. Follows chapter 22, so before Advent Children Complete and the crater, to tie off a few lose ends.  
>  **Summary** – Tseng stumbles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY I AM UPDATING THIS MONSTER. I am so sorry it's taken so long.

Breathing out in a sigh, Tseng takes a break from his training and sits up, stretching his back out as he gives his body a moment to rest.

It has been weeks since he found out the truth of Rufus' injuries, and although they have made progress in some ways, he is beginning to get frustrated overall with the blond. While Rufus is now leaving the eye patch off around Healin' Lodge, in front of the Turks at least, he still won't let Tseng or Reno see his back. As a result, he won't have sex with either Tseng or Reno, not even allowing the fooling around he had been doing to continue.

There's been lots of making out, kisses both sweet and passionate, between all three of them, but the blond always pulls away whenever things get heated, making an excuse to separate himself from the situation. Sometimes he's even just disappeared without a word while Tseng was busy with Reno. Either way, it effectively kills any rising passion between the head Turk and his redhead, as Reno seems to be just as upset by the blond's avoidance as Tseng is.

The thought of Reno makes Tseng sigh again, because it is glaringly obvious to him that the redhead is emotionally invested in Rufus now, and Tseng thinks the blond probably feels the same way in return... but with Rufus, one can never be sure. He's still so defensive, touchy and just plain difficult. Before, when it was just Tseng dealing with it, it wasn't so bad as Rufus more challenging personality traits were worth putting up with to him. Tseng really hates having to see Reno hurt by them though, even if the redhead hides his pain so well.

Tseng runs a hand through his hair, trying to ignore how soul tired he feels whenever he thinks of his two lovers and all the issues they still have to try and work through together.

"Working out all ya sexual frustration on the machines again, eh?" Reno's voice drawls, cutting into Tseng's thoughts and making him turn towards the door of the gym with a small smile. The redhead is leaning up against the wall, arms crossed over his chest in a vaguely defensive pose, although his smile is as earnest and cheeky as always.

"Maybe you should try it too," Tseng replies, figuring that teasing back is the best option. Reno had been with Rufus when he'd left them to come here, after all, so Reno has probably had his fill of serious for one day.

"I'd rather we just tie the little fucker up and show 'im the error of his ways," Reno mutters, glancing off to the side. Tseng watches the hands of his crossed arms tighten into fists and frowns in concern.

"Is he giving you that much trouble?"

"Won't even argue with me anymore... even when I flat out insult 'im. Like he's turning ta stone," Reno replies, glancing back to Tseng. "Look, I know ya want to ease him through this an all, but I gotta say, it wasn't what worked for me when you were out of it. Sometimes, ya need to fucking shove him. Hard."

Tseng frowns at the thought... but he had to admit, a part of him likes the idea. Maybe a little too much, if he is completely honest. The gentle approach seems to be doing nothing but leaving them all to stagnate.

"What do you have in mind?" he finally asks.

Reno's smile grows as he pushes off the wall and stalks closer, coming to a stop before Tseng and leaning forward, his arms moving to rest on Tseng's thighs. The older man is still straddling one of the gym machines, having only stopped exercising to catch his breath originally, and the shorts he's wearing do nothing to hide his sudden interest in the topic at hand.

"He used ta love being the center of attention, and we both know what dirty little perversities he really likes, so I say we remind him a those things. I think between the two of us we can make him forget all about his back."

Tseng bites his lip, his imagination running wild with Reno's words and proximity. He's been trying to avoid doing anything with the redhead until Rufus relented, but it is getting harder every day to hold back. So many of his recent memories of touch are tainted by pain and he wants to wipe them all away with new memories... fuck away every flinch he daily has to fight down and hide from his lovers.

"Reno... we need to take the edge off if we're ever going to be able to succeed in such a plan," Tseng murmurs, eyes on the redhead's lips as he licks his own.

Reno's expression darkens with mischief as he begins to slowly lean closer.

"Yeah, was thinking that myself... and here you are, almost naked, legs spread and already all sweaty."

"I could shower," Tseng mumbles, Reno so close that Tseng's hands have to grip the bench seat he's sitting on to resist the urge to grab him and pull him closer.

"Nah... I like ya like this. Like the way ya smell. Like how salty every inch of ya will taste," Reno whispers, his tongue coming out to lick over Tseng's lips as the older man uses every bit of his self control to just stay still.

"Keep up that kind of talk, and I might come before you even touch me," Tseng murmurs, breathing hard and leaning back just so Reno will lean forward more. The redhead chuckles but follows his lips, catching his prize finally when Tseng can go no further, the bench seat cool along his heated back. The kiss doesn't last for long though.

"Maybe that's what I want," Reno continues, hovering over Tseng but not letting their bodies touch. "Tell me what you want. Do you want ta fuck me, or want me ta fuck you?"

Tseng looks at up Reno, his hands reaching up to grab the front of the redhead's shirt. His intension is to pull the redhead closer, but just as his fingers find their hold, his mind betrays him.

The flashback is between one heartbeat and the next, just a second of thought, but the image of Sephiroth leaning over him as his own hands fist in the general's uniform is as real as it'd been that day in the temple.

He pushes instead of pulls... hard.

***.***

Luckily, Reno had seen Tseng's eyes go wide in panic just a second before he was shoved. He manages to redirect his fall enough to miss the closest exercise machine and hit the wall next to it instead, but he can't stop himself from slumping to the floor with an 'omf' of pain at the impact.

When he looks up, Tseng hasn't moved at all. Even his arms are still up in the air, held out in front of him as if he's frozen in time.

"Tseng?" Reno calls, pulling himself up to stand with a flinch as his shoulder protests the movement.

"I... I-I'm sorry," Tseng chokes out, his voice sounding so damn vulnerable that Reno can't help but go to him, but has enough sense to pause by his side and not touch... even if the urge to pull the other man into his arms is so strong.

"It's okay," Reno tries to soothe, not sure what else to do. "I'm okay, you're okay... I'm right here."

Tseng's wide eyes flick over to him, and Reno's heart breaks a little at the fear he finds in them. He can't help but reach out and take one of the older man's hands, both of his own wrapping around it as he leans in to hold the limb against his cheek.

The sudden touch of a hand in Reno's hair make his eyes close, and the redhead breathes a little easier as Tseng pets him gently.

"It would seem Rufus isn't the only one with issues," Tseng finally murmurs, a lopsided smile on his beautiful face as Reno opens his own to look at him.

Reno can only manage a small sad smile back.

***.***

Reno paces, something he usually doesn't do... but he has so much pent up energy burning inside of him right now, with nothing to use it up on. Tseng is sleeping, showered and tucked into bed... looking so peaceful and almost angelic that it hurts Reno's heart just to look at him.

_Fucking Sephiroth.... one death isn't enough._

"Reno?"

Turning towards the voice, Reno stops his pacing to stare at Rufus, the blond looking from him to the bed with a curious expression. Rufus' expression changes once his eyes land on Tseng... softening as the love and adoration slip through. It only makes Reno more annoyed in the moment.

"Fuck," the redhead mumbles, turning away and running a hand through his hair, fingers pulling too tight as he tries to fight down his aggravation.

"Reno, what's wrong?" Rufus asks, and Reno can hear him walking closer... the swish of expensive silk that slides over his senses, prickling every nerve to attention.

"What's right? Wouldn't that be a simpler question?" Reno spits out, turning to find big blue eyes open wide, staring at him. One may be blind, but it mimics its live twin so well that sometimes Reno forgets which is which... to him it matters little anyway.

Rufus' wide eyes suddenly thin, concern tainting the crystal blue.

"What happened?" the blond demands, tone changing to one of command, and Reno's temper bristles at the change. Ordering him... like he was just a servant when he wants to be so much more. Reno's fallen too quick, too soon. Rufus was supposed to fall first.

"Fuck you," Reno growls, turning away to hide it all. He can't deal with Rufus right now, his control too close to breaking. Every word, every sound the blond makes, grates on his nerves and pulls another seam of his sanity lose.

"Would that help?"

The question stuns Reno's roll into rage to a halt... and as he turns back to the blond, he can only stare as Rufus drops to his knees in front of him.

"Or would you rather work off your stress on my mouth?"

Reno continues to stare... because he wants, so much that his hands are twitching at his sides from the pure desire to take... but his heart is holding him back.

"I don't mind," Rufus adds, but his eyes aren't meeting Reno's now, even if the blush staining his cheeks shows clearly that he's not lying. "You'll have to be quiet though, to not wake up Tseng."

"I put a sedative in his tea. He ain't waking up for hours," Reno manages to spit out, breathing too hard already because he wants to take... wants to force and fuck and make Rufus feel every single ounce of desperation he is wrestling with right now. "Sure you wanna risk me when there's nobody ta save ya? I might hurt ya, princess."

Rufus finally meets his eyes again, and Reno can see the flickers of fear Rufus' imagination provides him.

"You _could_ hurt me... but I don't believe you will."

Reno growls, because in his present state of discord, it sounds too much like a challenge. He takes the couple of steps in an instant, stopping before Rufus and glaring down at the blond as his hands go to his pants and undo then, letting them drop to the floor.

"Open ya fucking mouth."

Rufus pauses for a moment, probably because Reno isn't even hard. The redhead is almost tempted to slap the blond as the seconds tick by and Rufus keeps staring at his soft cock... but then Rufus breathes in deep and reaches out, taking it in his hand and beginning to stroke it.

Reno bites his lip as the blond leans forward and sucks it into his mouth, quickly taunting him to hardness with little licks and sucks, so gentle and delicate... just like the blond himself. Unfortunately, Reno's rising desire only fuels his rage too, because Rufus is everything he's not... everything Tseng adores... and everything Reno needs and doesn't want to. 

He's the missing puzzle piece that can either bond all three of them together forever, or tear them apart. Reno wants to hate him, but he knows it's too late. He loves Rufus so much that now he wants to hurt him, because it feels like it's the only way to burn himself into the blond's consciousness. Reno doesn't mind being Tseng's shadow in the Turks, but he doesn't want to be Tseng's shadow in Rufus' heart anymore.

"Get on ya hands and knees."

Rufus freezes in place, Reno's cock still in his mouth as those blue eyes look up to meet Reno's.

"You backing out now, princess? Was ya offer before just a bluff?" Reno snarls, watching as Rufus pulls back, letting Reno's cock fall from his lips.

"That's really what you need?" Rufus asks, eyes still meeting Reno's, although there's only calm radiating from the blond now.

The passivity only makes Reno angrier. He nods, because all his words are like poison blisters on his tongue and he's trying to contain them, even as they burst and bleed inside of him. The blond looks away, but he fumbles with his pants and eventually starts pulling them down, sitting back on his bare ass to pull them off his legs. He pauses again to look at up Reno, but it's only for a moment before he turns around and takes position on his hands and knees.

Reno drops to his knees and moves in close before the blond has even stilled, hands running over that soft pale ass he hasn't seen this clearly before. The urge to bite and mark, hurt and harm, is still so strong, but Reno holds it back somehow, even if his hands squeeze a little too hard on Rufus' ass, making the blond flinch.

Pulling his hands away, Reno stares at the red finger marks he's left behind as he searches in his pockets for the lube, having put it there in the hopes of having some fun with Tseng earlier in the gym. The memory of Tseng breaking only feeds the fire of his anger though, turning it into a firestorm he can't contain.

"Fucking Shinra whore," Reno mutters, but just who the words are for, even he doesn't know in the moment. The title suits them all in various ways... but it's Sephiroth's face that pushes its way into his mind, smirking as he leans over Tseng and shatters the dark haired man to pieces beneath him. Reno growls out loud as he forces the image away. 

All the anger diverts to Rufus in an instant, because he is here, in front of Reno on his hands and knees and offering himself up to his rage. In the moment, it's as if Reno's finally getting a bit of fucking justice... for everything Shinra has done to them, for all the hurts both past and present. As he shoves two lubed fingers into Rufus, all his love is twisting, warping underneath the weight of so much death and suffering.

Rufus' whimper of pain is like a slap to the face, even if it is barely audible, muffled as the blond bites his own hand to try to silence it. Reno freezes with two fingers inside Rufus, eyes flicking over the body before him as he watches it breathe too fast, muscles tensing in discomfort instead of pleasure.

Despite everything, Rufus is not even trying to move away. It's so much he's giving, too much... but it's still not what Reno really wants from him. Reno's anger at himself and his stupid heart blurs out the thoughts of Rufus' sacrifice as his fingers move on automatic, stretching the blond and forcing him wider in movements that are far from gentle.

Weeks they've spent, tip toeing around Rufus because of his refusal to accept that his scars don't make him any less desirable. Weeks wasted while Tseng has been holding all his own pain inside, all his own fears and terror... crumbling from the inside out and Reno hadn't even noticed. 

He would not let it continue like this.

Pulling his fingers free, the redhead lines himself up with Rufus' entrance and pushes in hard and fast, forcing a yelp from the blond's mouth. Still, Rufus doesn't fight him though, breathing hard and now trembling so much that Reno can feel the slight vibration through his cock. Reno grits his teeth, holding still in the too tight heat as his conscience rushes back at the worst possible moment.

Looking over the blond as he wrestles with the sudden guilt, Reno suddenly notices that Rufus is looking off to one side... towards the bed where Tseng is sleeping deeply, unaware of what is going on just a few feet away.

It's as if Rufus is only doing all of this for Tseng.

Reno growls in frustration at the thought, pulling his hips back and thrusting forward hard. Rufus' gasp is a little satisfying, but it's not enough to soothe Reno's hurt at failing to hold the blond's attention even when he's fucking him. He takes up a fast rhythm, fingers digging in hard to pale hips as he works out all his frustration on the body beneath him.

"R-reno," Rufus hisses, panting but surprisingly, beginning to push back as if this was what he wanted... as if it was good. Reno's face twists into a snarl, thoughts confused as his own pleasure begins to rise, trying to overtake the urge to hurt that he's trying to cling to like a life line so he doesn't drown in Rufus completely.

"Fuck... fucking dirty little fucking fuck... liking this... liking me fucking you like a whore," Reno spits out in a rush of vitriol, one hand reaching below the blond to grab his cock and squeeze too hard. It only makes Rufus moan loudly, his dick eager and leaking, hips bucking back against Reno enthusiastically.

Suddenly the redhead's eyes focus on the skin below him, on how Rufus' shirt is riding up, slowly revealing his marked back. It jolts Reno back to the fact that this is the biggest problem at hand... those scars that keep them all apart, keep them from seeing all the suffering Tseng is hiding and trying to deal with on his own.

Reno freezes in place, pressed in deep, and inhales heavily. Then he reaches up to rip the shirt straight up the middle of Rufus' back, revealing all of that tainted skin to his eyes for the first time.

Rufus turns to stone under him instantly, muscles tightening around his cock painfully... and then finally the blond starts to fight. Reno grabs him around the waist, throwing his weight down on the smaller form that is now anything but passive beneath him. His cock slips free, but it's not even vaguely important anymore as the two wrestle around on the carpet, Rufus throwing kicks and punches, doing everything he can to make Reno let him go.

In the end, they end up face to face, Rufus flat on his back and Reno above, pinning the blond's hands above his head as he straddles his waist. Rufus' looks anything but pretty in the moment, tears falling and face red... expression twisted up and teeth bared as his own anger and self hate rage at Reno. Strangely, seeing him like this completely kills Reno's own anger, the sudden urge to make it better drawing him back to logical thinking once more.

The problem is, that only makes him realize just what he's already done... and now Rufus is completely pissed off and hurt, with good reason.

"I love you," Reno blurts out, staring down at the blond with wide eyes. He doesn't know how to fix this, just like he doesn't know how to fix Tseng, but he wants too... wants Rufus desperately, despite everything he's just done and said. "I'm sorry I hurt you, but I love you and I want you to love me too."

Rufus stares, eyes wide and face going a darker shade of red as his own anger falls away to complete shock.

"You just... fuck, you just drive me fucking crazy all the time!" Reno exclaims at him, his own heart hurting now, without any anger to hide it behind. "I wanted so much to be inside of you... to have you inside a me too, but every time I reach out, ya turn away... run away. Then ya finally come ta me and it's not fucking for me at all. It's for him! Cause ya think I don't need ya like I need him ... think I don't want ya the same cause of ... cause of..." Reno breathes hard, eyes searching Rufus' but he finds only confusion staring back at him. "Fuck it, Rufus, we all got fucking scars and it don't mean shit! Why can't ya just fucking realize that and get the fuck over it!"

Rufus' mouth moves... but no words come out. He's trying to say something, but Reno had no patience to wait for him to align his words.

"Don't ya fucking see, he needs us? He's hurtin' and broken and I didn't even fucking see it, cause I'm too busy tip toeing around you all the fucking time. Rufus, we gotta help him, and he wont even try ta help himself while ya still hurting so much... can't ya see that?" Reno implores, begging as he looks down at the blond, his hands finally letting go of Rufus arms and cupping the blond's face instead. "He loves you so much... and I love ya too, even if ya don't feel the same 'bout me. But ya gotta want to work through ya problems, and not just close off. We can't help you if ya don't let us, babe."

"I... I'm sorry," Rufus whispers, his expression twisting up as more tears start to break free. 

The words mirror Tseng's earlier ones and Reno's heart misses a few beats, the pain too much as he leans in rest his forehead on Rufus'.

"Don't be sorry. Just let me in... let us both help ya work through this, 'kay? Don't shut us out when we just want ta love ya."

Instead of answering, Rufus surprises him with a kiss. It's sloppy and full of tears, but Reno doesn't mind in the slightest. He always did prefer Rufus like this anyway... all undone and honest, unwound and unhinged, dirty, messy and more beautiful for it.

"Snotty little brat," Reno murmurs, grinning down at Rufus when he finally pulls back.

"If you do love me, show me," Rufus replies, one hand still in Reno's hair, pulling a little as he tries to get the kiss back. "Finish what you started you irresponsible, lazy no good Turk. Make love to me."

Reno bites his own lip, his breath catching a little as the urge to shed tears almost wins. Instead of letting that happen, he kisses Rufus again, slow and gentle, hands slowly undoing what remains of Rufus' shirt and pushing it to the sides.

"Want ta see all of ya," he whispers, kisses moving down along the blond's jaw, pausing to nip lightly and bite over all that pale skin as the blond's hands thread into his hair, pulling it lose from its tie so the red strands spill everywhere.

"Goddess, I love your hair," Rufus mumbles, staring at him through half closed lids.

Reno was busy sucking on a nipple, but he gives it a little bite before he sits up again to smile down at Rufus, shuffling down to kneel between his legs.

"Just my hair ya love, eh?" he teases, his hands pushing up Rufus' thighs, spreading them wide as he leans up over him again.

Rufus blushes and looks away, making Reno chuckle at the coy act before he kisses those pouty lips again, because it's somehow okay that Rufus can't say it... it doesn't matter anymore, because Reno can finally see it in his eyes.

"Reno, please," Rufus begs, hands lifting to grip onto Reno's hair as he wriggles, trying to push down on the redhead's cock which is teasing his entrance.

"As ya wish, princess," Reno whispers before pushing forward slowly, capturing those lips at the same time so he can breathe in every moan Rufus makes, swallow down every single reaction and keep it for himself.

Rufus doesn't let him pause, moving against him instantly, his body already stretched enough from the mess that had been their first attempt at coupling. This time though, it's a slow grind, Reno keeping the pace even no matter how much Rufus begs and wriggles for more. Even when the blond tries insults, Reno only chuckles at him breathlessly. 

Eventually he does pick up the pace just so he can watch the blond come undone completely, just for him. Rufus doesn't disappoint, climaxing with Reno's name on his lips, and the redhead finally lets himself follow.

As their bodies finally still, Reno feels nothing but content.

***.***

Tseng wakes up slowly, groggy and blurry eyed... and it takes him awhile to realize that Reno must have drugged his tea. His annoyance only comes out as a breath though, his body still too asleep to bother with more of a fuss. At least he seems to have gotten a few hours of nightmare free rest, if the darkness in the room is anything to go by.

Sitting up, he reaches for the bedside lamp and switches it on, blinking as his eyes adjust. A slight movement beside him in the bed draws his eyes over... and he can only stare in shock at what he finds.

Reno and Rufus are curled together beside him, face to face, legs entwined and fast asleep. As shocking as that is by itself, he's even more startled by the fact both are completely naked, Rufus' scarred back facing Tseng. It's the first time he's seen it, and he's relieved Rufus is asleep, as he can't stop himself from staring. As his eyes take in every detail of the changed landscape he used to know so well, Tseng feels only pride in his blond lover for battling so bravely and not running away, as so many had.

After a time, Tseng finally pulls his eyes away to look up at the blond's face, or what he can see of it from this angle. Rufus appears content, relaxed and sleeping deeply with his head tucked under Reno's chin. Reno's hugging him like a teddy bear, his own face relaxed and at peace in a way Tseng hasn't seen in a long time.

Tseng can't help the stupid grin that creeps over his face, and his hands fidget a little, because he wants to touch so much, but he doesn't want to wake them up. Chances are, the two will go back to fighting again once they do, if history is anything to go by.

Once he's had his fill of watching them, Tseng carefully gets out of bed, stretching as he tries to decide what to do to keep himself entertained. It's the middle of the night, so his options are limited, and he'd rather stay in the room to defuse any chaos that might arise when his two lovers do wake up. Considering the state they're both in and the discarded clothes spread out all over the bed room floor, something big has happened while he was sleeping, and hopefully it means things are better between the two. Tseng doesn't want to get his hopes up too much though.

Eventually he considers getting dressed, and it's what leads him over to the cupboard he shares with Rufus. Standing in the open doorway, he pauses to look over their clothes hanging side by side... something he never thought he'd ever see. The stupid grin is back as he imagines whether Reno's would fit in here as well.

The cupboard is far from full and Tseng thinks they could manage if they culled the collection a little. It's not as if it's a mess or anything, as it's all meticulously organized, Rufus tending to be so neat it borders on an obsessive compulsion. Tseng's own side is certainly small enough, even if most of the clothes are unfamiliar... newly bought by somebody while he was sick. They are similar to what he owned in Midgar though, and he guesses it might have been Reno who replaced them, being the only one who'd know such a thing after the many years they'd lived together in the beginning.

Turning away from his side and memories he doesn't want to revisit right now, Tseng turns to look at Rufus' side, hand rising idly to feel one of the silk garments. While he'd never asked how his own clothes came to be replaced, he had asked Reno about Rufus' as there were so many, all the blond's usual top quality as well. The redhead had told Tseng that most came from other Shinra properties scattered around the globe, as Rufus had cleaned them out and sold much of the real estate privately owned by Shinra to cut costs once he'd recovered from his own injuries. Most of the clothes were simply spares, some a size or two down from usual, but with Rufus' own time in recovery dropping his weight, they all seemed to fit again now. Tseng felt a little sad at the thought... because Rufus really was physically still so fragile, having regained a minimal amount of his previous healthy form since the destruction of Midgar.

Pushing his worries over that aside for now, Tseng crouches down, curious as he spies the large number of shoe boxes in the bottom of the cupboard. He's noticed them before, but never bothered to check their contents. Since he has time to burn at the moment, he indulges himself, as the shear number has always caught his eye. Rufus may be self indulgent when it comes to clothes, but he'd never been the same with shoes in the past, having a surprisingly small number in comparison.

Curiously, he opens a few randomly, and it's the ones to the back of the cupboard that finally yield some answers. He finds one full of belts, rolled up neatly, and a second full of cufflinks. Tseng opens another to find it full of ties and that makes him pause. It's a strange collection, as Rufus doesn't wear them, and Tseng only has a few for work himself, all hanging up with his suits. All of these seem brand new... silk, expensive... and then Tseng remembers something from years before.

Shinra senior used to always buy Rufus a tie for his birthday or any event which required a gift, despite the fact the blond never wore them. Tseng had just assumed Rufus had always discarded them since he'd never worn any and had always looked so displeased... but as Tseng continues to open boxes, he finds even more ties of varying colors, each rolled up neatly, still with the original tags attached. It hurts his heart a little to realize that Rufus seems to have kept them all, every one his father had ever given him.

With a small sad smile, Tseng carefully puts everything back as he's found it in that side of the cupboard. Moving over to his own much sparser side, he notices a larger box at the back and pulls it out, opening it curiously. His smile grows quickly at what he finds.

It is full of various odds and ends from his old apartment in Midgar. Photos, the odd coffee cup, books... even some clothes. Tseng pulled each piece out and looks it over, his emotions a little too much from the simple joy of seeing such familiar articles... things he thought long lost to the destruction of Midgar.

Pulling out an old shirt, he suddenly freezes in place as dark wood is revealed... runes carved so beautifully into its surface.

"Fuck," he whispers, heart aching as he forces his limbs to move and pull the memory box out, his hands running over it's surface tentatively as he rests it in his lap. He'd thought it gone forever, but no... it is here, just when he needs it the most.

Opening it, Tseng stares at first, too many memories assaulting him at once. Lying on top is the bracelet Veld gave him when they first met, and he holds it gently, letting his fingers run along the material and feel it, as his eyes close and his heart breaks just a little more.

"Tseng?"

Opening his eyes, Tseng has to blink a few times to chase away the tears he wasn't aware he was shedding. He's a little embarrassed by them at first, but then he focuses on Rufus' face, the blond wide eyed and worried as he peers at him over the end of the bed. Somehow he's gotten free of Reno without waking him up, and Tseng didn't even hear a thing.

"I'm okay," Tseng replies, managing a small smile for him as he quickly wipes away evidence of his over emotional moment.

Rufus doesn't look convinced, and as he carefully rises, glancing back at Reno as he does, Tseng just watches him get off the bed and come to his side. The blond sits down on his knees close, eyes on what's in Tseng's hand, and the head Turk lets him look.

"I've never seen a bracelet like that before," the blond says curiously.

It makes Tseng smile a little more, because he knows Rufus wants to ask a million questions, but isn't sure if he'll offend or push too far. The very fact he's being so careful pushes Tseng into explaining.

"Veld gave it to me, when we first met," he tells the blond, holding up towards him as Rufus stares at it, but doesn't try to touch it.

"When you were a child?" Rufus asks, glancing up at Tseng.

"Yes. I don't accurately know how old I was, but I was probably around six or seven. Some mission had brought him through my town, and we met on the street. I was... visibly injured and he stopped and looked concerned. Nobody had ever bothered to stop and look at me like that before. Then he frowned, and gave me this. I didn't see him again for a long time after that." 

Tseng stops for a moment, frowning himself as he chews on his lip, trying to work out whether he should continue or not. Rufus is completely rapt in every word he's saying, kneeling at his side and not moving at all. He's still naked, seems to have forgotten that he is too, and that fact is a little distracting to Tseng. It pushes him to continue baring his past to the blond though, because Rufus is baring his own weakest point to him at present, even if it might be unintentional.

"I was a slave and... and was not treated well. One day something inside of me snapped and I killed the family that owned me. I didn't bother running away after I'd done it, as I had nowhere to go. I didn't remember where I'd come from, as I'd been too young when I was taken from my parents. Once charged for their murder by the town, I was sent off to be sold to some kind of prison work gang, but then, luckily, my escort was attacked by the Turks by mistake. Veld recognized the bracelet and took custody of me, brought me to Midgar and had his housemaid adopt me. The rest is... well, common enough knowledge," Tseng explained, finishing up with a small smile as he finally met Rufus' eyes.

The blond's expression looked pained as his eyes flicked down to the bracelet before darting back to Tseng's own.

"I'm sorry," Rufus murmured awkwardly, eyes darting down to look at the bracelet. His hand started to move, finally rising towards the red cords, although only one finger reached out to gently run along where it lay in Tseng's palm. "It seems like he gave you this so he could find you again later."

Tseng frowns, looking down at the cord. He'd never really thought of it from that angle before.

"I'd always thought it was just coincidence... but that is a possibility," he finally replies in a whisper.

"Veld had always wanted a son, desperately," Rufus murmurs, smiling. "I think he found that in you... and somehow knew it, from the first time you met."

As Rufus withdraws his hand, Tseng puts the bracelet back in his memory box gently, his heart aching for too many reasons at once as he closes the lid and lifts the box off his lap, putting it aside for now.

He'd loved Veld, but still his own hands had pulled the trigger. He loved Rufus now, and the blond had been there that day, watching as he'd....

"That day in the tower, when I executed...," Tseng begins, but Rufus raises his hand and presses a finger to Tseng's lips, stopping the excuses that tried to escape him.

"He loved you. In the end, it was obvious how proud of you he was and how much comfort it brought him that his sacrifice would save your life. Nobody in that room with half a brain thought less of you for your actions that day. Don't ever doubt that."

Tseng tries to breathe in, but his throat is too tight, his breath catching and sticking as his eyesight blurs again. It hurts... all of it... far too much, but all he can do is squeeze his eyes closed against the pain.

Suddenly there are gentle arms around him, pulling him to a warm chest as Rufus murmurs comforting words and pets him, the blond trembling a little himself as he tries so hard to help. It's still so awkward to be comforted by Rufus, but it's so very sweet and very much wanted. Tseng curls into the smaller body and hangs on, breathes in every word that Rufus whispers and after a time, starts to relax and feel a little better, despite everything. Even then the blond doesn't let go, his words ceasing, but his embrace just as tight as Tseng closes his eyes and begins to slip into sleep.

"Good boy."

The words are soft... close, but the voice is not Rufus'. Tseng opens his eyes to find Reno leaning over them both from behind, kissing Rufus' cheek as the blond flushes red and stiffens up against him. Rufus surprisingly doesn't react in anger though, just looks embarrassed as his eyes dart to find Tseng's watching. As their eyes meet, the blond blushes a deeper shade and looks away.

"Reno, don't tease him," Tseng murmurs. Reno's hair is sticking up in odd directions, but his eyes are bright and full of affectionate mischief as he lays another kiss to the top of the blond's head and grins at Tseng.

"I'm not teasing," Reno insists, grin widening. "This kind of stuff is hard for him, even though he wants to help. I figured he was doing good and should be praised... don't ya think?"

"He's perfect," Tseng replies, his own smile growing as Rufus frowns adorably and shuffles as if he wants to squirm away. He's stuck between Tseng and Reno now though, and neither is going to let him go any time soon.

"You're both... annoying," Rufus finally mumbles, but there's no ire there at all. Tseng's nothing but cheered by the boy's pout, and all he wants to do is kiss away that expression, and then it dawns on him that he has no reason to hold back.

Rufus gasps a little in surprise when Tseng follows through on that thought, but he's soon kissing back, opening up his lips to Tseng's domination and letting him do as he pleases. Tseng's soon straddling the blond's lap, pushing him back into Reno who only chuckles at their display.

"Got me a lap full of hotness... now what to do with it?" Reno's voice drawls cheekily, and Tseng can't help but chuckle a little, even if his tongue is still in Rufus' mouth.

Rufus doesn't seem to catch onto the humor, if his moan is anything to go by, and the sound makes Tseng forget it too as he pushes his hips down into Rufus' bare body, feeling just as eager as the blond already is. Tseng breaks the kiss to pull back a little and look, because he wants to see Rufus wanting... needs to see he's needed. He isn't disappointed by the sight that greets him.

Rufus looks so debauched, cheeks pink and eyes half closed, mouth a little open as he draws in shallow breaths and stares dazedly back up at Tseng. He's between Reno's legs, leaning back on the redhead's chest like he's a makeshift chair of sorts... a chair that is presently smirking and resting its chin on the top of his blond head.

Tseng stares, because he yearns for both of them so much, hasn't had either in so very long... too long. He's starting to think he's not going to last long enough to actually take either, the sight of them both arousing him just a little too much in the moment.

"Fuck," he mumbles, biting his lip.

Rufus' eyes close, but the sound he makes is nothing short of desperate, and it's not helping Tseng in the slightest.

"Somebody better start in the next five seconds, or I'm gonna," Reno growls, and Tseng glances up to find the redhead looking at him like he's about to eat him alive.

Sitting straddling Rufus' legs, Tseng has to reach down and squeeze the base of his cock to stop coming immediately. He wants to take both and be taken by both... needs it all right now to the point that it's got him frozen on the spot, trying to choose.

Then all of a sudden, he realizes he doesn't have to choose at all.

"Reno, put Rufus on the bed... now," Tseng commands, standing up. His hand drops away from his own cock as the rush of clarity clears his head, purpose pulling his control back into line.

Reno obeys instantly, standing up and dragging the stunned blond up with him. Tseng watches with a grin as Rufus frowns in confusion from the sudden movement, but the blond doesn't fight as he's walked back over to the bed. Once beside it, Reno pauses and grabs Rufus' face, kissing him until he relaxes back into lust. Tseng enjoys the show, walking over slowly as his eyes take in both of them so bare before him, pressed together as their passion rises. Reno's completely commanding in the moment, standing so strong and unbending, and Rufus completely submits with a string of small whimpers and needy wriggles against the redhead. It's perfect... they're both perfect, and everything Tseng needs and wants and can't live without.

Moving up close behind Reno, Tseng puts his hands gently on the redhead's hips and leans in to kiss his shoulder. His lips slowly dot the redhead's pale skin all the way to his ear, where Tseng finally pauses to whisper, "Remember your dream Reno? I have one too."

Reno moans into Rufus' mouth, a small sound as his ass pushes back into Tseng, making the dark haired Turk inhale at the contact. It's so tempting to just go with Reno's dream but Tseng wants more, wants to be selfish right now no matter the consequences.

"My dream first. I do outrank you, after all," he adds into Reno's ear, giving the lobe a little bite before he takes a step back and releases the redhead's hips. "Put him on the bed now. Don't make me ask a third time."

Reno pushes the blond suddenly, drawing a yelp from Rufus' lips as he falls onto the bed backwards. He's still looking dazed from all the kissing, although there's a definite edge of annoyance there too now. Tseng thinks it only makes him look even more fuckable.

"Just following orders, princess," Reno murmurs in explanation, and surprisingly it seems to calm Rufus a little as he glances over to Tseng.

"Orders?" Rufus repeats, looking confused.

"I asked him to put you on the bed, although he was a little rough about it," Tseng fills him in, smirking as he retrieves the lube from the bedside table draw. Looking back to Rufus, he adds, "Please do try to keep up, Rufus."

The blush his words cause on the blond's face is far too adorable. As miffed as Rufus looks at the insinuation that he's not paying attention, it's obvious he's totally unaware that Tseng's riling him up on purpose. The naivety does nothing to slow Tseng's already hard to handle lust, so he forces his eyes away and steps up close to Reno... not that the redhead's smirk is any less arousing.

"Prep me while I prep him," Tseng orders, leaning in to kiss Reno. It's only a small kiss so he doesn't get lost in his redhead, and he smiles as he pulls back because Reno looks a little shocked. Tseng knows it's because he's asking Reno to top him, something they haven't done in years, but he doesn't want to kill the mood with explanations, so instead he turns away and crawls over Rufus on the bed.

Rufus' anger seems to have all vanished as he just lies there and watches Tseng approach. Their eyes are locked together, and Tseng loves that he has the blond's full attention as he leans in and kisses him deeply, putting the lube off to one side for now. By the time he pulls back, Rufus has his hands in Tseng's hair, and is trying to tug him back for more. Tseng smiles down at him affectionately, because he adores Rufus like this, all needy and wanting.

Tseng leans in and kisses him again, but then diverts down the blond's jaw, nipping and sucking his way to under the blond's ear. He pauses there to suck up a mark, enjoying the way Rufus writhes and moans, stretching his neck to the side to let him do as he pleases. Tseng's tempted to bite, but manages to control the urge as the bruise he's left behind is already purple and far too noticeable. Rufus is going to bitch about it later, even if the thought only makes Tseng smile. Teeth marks as well would be a little too much... but maybe another time.

Continuing down, Tseng only teases the blond's nipples for a few minutes, as he's losing patience quickly. With a last lick to one nipple, he moves down, ignoring all the rest of that tempting skin this time to go straight to his prize and swallow the blond's cock without warning.

Rufus groans loudly, his hands finding Tseng's hair and holding on tight as Tseng sucks hard but otherwise stays still. He reaches out to the side and grabs the lube, slicking up the fingers of one hand before holding it out back behind himself for Reno to take. As soon as it's gone, Tseng starts bobbing his head, slowly pushing a finger into him. He loves the way the blond writhes at the intrusion, pushing down to get more despite the tightness that is always there at first. Tseng continues to work the blond's cock to help things along, and soon Rufus relaxes for him, legs spreading a little wider as his body catches up with what his mind wants.

There's no hurry, so Tseng takes his time, teases and twists the single digit until the blond is making the most delectable sounds. Finally, he relents and adds a second finger, and at first it's all going so well... but then suddenly Rufus tenses up.

Pausing the movements of his fingers, Tseng lets his mouth slip off the blond's cock and looks up, only to find Rufus isn't looking at him at all. Following the blond's line of sight, Tseng turns to find Reno standing behind him, lube in one hand and a lost expression on his face as he stares at it.

Exhaling in pure frustration, Tseng pulls his fingers free of Rufus' body and turns away from Reno, closing his eyes and resting his head down on the blond's thigh. He knows what's wrong... it's his fault, after all... but he doesn't want to deal with it or talk about it. 

_Not now...._

Silence takes hold, minutes ticking slowly by as nobody moves or makes a sound. Tseng's eyes prickle and sting, but he ignores them. It's not fair... this shouldn't be able to touch them, taint them... but it does.

Then suddenly there's a touch to his hair, gentle and tentative. The fingers slowly pet, getting more purposeful as he doesn't flinch away.

"It's okay," Rufus whispers, his voice so soft it's only just audible. 

But it's not okay and Tseng knows it. He'd wanted to pretend otherwise, but his damn redhead had already seen it too, had experienced it first hand earlier today in the gym. Had already been pushed away for trying to dominate Tseng, thrown into a wall like he was unwanted and unwelcomed... and Tseng hadn't even bothered to check if he'd hurt him after.

Anger flaring at himself, Tseng growls low, squeezing his eyes closed as his hands fist where they lay abandoned on the sheets. The hand in his hair freezes... and it only makes him madder. 

Why couldn't Reno just get on board and help Tseng barrel through this like he'd wanted to do... like he always did in the past? Why'd he have to love Tseng so much that he couldn't fuck him, because somebody else had forced there way in and tainted the whole process?

Sitting up suddenly, Tseng turns to face Reno, doesn't even glance at Rufus as he glares in annoyance at the redhead. He will not be forced to face this, no matter how big Reno's stupid heart is, or how much he wants to help. It's Tseng's mind, Tseng's body, and he'll deal with it all on his own terms, when he is damn good and ready.

"What is the fucking problem?" Tseng demands, because he knows Reno won't be able to say it, avoids the topic as much as he does himself, most of the time.

The redhead looks up at the question, looking stunned by it as his mouth opens to speak... but then pauses again as he frowns.

"Come here," Tseng orders, the anger slipping into his voice... but like the trustful, loving idiot he is, Reno just obeys.

It hurts... for so many conflicting reasons, but most of all the pain is because Tseng feels he's so not worthy of such blind faith. It's only a split second thought that maybe Reno should be taught that fact, but his hand is already moving, grabbing Reno's ponytail where it lays over his shoulder and pulling the redhead down with it. Reno stumbles a little, but remains standing, bent over and eyes wide as he stares at Tseng... but the shock quickly morphs into disappointment, and Tseng has to grit his teeth at how much it hurts to see it.

"Stop it," Rufus suddenly cuts in, having sat up while Tseng's attention was elsewhere. A perfectly manicured hand wraps around Tseng's wrist and squeezes, trying to encourage him to let go of Reno's hair... and Tseng would laugh at the inadequacy of the force applied if his insides weren't shattering. "Let him go now, Tseng," Rufus demands, and Tseng thinks the blond's getting angry now as he turns towards him. He'd rather anger than disappointment... but it's not the expression that meets him when he stares into Rufus' blue.

Rufus' expression is confused and conflicted, his gaze flickering between Reno and Tseng. His eyes only show love though, and it shines from him with such a twist of desperate sadness that Tseng aches at the sight.

"Violence isn't going to help," Rufus implores, and he looks so sure, so determined that for a moment Tseng's hold loosens on Reno's hair. Rufus seems to misinterpret the movement though, his own hand tightening around Tseng's wrist, and suddenly there's a stab of pain that makes Tseng inhale sharply before his mind blanks out.

_"Tseng... fancy meeting you here. Have you come to kill me... or beg for my forgiveness?"_

The memory of his wrist breaking triggers the flashback, Sephiroth's first words to him in the Temple repeating inside his head with a clarity that wipes away his reality in a heartbeat. The whole event reruns in his head in a matter of seconds, the pain, the panic, the fear.

By the time he comes back to the here and now, Reno is on top of him pinning him to the bed, yelling his name, and Rufus is gone. He doesn't remember what he's done, but Reno's bloody nose is not promising, nor is the expression on the redhead's face.

***.***


	26. Z - Zero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Characters – Tseng, Reno, Rufus, Elena, Rude  
> Warnings – Swearing, unrequited love, angst,  
> Timeline – Between the original game and Advent Children  
> Summary – Basically part 2 of chapter 25.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of the storyline was chapter 24, but this one is to finish off all that was left up in the air from chapter 25, which occurs earlier in the timeline.
> 
> Extra notes - I will be adding a final chapter but it will only be a chronological list of chapters, for anyone curious as to the order of the chapters in the timeline or wanting a guideline to read this in order of happening, instead of chapter title order. Thank you so much to all who have read and commented or pressed that lovely kudo button. I don’t have the words to properly explain how thankful I am for your support.

***.***

Rufus had run as soon as Reno had pried Tseng’s hands from around his neck, fleeing the room in a panic. He’d ending up stopping down one of the hallways, having no idea of just where he was going.

When one of the doors nearby opens, he jumps away from it, slamming into the wall opposite and staring wide eyed at the person who appears.

Elena’s expression is scarily fierce until she sees him but it softens instantly with recognition.

“Sir, are you alright?” she asks, taking a step closer that only makes Rufus automatically flinch away. Unfortunately, that was about when Rufus realizes he is completely naked, but when he turns his back on her to hide that fact, he comes face to face with Rude.

“What’s going on?”

Rude’s question is followed by an uncomfortable silence, Rufus frozen in place as he stares up at the big Turk who is standing there in only a pair of boxer shorts. There is a lot of skin… far too much muscle… and Rufus is naked with only his hands covering his privates and nowhere to run.

Luckily, the sudden sound of Reno yelling breaks the deadlock, pulling Rude’s eyes away from Rufus and down the hall. Surprisingly, Elena ends up being the first to get her shit together.

“Rude, get him some clothes while I go and see what the hell is going on,” Elena orders, and Rufus can only continue to stare at Rude wide eyed as the big man frowns in her direction before looking back to him.

“Follow me, Sir,” Rude finally says, going back into his room and leaving Rufus in the hallway. 

A few minutes later, Rude returns, frown morphing to a questioning look as he meets Rufus’ eyes. The blond hasn’t moved an inch.

Rude’s sigh is deep before he walks closer, pulling a shirt over Rufus’ head and working it down over the blond’s stiff limbs. Rufus can’t help but bristle a little at the rough treatment, his own expression finally morphing out of shock and into annoyance. 

He can’t work out in the moment whether to be offended or relieved by how big the T-shirt is on him. It covers everything at least, despite how much the largeness makes him feel like a child.

Rufus is diverted from that thought when the yelling starts up again from the direction of his own room, this time it being Elena making all the noise.

He doesn’t get the chance to even comment on it though, as he is suddenly picked up. He seriously considers flailing, although experience had taught him that it is pointless when Rude does this. Instead he just goes limp and lets the taller man carry him into his room and set him down on his bed. Rude then shuts the door, cutting off the sounds of argument before sitting down beside him on the bed, a respectable distance between them.

As the silence grows, Rufus begins to fidget. 

Rude is like a statue beside him, and while the lack of questions is a relief when Rufus himself isn’t sure what the hell just happened, it is quickly becoming unbearably awkward.

“Why are you always so quiet around me?” Rufus whispers, his hands wringing the edge of the oversized t-shirt.

“It’s not you. I’m just quiet,” Rude responds, finally moving, even if it is just to glance at Rufus curiously. “Do you want me to talk?”

“Yes… no… I mean… it’s uncomfortable when you don’t say anything at all for so long,” Rufus manages, glancing up at Rude. “I must be insane to miss Reno’s constant babbling.”

Rude smiles, and Rufus’ eyes widen in surprise. It’s the first time he’s ever caught that expression on Rude. It makes him look handsome, but Rufus quickly squashes the thought.

“Reno tends to have that effect on people. You think he’s annoying, but when he’s not around, you miss him,” Rude murmurs, reaching out to pat Rufus on the head in a very fatherly way.

Somehow it isn’t condescending and Rufus can only blush at how nice it feels. Rude’s smile slips away as his hand stills on the blond’s head for a moment… then he suddenly smiles wider and goes back to patting him again.

“I think I see it now… interesting.”

Rufus is curious as to what _that_ is supposed to mean… but then he decides that he’s probably better off not knowing.

***.***

Tseng had endured Elena’s chastisement in silence, still in shock over his own break. Reno had done all the talking, leaving Tseng to zone out as he wracked his brains, trying to remember what the hell he’d done this time.

He hadn’t even noticed when she’d left, too lost in his own mind, fighting down the memories that were all he could remember from the last fifteen minutes. He knew it had been a flashback, but that helped little when he’d obviously hurt people in the present, thinking he was in the past.

To realise you don’t have a hold on your own sanity is not a pleasant epiphany.

“Tseng?”

Reno’s voice is gentle… halting and unsure, something Tseng hates to hear. Glancing up, he finds the redhead hovering, fingers twitching in an uncommon show of nerves.

It’s both disturbing and endearing.

“I’m sorry.”

Reno’s expression goes from worried to annoyed in an instant, and his hands curl into fists as his temper flares momentarily, even if it is muted.

“It ain’t ya fault. Don’t apologize.”

The problem is, Tseng knows too well it really _is_ his fault. What happened with Reno earlier in the day was a warning, one he chose to ignore.

“Is he… did I hurt him?”

Reno’s eyes dart away towards the door, his previous fidgeting reappearing.

“It’s fine. Elena and Rude are on it. You need to sleep and tomorrow we’ll deal with the rest, yeah?”

The avoidance is awkward, and Tseng feels sick at the realisation that this time, his error will not be so easy to gloss over. He can only hope Rufus is alright… and that maybe the blond might forgive him.

“I don’t think I can sleep right now.”

Reno sighs, going over to the side table and fussing around. Tseng’s eyes are back on his own hands, staring at them as if they are the enemy… but he can hear the familiar sounds of a pill bottle being opened. It brings him no comfort to realize they’re so needed.

“Here,” Reno mumbles, holding out a glass of water and slipping a couple of pills into Tseng’s hand. “Take ‘em and we’ll rest. Sooner ya do, sooner tomorrow is here and we’ll work on the rest.”

Tseng doesn’t argue, swallowing the pills and drinking his water obediently.

When he lies down, Reno curls around his back as always… but tonight, the closeness brings him no comfort.

***.***

The morning comes and goes with no further information. Rufus is absent and Reno evasive, even if the redhead doesn’t leave Tseng’s side. 

By the time lunch time comes around, Tseng’s frustration is warring with his guilt. Rufus is still nowhere to be seen, and while Rude eats with them and acts as if nothing has happened at all, Elena takes her own lunch, and presumably Rufus’, and goes elsewhere to eat it. She doesn’t even look at Tseng, and her obvious anger only leads him to the conclusion that he has hurt Rufus, and everybody is trying to hide it from him.

So Tseng waits until Rude had gone, waits silently until Reno and him are back in Rufus’ room. Before Reno can make any excuse to slip away, he locks the door and faces down his redhead.

“Tell me what I did.”

Reno meets his demand with silence, his eyes on the floor and his expression conflicted.

“Reno, you’re not helping by keeping it from me, even if you think you’re doing what’s best. How can I correct what I’ve done otherwise?” Tseng insists.

Tseng fells a sting of sympathy for putting him in this position, but he knows that even if Reno thinks he’s helping, he isn’t. The last thing he needs right now is protection. 

It’s glaring obvious to him that he has become the danger, his flashbacks too overwhelming and unpredictable. He needs to know what he’s done… he needs to somehow work out how to fix himself.

“You had a flashback,” Reno finally replies, eyes still not meeting Tseng’s.

“Yes, I know that much,” Tseng mutters, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. “I know what was going on in _my_ head at the time. What I need to know is what happened in reality while I was… was elsewhere. I need to know what I did to Rufus and what I did to you.”

“Ya think that’s going to fucking help?” Reno retorts, his anger sudden and fierce. The head Turk’s eyes widen at the vitriol the redhead replies with, staring as Reno starts pacing, pulling a packet of cigarettes out and lighting one, cursing softly as he stomps around the room randomly. “Tell me, ya say, like it’s so fucking easy for me ta just spit it out. Like I’m just hiding it from ya on a fucking whim or some shit. Ya ain’t got a fucking clue of what I’m dealing with and ya all fucking getting pissed and fuck, it makes me just want to fucking punch ya, cause ya being so fucking stupid, and fuck… ya ain’t supposed to be fucking stupid!” Reno rants, his final words little more than a yell of frustration.

“I don’t know what gave you the impression that I am never stupid… considering some of the choices I’ve made in the past,” Tseng replies, voice flat and muted by memories of some of his more disastrous mistakes. “We’re all stupid sometimes.”

Reno finally stops his pacing to turn on Tseng, gaze intense. “Are ya even fucking listening to the shit coming out of ya mouth right now? Ya sound like a fucking Shinra PR release, ya fuckin’ fuck!”

That response hurts just a little too much. Tseng’s temper rises, his pride apparently not as dulled by guilt as he thought it was.

“You are the one babbling right now,” Tseng counters, taking a step forward as his hands curl into fists this time. “You’re trying to protect everyone, even if that is not going to fix this. Use your head, Reno. Tell me what I did, let me take responsibility and stop trying to protect me as if I will break from the truth. Remember the fucking respect you once held for me!”

Reno freezes in place, eyes going wide and face paling. Tseng flinches from his expression, his gaze dropping to the floor in shame as the regret for his slip swells inside of him painfully. He hadn’t meant to say that last part, even if it was the truth… even if he felt so very less then what he used to be.

He’d failed to protect those he was tasked to, yet again… failed to judge the situation correctly. Fuck, he couldn’t even protect himself.

Tseng had been so sure that he’d known Sephiroth better than anyone else, so he’d strutted blindly into danger alone, believing that the general loved him so much that he could make a difference. Loved him enough that he’d listen, that somehow Tseng would be able to fix everything that had gone wrong. Like he mattered enough to Sephiroth to break through the insanity that had taken hold of him and make him see sense.

What a price he’d paid for his stupidity.

“I know I don’t deserve it,” Tseng adds softly. “I was arrogant and foolish, maybe even delusional. I thought… I thought he’d never hurt me and I’m sorry for how naive that was. I should have known better. I just wanted to be able to make a difference… to him… to everything that was hurting him. I’d failed him in the past, when he needed me the most, and I just wanted to make amends.”

The silence after his admission is complete, and Tseng feels as if the very air around him has turned too thick to breathe. He’s trying though, sucking in air that doesn’t seem to want to inhabit his lungs as the feeling of utter failure takes up residence through his system, spreading out from where he’s been trying to hide it, deep inside, for so very long.

“Fuck,” Reno hisses, breaking through the molasses like air and making Tseng glance up. “You really _are_ fucking stupid.”

Tseng can’t hide the pain that line spikes into him… but then Reno is stalking towards him, his hands grabbing Tseng’s face and refusing him the option to hide his eyes again.

“You dumb fuck, you got that whole shit so ass about that I feel like punching ya,” the redhead growls, angry and passionate and so attractive to Tseng in the moment that he’s momentarily stunned by it. “Everything ya just said is wrong!”

“What?” Tseng manages, frowning as he stares back at the redhead, confused.

“Ya loved him. That’s all there fucking is too it,” Reno starts to explain, but when Tseng’s expression doesn’t change, the redhead hisses out a breath of pure frustration. “Everyone else gave up on him, wrote ‘im off without even fucking trying. Out of every fucking person that knew him, you’re the only one who even bothered to fucking try. There ain’t nothing stupid or arrogant about it at all, don’t ya see? You’re the only one who believed he could be saved. Ya always saw him as a person, not just a fucking monster, like all the rest. The only thing ya cared about when he went off the rails was trying to help.”

Reno leans in and presses his forehead against Tseng’s, and it’s only then that Tseng realises he is shaking.

“Fuck, don’t ya realise that only makes us love ya more? That you’re willing to go so far for the people ya care about? Don’t ya realise how much we all respect you for what ya tried to do, not for the company or any of that shit, but cause ya cared and were brave enough to try? Yeah, I was mad at ya for getting hurt, so were the others, but none of us ever thought bad of ya for trying, Tseng.”

“But I failed… so badly,” Tseng manages in a whisper, his voice choked up by too many memories of Sephiroth, of what he was before and what he finally became. “I wasn’t there for him and let him fall into… into _that_.”

“None of that was ya fault. Ya couldn’t love him like he wanted ya to, but you still fucking loved him. You and him, even if in the end it wasn’t healthy for either of ya, in the start it was, yeah? You remember, what ya told me about when ya were both kids, friends and all that? Without that, maybe he would of fallen sooner… and even if ya don’t believe that, ya gave him happy memories, Tseng. Friendship and somebody who cared about him as a person, not a fucking weapon. The company fucked him up, Hojo fucked him up, long before he even met you. That’s why he tried to cling to ya so hard, to claim ya and keep ya… even to kill ya so nobody could take ya away. He loved ya back but he was just too broken to know what ta do with it.”

Tseng would have been ashamed of the fact he was crying, if it all wasn’t hurting too much for him to care. Reno’s sudden embrace is more comfort than he believes he deserves, but he takes it, clings to it and buries his face in his redhead’s chest. 

He still believes he is to blame… but at least Reno’s perspective gives him a new angle to consider.

***.***

It’s not until the next day that Tseng recovers enough from the conversation to realise that the redhead never answered his questions on what he’d done to Rufus during his flashback. It annoys him, but Tseng stays silent because Reno is still beside him constantly, watching out for him and doing everything he can to make things better… even though Tseng doesn’t deserve the kindness.

The guilt eats at him by the hour. 

Rufus is still absent and Elena’s continued refusal to meet his eyes or give him more than one word replies to anything he asks only makes his own overactive imagination think up the worst scenarios… and he’s well and truly sick of his own mind by this stage.

Tseng decides that tonight, after dinner, he’s going to sit Reno down and insist on an answer. He’s been running over the possible conversation for hours as he joins Rude and Reno at their little dinner table, and although the mood is still awkward, he ignores it, too busy mapping out a path to correcting the problem in his head. Plans always make him feel better, having a purpose, a direction to work towards, and by the time the food is set before him, Tseng is confident the solution to step one is only a matter of minutes away.

When Elena joins them, it makes him glance up curiously, but she’s still avoiding his gaze, so for now he lets it go. Reno first, then Rufus, then Elena. Step by step….

Rufus’ arrival throws all his carefully thought out plans into chaos instantly.

“Rufus?” Reno blurts out, surprise clear and a little panicked. Elena snorts out a disgusted noise, her opinion of the blond’s arrival obvious, even if it’s clear she knew Rufus was coming.

“Yes, that is my name, Reno. Did you forget while I was absent?” Rufus drawls sarcastically, sitting down with a chuckle. “How fickle your heart is.”

Reno makes a choking sound, even though he isn’t even eating, and it’s enough to make Tseng finally look at the blond with the intent of working out just how much of his attitude is anger or simple teasing.

All of those thoughts flee immediately as soon as he focuses on Rufus though.

The silence in the room is suddenly stiflingly complete. Tseng can feel everyone is looking at him but he ignores then all in favour of staring at Rufus… who is the only person at the table not looking at him right now.

“Stop staring,” Rufus murmurs, ignoring the others’ reactions. “You’re going to give me indigestion.”

“Gods forbid,” Elena mutters, earning a dirty look from Rufus, though the blond says nothing to chastise her. Tseng raises an eyebrow at that, realising that Rufus and Elena are closer than he’d figured… a product of his time in a coma, he suspects. It annoys him a little, as it’s just another fact he’s missed, something more he’s unaware of.

“So… like, everyone’s just choosing denial then?” Reno drawls into the uncomfortable atmosphere. 

Elena glares at him, while Rufus just grins. 

Tseng is still staring at Rufus and far too distracted to even register Reno’s words at the moment. He can’t get past the finger shaped bruises on the blond’s neck… black and purple, starting to yellow a little around the edges… ugly marks that he knows are his. The guilt is so heavy that words are impossible. How does one apologise for trying to strangle their lover?

“You say it like it’s a bad thing,” Rufus retorts as if nothing is wrong. “One would think you’d be used to this kind of thing by now.”

“Some things ya never get used to,” Reno mumbles into his coffee, scowling at the cup as if it’s to blame.

“Tseng, you have an appointment tomorrow with a therapist,” Elena cuts in, stubbornly looking at the head Turk as if daring him to object. Tseng doesn’t even glance her way and she huffs out a breath before adding, “10pm sharp, Sir.”

Tseng is confused at first, but as her meaning sinks in, his eyes finally pull away from Rufus’ bruised neck to meet the young woman’s gaze.

“Yes, I’ll be there,” he replies, ignoring the stares from everyone else, including Rufus this time. “Where do I have to be?” he adds, willing to take on anything Elena wants to throw at him... because at least she’s giving him a way to start making amends. 

“Just here, in the main residence,” she finally concedes, looking a little backtracked by Tseng’s acceptance.

He nods, finishing his meal and ignoring everyone else from that point on. The thought of having to talk to a complete stranger about this problem… it’s against everything he’s been brought up to do, everything he’s been trained for. If it was just about himself and his own mental health, he’d never agree to it.

But this time it’s not just about him. He can’t stay broken if it means he’s a risk to Rufus.

The rest of the meal continues in silence, and when it ends, Tseng is the first to stand and excuse himself. Tomorrow is only one sleep away, and he’s determined to fix himself, to not be the problem any longer. Sleep comes quickly as he lies alone, and later, when Reno joins him, he’s already too far lost in dreams to notice.

***.***

Weeks later, not much has changed. There is still nothing more than small talk between he and Rufus, which always involves Elena being present in the room. Tseng hates it, but he understands and he’s dealing with it… doing his best to open up about everything on a daily basis with his therapist. 

The very fact he _has_ a therapist is aggravating to the point of making him randomly temperamental. Fortunately, when he does lose control of his temper it’s only words that escape him, even if they are mostly all about Rufus, and it’s Reno who always ends up having to hear it. Tseng doesn’t completely understand why all his anger and vitriol lands on the Shinra heir when he knows Rufus isn’t to blame for any of this, but he supposes, that is why he’s seeing a therapist after all.

To understand. To deal with it.

His pride is well and truly bruised, self-confidence curled in the foetal position deep inside, but he’s trying because he believes any battle is worth it if he gets Rufus back. Reno… well, Reno is a given, a necessity he knows he shouldn’t take for granted, but he does. Reno is always there, a constant, and he clings to the redhead at night as if he’ll drown without him. 

He wants, so very much, to cling to Rufus too.

“Your inner wounds will scar over in time,” Tseng’s therapist insists. “But before they can heal, all the poison has to be drained out. That’s what I’m here for.”

Tseng gazes at him and tries not to sneer at the over simplified explanation. He doesn’t always think this is the best path. Sometimes the urge to kill his therapist is almost stronger than his need for Rufus and Reno. 

Taking a deep breath, Tseng continues to answer the questions asked, forcing out words and trying to cooperate with his therapist, even if it leaves him feeling torn open and bared to the elements.

Besides, in the end his therapist _is_ just a vessel for all his poison. Once he’s emptied himself, the vessel will have no further reason to exist… and it’s that thought that he uses to endure.

***.***

Rude sighs into the silence of the night, throwing back another shot of whiskey as he tries to push down all the jealousy that tries to surface. It’s been so long but still it keeps rising up, making him second guess himself at the most inappropriate moments. The balcony he stands on is dark, and the chilly night offers him no comfort as he grips the railing too tightly with his free hand.

“Rude, may I join you?”

The tall Turk turns, staring for a moment at his superior in surprise before his eyes dart away. Tseng’s timing is brutal… as always.

“Free world and all,” Rude mutters, tongue loosened by too much alcohol. 

Tseng just nods, moving forward to stand beside him at a respectable distance. Rude breathes in deep, refusing to give in to the confused thoughts that dart through his mind like startled fish, images there one moment and gone the next… but never forgotten. Tseng is so very still beside him, staring out into the night just as he himself had been doing a moment before.

Rude wants to hate him, but Tseng had always been the one person he can’t hate. His respect and affection for the Head Turk is like a curse he’s give anything to not have fallen under. A part of him will always worship this man, in equal measure to how much he hates him for stealing Reno’s heart, even if that all happened well before Rude had even come into the equation.

The very fact he completely understands why Reno can’t let Tseng go doesn’t help in the slightest.

“I’m surprised you don’t have somewhere more important to be,” slips out of Rude’s mouth before he can contain it. 

“I’m not wanted most places at the moment,” Tseng murmurs, eyes glancing over and sticking onto Rude, even as the bigger man refuses to meet them. “You probably don’t want me either, but I’m selfish and unkind. Will you forgive me if I impose on you tonight?”

“Does it matter if I do?” 

“We’re off the clock,” Tseng replies, smirking and tilting his head to the side… coy… as if he isn’t the most dangerous of them all. “So you should do what you want. You can walk away right now and I will never speak of it. I hope you won’t, but if you do, I understand. My behavior of late has been… well, unacceptable, at best.”

Their eyes finally meet and Rude stares. Tseng does not look away. This is the problem, after all. Tseng is an unapologetic firestorm, all consuming and unavoidable, even if he likes to think he’s a mist that gently seeps into everything without notice. Rude always feels like he’s being incinerated. 

He never runs away when he should.

Tseng burns him every time but is so very unaware of his own intensity. All Rude can do in the moment is force his eyes away, try not to feel his skin bubble and blister… try to just be the mindless muscle that he’s supposed to be. It hurts, but pain is an old friend.

“You’re the boss,” Rude murmurs, voice level and void of emotion, a lie he can twist into his tone despite how hard his heart breaks with every syllable. “I am yours, to do with what you will.”

“Ah, but you’re so much more than that,” Tseng inserts, eyes far too intense in Rude’s peripheral vision… and as hard as Rude tries to not be drawn back, his eyes betray him. “Don’t you know just how you fit in yet, my dear Rude?”

Rude flinches at the endearment, too intoxicated to hide it when it was so unexpected. There really is no escape. He’s been lost to this for so long. It’s the kind of pain you know is wrong, but somehow, you still want it so badly that nothing else compares.

“Tell me then,” Rude whispers. “Tell me my place and I’ll follow… like the fool that I am.”

Tseng chuckles darkly, and it’s a sound Rude doubts Reno’s ever heard. Rufus either. Both of them get a version of Tseng softened up by love, desire and hope. Rude knows he’s a different game.

“Let me borrow a page from Reno’s book in explaining this, okay?” Tseng asks, smile mimicking a warmth that his eyes can’t complete. 

Rude nods, his throat too tight for words amid this level of self-torture. He really should walk away….

“Think of the Turks like a house, and yourself an essential component,” Tseng begins, pulling a cigarette from is coat pocket and lighting it up.

“A house?” Rude manages to force out, frowning at the sight of Tseng smoking again. His eyes are drawn to the other man’s lips as he inhales. The fact he feels jealous of a cigarette only compounds his misery.

"You are the foundation. Often overlooked, silent and steadfast, but without you the house would fall and crumble," Tseng muses, eyes turning to focus out over the mountains around them again.

"And you’re the walls and roof, keeping everything contained," Rude murmurs as he catches on to Tseng’s point, a small smile void of humor curing his lips.

"Elena would be the decor. She adds that personal touch... makes our house a home, as well as giving our enemies a false sense of comfort once they enter our space," Tseng adds, his eyes turning to Rude and dancing with mischief in the soft glow of his cigarette.

"And Reno? What would he be in this house?" Rude asks, his curiosity having no trouble over-ruling his self-preservation in his current condition.

"Ah, well that's easy. Reno would be the entertainment system. Surround sound and high definition picture quality. He draws our enemies’ attention and distracts them… while keeping us all entertained," Tseng answers, chuckling softly.

Rude can only snort in agreement. If Reno is anything at all, it is certainly entertaining and distracting. Downing another glass of whiskey, he sighs as the alcohol finally starts to blur out the ache.

"And what about Rufus? Where does he fit in to your little house theory?" Rude risks.

"Well," Tseng replies softly, turning to face Rude this time, one arm resting on the railing. "He would be our tenant… or maybe more accurately, our owner."

"And that's a good thing?" Rude mutters, pouring himself another drink and automatically filling the extra glass on the table beside him, for Tseng.

"Oh yes," Tseng insists, taking his glass once it is full and drinking down half in one gulp. "You see, our old owner was always renting us out, not really concerned with what the tenants did with us, as long as they paid the rent. This one though, he wants to make us his home, and he'll take better care of us as a result. He will never sell us off or let others misuse us, just as we protect him from the elements that want to wear him down and defeat him. It's a kind of symbiosis of sorts."

Rude sees the point despite Tseng's omittance of his true feelings, or of his recent failure to protect Rufus from himself. 

"I get it," he finally answers, swirling his own drink around, before adding in a whisper, “Everyone in their place.”

Tseng twitches at Rude’s words, but then continues on as if he didn’t hear them at all. 

"As the foundation, don't ever doubt your importance, Rude. Without you, I couldn’t stand steady and strong and then the décor, entertainment system and our owner would be left to endure the harsh elements unprotected. That is something that cannot ever happen," Tseng explains, one hand gesturing as the other holds his drink in a mostly stable grip.

Rude stares, watching Tseng pause to throw back the rest of his whiskey. The Wutain looks a little vulnerable in the moment, unsteady as he peers a little dazedly at his empty glass. 

Rude works out belatedly that Tseng must have been drinking before coming out here, alone since it’s Elena’s night off and Reno would be taking her place at Rufus side. The realization makes Rude’s sympathy swell and over take his self-pity momentarily.

He knows the last thing Tseng wants from him is sympathy though. Instead he tries to focus through his alcohol muddled mind at Tseng’s point in coming out here. All this talk of houses and essential components… of how they all fit.

It hits Rude that maybe Tseng is feeling insecure about more than just Rufus tonight, even if that would be foolish of him.

Years ago, Rude had thought he could never stay loyal to a leader who wasn’t tough and infallible, Veld being the example they all tried to live up to. Now though… well, even Veld had fallen in the end, chosen family over the Turks. 

Tseng didn’t. Tseng killed Veld, his father in all ways but blood, to save what was left of the Turks. And Tseng always survived and found a way to come back to them. 

Somehow… it was enough to overrule everything else, including Rude’s own heartbreak at losing Reno to him.

"I will always be your stable foundation, I swear it."

"Then the walls and roof will hold firm… and not fall again," Tseng murmurs, teetering a little in place as a frown falls over his face. Luckily he still has enough sense to move to one of the nearby chairs and sit, instead of fighting the spin and trying to pretend to be fine. 

"Falling isn’t so bad as long as you get up again after," Rude comments, moving to sit too and watching Tseng as he stares out over the landscape once more, hand playing with his empty glass that now rests on his knee. Rude puts his own full glass down on the small table between them, his urge for more now gone.

"He's always been a good kid, you know," Tseng whispers, eyes unfocused and half closed. "Smart… and loyal to a fault."

“Which one?” Rude asks before frowning and looking away as he mentally stumbles over the fact that he really does now believe Rufus fits into those categories too. By the time he looks back, Tseng is grinning at him.

“Sneaks up on you, that one,” is Tseng’s only comment, but he doesn’t let the conversation divert in that direction. “But I was talking of Reno this time.”

"Only to you is he so blindly loyal," Rude corrects, his mood slipping into sour as he pushes down the sudden surprise affection for Rufus that’s come over him. He reaches out for his own drink and sips it as he studies every expression that flitters across Tseng’s face, trying to discover if his own sacrifice is deserved when it comes to letting Tseng have his redhead.

"No," Tseng replies, tone sure and strangely, a little annoyed. "He is loyal to our family, to the Turks. Don't ever underestimate your own worth in his eyes. To him we all matter, irrelevant of past pain and regrets."

Rude nods slowly… even if he’s not convinced. He’s sure he’s way down the list of Reno’s priorities now, but it’s a relief Tseng thinks so highly of Reno. It helps a little with the letting go.

Rude knows he has to stop this pining for Reno. While he’ll always love him, he has to somehow mold those feelings into a more brotherly affection. The Turks aren’t just a job, not anymore, but a family and that changes everything. Rude can’t just walk away. You forgave family when they hurt you… well, family that would do the same for you. Together each member of their little family was more than they were apart. Rude truly believed that as long as they stayed together they would continue to survive whatever reality threw at them. 

But then Rude’s last lie to Reno slips into his mind, reminding him that maybe Reno doesn’t see Rude as part of his family… not really. After all, it was so easy to convince him that Rude wanted a wife and child, a family of his own. Despite Rude’s stubborn resolve to let the redhead go at the time, a part of him had hoped Reno would fight him on it, tell him that the Turks already were his family.

At least Tseng thought he was an essential component. It was a bittersweet consolation prize. 

"I just wish that the entertainment system would stop turning up the volume so much that it shakes the foundations," Rude whispers, trying to lighten the mood as he takes a mouthful of his whiskey in the hopes of drowning out those last thoughts.

"He shakes the walls and roof too... far too often," Tseng says softly back, and Rude glances over to find Tseng watching him, smile gone and eyes too serious. “But he also soothes and brings peace as well. It depends what channel he’s on at the time.”

Rude snorts at that, still smarting a little too much to be soothed as he adds, “Rufus needs to stop turning him to the wrong channel.”

“Rufus has a bad habit of using Reno to drown out his inner demons, something I do plan on trying to correct whenever I am allowed to see him alone again,” Tseng explains, putting his empty glass on the table. When he reaches for Rude’s half full glass and takes it from his hands, he’s smirking again. 

Rude’s tempted to stop him, as he’s obviously had more than enough already, but the effort is more than he can talk himself into. The skin of his fingers tingle where Tseng’s own touch, leaving Rude feeling a little singed.

“Actually, that explains a lot,” Rude mumbles, trying to divert his brain from imagining that burning touch in other places. Tseng looks at him and raises an eyebrow, and Rude sighs and forces himself to continue. “Reno uses sex for the same thing. Explains all the fighting and fucking.”

“You don’t happen to know how they started, do you?” Tseng asks, but when Rude fails to hide his flinch at the question, Tseng backtracks. “Oh… I’m sorry, forget I asked. I didn’t realize that happened while you and Reno….”

“It’s not like you could have known,” Rude interrupts, pushing down the anger that tries to flare. He really didn’t need the reminder that Reno had started fucking Rufus while still with him… behind his back… but then again, he was the idiot that brought it up. “I don’t think either of them had any control over it at the time, anyway. It was a coping mechanism, for them both.”

“Because of me….”

Rude doesn’t answer, doesn’t even look over and instead stares at Tseng’s empty glass on the table between them. He thought he’d dealt with his anger over this, but apparently not if his urge to strangle Reno right now is any indication. At least his anger towards Rufus has petered out, tempered by an earlier realization that Rude had done the same thing to the blond with Tseng, years before. Karma sucks, especially when Rude had only fucked Tseng once, while Reno had fucked around with Rufus fairly regularly before Rude found out.

Still… what Reno and Rufus had at the time had been far from loving, while his own short time with Tseng had been far more affectionate. Maybe that was how karma balanced the scales.

“It’s not your fault,” Rude finally murmurs, even if a small part of him will always blame Tseng for almost getting himself killed and leaving them all so lost without him. Mostly though, he blames himself. He should have done something, noticed Reno closing off and starting to fray at the edges, tried to help when Rufus started to fracture, attempted to somehow step into the void Tseng’s absence caused… but how could he possibly ever even compare? He was only the foundation, after all. 

Solid, cold stone, unmoving and unchanging.

“It’s always been you when it comes to him, you know,” Rude admits, noticing Tseng freeze in place. “Somehow, even when you were all about Sephiroth, and then Rufus, you still made him feel… I don’t know… like he was just as important as them. That’s something I never managed. With you and him, even with Rufus in the mix, it’s right. It’s always been right for you and him, even when you weren’t fucking. I don’t really understand it, but I can’t deny it. He needs you to function and now… well, I’m relieved it seems you feel the same.”

“I do,” Tseng whispers, his eyes on the glass of whiskey in his hands that he still hasn’t finished. “Reno is just… essential.”

“And he’d say the same about you.” Rude manages a lopsided grin for Tseng when the other looks over, before he adds, “I don’t regret him ending up with you. You’re where he needs to be, what he’s always wanted, more than anything else.”

Tseng is the first to look away, back down at the glass in his hands once more.

“But I became the danger… lost control. He deserves better. They both do,” Tseng whispers, head tilting forward enough to hide his face behind his hair. 

Rude has to curl his fingers into fists to stop himself from reaching out and brushing it back out of the way. 

Tseng’s shame is clear, but Rude isn’t about to let him wallow in self-pity, not when their family is at stake.

“Then apologize and move on,” Rude states bluntly, pulling his gaze away and turning back to the dark mountains that surround them. It’s so much easier to do this when he isn’t looking at Tseng… easier to resist the temptation to touch when he is only dealing with a voice. Even when he sees Tseng look up at him in his peripheral vision, he doesn’t turn back. “Shit happens in every relationship and you’re fixing the cause of it with the therapy, so just… keep going.”

The silence drags on for a while, but just when Rude is starting to get worried, Tseng begins chuckling beside him, pulling his eyes back.

“You make it sound so easy,” Tseng accuses. He is leaning back in his chair now, head turned to face Rude as he slumps in place, his smile teasing… and gods, far too attractive.

“No, it won’t be easy, but they’re worth fighting for, aren’t they?” Rude insists.

“Yeah, they are,” Tseng finally concedes, sighing as he finally finishes off Rude’s drink and discards the empty glass on the table between them. “Just… find that for yourself too, yes?”

“That’s the plan,” Rude mutters, standing up and finally letting the urge to leave win. He pauses in the doorway though, glancing back at Tseng who looks like he might pass out at any moment.

“Tseng… I’m here. Anytime, if you need me.”

“I won’t forget,” Tseng replies, his lips curving up in a smirk. “You’re our foundation after all.”

With a forced chuckle, Rude turns away, trying to forget how much he wants to be more.

***.***

It takes six months before Tseng starts getting bored with the therapy. His temperamental outbursts are long gone, he’s sleeping at night without medication and there’s been no more flashbacks for months. Memories of Sephiroth still ache, but it’s more of a dull pain now, the knives of regret dull inside of him.

Three sessions a week has reduced down to one, and it’s become obvious that it’s time to wrap up this little chapter in his life. His therapist agrees, and schedules an appointment with Rufus to finalize his contract with Shinra. Tseng is not included in that process, so the next time he sees the man is his last session. 

Tseng smiles at the therapist as the elder man briefly talks of going home and the family that is waiting for him back in Costa de Sol. It’s sweet, how fond of them he is, and Tseng nods and feigns interest in the details as he decides exactly how this man will meet his end. Early on, he’d had some sadistic ideas, but as he’s healed, Tseng has changed his mind and decided that it will be quick and painless. Maybe he’s mellowing a little… but he _does_ feel so much better, and it is thanks to this man, even if there is no possibility that he can let him live.

Once the room falls silent, Tseng sees no point in prolonging the inevitable, standing up to shake the man’s hand, giving a last earnest thank you. When he turns away to collect his notes from the side table, Tseng steps in behind him and snaps his neck.

***.***

“Someone’s gonna have ta tell her eventually,” Reno grumbles, flicking his cigarette off the balcony and onto the dirt below. 

Tseng watches it slowly burn out, considering the options as he half listens to Reno continue to mutter over the fact that they’ve left Elena out of the loop again. It wasn’t really a purposeful omission this time, Tseng having been too distracted by his recovery to bother to ask after just _who_ the therapist was. It was only now, the day after he’d killed the man, that Reno had informed him that he was actually a distant relative of Elena. The redhead had only found out this morning himself… which made Tseng feel a little better. Even Rufus apparently hadn’t known.

“It is… an unfortunate turn of events,” Tseng murmurs, frowning as Reno snorts out a curse beside him and lights another cigarette.

“Yeah, gonna be unfortunate when she freaks out and tries ta kill ya, ain’t it?” 

“Reno, none of us knew and she should not have kept that information from us,” Tseng retorts, getting annoyed. “If she’d been honest in the beginning, he would have been sent away and a suitable replacement found. It is only logical that he would be disposed of once my treatment was completed.”

“Yeah, logical ta you and me… Rude and Rufus too, but apparently not so logical ta her.” Reno sounds angry, but as he turns to lean back on the railing and their gazes meet, he manages a lopsided grin for Tseng. “She’s always cared too fuckin’ much, and those relatives of hers are so fuckin’ needy… as everyone is these days after meteor fucked everythin’ up. Makes me glad ta be a fucking orphan, not for the first time either.”

Tseng smiles a little in agreement.

“Anyway, none of us were at our best when all this shit went down so it’s hard ta hold it against her, yeah?”

Tseng sighs and looks away, back down at Reno’s first discarded cigarette which has disappeared in the dark. Reno’s right… as he usually is about such things but that doesn’t help solve this little dilemma in the slightest.

“I need time to decide on a course of action. Keep your silence on this until I tell you otherwise,” Tseng finally orders, turning away from Reno’s expression which switches to annoyed in a heartbeat. Tseng hates to brush off Reno’s opinion that they should tell her now, but this is one problem that will wait, while Tseng already has another that is well past its due date.

He needs to talk to Rufus… and not _just_ about this latest little fuck up. He hasn’t even had a chance to apologize for almost killing him all those months ago yet, an impossible task while Elena was chaperoning their time together. Rufus is almost pathologically private when it comes to his lovers, even around Elena and Rude, so Tseng knows better than to discuss anything about their relationship in front of her. Any kind of touching has also been a no go, so Tseng is more than a little eager to get the apologies over with and just be able to hold his lover again.

With the therapist’s all clear yesterday Elena had finally agreed to back off, but his and Rufus’ reunion had been delayed further as Rufus had already agreed to stay overnight in Junon and attend some meeting… the details of which Tseng had forgotten in the midst of his own annoyance. Rude and Elena had accompanied Rufus though, both far more capable at present then Tseng when all he can think of is Rufus and himself, finally alone.

“I know ya keen and all, but he’s gonna be grumpy,” Reno calls as Tseng’s just walking back in the door, making the head Turk pause and turn back to him. “They’ve only just gotten back and ya know how much he hates going ta Junon.”

Tseng frowns, because Reno has a point, and maybe this talk would be better postponed… but the logic isn’t helping him convince himself to wait.

“You’re fucking hopeless,” Reno sighs, interrupting Tseng’s internal argument as he walks over and gives him a quick kiss. “Go on and tempt fate, like ya want to. I happen ta know he’s as eager as you are, so he might just control the urge to be a bitch.”

Tseng smiles, leaning in to give Reno a deeper kiss before letting him go, whispering a ‘thank you’ that has Reno grinning again. He watches his redhead walk back out and light up another smoke before he turns and finally goes in search of Rufus.

***.***

Tseng finds his blond in his bedroom, but he’s not asleep. Rufus is lounging on the bed, dressed down in just slacks and a shirt, and nursing a whiskey and a smile as Tseng enters.

“I’ve missed you.”

Rufus’ words have Tseng halting just inside the door, a sudden wave of uncertainty stealing away his previous impatience. Seeing Rufus there, finally back where he belongs in the bed they’re supposed to share, saying such a thing… it’s oddly painful mixed with a confusing, overwhelming feeling of pure need.

“I love you.”

Rufus’ expression had been curling into worry, but Tseng’s sudden declaration has him wide eyed and gaping like a fish. 

Tseng smirks, because it’s not every day you get one over on Rufus Shinra. He likes to think he’s got more style then to point out his small victory though, so instead he walks over and sits on the side of the bed, reaching for the bottle of whiskey on the side table and pouring himself one. His confidence is only bolstered by the fact there was a second glass there, waiting for him.

“I need to discuss something business wise with you before we move on to more enjoyable conversation, if you don’t mind?” Tseng takes a sip of his drink slowly, watching as Rufus recovers from his shock and gulps down the rest of his drink, before nodding. “You know about the issue with Elena and my therapist, from the message I sent you, yes?”

“Yes. Luckily it hadn’t come up in conversation before I got your message,” Rufus manages to murmur, pouring himself another drink. He only sips it though, nursing it as he watches Tseng, seemingly relieved by the change in topic. “Rude received your message in time too.”

“Good,” Tseng replies, having already assumed things were still on track since Elena hadn’t searched him out to confront him yet. “I’m not sure how to proceed past this point, although I’d rather not tell her for the time being. I need a better gauge to how she’ll react, but I don’t even know how attached she was to the man at present.”

“You could just try something out of the ordinary,” Rufus suggests, a smile curling one side of this lips as he continues, “Like simply asking her.”

Tseng gives him a flat, unimpressed look in lieu of a verbal response.

“Oh, come on,” Rufus continues, taking another sip of his whiskey and pulling on a more serious expression before continuing. “He’s been your therapist for six months so your interest isn’t suspicious. She’s the one who suggested we use him, and she brought him here. Can’t you just converse with her like a normal person for once?”

“You’re suddenly an expert on normal conversations, are you?” Tseng snips, but as soon as he’s said it, he knows he’s being childish. Rufus is right… and that is so very annoying. Tseng doesn’t talk to Elena ‘normally’, as the blond put it, as there’s always been a distance between them. Tseng knows it’s his fault, but he can’t help his natural awkwardness with females.

“I know you’re not used to being close with women, but they really are no different from men in most respects,” Rufus explains, ignoring the glare Tseng is still directing his way. “To be honest, I’ve found it easier with her than with any male I’ve attempted to befriend in the past.”

“Rufus, you don’t have friends,” Tseng points out, finishing his drink and pouring a second as the blond frowns. “And since when are you two so close?” He knows he’s fishing for information, but Elena and Rufus’ bond has been itching at his curiosity. 

“I had friends when I was younger,” Rufus defends, and he’s definitely pouting a little now. “Life just got in the way, and friendships tend to die if you don’t pay them enough attention. As for Elena and I, she cared for me during my recovery, and… well, I realised over time that I honestly like and respect her.”

Tseng can’t argue with Rufus’ logic, even if Elena tends to annoy him. He _is_ self-aware enough to know that everyone annoys him to some degree though, so that’s not really a down mark on the scale of things. Still, Tseng really has no idea what being close to someone platonically entails away from a simple working relationship… and his one attempt at friendship with Sephiroth had been a disaster. He doesn’t want to admit that right now though, not to Rufus.

“Tseng, she respects you to a ridiculous degree and her loyalty will not be broken by this. Trust her and talk to her. You’re only going to hurt her otherwise, and the longer you wait and the more lies you tell her, the deeper that damage will be. Besides, if you don’t tell her, the rest of us will be forced to lie to her too, and she’ll be even more hurt by that. She’s part of our family, so stop treating her as an outsider.”

There’s far too much truth in it all for it not to hurt Tseng’s conscience. He knows he’s been excluding her in many ways, for no other reason than he’s unsure how to include her. It’s just easier to stay professional, for him at least.

Still, he’s always tried not to lie to her, not since that first time, all those years ago. It hadn’t been his idea then, Rufus being the instigator, but they had _all_ excluded her, going along with Rufus’ game. Tseng had sworn it would never happen again, but here he was, the one suggesting it this time. The guilt was swift and strangely melancholy.

“My conscience is giving me Déjà vu,” Tseng mutters, running a hand through his hair as Rufus chuckles.

“Oh yes, I do remember the last time we kept something from her,” the blond agrees, eyes dancing with mischief as he takes another sip of his whiskey. “When we first started seeing each other and she took forever to catch on, so I made that bet with the rest of you.” 

Tseng watches as Rufus ponders the memory. The blond is smiling until the amusement slips away, replaced by an expression closer to guilt. Tseng is relieved Rufus feels it too.

“I may have been… out of line that time,” Rufus finally concedes, frowning down into his whiskey. The silence lengthens, and it’s anything but comfortable. 

Tseng doesn’t want the night to end like this. If he’s honest with himself, he’s far worse than Rufus in this case, as he’s supposed to look after Elena, as her leader and mentor. He’s failing again… but it’s not too late to fix it this time. He’ll tell her tomorrow and face whatever fallout ensues like a leader should. Tonight though is for Rufus and him, and as off track as they are right now, he’s determined to turn it around.

He downs the rest of his drink and puts the glass on the side table as he finally decides on a way to redirect the mood.

“If I remember correctly, back then you were being petty and jealous,” Tseng starts, voice flat and a little judgemental, though if Rufus looked up he’d see the tease in his eyes. He’s having trouble not smirking as Rufus’ frown deepens. “And cruel.”

“This time is very different to then,” Rufus defends, sounding a little whiney. “And while it may have been a tad childish, I’d hardly call it petty or particularly cruel. As for jealousy, well….” Rufus looks up then, only to scowl when he sees Tseng is now smirking openly at him. “You bastard, you’re just teasing me for kicks.”

“I am,” Tseng agrees as he crawls closer, pausing on his knees between Rufus’ legs as he takes the blond’s glass and adds it to his own on the side table. He chuckles a little as he leans over his lover, a hand coming to rest on each of the blond’s thighs. “You’re very attractive when you’re annoyed.”

“That explains a lot about the issues in our relationship,” Rufus deadpans, his frown evening out to a bored expression. Tseng can see the edges of his lips twitching though, so he slowly moves his hands up the blond’s thighs. He loves the way Rufus is trying so hard to pretend to be unaffected. “Your kinks are not an easy burden to bear.”

“Neither are yours, or so Reno tells me,” Tseng murmurs, enjoying the flinch his words cause. “Did you really believe I’d think less of you, just because you wish to choke on my cock?”

Rufus’ face goes bright red at Tseng’s words, both his hands coming up to hide himself, as a child would do. Tseng’s never seen him so embarrassed before, and it’s both adorable, and a surprising turn on.

“I think I have a new kink,” Tseng informs him. “Mortified Rufus has just moved into the top spot.”

“I’m going to kill Reno… and you,” Rufus mumbles past his hands, making Tseng chuckle at how shamed he sounds. “You’re both impossible assholes.”

“Yes, we are, but so are you. It’s why we all fit together so perfectly,” Tseng insists, moving his hands up the blond’s tense thighs to distract him before the embarrassment twists into anger. Handling Rufus is always going to be a little tricky, but he barely even has to think about it anymore, the pull and flow becoming automatic.

Rufus can’t hide his automatic reaction, the way his breaths increase and his body relaxes. As Tseng’s hands keep moving, ever so slowly, Rufus’ hips rise the slightest bit, as if reaching for Tseng’s incoming touch. Tseng drinks in every sign that he’s wanted, desired as strongly in return, as he desires Rufus. 

But tonight, this is not what they need. As much as Tseng aches in want, he’s learned enough in the last six months to defer to his brain, and push the rest away for a better time. His hands don’t go where Rufus wants them, and as they slide past on either side of the blond’s crotch to slip up and around his waist, Rufus’ hands drop from his face. He stares at Tseng, an eyebrow raised in question and a frown forming again. Tseng ignores the unspoken question and leans forward to hug him, face pressed to the blond’s chest as he settles comfortably lying between Rufus’ legs. His smile widens as Rufus stops breathing altogether and tenses up again from the affectionate gesture.

It takes a good half a minute for Rufus to start breathing again, and a full minute before he unclenches. Tseng stubbornly doesn’t move an inch, and finally Rufus’ arms tentatively wrap around him, returning the embrace.

“You’re never going to be predictable, are you?” Rufus mutters, and although there’s frustration evident in his voice, it’s tempered by a grudging acceptance. When the blond moves one hand to run it gently through Tseng’s hair, the Turk can’t help but sigh and curl in closer. “Lucky for you I’m too enamoured with you to care.”

“I _am_ very lucky,” Tseng whispers, smiling contentedly as he clings to Rufus and lets those caresses carry him into sleep.

***.***

The next morning, Tseng wakes early. He’s very tempted to stay in bed and feign sleep, but the issue with Elena won’t stay out of his thoughts, casting a dark cloud over the perfection of his morning. It takes him a good ten minutes to extract himself from Rufus and Reno, but he manages it without waking either, smiling down at them both as they reach across the empty space he’s left and find each other.

Tseng wonders for a moment just when Reno had joined them, smirking at the fact the redhead had bothered to wear pants to bed… which only leads him to the conclusion that Rufus had still been awake when Reno arrived. Rufus had an odd sense of propriety when it came to sleeping, and always nagged the redhead to wear something to bed. Reno found it annoying, but usually complied for the sake of peace. Tseng didn’t care either way, but the argument had always amused him. It was strangely calming to be back in familiar territory.

Maybe he’d missed this even more than he’d realised.

Shaking off his own far too domesticated thoughts, Tseng grabbed some clothes from the cupboard and went to shower, his mind running over what to say to Elena. When he was done, he found the blond in the kitchen, fighting the coffee machine into submission.

She didn’t notice him at first, and he took advantage of the time to watch her, running over more possible paths of conversation in his mind. It was disheartening, just how nervous he was about this particular conversation.

“I know you’re there,” Elena’s voice suddenly interrupted, pulling Tseng’s full attention to her in an instant. “So either help with this god forsaken machine or spit out whatever you’re trying to say, Tseng. I’m really not in the mood for your constipated conversations before I’ve had my coffee.”

Tseng stares… because this level of sass was unexpected. Sure, this was normal for her and Reno, even Rude sometimes, but not him. It’s oddly nice to be included, in a way, but that doesn’t help him in managing to come up with any kind of coherent response to the unexpected familiarity.

He’s quiet too long in the end, and she’s turning to him before he is ready, frustration clear in her expression. Tseng’s trying to squash down the thought that it just makes her look cuter… and he has no idea where the hell that train of thought came from.

“Gia to Tseng, come in Tseng,” Elena deadpans, waving a hand at him with an eyebrow raised. “Do you know how to get this piece of crap to work or not?”

“I do.”

Tseng jumps at the additional voice, turning too quickly to find Rude behind him… shirtless and oh no, he was not having these thoughts right now. Why had he not just stayed in bed? He wasn’t a morning person, obviously, and trying to be coherent and on point this early really was a stupid plan. 

Rude, luckily, misses Tseng checking him out a little too thoroughly, and moves over to the coffee machine, ignoring Elena’s grumbles as he knocks it and pulls things off and shoves them back on… Tseng really should know how to run the stupid thing but he’s just never bothered. It’s always been someone else’s problem.

“Here.”

Tseng is startled by the sudden appearance of a cup of coffee in front of him, staring at it for a moment before looking up into Elena’s eyes.

“You seem to need it even more than I do,” she explains, smirking before turning away to take the next one Rude hands out. 

Tseng scowls, but he sips the liquid nevertheless, moving to sit down. The other two join him, and it’s quiet for a while as the caffeine sinks in.

“So,” Elena finally murmurs, breaking the silence. “I guess you’re here to ask me about the therapist and how close I was to him.”

Tseng looks up, frowning because how exactly does she now this?

Elena sighs, ignoring the look Rude is giving her to meet Tseng’s eyes squarely. It’s a little unsettling but Tseng doesn’t look away.

“I know you already killed him,” she comments offhandedly before turning away to pull a cookie out of the nearby cookie jar and look it over. “And honestly, I’m a little insulted that the lot of you think I’d not know that was going to happen.”

Tseng glances at Rude, only to find the big Turk has his eyes closed. Tseng only wishes he had that option.

“You knew, and yet you still hired someone from your family,” Tseng reiterates, watching as Elena chews on the biscuit, nodding but not meeting his eyes. “Why?”

When she turns and their eyes meet, he’s caught in the intensity he finds directed at him.

“Don’t worry. He really was a fantastic therapist, the best to my knowledge, when it comes to the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorders. My reasons don’t have anything to do with that. It was just a case of… well, killing two birds with one stone? I needed him gone. I’m sorry if I made you worry though.”

“Why?” Tseng repeats, ignoring Rude who flinches a little at his insistence, even if he’s still pretending to not be there.

“Personal reasons,” Elena insists stubbornly, finishing up her coffee and standing up. “You know, just one of those classic cases of a man who is perfect, in every way but one. That one was why he needed to die.”

Tseng is still frowning into his coffee, trying to wrap his brain around her half-assed explanation long after she’s gone. It’s annoyingly obtuse, and there’s far too many possible reasons why Elena could have wanted the man dead… and Tseng’s curiosity just can’t let it go.

“She didn’t choose him on her own.”

Rude’s voice cuts through Tseng’s internal musings like a knife, severing his train of thought and pulling his eyes instantly. Rude is watching him, intent and so very still… and Tseng is immediately enthralled.

“Who else?”

Rude doesn’t answer, but his expression softens, like an apology… and it’s enough to push Tseng to the correct answer.

“Rufus,” Tseng whispers, pulling his eyes away only to close them. He should have known… something so important would of course have the blond’s full attention. Tseng can’t help but feel betrayed a little, even if he knows, deep down into his bones, that Rufus would have only been thinking of what was best for him, what would get them back together. His utter belief in the blond is a little startling, and he has to suck in a deep breath to try to counteract just how vulnerable it makes him feel.

“Tseng?”

“How do you know that Rufus was in on this with her?” Tseng demands, trying to focus on the edge of betrayal that he knows will haunt him. He needs to snuff it out.

“I overheard them. They both don’t know I know,” Rude admits, frowning down at Tseng. For a moment his hand raises, and Tseng is surprised by the thought that Rude wants to touch him… comfort him… but Rude’s hand only moves to his own face, rubbing over his chin in a nervous gesture. Tseng almost laughs out loud at his own arrogance, his stupid momentary belief that Rude cares too much, like he could ever mean that much to this man too.

So greedy….

This need to have everything he desires needs to stop now. Rude is… Tseng shakes his head, dismissing the tangent his mind is trying to drive him down.

“Don’t let them know I know. It’s better if this stays just between you and I,” Tseng orders, turning and walking away without further comment. He doesn’t return to his lovers though, instead going for a walk to clear his head and sort out his thoughts alone.

It’s over an hour before he returns, and when Rufus meets him just inside the door, all playful teasing over his talk with Elena, it’s easy enough to play along with the idea she’s out thought him this time, and that all is forgiven and okay.

Tseng feels Rude’s eyes on him the whole time, but thankfully, he doesn’t disrupt the charade. As Tseng follows a chuckling Rufus back to their room, Rude meets his eyes and for a moment, Tseng doubts.

Then Rude rolls his eyes before walking away, and Tseng doesn’t have to fake the smirk he wears as he closes the door and turns to his lovers.

***.***

The next morning is cold and rainy, Tseng waking first to look over his lovers who both were still lost in dreams. He stays still, taking his time in studying them both.

Reno is pale and sinewy, all muscle, no physical softness with his too tight skin, despite the softness of his heart. 

Rufus on the other hand had a physical softness, curved edges and more graceful contours physically, with an emotional sharpness that could cut and wound at will.

He was soft where Reno was sharp, and visa versa, a perfect balance.

Such beautiful contrasts… Tseng’s personal ying and yang… perfection.

“It’s too early for your ponderations,” Rufus mumbles, pulling Tseng’s eyes to the blond’s. Rufus’ eyes are only half open, but he manages a judgemental look, all the same. Tseng can’t help but chuckle at him.

“Fuck, why are we awake?” Reno adds, face buried in Rufus’ chest as his hand grips Tseng’s thigh too tightly. “Go the fuck back to sleep.”

“Nobody said you had to be awake,” Tseng inserts, watching Reno huff before his breaths even back out. Rufus though is still watching him, rebellious and disobedient as always.

“What are you thinking about now?” the blond asks, voice no more than a whisper, despite his too keen gaze.

Tseng’s grin widens. 

“You,” he answers, leaning in to kiss Rufus’ nose. “And Reno. Your contrasts and how perfectly we all fit.”

Rufus snorts, such an ungraceful sound coming from him, but somehow it ends up sounding cute to Tseng. He knows it’s only his bias showing, that he’s totally smitten and lost and for once, it doesn’t bother him in the slightest.

“Fuck you’re so sickly sweet when you’re in love,” Rufus mumbles, but he’s smiling despite the harshness of his words. “Luckily for you, I like you enough to find it cute instead of repulsive.”

“Lucky indeed,” Tseng responds, watching as Rufus’ eyes flutter closed. Reno’s arm moves in his sleep, baring more of Rufus’ mid-section as it curls around him tighter. Tseng frowns momentarily at a dark spot on the blond’s hip, marring the paleness.

He figures it’s just a bruise, maybe from one of their too intense sexual exploits… and mentally notes that he and Reno need to be gentler with Rufus in the future. His hand can’t help but gently stroke the injury, distracted by it as he slips into sleep. 

He doesn’t notice when the bruise darkens over the next few days, and by the time he does weeks later, it’s already too late.

If he’d only known then what it had meant, maybe he would have had the time to stop Rufus pushing them both away.

***.***


	27. INDEX OF CHAPTERS IN ORDER OF OCCURENCE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> INDEX OF CHAPTERS IN ORDER OF OCCURRENCE

**Tseng’s childhood and teens**

• Chapter 2 – B Blood   
• Chapter 3 – C Cookies   
• Chapter 4 – D Deflower   
• Chapter 9 – I Introduction 

**Tseng and Sephiroth era**

• Chapter 12 – L Lollypop   
• Chapter 11 – K Kill   
• Chapter 06 – F Finality   
• Chapter 07 – G Genesis 

**The Turks in Junon with Rufus**

• Chapter 08 – H High   
• Chapter 10 – J Jeopardy   
• Chapter 13 – M Maneuvering   
• Chapter 15 – O Orientate   
• Chapter 14 – N Nostalgia   
• Chapter 16 – P Pyromania   
• Chapter 01 – A Assassins 

**The Turks and Rufus return to Midgar (During original game)**

• Chapter 17 – Quixotic   
• Chapter 18 – R Retrospect   
• Chapter 19 – S Sacrosanct   
• Chapter 20 – T Temple 

**The Turks and Rufus at Healin’ Lodge (Between original game and Advent children)**

• Chapter 21 – U Ubiquity   
• Chapter 22 – V Vanity – follows chpt21.   
• Chapter 25 – Y Yield   
• Chapter 26 – Z Zero – follows 25.   
• Chapter 05 – E Elena 

**Advent Children onwards**

• Chapter 23 – W Wraiths   
• Chapter 24 – X Xiphium Iris 


End file.
